When it Becomes Too Much
by Katie4863
Summary: A lonely doctor at the top of his career and a single mother surviving the unthinkable. What happens when their worlds collide.
1. Chapter 1

_Jack and Kate were never on an island in the south pacific and Kate was never a fugitive. Jack is still a doctor and Kate is still Kate, just under different circumstances._

Jack Shephard arrived at his hotel a little tired from the drive, but he preferred spending five hours in his car over the hassle of trying to fly in and out of LAX. The drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco was relaxing for him, five hours of peace and tranquility not something he was allowed to enjoy very often. He was off duty and of no benefit to his patients so he turned his pager and his cell phone off, connected his IPOD to his car stereo and made the five hour drive, stopping a couple of times for coffee and using the rest of the time to allow his mind to relax.

He hated medical conventions and usually did everything he could to avoid them, but he was being honored this year, his work being discussed and he would be expected to speak in front of an audience of medical students and then speak again when receiving his award, the recognition he deserved, but had never really strived to achieve. Christian Shephard had spent the last three months preparing for this moment, the moment he'd realistically been grooming Jack for since birth and it was the first time in his life Jack felt like he'd finally won his father's approval, but had stopped caring about having it a long time ago. Jack wasn't nearly as excited about the next four days as his father was, which had become a source of contention between them, but Jack just shrugged it off as he and his father were typically at odds over something so this was nothing new.

Jack tossed his luggage into the corner of the room and walked toward the mini-bar. He found the small bottles of tequila and quickly drained two of them before sitting on the foot of the bed and laying back. He woke up two hours later to the sound of someone knocking on his door. He looked at his watch and walked toward the door. He pulled the door open hard, irritated and ready for battle.

"Look dad, I don't…….." Jack snapped and then stopped when he realized it wasn't his father, but a woman he'd never seen before.

"Can I help you?" Jack asked evening his tone out and taking notice of how attractive the woman was.

"Hi Jack. My name is Kate Austen. I'm your companion for the next few days." The woman told him, making him smirk.

"Of course you are." Jack laughed.

"No, seriously, I am." Kate told him.

"Is this a joke?" Jack asked.

"No Jack. Your father hired me to accompany you to your luncheons and dinners. He said it would be inappropriate for you to show up without a date on your arm." Kate told him.

"My dad got me a prostitute?" Jack asked shaking his head.

"I'm not a prostitute Jack. Sex is not part of the deal." Kate told him.

"So I'm supposed to wine and dine you and I get nothing in return?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"Well, you get my company and I'm a lot of fun." Kate joked hoping to ease the tension between them.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are, but I'm not interested in an escort, especially one that doesn't put out." Jack spat back at her, his tone hateful, not finding the situation the least bit appealing or amusing.

"Please Jack. I really need the money he's going to pay me for doing this." Kate pleaded.

"You go back and tell my father I'm not so pathetic he has to pay women to go out with me." Jack told her his eyes cold and steely, angry, but not with her.

"I don't think you're pathetic. If you ever would've asked me out before this, I would've gone out with you." Kate told him.

"I'm sorry, do I know you? Have we met some place where I would've had the opportunity to ask you out?" Jack asked.

"I work in the restaurant your father likes to spend his lunch hour in. I've seen you there with him a few times. You're a big tipper." Kate smiled.

Jack's anger was replaced with a look of confusion. He rubbed his hand over his head as he tried to make sense of what exactly was being proposed to him. He had a pounding headache and was starving.

"Look, what was your name, Kate?" Jack asked.

"Yes." She said.

"Look Kate, I'm sure you're a very nice person, but I'm not in the mood for company so how about I just double whatever my father offered you and you can go back to LA." Jack offered in a tired, defeated tone.

Jack wasn't sure what he expected her to say or do, but he didn't expect for her to start crying over his offer. He was immediately uncomfortable and pulled her into his room, shutting the door and leading her to the bed. He sat her down and offered her the box of tissues that was on the desk.

"You and your father are a couple of real assholes you know that?" Kate accused through her tears.

"You agree to come to a strange city and be a four-day companion for some guy you don't even know and you're going to get emotional and offended now?" Jack asked as he leaned on the desk, arms folded over his chest.

"You're not that big of a mystery Dr. Shephard. We both spend a lot of time at the hospital. I've seen you with patients and with the nurses. You aren't the prick you're pretending to be so why don't you just knock it off." Kate snapped.

"You hang out in hospitals Kate? So are you looking for a husband or do you just have some weird perversion that involves sick people?" Jack asked hatefully.

"No Jack, I have a four year old son that spends more time in hospitals than out." Kate told him, taking note of the instant change in his body language.

"You're right, I'm an asshole. What's wrong with your son?" Jack asked.

"Stage 4 Neuroblastoma." Kate answered and broke down again.

Jack sighed heavily and sat beside her. He thought about trying to comfort her, but it was too awkward. Ten minutes ago he didn't even know she existed and now she was sitting in his hotel room telling him she has a young child with a terminal illness.

"I'm sorry Kate." Was all he could manage.

"Don't be. I don't need your god damn pity! When you offered me more money to go away I suddenly realized how low I've sunk. God I must seem pathetic to you." Kate cried, shoving at him until he moved a respectable distance away from her.

"How is he doing, your son?" Jack asked.

"You're a doctor, how do you think he's doing?" Kate shot back.

"Is it the medical bills? Is that why you agreed to do this, because you need money to pay his bills?" Jack asked.

"No, I'm doing this because my little boy is going to die Jack and all he wants in the whole world is to see snow. I'm doing this so I can take him skiing." Kate said.

"What about Make-A-Wish?" Jack asked trying to be as delicate as possible.

"He's feeling good right now Jack. I want to do this while he can enjoy it. Make-A-Wish does the best that they can, but they can't guarantee anything." Kate told him.

"Did my father know about any of this?" Jack asked.

"No. He just talks to me sometimes when he comes in and somehow you and this event came up and one thing led to another and I agreed to do it." Kate said.

"Don't worry about it Kate. I'll make sure he pays you what he said he would and you don't have to spend the next four days stuck with me." Jack told her.

"You say that like it would be a bad thing." Kate said.

"It would be. I'm really not very good company right now. Besides, wouldn't you rather be with your son?" Jack asked.

"Can I be perfectly honest and you promise not to judge me?" Kate asked.

"Yes." Jack said.

"TJ, that's my son, was diagnosed when he was 18 months old. His father has never been a part of his life so it's always just been the two of us. I've spent every day since he was diagnosed caring for him, sitting in hospitals, cleaning up vomit, trying to soothe him even when nothing could and he's good right now, he's with some friends and he's happy and relatively pain free. The idea of escaping my life for four days is very appealing. Regardless of what kind of company you are Jack, you're a far sight better than anything I've known for a really long time." Kate explained.

"Kate, this isn't fair." Jack argued.

"Oh Jack don't talk to me about fair. What's the matter, am I so repulsive to you that you can't stand the idea of having dinner with me?" Kate asked.

"Trust me Kate, you are anything but repulsive, you're easily the most beautiful woman I've laid eyes on in a long time, maybe ever." Jack admitted.

"So what's the problem?" Kate asked.

"You've got this really tragic situation in your life and I'm supposed to pretend it's not there? Am I supposed to treat you like I would treat any other woman I take out on a date?" He asked.

"Oh please do, especially if that treatment includes food and having doors opened for me. I haven't been on a date in years." Kate teased making him smile.

"Okay, we'll do this, but I have conditions." Jack said.

"Let's hear it." Kate said.

"You will definitely hold my father to this deal he's made with you and if you don't find my company unbearable you have to go out with me when we get home, just because you want to, not because you're being paid to." He told her.

"How do you know you'll still want to go out with me?" Kate asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" Jack asked and smiled at her again.

"Because of my tragic situation. A bald toddler who doesn't always have the energy to walk himself to the bathroom and has to be fed through a tube in his stomach can be hard to deal with, so how about you and I enjoy the next four days and then see how it goes." Kate offered.

"I doubt there's anything going on with your son that I couldn't deal with, but okay, we'll just see how it goes. I guess I should start by feeding you. Do you want the full blown, fancy 5-star treatment or would you rather start with something a little more casual?" Jack asked.

"Mmm, nothing overly formal, but I have this great dress I'm dying to wear so something in-between five stars and the local diner would be nice." Kate answered making him chuckle.

"I think I know just the place. I need to grab a shower. Can you give me about 30 minutes?" Jack asked.

"Sounds good, I'm three doors down in room 5226, just knock when you're ready." Kate told him as she slid off the bed and walked toward the door.

Jack watched her exit the room and laughed lightly at the absurdity of what had just taken place. His father actually found some poor woman that was down on her luck and paid her to be his date. She was a beautiful woman he couldn't deny that, but he'd just ended a relationship with a woman he'd been with for over a year and it had ended badly, so badly the last thing he wanted to do was jump into another relationship. He just wanted to prowl around and enjoy mindless sex with mindless bimbos for awhile, which was how he was hoping to spend his first evening in San Francisco, but Kate wasn't a mindless bimbo and using a single mother with a terminally ill child for mindless sex wasn't an option for him. He could be an ass, but never that big of an ass. He stripped his clothes off and turned on the shower. He stopped in front of the mirror and took a long, hard look at himself.

"You aren't going to get laid tonight Jack, but you will get to enjoy the company of someone with a brain who could probably use a friend so behave and keep it in your pants." Jack preached to the reflection.

Jack showered, shaved and dressed in dark slacks and a dark colored dress shirt. He looked at his ties, shook his head and left the collar open. He shoved his wallet into his pocket and exited his room. He made the short walk to Kate's room and knocked on the door. She opened the door dressed in a green dress that wasn't overly tight, but fit perfectly to every curve, the bottom of the dress hitting about two inches above her knees, the two inch straps over her shoulders allowing it to hang perfectly, her upper chest and he assumed her back completely exposed. He stared until Kate snapped him out of it by giggling at him.

"You look great." He complimented.

"Thank you. You clean up pretty nice yourself." She told him.

They sat in the crowded restaurant sipping wine and sharing an appetizer. They were an attractive couple and turned heads when they entered the restaurant. Having been seated in the middle of one of the crowded dining rooms allowed for the other patrons to continue to steal glances at them.

"Do I have snot hanging out of my nose or something?" Kate asked in a flustered tone, making him choke on his wine as he tried to stifle his laughter.

"No, why is something wrong?" Jack asked.

"Why do people keep staring at us?" Kate asked.

"Because you're so beautiful and they're wondering how I got lucky enough to be with you." Jack answered sweetly.

"Please Jack, you're gorgeous and don't pretend you don't know that." Kate said and rolled her eyes.

"I'm only that full of myself when I'm looking for a hook-up that doesn't matter." Jack told her.

"Is that your way of telling me I'm not going to have to turn down unwanted sexual advances later?" Kate teased making him smile.

"Scouts honor." Jack said.

"You're assuming of course it would be unwanted." Kate told him and excused herself to the ladies room.

Jack tried not to read too much into the comment as he watched her walk away, taking note of how incredibly hot she was in that dress.

They were half way through their meal and on their second bottle of wine, both of them comfortable with the other and Jack happy they'd walked the two blocks to the restaurant. He'd need the walk back to clear the naughty thoughts from his head.

"So tell me Jack, why is a successful, good looking doctor dateless for his own ceremony?" Kate asked.

"No reason." Jack lied.

"Come on Jack, there has to be some reason why you're not married or at least in a relationship. Are you gay?" Kate pushed.

"I'm not gay Kate. I'm taking a sabbatical from women that want commitment. I just screw up relationships. I can't seem to be what women want and need me to be." Jack answered.

"Why would a woman want you to be anything other than what you are?" Kate asked.

"Good question." Jack chuckled.

"Seriously Jack, you're a great guy as far as I can tell so I don't get it. Do you have some dark side that comes out later?" Kate asked.

"I'm in love with my work and the women in my life can't handle that particular mistress because she comes first quite a bit of the time." Jack explained.

"Maybe that's just because you haven't met a woman yet that makes you want to put your mistress second." Kate said and winked at him.

"That's possible I guess, but I think that most of the women I've been involved with go into the relationship with that in mind, thinking they can make me forget how much I love my work and that's why it always ends so badly." Jack said.

"So you really love medicine more than the love of woman, more than the idea of a family, more than the idea of a small replica of yourself waiting eagerly for you to come through the door in the evenings?" Kate asked.

"I guess so or maybe it's like you said and I've not run across anything yet that makes me want to make my profession come in second. I'm really not good boyfriend material Kate, trust me." Jack sighed.

"So you've given up? That's sad Jack." Kate said.

"What about you Kate? How come someone so beautiful and easy to get along with isn't married or at least in a serious relationship?" Jack asked.

"I'm gay." Kate said in a serious tone and then finally allowed a big grin to spread across her face.

"That would be kind of hot if it were true." Jack teased.

"I dated a couple of guys after TJ was born, but I fell in love with my little boy and would rather spend my time with him. After he got sick, I never had time for a social life. I work and I take care of him." Kate answered.

"I'm sorry, that was an insensitive question." Jack apologized.

"No it wasn't. I'm 28 and crave a love life as much as anyone else. I guess maybe I've not run across a man I find interesting enough to date, interesting enough to pull me away from TJ for a few hours." Kate said.

"Hopefully you will." Jack said and looked back down at his food.

"I think I already have." Kate said.

Jack didn't respond. He stirred his fork through his food for a few moments before looking back up at her.

"So, did you save room for dessert?" He asked.

"Depends, are you dessert?" Kate asked in a seductive tone.

"I don't think so Kate and neither do you. It's the wine talking." Jack replied.

"So, let's go walk off the wine off and revisit this topic later. That's fair, unless of course you're just not that into me." Kate challenged making him smile.

"How about we just go walk and talk for awhile and see how things go?" Jack suggested.

They spent the next couple of hours walking around the city, taking in the sights and talking about everything and nothing. He'd taken hold of her hand to pull her back from oncoming traffic and never let go again, not that she was complaining. He was so sweet and interesting and could make her laugh and she couldn't help but wonder when the real him surfaces because as far as she could tell he was the best boyfriend material she'd ever come across in her life. He sensed she wasn't listening to him anymore and stopped walking. He leaned against the building and pulled her into him, holding onto her gently at the waist.

"Where'd you go?" He asked their faces just inches apart.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about how bad my feet hurt and how good a cup of coffee would be right now." Kate lied.

He looked around until he spotted a place they could sit and drink coffee. Once inside the quaint little diner, he scooted into one side of a booth and chuckled when she scooted in right beside him. He noticed her eyeing the chocolate pie in the dessert cabinet and asked the waitress to bring them a slice of it with their coffee.

"Trying to make me fat Jack?" She asked.

"You just seem like someone that deserves to enjoy a big slice of pie and I'm assuming you'll share of course." He told her.

"Ha! How good it is determines whether or not you'll get a bite." Kate told him making him laugh.

She'd made him smile and laugh more than he'd done either in as long as could remember. This woman had something so sad and tragic happening in her life, yet you'd never know it and he was in awe of her at the moment. She was unlike any woman he'd ever met, he felt like they were life long friends when in reality they'd know each other a matter of hours. He sat beside her and watched her shove a large bite of the pie into her mouth, smiling at her, enjoying the way she closed her eyes and moaned about how good it tasted. She opened her eyes and swallowed the pie, noticing how intently he was watching her.

"Your turn." She said as she broke another bite of the pie with the fork and held it up.

He moved his face closer so she could put the fork to his mouth. He opened his mouth and let her put the fork in his mouth. He closed his mouth over the fork and she pulled it away from his mouth, leaving a small dribble of the whip cream topping on his mouth. She leaned in and kissed him, gently licking the dribble off his mouth before pulling back to enjoy the look of shock he was currently displaying.

"You had some pie on your mouth." Kate said.

"Well, that was certainly more creative than just grabbing a napkin." Jack laughed.

"You didn't expect me to waste an ounce of that delicious pie on a napkin did you?" Kate asked.

"Of course not." Jack answered smiling at her.

They finished their pie and coffee and walked back to the hotel together. He walked her to her door. He shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for her to pull her key card out of the small purse she was carrying.

"Uh oh, hands shoved tightly into your pants pockets can only mean one thing." Kate said.

"Yeah, what's that?" Jack asked.

"That you're not into me." Kate said.

"No, that's not true." He objected.

"It's okay Jack, I had a wonderful time tonight. It was so nice to enjoy the company of an adult and one that smells and looks so good." Kate complimented making him chuckle.

He pulled his hands out of his pockets, wrapped them around her and pulled her into him. He locked his mouth over hers and kissed her. She responded immediately and the kiss deepened, his tongue begging entrance that she did not deny him. The feel of his tongue moving over hers as he moved his mouth over hers while his strong hands held tightly to her from behind was making her weak in the knees. He finally pulled out of the kiss, his hands still holding onto her lower back and her hands till wrapped around his neck, their faces just inches apart.

"I'm into you Kate, more than either one of needs me to be so I'm going to say goodnight now. I really like you and I don't want to screw that up with sex, not yet anyway." He told her.

"Not yet huh? I can live with that. So, can I count on you for breakfast or will you be doing important doctor things tomorrow?" Kate asked.

"I'm giving a lecture to a group of medical students tomorrow afternoon so not only can you count on me for breakfast, you can count on me for lunch and dinner too." Jack told her.

"Aren't you supposed to be attending some sort of convention Jack?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I am, but the lecture is the only thing I'm really required to do tomorrow so I'll meet you right here at 9 AM. Okay?" He asked.

"Okay, I'm going to dress casual though, pants and comfortable shoes." She told him.

"Me too." He said and brought his mouth to hers again.

They stood in front of her door kissing for another 15 minutes before finally pulling away from each other and disappearing into their rooms.

Jack's cell phone had been vibrating in his pocket all night long and he'd chosen to ignore it. He pulled his phone out and looked at the list of missed calls. All but one were from his dad, the one from the hospital coming from the pediatric oncologist he'd called earlier that day asking him to find out all he could about TJ Austen's condition and call him back.

Jack decided it was too late to return the call and decided to ignore his father's calls. He thought about Kate and the evening they'd just spent together and how aroused he'd become just kissing her and sighed heavily as he began stripping his clothes off and then crawling into bed.

"What are you doing Jack?" He mumbled as he pulled the blankets over his nude body and closed his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack had been tossing and turning for about a half hour when he heard the light knocking on his door. He finally rolled out of bed, slipped some pants on and walked toward the door.

"Who's there?" He asked.

"It's me, Kate." The voice answered.

Jack opened the door to find Kate standing in the hallway wearing just a t-shirt and he assumed panties. He looked out his door in both directions and then back at her.

"Kate, what's going on?" He asked.

"Can I please come in?" She asked.

He could tell she was upset, the happy go lucky, quick with the one liners woman he'd just spent the evening with no where to be found at the moment.

"Sure, come in." He said softly and took her arm gently to guide her into the room. She stopped just inside the door, arms folded over her chest.

"I want to apologize." Kate said.

"For what?" Jack asked.

"I'm usually not so aggressive. I'm sorry I kept trying to talk you into something you obviously weren't comfortable with." Kate apologized.

"This is certainly an odd conversation. Isn't it usually the guy saying all that stuff?" Jack teased trying to get her to lighten up.

"It's not funny Jack!" Kate yelled making him step back a little.

"I'm sorry, of course it's not. Why don't you come all the way inside and we can talk about it." Jack offered softly, cautiously.

He led her over to the bed and watched her stand in front of him, wringing her hands, battling emotions, looking everywhere but directly at him.

"I uh, it was too quiet, too dark, too alone, too easy to think." She babbled.

"Kate, what's going on? Did something happen?" He asked.

"No." She mumbled still refusing to look at him.

He placed his hand on the side of her face and forced her to make eye contact with him, regretting it as soon as he did it because the moment she looked at him the tears began to fall and fall steadily. He was confused and felt bad for her, not understanding what was going on or how to help her. He finally pulled her into his chest and hugged her, which allowed her to completely break down.

"Hey, what is this Kate? Talk to me and tell me what happened." He coaxed.

"What am I going to do Jack?" She cried.

"Do about what?" He asked.

"How am I going to let him go? I can't put him in a box in the dark. He's afraid of the dark Jack, how can I? It isn't fair. He's just a little boy and he's going to be all alone and so scared. Please, I can't do this, I can't." Kate cried, her body trembling as she struggled with unimaginable grief.

"Jesus." Jack mumbled and held her as tight as he could, not being able to relate to the kind of pain she was experiencing and wondering if she allowed herself very many moments like this.

Kate suddenly pulled away from him, clutching her stomach and her chest.

"I'm going to be sick, I can't breathe." Kate said in a panicked tone.

Jack took hold of her arms and made her look at him.

"Kate, listen to me. You're not going to be sick and you can breathe. You're very upset, but you can breathe." Jack talked softly to her.

"Jack I need you, I need you to make me feel better, feel like a woman, make me forget about this if only for a little while. Please." Kate pleaded.

"Kate, I want to help you, but I'm not going to initiate sex with you under these circumstances. I'm sorry." Jack argued.

"Just forget it!" Kate snapped and pulled away from him.

"Hey, where do you think you're going? Come back and talk to me, please." Jack said and took hold of her arm.

"Leave me alone!" Kate screamed and began pounding her fists into his chest.

He let her hit him, some of the strikes she was landing actually painful, but obviously something she needed to get out of her system. She continued to lash out at him until exhaustion got the better of her. She finally stopped and he pulled her back into his chest, moving his hand lightly over her back and talking softly to her.

"Try to relax Kate, take deep breaths." He said.

He felt her unclench her fists and unfold her arms, letting them wrap around his waist as she turned her head to the side and let it rest on his upper chest. They stayed that way for a few minutes and then she pulled back and looked at him, ashamed and horrified at what she'd just done.

"Oh god Jack, I'm sorry." Kate said.

"It's okay." Jack said.

"No it's not. I barely know you and you barely know me and my problems are mine not yours and I'm so sorry, I swear I'm not crazy." Kate told him.

"It's okay Kate and I don't think you're crazy. I think you're dealing with something that most of us can't begin to comprehend. Do you feel any better?" Jack asked.

"I thought I'd use these four days to see what it's like to be alone, to not have this enormous responsibility, to actually sleep for more than two hours at a clip and I realized how selfish that was. I also realized how lonely it is. I'm sorry I burdened you my craziness. I don't deserve to feel better." Kate said as she pulled away from him.

"You're not burdening me and wanting these four days isn't selfish, it's human. You want to stay here with me tonight? No strings, no sex. Just two friends keeping each other company." Jack offered.

"Thanks Jack, but you don't have to do that. I'll be okay and since I've screwed up the first real date I've had in years I think I'll just go home tomorrow. Tell your dad he can keep his money." Kate said.

"I'll tell him he can keep his money, but I don't want you to leave. You didn't screw anything up. Please stay Kate, I'll worry if you don't. I'll sleep on top of the blankets fully dressed, shoes and socks too if that helps, whatever you want, just please don't beat yourself up for needing to share what must be an incredibly heavy load." Jack pleaded.

Kate looked at him, his request was sincere, she could read it in his face and his eyes. He was concerned for her, but there was something more, a hint of something deeper and they both saw it. If they both weren't so beaten down by life at the moment they probably would've found it a little unnerving that two people could connect so quickly. She looked down at herself and smiled.

"I'm standing in your hotel room in my underwear and a t-shirt. I think it would be okay if you slept under the blankets without your shoes and socks." Kate said making him smile.

He left his pants on and made himself comfortable in the bed, laying on his side and propped up on his elbow. He patted the empty mattress in front of him and motioned for her to come join him. She walked over to the bed and crawled in beside him. Without awkwardness or shyness he wrapped his arm over her and pulled her closer until her back was pressed up against his stomach and chest. She wrapped her arms around his forearm and pulled it into her chest, holding tightly, her head resting on the pillow, her body trapping his other arm underneath her. He laid his head on his pillow, sniffing her hair and continuing to hold tightly to her.

He could tell she was crying and let her go for a little while. When the crying turned to sobbing he kissed the top of her head and spoke softly to her.

"Would it help to talk about it?" He asked.

She let go of his arm and turned around to face him. He pulled a corner of the sheet up and wiped the tears from her face.

"There's really nothing to talk about Jack. I just need to be sad for a little while." She said.

"Okay." He said and rolled onto his back pulling her along with him.

She let her head rest on his chest and draped her arm over his abdomen. He let his fingers gently glide up and down her shoulder and arm, a soothing caress that was lulling her into a relaxed state. The next time he looked down she was sound asleep, arm still draped over him, her hand hanging limply. He took hold of her hand and closed his eyes, hoping she might actually get the sleep she obviously needed.

He could feel the presence in the room, the feeling of being stared at and he opened his eyes quickly, startled at first and then angry. The man started to speak, but Jack hushed him by putting his fingers up to his mouth and signaling him to be quiet. He eased himself out from under Kate and laid her head gently on the pillow. He watched her stir for a moment, relieved that she remained asleep. He moved out from under the blankets and off the bed, leading the intruder toward the door.

"What the hell are you doing in my room dad?'' Jack snapped in a hushed tone.

"It's 8 AM Jack, the day's events start in an hour and the man of the hour needs to be there. You don't return my phone calls so I made them let me in here. I see you got my present." Christian smirked.

"Shut up." Jack ordered.

"Attached already? Son, can't you ever just enjoy the company of a woman? Do you always have to fall in love?" Christian continued to poke.

"I enjoy women dad and I don't always fall in love. She's a nice person that doesn't deserve to have either one of us in her life so just shut up about her and the deal you made with her and any crude comments you may have." Jack insisted.

"Jack, get dressed. Let's go." Christian told him.

"I told you I'm not doing this dad. I'm not going to walk around like some god damn politician, working the crowd, acting like some big shot, like I've got something to offer when we both know that's not the case." Jack resisted.

"I've worked too hard and too long for this Jack and you are not going to deny me this or embarrass me by not being where you should be. Are we clear?" Christian threatened.

"This isn't about you dad." Jack argued.

"It's always been about me Jack. Do you really think you would be what you are today without me?" Christian asked in his calm, condescending tone.

"Jack?" Kate called from the other side of the room.

"It's okay Kate, go back to sleep." Jack said in a calm voice.

Jack and his father stared one another down, both stubbornly waiting for the other to break. Christian finally spoke.

"I'll be in the lobby in 30 minutes. Don't be late Jack." Christian ordered complete with the threatening, fatherly finger gently poking him in the chest.

Jack watched him walk out the door and began to pace. He always did this to him, always managed to get him so worked up he felt like he could put his fist through a wall. He finally stopped and looked over at Kate who was sitting up now, watching him pace.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked.

"Yeah, thanks. Listen Jack, you need to go with your father. Just call me later. Okay?" Kate said.

"I promised you breakfast." Jack said flatly.

"Yeah, but I'm really not hungry. I think I'm going to spend the day window shopping, maybe find something for TJ." Kate said.

"I'm sorry Kate." Jack said.

"Don't be. This your job, your mistress and I understand." Kate said as she removed herself from the bed and approached him.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine Jack. Thank you for being a friend when I needed one." Kate said.

"You say that like I can't be your friend anymore and I'm a much better friend than boyfriend." Jack teased.

Kate took hold of either side of his head and brought her mouth to his, kissing him slowly and deeply and then pulling back, leaving him feeling a little breathless.

"Maybe, but you're too hot to just be my friend. Sorry, I know you're feeling uncomfortable about letting things between us get out of hand, but for whatever reason I'm not and at the end of the day I am still a woman." Kate told him making him smile.

"A sexy, beautiful woman, you left that part out." Jack said and kissed her.

"So you'll call me later?" She asked.

"That depends." He said.

"On what?" She asked.

"On whether you're going to keep trying to seduce me." He teased.

"Of course, I mean you've already seen me completely naked emotionally so what's the big deal about seeing me naked physically." She told him and winked before kissing him again, longer this time and much more passionately.

"Oh sure, put that image in my head 30 minutes before I'm supposed to meet my dad." He mumbled in a breathy tone in-between the deep, wet kisses.

She giggled at him and they finally pulled apart. He picked up his wallet off the desk, grabbed a hundred dollar bill and handed it to her.

"What's this for?" She asked.

"Buy yourself something sexy." He said.

"Jack, I'm not taking your money and I don't want anything sexy." She protested.

"If you're going to keep trying to seduce me Kate you're going to succeed because at the end of the day I am still a man. When I begin undressing you I want you to have something that makes you feel as sexy and beautiful as you are next to your skin." He told her in a sweet, sexy tone.

"Why Jack, did you just make an appointment to play doctor with me?" Kate asked making him chuckle.

"We'll see how things go. I'll see if I can find something fun for us to do this evening in-between comparing notes with surgeons more boring than myself and making my father proud." Jack told her.

"I'm sure you'll dazzle them. I'm going to get out of here and let you get ready." Kate told him kissing him once more and then leaving the room.

Jack showered quickly, didn't bother shaving, but did put a tie on. He found his father pacing in the lobby and they left the hotel together, Jack insisting on driving separate cars so he could make some phone calls on the way to the convention center and also so he could escape his father's watchful eye and suffocating expectations as soon as it would be appropriate to do so, instead of when his father decided it would be appropriate.

Once out of the parking garage Jack pulled out his cell phone, scanned through the call list, found the caller he was looking for and punched the dial key. It rang quite a few times and Jack was afraid they'd begun a game of phone tag, but then he heard the familiar voice on the other end.

"Greg, it's Jack, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you last night. What have you got for me?" Jack asked.

"Hang on Jack and let me grab his file…….okay, Thomas Joseph (TJ) Austen, white male, 4 years of age, diagnosed with…………..Jack, is there any particular reason you've taken an interest in this kid?" Greg asked.

"I kind of know his mom and I'm trying to get a handle on just how sick he is without pumping her for information." Jack explained.

"He's terminal Jack. He's been through the whole cycle, there's nothing more that can be done for him." Greg said.

"She said he's feeling good right now. I'm guessing that's because he doesn't have all the wonderful cancer fighting poisons running through his body." Jack said.

"Probably, he's been a pretty sick kid according this file, been through every treatment even the experimental ones, been seen by the best out there. He just hasn't responded to anything. Sometimes just letting them go, letting them enjoy a few months of a somewhat normal existence is the merciful thing to do." Greg said.

"So he's not one of your patients?" Jack asked.

"According to this file, I've seen him few times over the years. I see a lot of kids unfortunately." Greg answered.

"How long……..how long before he gets too sick to enjoy his existence?" Jack asked.

"It's hard to say Jack, months." Greg replied.

"Damn. Thanks Greg." Jack said.

Jack tossed his phone into the passenger seat and merged onto the highway, his mind on Kate and how distraught she'd been the night before. He really liked her, but was this something he really wanted to get involved in. More importantly was it still a choice for him or had he already managed to allow himself to get in too deep? It had only been a day, but it seemed like much longer. Could he walk away from her and ever get the images of how alone, scared and in need of a friend she was last night? Did he want to walk away from her? Of course he didn't. He'd only known her day, but he really liked her. He was already making plans to take her out, to show her a good time and hopefully take her mind off her troubles and he knew they were going to sleep together, maybe not on this night, but it was going to happen before he left San Francisco because they both wanted it too much to keep it at bay.

Jack finally wandered into the large open room filled with some of the brightest and best in their chosen medical field. He shook hands, made small talk, listened to a few different presentations on new medical findings and new pharmaceuticals. He wasn't sure at what point in the current presentation he had nodded off, but felt the familiar rage surging through him when his father shook him back into consciousness with a crude comment about Kate spoken softly into his ear.

"Do you even know her dad?" Jack asked.

"We've shared a few conversations over lunch. Her purpose here isn't to keep you too tired to make the right impression, should I remind her of that?" Christian asked.

"You should probably leave her alone." Jack warned.

"Are you threatening me son?" Christian mocked.

"I mean it dad, leave her alone." Jack warned again.

"That good huh?" Christian continued to antagonize.

"I wouldn't know." Jack snapped.

"So you really just slept with her, literally slept?" Christian asked with a smug chuckle.

"Do I ask you about your sex life?" Jack asked in a disgusted tone.

"What's going on Jack? This is your moment, a moment you've worked very hard for. Why are you determined to not allow yourself to enjoy it?" Christian asked.

"Dad, this doesn't mean anything to me. Spending 12 hours putting a mangled spine back together and watching the person that spine is connected to get out of bed and walk are my moments." Jack answered.

"And what about all those times when your patients don't get out of bed or when they die?" Christian asked.

"It sucks. What do you want me say?" Jack replied.

"This moment Jack is for all those times you've had to lose so that when you're at your lowest you'll have something to remind you that what you do matters, to remind you of all the good you've done so you won't dwell on the bad. Why can't you just embrace that Jack?" Christian asked.

"Look dad, I appreciate what you're saying and that at my age you still feel the need to protect me from myself, but I'm good, I'm fine. Maybe you should accept the award on my behalf. You've always been a better public speaker." Jack offered.

"Don't Jack. Don't embarrass me." Christian warned.

"Don't worry dad. I wouldn't think about tarnishing the Shephard name. I've got a lecture to give so if you'll excuse me I'll go see how hard it is to bullshit a room full of wet behind the ears medical students." Jack told him as he stood and then walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for all of the nice reviews. I will let you know that the father of Kate's son is irrelevant. I hope you continue to enjoy the story and thanks for reading!_

Jack stood in front of the room of young, eager medical students and began delivering a prepared synopsis of the specific procedures he'd performed and was being recognized for. Noticing that he was losing their interest, not to mention his own he finally stopped, put his notes down, loosened his tie and spoke directly to them.

"This is going very badly. Look, I'm a doctor, not a teacher or a public speaker. If there is anything you might be interested to know or if you have some questions you'd like to ask I'll be happy to answer them. If not, I guess we can call it day." Jack told them taking note of the fact that his father was sitting in the back of the room, shaking his head in disapproval.

The room was silent for a moment and Jack was about to gather his things and excuse himself when a girl in the 3rd row raised her hand and stood up.

"Dr. Shephard, I know it's not on the list of procedures you agreed to discuss today, but is it true you've been asked to assist in the separation of 15 month old conjoined twins?" The girl asked.

"I really can't talk about that without the family's permission, but yes I've been asked to review the case." Jack answered.

"Is it true that separating them might leave one or both of them paralyzed or incontinent?" The girl continued to press for information.

"Like I said, I can't discuss the case. I'm not even sure how you know about it since it's been kept as quiet as possible up to this point." Jack answered taking a moment to notice the expression on his father's face.

Christian had no idea Jack had been asked to participate in what would be a very high profile surgical procedure if it happened. The 15 month old girls were conjoined at the hip and spine, their spinal cord fused. Separating them would mean parting the fused spinal cord, dividing the spinal cord and nerves equally. In Christian's mind it was an incredibly impressive procedure to have in your resume, in Jack's mind it was the livelihood of two little girls and possibly even death to one or both of them if things didn't go well. The mental approach by each man toward this procedure clearly outlined the difference between them, and in Christian's mind further highlighted his son's weaknesses.

The girl gave up her quest to pry sensitive information out of the young, attractive doctor, batted her eyes at him and shot him a cute smile, making Jack chuckle lightly before fielding the next question. The question and answer session proved to be much more interesting to the group of students and probably more informative. The two hours flew by, groans of disappointment echoing through the group when Jack let them know his time was up and that he had another appointment.

Christian found himself impressed with how well Jack handled the group of students and perhaps even a little proud, but instead of sharing his positive feelings with Jack he chose to approach him with his typical condescending manner.

"Interesting lecture Jack." Christian said.

"Shouldn't you be out rubbing elbows with your colleagues, sharing stories of your surgical greatness?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"As a matter of fact that's where we're going. I told them we'd meet them for drinks at four, but first I'd like to know how I, the chief of surgery, had no idea that one of his surgeons is being considered for such a high profile surgical procedure." Christian asked in an accusatory tone.

"The twin's parents came to me, I didn't go to them if that's what you're suggesting." Jack snapped.

"How does that happen Jack? How do the parents of potential patients arrange such an important meeting without going through me?" Christian asked.

"Unlike you dad, I live and function outside of the hospital and I do so like a normal, every day person that isn't so god damn pompous and intimidating that people feel like they are too inferior to strike up a conversation with me." Jack told him.

"So these people just approached you outside of the hospital?" Christian asked.

"No dad, a distraught mother approached me in the hospital cafeteria and asked me if I had the time to talk to her about her daughters away from the probing eyes of the hospital and the pressure to do what is medically sound, so I did." Jack explained.

Christian shook his head and looked away from his son, but not before allowing Jack to see the disappointment in his face.

"So did you agree to do the surgery?" Christian asked.

"I haven't decided anything yet dad and I wouldn't agree to anything this controversial without consulting with the hospital and my chief of surgery first so can we just let this go for now." Jack answered completely frustrated with the conversation.

"Good answer Jack. Come on let's go, I'll buy you a drink." Christian offered.

"No thanks. I'm going to go back to the hotel." Jack refused.

"Jack, you aren't here at the hospital's expense to spend all of your time with some waitress." Christian reminded him.

"The hospital's expense? You mean that 3-star hotel I'm staying in? Tell you what dad, I'll pay my own expenses because I'm not interested in spending all of my time with a bunch of surgeons with God complexes." Jack continued to argue with him.

"She's here to accompany you to the luncheon tomorrow and to the awards dinner the following night, not to distract you. Do I need to remind her that crossing the line means she doesn't get paid?" Christian threatened.

"Tell me dad, what's a date for your son cost?" Jack asked the rage in his eyes making Christian step back a little.

"I'm just looking out for you Jack and some day you are going to realize that." Christian answered.

"I don't need you to look out for me." Jack said.

"Sadly, you do." Christian said.

"I'm leaving. I'll see you at the luncheon tomorrow." Jack told him and pushed past him angrily.

Jack left the convention center feeling completely spent. His father could suck the life out of him that quickly. He sat in his car and calmed himself down and then dialed the cell phone number Kate had programmed into his phone. Hearing her voice made him forget about his anger and he smiled.

"Hey, I'll be there in 20 minutes. Put some jeans on, we're going to have some fun." Jack told her and hung up before she had a chance to say no, not that she would've. Little did he know she'd been sitting in her room, bored and missing his company and would bungee jump off the Golden Gate Bridge with him if that's what he had in mind.

Jack entered his room, changed into jeans, a casual shirt and sneakers and left the room to get Kate. He knocked on her door and she ushered him quickly, toothbrush sticking out of her mouth.

He sat on the bed and looked around, her room neat and tidy compared to the mess he'd just left in his. He noticed the picture beside her bed and picked it up. It was Kate and TJ cheek to cheek, the child's arms wrapped tightly around her neck. The boy's fragile state wasn't obvious; his little bald head covered with a ball cap and the freckles on his nose and cheeks a perfect match to his mothers. He was busy studying the photo and didn't hear her approach until sat beside him. Jack set the picture down and turned to her.

"He looks like you." Jack said.

"Yeah, except for the eyes. He's got his father's eyes. Pretty much the only thing the son-of-a-bitch ever gave him." Kate said.

"If he doesn't care about the boy getting out of his life was probably the kindest thing he could've done." Jack offered.

"You believe that men should skate out on their responsibilities Jack? It must be nice to run around making babies and never having to be burdened with them financially or otherwise." Kate snapped obviously not impressed with Jack's theory.

"No, I don't believe men should skate out on their responsibilities, but unfortunately they do as do some women and who wants or needs that kind of role model around their child? He looks like a pretty happy kid to me; you should pat yourself on the back mom. Good job." Jack explained.

"Thanks, he's a great kid and he's handling his lot in life a whole lot better than his mom is." Kate said and sighed lightly.

Jack leaned in and kissed her, finally pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly.

"I think his mom is probably handling things as well as can be expected. You feel so good, something soft and warm after being surrounded by the cold and clinical for hours on end." Jack said.

"You feel pretty tense. I thought you loved your work Jack." Kate giggled.

"I do, but this isn't my work, it's public relations bullshit." Jack groaned.

"I could help you relax you know." She teased and kissed him some more.

The fell back onto the bed, arms wrapped around each other, slowly kissing each other, enjoying the pleasure of two people experiencing and exploring each other in such a passionate, yet innocent way, their tongues gliding slowly together as they both took deep breaths and deepened the kiss, close to letting things get out of hand. He finally pulled away and sat both of them back up.

"You're determined to get into my pants aren't you?" He teased.

"Actually I was hoping to get you out of them, my god nobody should be able wear their jeans as well as you do." Kate told him.

"I've never met a woman quite like you Kate." Jack laughed.

"Is that good or bad Jack?" Kate asked.

"It's good, very good. Come on let's get out of here, it's a beautiful day so let's enjoy what's left of it." Jack said.

"Where are we going?" Kate asked.

"How do you feel about roller coasters?" Jack asked.

"Love them." Kate answered.

"Now how'd I know that?" Jack laughed.

"Are we going to ride roller coasters Jack?" Kate asked.

"Do you feel like it?" Jack asked.

"Are you kidding? I haven't done it in years. You're way more fun than I would've guessed Dr. Shephard." Kate teased and kissed him again.

Jack smiled at her, happy that he was going to be able to help her have some fun, maybe forget about the things that hurt so much for a little while. They spent the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening riding rides and walking through the park enjoying the sights. They indulged in all the classic amusement park junk foods and they played a few rounds of skee ball. After one final ride on the park's monster roller coaster they walked out of the park, both feeling like kids again.

Kate let her head fall back and rest on the headrest as Jack merged onto the highway. She thought she'd be tired, but she felt invigorated. She turned her head to the side and smiled at him.

"Thank you, Jack. That was so much fun and so was yesterday." Kate said.

"We aren't done yet. I have more planned." Jack said with a grin.

"Am I going to like it?" She asked.

"I hope so." Jack answered.

"I never would've taken you for a blue jeans and sneakers roller coaster type." Kate said.

"That's because you've only witnessed my professional side while being agitated during lengthy lunches with my father." Jack told her.

"Have you and your father always hated one another?" Kate asked.

"I don't hate my father Kate, but yeah we've pretty much always been a disappointment to one another." Jack sighed.

"Sorry." Kate mumbled.

"Don't be. The last couple of days have easily been the best couple of days I've had in a long time and hopefully you're going to enjoy the rest of the evening." He said and smiled a sweet, almost grateful smile.

"Do I have time to freshen up?" Kate asked.

"Take as much time as you need. Did you buy yourself something today?" He asked.

"Maybe." She teased.

"Uh huh, well if you did make sure you put it on when you freshen up." Jack said.

"You say that as if I'm going to let you see it." Kate said.

"No, I told you, you're beautiful and you deserve to wear something that makes you feel that way." He lied.

"Yeah, but if I felt like letting you see what you bought for me today you'd be okay with that too." Kate laughed.

"Of course, I mean I'd want to make sure I got my money's worth." Jack teased.

"Why Dr. Shephard are you trying to seduce me now?" Kate teased.

"No, not RIGHT now, but the night is young." Jack answered with a light chuckle.

He drove them back to their hotel and they entered their rooms, agreeing to meet in the hallway in 45 minutes.

He heard the knock on his door and looked at his watch. It had only been 25 minutes. He opened the door to find his father standing in the hallway.

"What's up?" Jack asked.

"Nothing, I just thought I see if you were up for a late dinner with the old man." Christian said.

"Sorry dad, I've already got plans." Jack said.

Just as Christian was about to respond Kate came out of her room, dressed in another knock out dress and walked toward the two men.

"Wow, I'd definitely turn down my father for that." Christian commented.

"She is beautiful isn't she?" Jack mumbled as he watched her approach, mesmerized by her, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by Christian.

Kate stopped in front of the two men and smiled at them.

"Just let me get my wallet." Jack said and disappeared into the room.

"You look lovely dear." Christian said.

"Thank you Dr. Shephard." Kate said.

"So where are you two kids headed?" Christian asked.

"I don't know, he won't say. It's a surprise." Kate said.

Jack returned and closed his door. He looked at his dad and felt a twinge of guilt.

"You flying solo tonight dad?" Jack asked.

"No, I'm meeting Ted Anderson in the restaurant downstairs. He was looking forward to talking with you son, but I guess if I had to choose between two boring surgeons that could further my career or this lovely creature I'd opt for the latter as well." Christian answered in his typical contemptuous tone.

"Well, give him my regards. We've got to get going." Jack said and put his arm around Kate's waist, refusing to allow his father to get to him.

"I will. I'll meet you in the lobby tomorrow morning. Good night Jack." Christian said as he observed the two of them, making no attempt to hide the fact that he didn't approve.

"Good night dad." Jack said.

Jack escorted Kate to the lobby and out the front doors where a limousine was waiting.

"What's this?" Kate asked.

"It's our ride for the evening. We're going to go sight seeing." Jack told her.

Kate didn't say anything, but was visibly moved by his gesture and even more so when she climbed inside to find champagne on ice and a stocked wet bar complete with sodas if she wasn't in the mood for alcohol. They made themselves comfortable and Jack signaled for the driver to drive. The driver nodded and closed the window between them to give them their privacy, the desired tour and length already mapped out and a healthy tip for the driver if he left them alone. Jack poured some champagne into a glass and handed it to her before pouring a glass for himself.

"You're not only a lot of fun Jack, you're also very sweet and charming." Kate complimented as she sipped her champagne.

"This isn't too pretentious?" Jack asked and smiled at her before leaning in to kiss her.

"No, it's very thoughtful and what a great way to see the sights." Kate said.

"Yes, there are parts of San Francisco that are beautiful at night." Jack agreed.

"I suppose, but I think I might be distracted by the sights sitting inside this car." Kate grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him, both holding one another and feeling one another on an emotional level neither had experienced before. If they had, it had never been this strong.

They finally pulled out of the kiss and spent the first half hour talking, sipping champagne and looking out the windows. Kate finally put her glass down, removed her shoes and snuggled up next to him.

"Tired?" He asked.

"No, just enjoying the company I'm with." Kate answered.

Jack set his glass down and turned to face her, tilting her chin up so they were looking at each other and then finally closing his mouth over hers, engaging in a slow, wet, sensual kiss that made her feel like there were a thousand butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss no longer fighting his needs or urges, but letting them take over. He scooted her into his lap and they continued to kiss as she moved her fingers through his short cropped hair, holding onto him, kissing him hungrily and moaning when she felt him slowly unzip her dress.

He stopped just long enough to see if she was uncomfortable with what he was doing, her intensifying their kiss and grinding her hips into him telling him she was anything but uncomfortable. She pulled back to catch her breath and looked into his eyes. They were dark and full of lust, the sight of it making her moist, the anticipation of what a man with eyes that hungry was going to do to her, making her wish he'd just take her now. He slid the shoulder straps of her dress over her shoulders and let them fall limply down her arms, tugging lightly until her dressed was bunched up around her waist. Her breasts were cupped in a light blue satiny bra, with just the right amount of lace to make him groan as he imagined her in nothing but the bra and panties.

He pushed underneath her thighs until she sat up on her knees for him, straddling him and allowing him access to the hem of her dress. He placed his fingers underneath the hem of the dress and slowly lifted it up, over her head and off. She stayed on her knees, his hands placed gently on her waist looking her up and down, liking the matching panties. He moved his finger gently inside the top edge of the cup of her bra and her breath hitched.

"It's pretty and soft, not nearly as soft and pretty as you, but I don't think anything could be." Jack said in lustful, sexy tone and moved his mouth to her chest, kissing his way down into the cleavage.

His fingers traveled slowly over her warm skin, skimming the elastic of her panties, allowing his fingertips to slip inside the elastic and she gasped and stiffened beneath his gentle clutches. He pulled back and looked at her.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm just a little nervous." Kate said.

"We can stop Kate and I won't be mad." He offered.

"You should be. I've done nothing but tease you sexually for two days and now that it's happening I'm acting like a nervous virgin." Kate said.

"It's okay if you're a little scared, I am too and just so you know, I really wasn't buying the lustful, fast woman determined to screw my brains out act, but it was entertaining watching you try to pull it off." Jack told her and shot her an ornery grin.

She leaned in and kissed him, enjoying the feel of his large, warm hands holding onto her.

"I really do want to be with you Jack. It's been a long time for me so hopefully I won't disappoint you." Kate said.

"I doubt that's possible." He replied in a breathy, lustful tone that sent shivers down her spine.

He moved her off his lap and onto the seat, going down onto his knees in front of her, his body positioned between her legs, his hands moving slowly over her thighs. He leaned in and kissed her, pulling her forward just enough to get his hands behind her so he could unhook her bra. Once unhooked he allowed her to lean back into the seat and slowly slid the bra straps down her arms, watching it slowly fall away from her breasts, feeling his erection grow as they became fully exposed to him. He caressed her breasts with his warm, gentle hands, his thumbs gliding over her nipples, instantly growing hard, begging to be sucked on.

He closed his mouth over one nipple and then the other, alternating back and forth, swirling his tongue over the hard nubs, feeling her skin heat up as she squirmed beneath him. He continued to suck on her nipples and then finally moved back up, opening his mouth and letting their tongues dance while he slid his hand down the front of her panties, moaning into her mouth as his hand moved over her wetness and she opened up a little wider for him. He slid a finger down her slippery crease and pushed it inside of her, feeling her clench around him as she gasped and then moaned with satisfaction.

"You are so wet Kate, I want to taste you." He mumbled into her mouth just before he began sliding his mouth down her body slowly.

He gripped both sides of her panties and pulled them down. She lifted her butt up off the seat so he could complete the task, slowly gliding them over her thighs, past her knees and down her calves, lifting her foot out of them so he could get them completely out of his way. He sat back and looked at her for a moment and then began moving his mouth over the inside of her thighs, kissing and gently gliding his tongue over the sensitive skin as he slowly made his way up to where she wanted him, where she began to demand he go.

He pushed her legs a little further apart and used his thumbs to separate her lips, exposing her swollen clit to him. He moved his tongue gently over her and then sucked her gently into his mouth making her squeal and squirm and move her hips in rhythm with his mouth. He finally slipped a finger into her, pushing it in and out slowly and bringing the orgasm out of her. He rubbed his finger over her clit slowly, letting her ride the sensation out and come back down to earth. He kissed his way up her stomach and chest and covered her with sloppy kisses as they both worked eagerly to unfasten his belt and then his pants.

With that task out of the way and his pants and boxers bunched around his knees, Kate began unbuttoning his shirt, growing impatient and finally lifting it up and over his head. She ran her hands over his chest and scooted to the edge of the seat, urging him to move back up into the seat. He came up off his knees and repositioned himself in the seat, kicking his pants and boxers off his legs and out of the way. She climbed into his lap and they both took a moment to look at each other, their skin glistening with a light sweat, her breasts firm and perched in front of him, his chest and stomach, taut and begging her to run her hands through the hair. They both quietly decided that the other, naked, was a sight to behold.

She took him into her hand, holding him and gliding her hand slowly up and down his shaft, rubbing her thumb over his wet tip, smiling at him, teasing him and enjoying the feel of his hardened length. She held gently to him and moved closer, up on her knees, her wet, dripping center just above him. She could feel him twitching in anticipation, his wanting to be buried deep inside her consuming all of his thoughts. She put him into position and slowly connected with him, allowing him to fill her slowly, stretching her slippery walls as they swallowed him in an almost agonizing way. Now fully connected she put her hands up to his face and kissed him lightly. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

He placed his hands on her sides, just above her hips and guided her as she moved slowly over him, adjusting to his size, so tight around him that he was afraid he wasn't going to last very long, the feeling of something that wet and tight sliding up and down his dick about to drive him crazy. She was concentrating, making sure to hit the right spot every time she pushed down onto him, another orgasm building. He felt her growing tighter around him and then finally clench as she stopped, held his head to her bosom and came again. He was certain this had to be the most pleasurable pain he'd ever experienced, wondering if he dared to move if she'd break him in half the grip she had on him easily the tightest fit he'd ever experienced.

He lifted her off of him and laid her back on the seat, positioned himself between her legs and pushed back into her, slowly. She opened up wider to accommodate him, the fit so tight and so good she had to verbalize just how tight and good, making him groan and begin to move in and out of her, slowly, taking his time, making it last. She came again, and began to cry, the feeling of him inside of her, pushing so slowly and deeply and with so much caring and understanding it began to overwhelm her. He kissed her tears away and then closed his mouth over hers, kissing her as deeply and slowly as he was making love to her. His release was close. He closed his eyes and brought his mouth to her ear.

"You are the sweetest, sexiest, most desirable woman I've ever known." He said softly and let go, coming inside her hard, feeling her start to clench again and providing a couple of soft strokes to get her there, the feel of his juices releasing and him pushing slowly into her bringing her to the edge and over again.

She cried out, digging her nails into his shoulders so hard he was sure she drew blood. She gyrated her hips into his, riding out the orgasm and then they kissed, long and hard, neither wanting to separate, both wanting to go at it again. He finally softened and pulled out of her, giving her one last kiss before he sat up. He looked out the window and then at his watch. He handed her clothes to her and began dressing himself.

They dressed without speaking, both stealing glances at one another and smiling, but not nervous smiles, they were smiles of happiness and of anticipation of what the rest of the night would bring. The limousine stopped and they waited for the driver to open the door. Jack stepped out first and then reached into take Kate's hand, supporting her as she stepped out of the car. They were standing in front of a beautiful, rich looking hotel. Jack pulled out his wallet and stuffed a large wad of money into the driver's hand. The driver thanked him, got back in the car and drove away.

"Jack, where are we?" Kate asked.

"We're home, well at least it will be home for the next two days." Jack told her.

"What about our other hotel rooms?" Kate asked.

"It's all been taken care of Kate. The concierges retrieved our things and brought them here." Jack told her.

"Pretty sure of yourself Jack aren't you? How do you know I want to spend the night with you?" Kate asked.

"I don't. I have two suites reserved. I just wanted us to have some place better, more private to enjoy the rest of our stay in." Jack told her.

"But, what if I want to spend the night with you?" Kate asked making him chuckle.

"Then I guess we'll only need one suite." Jack answered.

Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

"I think we'll only need one suite." She whispered in his ear and then kissed him.

He pulled out of the kiss and smiled at her, then he took hold of her hand led her into the hotel.


	4. Chapter 4

He was motionless, his face buried in the pillow beside her head, his body covered with sweat and his breathing labored. She could feel him, still buried deep within her, his heart beating so fast it seemed like she could hear it. She let her legs relax from their position wrapped tightly around him, allowing them to slowly glide along the outer edges of his hips and thighs and onto the mattress. She rubbed her hands over his back, gently, soothingly. After a couple of minutes he lifted his head and kissed her before moving off of her, rolling onto his back and declaring himself spent.

Kate lay quiet and motionless for a little while. She finally slipped out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom, the room dark except for the light coming from the television. She returned wearing a t-shirt and panties and slipped back into bed. She felt him reach over and touch her stomach. He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at her. He caressed the nipple on her left breast through the shirt until it was hard and then slid his hand down to her side, stilling it there.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm just ready to call it a night Jack, I'm exhausted and probably won't be able to walk tomorrow." Kate said her tone moody and dangerous.

"Are you trying to tell me I was too rough?" Jack asked taking offense to the idea that he'd pounded on her so long and hard he'd hurt her.

"You were fine Jack, EVERY TIME." Kate sighed, the emphasis on the final two words not lost on him.

"What's going on Kate? You make it sound like you weren't a willing participant EVERY TIME." Jack asked.

"Nothing is going on! I'm tired and I want to go sleep. Do you really need to fuck me again Jack or can we please just go to sleep?" Kate yelled.

"No problem. Goodnight Kate." Jack said, obviously confused and a little hurt by behavior.

Jack slipped out of bed, grabbed his clothes and entered the bathroom. He resurfaced fully dressed and sat in the chair to put his shoes on.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked.

"Does it matter?" Jack asked.

"I'm sorry Jack." Kate said her voice starting to crack a little.

"I'm sorry too Kate." Jack said as he stood up.

He looked at her for a moment, sighed heavily and left the room. Kate curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep, knowing she'd hurt him, but not in the mood to explain why she was feeling angry enough to lash out at him, especially since she really wasn't sure herself.

Kate woke the next morning to the sound of water running in the bathroom. She looked around the room. There was a pillow and blanket on the couch of the suite. Jack had obviously come back sometime during the night and slept on the couch. She heard the water shut off and jumped a little when the door opened and he walked out wearing nothing but a bath towel around his waist.

"Relax Kate, I have no desire to fuck you again. I just need to get dressed and I'll be out of your way." Jack told her, his tone cold and unfeeling.

"Jack, please, I'm sorry." Kate pleaded.

"Yeah, I know, you told me that last night. Don't worry about it Kate. It was just sex right? You've been begging me to fuck you since we met and I did and now you're done with me. I get it." Jack said his voice dripping with anger and sarcasm.

"Don't talk about me like I'm a whore Jack, it wasn't like that." Kate shot back.

"Yeah, well from where I'm standing that's exactly what it feels like Kate, but my father did hire you to be my escort so it's all good. I'll leave you cab fare for the luncheon." Jack told her.

"I don't think I'll be going to the luncheon." Kate said.

"Personally, I could care less, but if you want my father to pay you, not showing up for one of the two things he's paying you to show up for isn't the best way to accomplish that." Jack said.

Kate started to respond when her cell phone began to ring. She answered it and he watched her closely and listened to her side of the conversation.

"How high is his fever?" Kate asked.

"No, that's too high. Um, take him to the emergency room and I'll see if I can get a flight out of here." Kate said.

Her conversation snapped Jack out of self pity/anger mode and back into Kate's reality. Her terminally ill child was running a high fever and she was too far away from him to help him. He immediately went from offended, hurt lover to compassionate doctor/friend.

"How long will it take them to get him to the hospital Kate?" Jack asked.

"Just a minute…….what Jack?" Kate asked.

"How long will it take whoever has your son to get him to the hospital?" Jack asked again

"About 25 minutes, why?" Kate replied.

"Give me a second." Jack said and punched a few buttons on his cell phone.

Kate listened to him discuss TJ's situation with someone for a few minutes and then close his phone.

"Jack what are you doing?" Kate asked.

"Tell them when they get to the ER to ask for Dr. Greg Lucas. If we leave right now we can be there in 5 hours. You're never going to arrange a flight in that amount of time so don't argue with me." Jack ordered.

Kate was shocked at how quickly he'd gone from being mad enough to toss her out on her ear to compassionate enough to make sure he got her home to her sick child. She owed him such an enormous apology, his actions the day before obviously done with nothing but good intentions, his kindness, gentleness and the caring, passionate way he made love to her genuine.

They dressed and packed in silence, an uncomfortable silence that was bordering on painful. He checked them out, gave the valet his ticket and they sat on a bench outside waiting for his car to be pulled around.

"How'd you get your car here?" Kate asked.

"I went and got it last night when I left the room." Jack answered.

"I figured you left in search of alcohol." Kate said.

"Don't flatter yourself." Jack replied sarcastically.

"I'm going to catch a cab to the airport, try to catch a flight out." Kate said as she stood and grabbed her bag.

Jack stood and grabbed her arm, holding firmly enough to keep her from getting away from him. He grabbed the bag away from her and handed it to the valet. He led Kate to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her.

"Get in." Jack ordered.

"No, I'm not going to spend the next 5 hours trapped in a car with someone that hates me." Kate resisted.

"I don't hate you, now get in the car and try to focus on getting to your son instead of how much we don't want to be around each other." Jack told her his voice calm, but serious enough to convince her that her not riding back to LA with him wasn't going to be an option.

As soon as she was seated in the car he closed the door, tipped the valet and climbed into the driver's seat. He pulled away from the hotel and headed toward the freeway. They traveled through the city for about 15 minutes and he exited the freeway.

"What are you doing?" Kate asked.

"I need to fill up." Jack answered and pulled into a large convenience store with gas pumps in front of it.

He filled the car with gas and then pulled the car up to the front of the store.

"Now what?" Kate asked.

"I don't function well without coffee. Want anything?" He asked.

"No." Kate answered.

Jack entered the store and came back out a few minutes later with a sack and two coffees. He set the coffees on top of the car, opened the door and handed Kate the sack. He grabbed the coffees and seated himself back in the driver's seat. He put the two coffees in the cup holders in the console and put his seatbelt on.

"I didn't know how you liked it so there is cream and sugar in the bag. There's also a couple of breakfast burritos, some of those little chocolate donuts and a couple of bottles of water in the bag." He said and began backing the car out.

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry." Kate mumbled.

"Bullshit. You haven't eaten anything since we shared a cotton candy yesterday afternoon so eat." Jack pressed.

"Are you going to force me to eat and drink now Jack? You forgot to ask me if I needed to go to the bathroom before we left." Kate snapped at him.

"It's a long drive Kate and I know you aren't going to want me to stop. You aren't going to be of any use to your son if you're dehydrated and weak from hunger so how about you just stop acting like a child and take care of yourself." Jack told her in a flat, no nonsense tone.

They drove in silence for about 45 minutes. She ate the breakfast burrito he bought her and was actually grateful because she really was bordering on starving. She sipped her coffee and looked at him. He was staring straight ahead, sunglasses not allowing her to read his eyes. He could feel her staring at him and looked over at her.

"What?" He asked.

"You're going to miss the luncheon." She said.

"I'm going to miss the awards dinner too." He mumbled.

Before she could speak his cell phone began ringing. He looked at it, saw it was Greg and answered it.

"Tell me something good Greg." Jack said.

"I don't know yet Jack. He's pretty sick. He wants his mom, is crying for her. I can't settle him down enough to examine him. Is she handy?" Greg asked.

"Yeah, I'll put her on." Jack said and handed the phone to Kate.

"Who?" Kate asked.

"Your so…..TJ is upset, asking for you. Do you think you can calm him down?" Jack asked.

Kate took the phone from Jack, composed herself and spoke softly and gently. Jack focused on the road and listened to her side of the conversation.

"TJ it's mommy."

"I know baby, mommy is coming. I'll be there as fast as I can."

"It's okay honey, don't cry. The doctor isn't going to hurt you, he wants to help you."

"Don't be afraid, mommy will be there very soon and I have a present for you. I love you baby and I need to hang up now, can you give the phone back to the doctor." Kate said, no longer able to compose herself.

She handed the phone back to Jack and fought her tears, fought the pain the large lump in throat was causing, fought the feeling of not being able to breathe. Jack was trying to watch the road, listen to the doctor and keep an eye on Kate who in his professional opinion was having a pretty severe anxiety attack on top of being emotionally spent. He closed the phone, dropped it in the console and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Kate you need to take some deep breaths." He coaxed in a calm, gentle voice.

"Pull the car over Jack." Kate screamed.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Now Jack! I'm going to be sick!" Kate yelled.

Jack barely got the car stopped before she jumped out and ran toward the grass on the side of the highway. He exited the car and went to her, holding onto her with one arm and holding her hair back with his free hand. When he was sure she was finished he helped her sit back and ran to the car. He grabbed a bottle of the water, looked around, popped the trunk, grabbed a clean t-shirt out of his luggage and went back to her.

He poured some of the water over the t-shirt and wiped her face and mouth with it and finally convinced her to take a sip of the water. He picked her up and carried her back to the car, setting her in the seat sideways, legs hanging out of the car. He squatted down in front of her and took a long hard look at her. Her cheeks were tear-streaked, eyes swollen from too much crying and too little sleep, her facial features weary from worry. She placed her hands on his shoulders and then let one glide along the side of his face, along the jaw line before allowing a fresh river of tears to flow.

"I am so sorry Jack. I didn't mean to…I mean it was so spec……you are so sweet, you went to so much trouble to make everything special and I know that, I promise your efforts didn't go unnoticed. The last two days and last night have been so wonderful and I don't know why I……I'm just so. It's not you Jack. It's me. I'm a mess. I'm so scared and confused right now and I don't, I can't do this." Kate sobbed.

Jack pulled her into him and hugged her, rubbing his hand over her back and talking softly to her.

"It's okay and I'm sorry I got so angry, but you pushing me away isn't going to work Kate. I know we've only known each other for two days, and I'm not going to profess my undying love for you after just two days, but there is something going on here, something good and if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel it too then we can go our separate ways once we get back to Los Angeles." Jack said.

"It's not that simple Jack." Kate said as she pulled away from him.

"Why do women always say that? It's either complicated or not that simple. It is that simple Kate. I like you and you like me and I know you have this enormous responsibility that is your only priority and I don't want to distract you from your son." Jack said.

"Then what do you want Jack?" Kate asked.

"I want you to trust me Kate and not shut me out because you're scared. I want you to talk to me and tell me what happened last night. That's all I want right now Kate and maybe later you'll let me in, maybe even lean on me a little if it helps." Jack said.

"Okay." Kate said softly.

Jack helped her slide the rest of the way into the car and closed her door. He got back into the car and they continued to their drive back to Los Angeles. Kate tilted her seat back and was asleep 10 minutes after the got back on the road. Jack would steal glances at her occasionally. She looked so sweet and beautiful, the sunlight coming through the window, making her face and hair almost glow.

He thought back to the night they had shared. Making love in the limousine hadn't been in his plans, but the moment presented itself and he didn't want to deny his feelings any longer. That she so got a little scared and nervous during the foreplay made her that much more desirable to him, not that her being eager and jumping him wouldn't have been acceptable in his mind, but the trepidation more of a turn-on because that meant what was about to happen was meaningful to her, maybe as meaningful as it was to him.

He'd tried to treat her to a decent meal in the hotel restaurant, but she claimed she wasn't hungry, so they had gone to their room and began tearing at each other's clothes before they managed to get the door shut all the way. They didn't even make it to the bed, the sexual hunger taking over and him lifting her up, holding her against the wall and pushing himself inside her quickly, both of them moaning and groaning, seeking relief and realizing this wouldn't last long as he thrust himself in and out of her, making her cry out after just a few thrusts and then a few more before he too let go. Had he been too rough?

He carried her from the wall to the bed, staying inside of her, kissing her, pulling at her clothes, trying to get to her breasts, wanting and needing to suck on her nipples, finally ripping the dress and the bra to get them out of his way and feeling her flood him with intense heat and moisture at the act, a feeling that would've made him come if hadn't just filled her with his seed a few minutes earlier. He remembered talking to her, telling her how special she was, how being inside of her felt and she replied by describing what he felt like inside of her and then she whispered naughty, descriptive things into his ear and smiled as she felt him stiffen inside her. She had wanted it too, hadn't she?

She was so wet and hot and urging him on and before long he was up, arms flexed pushing himself in and out of her again, making her moan and pant and eventually squeal and clench around him. God she was so beautiful and the way she said his name while gazing into his eyes had led him to believe she was as into what was happening as he was. Had he read her wrong?

They ended up with her on top of him, sitting in his lap, their faces just inches apart as he slowly thrust himself into her. They shared wet, sloppy kisses and she encouraged him with explicit details of her anatomy until he stiffened and filled her loin once again, the warm liquid seeping back out and over the area where they were connected, neither feeling the need to move, or separate, content to hold onto each other until they were ready to go again. Wasn't she as into it as he was? Had he really misread all the signs?

They made love four times, once in the limousine and three times in the room. He had to stop after the third time and catch his breath, allow his body to recharge for at least an hour before attempting any more sex. She'd been so receptive and eager and willing and he was confused how they went from two people making love to him just fucking her so quickly. He knew when she came out of the bathroom she was ticking, he just didn't know why. He thought about leaving her alone, allowing her to just stew, but decided that if he was going to have any hope of pursuing anything with her he had to speak up and make her talk to him, otherwise she'd just shut him out and move on and leave him wondering about what could've been.

He'd like to say he regretted it, but he didn't, feeling like Kate was fairly unstable emotionally and the eventual loss of her child would only make her more so and that she needed something stable to counteract all of it. He cared an awful lot, probably too much, about this woman to think about her facing the next few months alone and he pushed, maybe harder than he should've. She was in snake mode while lying in that bed, the fact that she'd dressed telling him she didn't want him to touch her, but he kept on and like a snake that was recoiling in fear she struck and landed hard, the venom entering his veins and hurting him more than he should've allowed it too.

He understood all of this, yet he still made her work for it and made her apologize and he knew he was in deep because normally he wouldn't have cared, wouldn't have stuck with it, but as he drove across the freeway and watched her sleep, knowing the incredibly deep shit he was going to be in with his father and the hospital he felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility to actively pursue whatever was happening between them. He knew he had to be the strong one, the fighter, the one that cared because all of her strength, fight and caring would be channeled into being there for her son, the idea of what she was facing putting a large lump in his throat.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack continued his drive to Los Angeles, switching his phone to silent mode hoping Kate would sleep for awhile. Greg called him nearly 2 hours into the drive to tell him he was running tests, but that the boy was resting quietly. He allowed the phone conversation to distract him and found himself drifting left of center, correcting quickly and dropping the phone in the process. The sound of the phone hitting the gear shift and then landing at Kate's feet making her stir and then finally wake up.

Kate sat up and looked around, still sleepy and confused. Jack decided she looked pretty cute and smiled lightly.

"I'm sorry, I guess I was pretty tired. How much longer?" Kate asked.

"If the traffic doesn't back up we should be there in another couple of hours. Do you feel better?" Jack asked.

"Huh? Yeah, I guess. Who was on the phone?" Kate asked.

"That was Greg. He said he's running tests and to tell you that TJ is calm and sleeping right now." Jack told her.

"Really?" Kate asked.

"I wouldn't lie about something like that Kate. Just hang in there, I'm getting you there as fast as I can without ending up in jail." Jack said.

"I know and I appreciate it Jack. Can we stop? I'm feeling like I might be sick again." Kate said.

He looked at her and gently brushed his hand over her cheek. She wasn't running a fever and her color was good.

"Yeah, next exit. Try to settle down Kate and try to eat something, maybe just a very plain sandwich or some crackers with a soda?" Jack offered.

"Okay." Kate agreed.

They exited the freeway and pulled into another convenience store. He went ahead and topped off the gas tank and then went inside to look for her. He paced through the store, buying a couple of sodas and a few things to try to get her to eat and became concerned when she didn't come out of the bathroom. He placed his purchases on the counter and paid for them and walked back toward the bathroom. There was woman looking at a shelf of souvenir type items. He approached her and asked her if she would go into the restroom and see if his friend was okay. The woman agreed and came back out looking a little shook up.

"Sir, you better go in there. She's just lying in the floor, shaking and crying." The woman said.

Jack handed the woman his sack of groceries and entered the restroom. He took one look at her and felt like his heart might break. He squatted down beside her, pulled her into his arms and sat back against the wall with her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed.

"I'm a bad mother." She cried.

"Why would you say that?" He asked.

"Because, while my baby was getting sick I was in a hotel room screwing some guy I've only known for two days and that's not the worst part." Kate said.

He didn't even consider being offended. She was obviously too distraught to be rational so he just held her and went along with it.

"What's the worst part?" He asked.

"I liked it." Kate cried and things began to become clearer to Jack.

"That's right and you're not supposed to enjoy things or make time for yourself or allow yourself to be happy if only for a few hours. Right?" Jack said in a soft, soothing tone that suggested he understood.

"How can I when my little boy has never been allowed those things? I'm awful Jack. I laid beside you in bed feeling things I haven't felt in a long time, maybe ever and for a moment I wished I could just stay there forever. What kind of person considers leaving their sick child behind even for a moment?" Kate asked as she began to relax in his arms, her shaking almost completely stopped.

"Is that why you were so upset?" Jack asked and when she didn't answer, held her tighter and continued on.

"Of course that's why you were so upset. Kate, it's okay for you to get tired once in awhile, to need a break, to feel overwhelmed and ready to run away. It doesn't make you a horrible person, it makes you human. You're probably thinking those are just clichés and that it really pisses you off that this stupid son-of-a-bitch thinks he can sit here and pretend to understand what you're going through, but that's okay because you need to allow yourself to feel even if that means feeling like punching me in the stomach because you're going to lose your mind if you continue to keep so much bottled up." Jack told her.

They sat quietly for a few moments. She finally sat up, wiped the tears from her face and looked at him.

"I was thinking more along the lines of the mouth." Kate said.

"What?" Jack asked in a confused tone.

"Punching you, I felt like punching you in the mouth for offering up that cliché." Kate told him making him laugh.

"Are you okay enough to get out of here and back on the road?" He asked.

"Yeah." She said.

He lifted her off of him, stood and pulled her to her feet. They walked out together and he retrieved his sack of groceries from the woman and thanked her. Once in the car and back on the road Kate opened her soda and nibbled on the peanut butter crackers he bought for her.

"Want one?" She asked holding a cracker up.

"No thanks." He said.

"You have to eat too Jack." Kate pushed.

"I'm not hungry. I didn't leave my breakfast burrito on the side of the road." Jack teased.

"Jack, I'm sorry I've been such a basket case. I swear I've never been this emotional. I don't know what's wrong with me." Kate said.

"There's nothing wrong with you and you don't need to apologize, I just wish I could do something to help." He told her.

"I still don't get it Jack." Kate puzzled.

"Get what?" Jack asked.

"I don't understand why such a great guy is alone. Do you have some freaky, scary secret that creeps women out or something? You don't like to dress up in women's clothes or spend hours surfing through porn on the internet while you jerk off do you?" Kate asked making him chuckle.

"You've busted me, but just so you know I like to wear the women's clothes while I'm jerking off." Jack teased making her laugh.

"That's a pretty frightening mental image Jack." She said and smiled at him.

"I'm flattered that you think I'm a great guy Kate, but like I told you before, my mistress ruins my relationships." Jack said.

"Maybe, or maybe you just like to blame the failures on your mistress. Sometimes it's easier to do that than pointing the finger at the man in the mirror." Kate suggested.

"So I'm a relationship saboteur?" Jack asked in an amused tone.

"I don't know, but maybe we're about to figure that out." Kate said.

"Does that mean we aren't going to go our separate ways when we get to LA?" Jack asked.

"I enjoy your company, you're gorgeous, a great kisser and what can I say about the sex, except 'wow'." Kate told him.

"You were pretty wow yourself." He said sweetly and took hold of her hand.

"Seriously Jack, you're sweet and kind and didn't leave me by the side of the road even though I deserved to be left. No matter what happens between us, I'll never forget the last few days and everything you've done for me." Kate said sweetly as she leaned over and kissed him.

"Another hour and we'll be there." Jack said.

"Are you going to be in a lot of trouble for leaving your medical thing?" Kate asked.

"Not a lot of trouble. The hospital will understand when I explain. My father would never understand so I won't bother trying to explain to him. He can just add it to the long list of things about his son he finds disappointing." Jack said sarcastically.

"You and your father, you aren't that much alike." Kate commented.

"You think?" Jack laughed.

They arrived in Los Angeles in just under 5 hours. Jack was certain he'd never made the trip between the two cities that quickly and wondered how he managed to pull it off without getting several speeding tickets. He pulled into the hospital parking area into his reserved parking space. Kate was eager to get inside and became inpatient with him when he took too long gathering his wallet and his phone along with his thoughts before getting out of the car.

He ignored her aggravation with him, stepped out of the car, put his arm around her waist and walked into the hospital with her. They rode the elevator to the 2nd floor and exited. They approached the nurses station and Jack looked thoughtfully at the young brunette giving him a look of surprise.

"Aren't you supposed to be in San Francisco Dr. Shephard?" She asked.

"Long story Kim. Do you have the chart on TJ Austen?" Jack asked.

"No, Dr. Lucas has it. He's in with him right now. Room 2210." The nurse answered.

"Thanks Kim." Jack said and escorted Kate down the hall to TJ's room.

They entered the room to find it eerily quiet. Dr. Lucas was standing beside the bed writing in the chart and TJ was asleep, oxygen tubes under his nose. Jack cleared his throat to get the doctor's attention. The doctor who looked to be even younger than Jack approached them, shook Jack's hand and then held his hand out for Kate to shake.

"Ms. Austen, I'm Greg Lucas. We've met before I think." Greg said.

"Yeah, you came to check on him a few times the last time he had surgery." Kate answered.

"Since he's resting right now, I'd like to go down the hall to my office and talk to you for a few minutes." Greg said noticing that Kate stepped back and took hold of Jack's hand.

"Can he come too?" Kate asked her voice shaky.

"Of course." Greg said somewhat relieved that she wasn't going to have to hear his news alone.

Jack had been a physician long enough to recognize when a doctor was about to deliver bad news to family members. He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand in a reassuring manner as they followed Greg to his office. Once everyone was seated, Greg leaned forward, hands folded and sighed heavily.

"TJ's got an infection in his right lung, that's what spiked his fever. We've got him on antibiotics and we gave him something for pain." Greg told her.

"He's in pain?" Kate asked.

"Ms. Austen…………" Greg started.

"Kate, please call me Kate." Kate said.

"Kate, I'm assuming you're aware of how ill your son is, but after studying his file I'm guessing you believed he had more time before things got really bad. The cancer is spreading faster than I think anyone could've anticipated. His left lung is full of tumors as is his abdomen. His pain is manageable right now, but in my professional opinion, it won't be much longer without hospitalization." Greg said.

"No, they told me he had months and it's only been a few weeks. I want a 2nd opinion." Kate argued.

"Kate, I'll be happy to do that for you, but I promise you that it's only going to mean putting your son through another battery of painful tests and the results are going to be the same." Greg said.

Kate couldn't speak, the moment she'd thought about and played out in her head hundreds of times was finally real and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't process the information, couldn't accept it, wouldn't accept it.

"No! He was fine three days ago. He was happy, playing and pain free. It's not supposed to be this way, not this quick. I'm not ready. Please, can't you do something?" Kate pleaded as a few tears escaped down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Kate, I wish…" Greg tried to explain but was cut off by her.

"No! I'm not going to listen to this! You're wrong! He has to see snow! I promised him he would see snow! You're wrong. I'm going to go see my son now." Kate yelled and went to the door.

Jack started to go after her, but Greg shook his head no and motioned for him to let her go. Jack relaxed back into the chair and ran his hands through his hair.

"Give her a few minutes Jack, time to wrap her mind around what is happening and then if you're her friend be there for her." Greg said.

"How long does he have Greg?" Jack asked.

"He could die today or he could hang on another month." Greg said.

"Jesus man, how do you do this every day?" Jack groaned, leaning forward and putting his face into his hands.

"I guess because for every one TJ there are five that beat it." Greg said.

"The kid has to see snow Greg." Jack said.

"It's not going to happen Jack, he's too far gone, needs constant attention, needs pain medication administered. His breathing is becoming an issue and flying is out of the question." Greg objected.

"I can monitor him, his breathing, his oxygen, his pain medication. We'll find snow that is within driving distance." Jack argued.

"Are you in love with this kids' mother Jack because you're not being rational. His lung capacity is at about 60 percent and you want to take him to an altitude that makes breathing difficult? Why not just put a pillow over his face?" Greg asked sarcastically.

"It would probably be more humane than pumping him full of morphine and watching the cancer consume him." Jack shot back.

"Jack I obviously can't keep you and his mother from taking him out of the hospital on some crazy adventure to fulfill the dying wishes of a four year old, but I am strongly recommending that you not do it. You're a doctor Jack, you know better." Greg said in a calmer tone not wanting to get into a battle of wills with a guy who had a reputation for being as stubborn as a mule.

"Does TJ understand what's happening to him?" Jack asked.

"Kids that young typically have no concept of life and death. He just knows his tummy hurts and that he wants his mother and a lot of times mom or dad is a better pain killer than any drug I can offer." Greg answered.

"Okay and thanks for everything Greg." Jack said and left the room.

Jack walked slowly back to TJ's room thinking briefly about just walking past it and right out of the hospital. This was unreal to him. This woman he didn't know three days ago was now consuming all of his thoughts and the idea of the emotional pain she was being forced to endure was ripping his guts out. He entered TJ's room and found her sitting in the corner of the room in a chair, legs pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them and chin resting on her knees. She was watching TJ and slowly rocking back and forth. He approached the chair and squatted beside it, placing his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Kate, are you okay?" He asked.

"He won't wake up Jack. What if he never wakes up?. What if I never to get to say goodbye to my son because I was riding roller coasters, drinking champagne and screwing in a limousine instead of being here with him?" Kate mumbled.

"He'll wake up Kate. He's heavily medicated right now, but he'll wake up and he'll be so happy to see you. Did you bring his present with you or is it still in the car?" Jack asked.

"His present sucks Jack. I bought him mittens and a scarf for when we go to see snow. He's not going to see snow Jack. He's never going to leave this room." Kate said, choking on her emotions, tears streaming down her face.

He moved around in front of her, still squatting down to her eye level. He put his hands on either side of her folded up legs and forced her to look at him.

"You don't have to go through this alone Kate. I'm here for you." Jack said.

"I can't do this Jack. I can't watch him die. I can't plan a funeral. When I think about it, I feel like I can't breathe. I'm supposed to be strong for him. If he sees me like this it will scare him. Help me find my strength Jack." Kate cried.

"Listen to me Kate, you are going to be there for him. You think you won't, but you will. As soon as you see his face or hear his voice that switch that parents seem to have built in will turn on and all the things that scare you, that hurt so much they take your breath away will be pushed to the back." Jack told her, his voice calm and soothing to her.

"How do you know I won't fall apart?" Kate asked.

"I've seen enough of you to recognize a fiercely strong and independent woman and I've seen that magic switch parents have in action. Parents will completely fall apart anywhere, but in front of their children and I know as soon as he cries out, the same will be true for you." Jack replied.

"I promised him a present Jack." Kate mumbled.

"I'll go down to the gift shop. What does he like?" Jack asked.

Kate looked at him and placed her hand on the side of his face.

"You are the kindest person I've ever met." Kate said.

"Yeah, well you're the only person I've ever met that could manage to make me laugh and smile constantly so what about that gift?" Jack asked again.

"He likes to color and he likes those little cars." Kate sniffed.

Jack left the room and returned about 20 minutes later with a bag and a teddy bear. Kate was still sitting in the chair watching TJ sleep, but wasn't rocking anymore which made him feel like the shock she was suffering from was starting to stabilize a little. She looked up at him and forced a weak smile.

Jack grabbed another chair and positioned it beside hers. He pulled coloring books, crayons and a fire truck out of the bag. Kate smiled at him.

"He loves fire trucks. How'd you know?" Kate asked.

"Most boys his age do." Jack said.

"How would you know that?" Kate asked.

"Well Kate, I was a boy once." Jack said.

"He'll like the bear too." Kate said.

"The bear is for you." Jack said.

"For me?" Kate puzzled.

"The days ahead are going to be difficult. I thought you could use something to hold onto when it feels like it's too much and I'm not around." Jack said with a shy smile.

"So you're going back to San Francisco?" Kate asked.

"No, but this is a very private and personal thing for you and I'm always a phone call away, but I'm not going to intrude as long as you promise to call me day or night no matter what. I'm giving you your space Kate." Jack said.

"I appreciate that, but you don't have to make yourself a stranger." Kate said.

"I'll be here as much as you need and want me to be." Jack said.

Kate started to respond when she heard TJ cry out. She leaped from her chair and ran to the side of his bed. Jack walked toward the bed, stopping at the foot of it and observing. The sleepy child looked confused for a moment and then a smile spread across his face.

"Hi mommy." He said.

"Hi baby, how are you feeling?" Kate said as she leaned in and kissed and hugged him.

"My tummy hurts bad." TJ said.

Kate looked at Jack. Jack moved closer to the bed.

"Hi TJ, my name is Jack. Can you show me where your tummy hurts?" Jack asked.

The child pointed at his lower abdomen.

"Tell me if this hurts." Jack said as he gently pressed on the boy's lower abdomen.

"No, but I think I have to throw up." TJ said just before he began throwing up, choking on it because he was too weak to sit up.

Jack quickly turned the little boy onto his side and tilted his head so he could cough up the vomit. He reached down and pushed the button for a nurse.

"I think that was just a good old-fashioned stomach ache, probably a reaction to the pain medicine." Jack said.

Kate watched him, amazed at how calm he was and not the least bit uptight about the fact that his hands and forearms were covered in vomit.

"Does your tummy feel better now sweetie?" Kate asked as she began wiping his face and neck with a wet washcloth.

"Yes mommy it's better now." TJ said.

Jack watched the nurses clean up the mess, help Kate put clean pajamas on TJ and get him settled back into his bed. He sat in the corner of the room and watched him play with his fire truck and happily accepted the picture he colored for him, while Kate sat in his bed with him the entire time, unwilling to leave his side and miss the moments of his life that were left. He'd tried to excuse himself at one point, but Kate gave him a disappointed look that forced him to stay. Jack had no idea how long he sat in the chair and intruded on their private world, but at some point TJ had gone back to sleep and Kate, curled up beside him had also gone to sleep. He retrieved a blanket, gently placed it over Kate, kissed her on the cheek and left the room.

Jack walked out of the hospital pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. He'd felt it vibrating against his leg numerous times, but chose to ignore it. He looked at the list of calls and all of them were from his father. He proceeded to delete all of them before pulling up his phone list, scanning through the names and selecting one. He climbed into the driver's seat of his car and waited for an answer.

"Hey, it's Jack. Is it okay if I come by?"

"Okay, I'll be there in 20."

Jack flipped the phone shut and shoved it back into his pocket. He made the 20 minute drive to an upper middle class neighborhood, pulled into a driveway of a two story home, got out of the car and walked up to the front porch. He rang the doorbell and waited. A woman answered the door.

"Hey Jenna, thanks for letting me come by. I hope it's not too late." Jack said as he entered the home and watched her shut the door behind him.

"I thought you were in San Francisco this weekend." She said.

"I was, but I came back early." Jack said as glanced across the room a big smile spreading across his face.

"Daddy!" A young boy about five or six squealed.

"Hey buddy, come give your dad a hug." Jack said squatting down, arms open, ready to embrace the child.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thanks to all of you for the enthusiastic reviews and I thoroughly enjoyed your reactions to the end of the last chapter. Here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for reading!**_

The child ran to Jack and wrapped his arms around his neck. Jack stood, holding the boy tight to his chest, returning the hug with so much intensity the two adults watching the scene could tell something was eating at him. Jack always showed his son affection, but it was rare that the child had to ask his dad not to squeeze so tight.

"Is everything okay Jack?" Jenna asked.

"Yeah, it's just been a rough couple of days." Jack said as he sat down in one of the living room chairs with his son.

"You're not supposed to be back for one more day." The child said.

"They let me come home early Conner." Jack told him.

"Did you bring me a present?" Conner asked.

"I don't know, were you good for Aunt Jenna and Uncle Mike?" Jack asked.

"Was I good Aunt Jenna?" Conner asked.

"Yes you were. Why don't you go play with Sam and Rachel and let me talk to your dad for a minute." Jenna said.

"But I want my present." Conner whined.

"It's in the car sport. I'll go get it in a minute. Okay?" Jack said.

"Please daddy, I can't wait." Conner continued to whine.

"Okay, come on let's go get it." Jack said as he stood with the child.

"Jack." Jenna protested.

"Jenna, it's fine. I'll be right back." Jack told her.

Jack carried the child outside and they returned a few minutes later, Conner excitedly clutching a toy trolley car and trying to squirm out of his father's clutches. Jack set him down and watched him run up the stairs shouting about the lights and bells on his new toy. He sauntered back into the living room and sat down.

"You spoil him rotten Jack." Jenna accused in a disapproving tone.

"It's just a toy Jenna." Jack argued.

"He'd rather have your time Jack." Jenna remarked.

"Can we not do this tonight?" Jack sighed.

"You have a beautiful, intelligent five year old son Jack that needs to be a priority in your life." Jenna scolded.

"Don't go there. I love my son Jenna and I'm doing the best that I can." Jack defended himself.

"Are you? Do you think my sister would think this is the best you can do?" Jenna asked.

"What do you want from me? Oh no wait, I know what you want, you want to take my son away from me." Jack accused.

"Jack, we don't want to take Conner away from you, we just think he would be happier with us." Jenna said.

"How is my son living in fucking Ohio without his dad going to make him happy?" Jack spat.

"Don't use that language in my home Jack." Jenna ordered.

"Look Jenna, I appreciate all you've done for Conner and me, but he is my son and maybe I'm not super dad like Mike over there, but I love him and I make sure I tell him that every day even if I have to wake him up to do so and he loves me and it's going to be tough on him not being able to come over here every day while I'm working, but we'll manage. We can't manage without each other though and I can't believe you would think I would even consider letting you guys have him." Jack explained.

"We were just thinking about Conner and allowing him to have a normal, stable family life." Jenna said.

"You mean your idea of a normal, stable family life. Conner and I are a family. He's happy to spend time with you and your family Jenna, but do you really believe he would be happier without me in his life?" Jack asked incredulously.

"Of course not Jack, you're everything to him, but what kids think makes them happy and what is best for them are often two different things. He's all I have left of my sister Jack and she wouldn't want him to be so lonely because his dad loves his job more than his son." Jenna said.

"Jenna, that's pretty unfair." Mike finally chimed in.

"You're wrong Jenna. Emily got me, she never measured my feelings for her based on how many hours a day I gave her, but how I chose to spend the time I did have with her. Conner is all I've got left of her too and I might not have as much time as other dads, but the time I do have I'm focused on him." Jack said.

"So that's it? You're mind is completely closed to the idea?" Jenna asked.

"Completely. Look Jenna, I know that there is always going to be a part of you that blames me for what happened to Emily and that's okay because there isn't a day that goes by that I don't blame myself, but please believe that I loved her more than anything and that Conner is a result of that love and him not being a part of my life isn't an option. Please don't mistake my being busy for being indifferent." Jack pleaded with her.

"Will you let him come to visit some time?" Jenna asked.

"Of course and I do appreciate that you and Mike wanted to make him a part of your family and take him with you when you move." Jack said.

"I'm sorry Jack. You know I love you. I just don't want you to wake up one day and realize your son grew up and you missed it." Jenna said.

"You aren't going to love me when I ask if you can go ahead and keep him for me another couple of days." Jack said.

Jenna looked at him and sighed. She loved her brother-in-law dearly, but she didn't understand him or the crazy work hours he kept, but Emily did, swearing his passion for his work was one of the things about him she loved the most.

"Of course he can stay." Jenna said.

"Thanks, I'm going to go get him ready for bed, tuck him before I go." Jack said.

Jack climbed the stairs in search of his son. He found him and against much protest finally managed to get his pajamas on him and into the bed he always slept in when he stayed over, which was more than Jack liked to admit. Jack kissed him on the cheek, told him he loved him and started to leave the room.

"Daddy, will you please stay with me until I go to sleep?" Conner asked.

Jack's mind quickly flashed back to the hospital, to Kate clinging to the last moments she would be allowed to spend with TJ and he didn't hesitate. He walked back over to the bed and lay down beside Conner.

"Daddy why are you leaving again?" Conner asked.

"There is something I need to take care of, but I promise when I get back I will take a couple of days off and we'll just hang out." Jack said.

"I have school." Conner said.

"Just for half a day. We'll get up and eat breakfast together and I'll take you to school and then I'll come back and pick you up and take you to lunch and then we'll go home and just be lazy bachelors." Jack promised.

"Can we go eat at the place with all the games and prizes?" Conner asked.

"Sure and we can invite Sam and Rachel too if you want." Jack offered.

"No, just us dad." Conner demanded.

"You have a birthday coming up, we could go to the toy store and see what you might like to have." Jack offered.

"I want a big bike dad. You promised when I'm six I could have a big bike." Conner reminded him.

They lay silently for a few minutes. Jack thought Conner was close to drifting off to sleep when the child called out to him again.

"Daddy?" Conner said in a quizzical tone.

"Yes son." Jack replied.

"How come I don't have a mommy?" Conner asked.

"We've talked about this before Conner. You do have a mommy. Remember, I showed you pictures of her holding you when you were a baby." Jack answered.

"That mommy is in heaven dad, how come I can't have one that lives with me? Lots of kids at school have more than one mom and dad." Conner told him.

"Because I haven't met anyone yet that comes close to being good enough to be a mom that lives with you." Jack struggled trying to come up with an answer that would satisfy the child's confused and innocent mind.

"You should find us a mom." Conner told him.

"Is there a reason why you all of the sudden want a mom Conner?" Jack asked.

"If we had a mom I could stay home and you wouldn't be so sad all the time." Conner said.

"I'm not sad Conner." Jack told him.

"Yes you are. Good night daddy. I love you." Conner said through his yawns.

Jack watched the child drift off to sleep, the conversations the bright and often insightful five year old could drag him into never ceasing to amaze him. Jack let his head rest on the pillow beside his son. He finally draped his arm over Conner and allowed the sleep his body was craving to overtake him.

Jenna assumed Jack had fallen asleep with Conner and went up stairs to throw a blanket over him. She covered Jack with the blanket and watched the two of them sleep, the trusting, adorable mini version of Jack snuggled up close, his small hand resting on Jack's chest, lightly clutching a handful of his shirt and Jack's big arm wrapped around the small child, secure and delicate at the same time. As she watched them sleep she hoped that some day Jack would understand that she never wanted to separate them, but was trying to wake Jack up and realize he needed to spend more time with his son.

Jack was startled awake by the phone in his pocket vibrating. He grabbed it, saw that it was Kate and moved off the bed quickly and across the room so he could answer it.

"Kate?" Jack answered.

"Did I wake you up?" Kate said.

"Yeah, no, it's okay. What's wrong?" Jack asked.

"Nothing, I just…….are you working at the hospital today?" Kate asked.

"No, but I'm on my up there to see you. I need to run by my house real quick and then I'll be there. Can I bring you anything?" Jack asked.

"Just you." Kate answered.

They said their goodbyes. He looked at the clock on his cell phone. It was 4:35 AM. He leaned over, kissed Conner on the cheek and quietly made his way downstairs. Mike was already up, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

"Hey man, I'm gonna get out of your hair, I'll be back tomorrow sometime." Jack told him.

"Take it easy Jack." Mike said and looked back down at his newspaper.

Jack pulled into the hospital parking lot and quickly made his way up to TJ's room. Kate was sitting in the same chair he found her in the day before. He looked over at the bed to make sure the child was okay and then back at Kate. He took her hands and pulled her up to face him. She looked tired and scared. He kissed her and sat down in the chair, pulling her into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her head rest on his shoulder.

"Did he have a quiet night?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, they took his IV out. They said it would be best to give his veins a rest before he gets sicker and will need to have one constantly." Kate said and went quiet.

He could feel the light heaving in her back and chest and knew she was breaking down again. He wrapped his arms around her and held onto her, letting her cry, pushing all thoughts of Conner out of his head so he could fight his own tears. The pain Kate was experiencing was unimaginable to him. He understood grief, but his was a grief he didn't understand and hoped he never would. After a few minutes she settled down and he thought maybe she'd fallen asleep.

"Kate, are you awake?" He asked.

"Yes. I wish I wasn't. I wish I could turn my brain off but I can't. I think I may go crazy Jack." Kate said softly, sadly.

"You might for a little while, but that's okay. I'll take care of you." Jack said.

"You don't have to." Kate said.

"I know. I want to." Jack said.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"I don't know Kate. I don't have some deep poetic answer. I like you and I care about you. That's all I've got." Jack answered.

"That's enough." Kate said.

"We need to go your house and get some things for TJ." Jack said.

"What things?" Kate asked.

"Some warm clothes, boots and the scarf and mittens you bought for him." Jack said.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"My family has a cabin in the mountains, up at Big Bear. It's a pretty short drive. We're going to take him to see snow." Jack said.

"He's so sick Jack, is it safe?" Kate asked.

"Kate, have they explained to you how things may go for TJ?" Jack asked trying to be sensitive.

"What do you mean, how things may go?" Kate asked.

"If he were to stop breathing right this minute Kate would you want them to run in here with all their equipment and bring him back or would you let him go?" Jack asked.

"What kind of question is that Jack?! Of course I would want them to try to save him!" Kate replied defensively.

He'd made her so angry she was now sitting up, face to face with him, eyes angry and glaring at him. He finally coaxed her back to letting her head rest on his shoulder. He did not want to say what he was about to say and have to look her in the eyes while saying it.

"Over the course of the final stages of this illness TJ's lungs and heart are going to weaken and he will go into full arrest and they will continue to bring him back until you tell them not to Kate." Jack said slowly and as delicately as possible.

He could feel her tensing up and fighting against him, struggling with what he was telling her, with what he was suggesting her to authorize and she was angry, as angry as he expected her to be. She sat up and slapped hard at his chest.

"What the hell Jack?! You don't want be inconvenienced and let this drag out so I should just go ahead and let my child die? Let go of me!" Kate accused and struggled to get away from him.

He held onto her arms and let her fight him until she was exhausted and reduced to tears again. He pulled her back into him and wrapped his arms around her again and talked softly to her.

"I'm so sorry that you have to face decisions like this Kate. He's suffering sweetheart and you have to ask yourself if he fades away peacefully is it fair to keep bringing him back to suffer some more?" Jack explained working hard to keep his emotions in check and finding it more and more difficult.

"Oh God Jack I can't do this, please don't make me make that decision." Kate cried.

"You asked if it was safe to take him to see snow. There is no such thing as safe for TJ anymore Kate. He's dying and you have to ask yourself if he were to die while experiencing the feeling of making a snowball for the first time, while enjoying cold snow with his mom, while not surrounded by the smell of disinfectant but clean mountain air would you regret taking him there." Jack said.

"You would really do that for us?" Kate asked.

"I wish I could do more, but yes, of course." Jack said.

"You won't get into trouble?" Kate asked.

"No Kate, he's your son and how he spends his final days on this earth is your choice. Doctors will always recommend the medical choice of course, but at the end of the day it is up to you. I can monitor his oxygen and administer pain meds if he needs them. What do you say? Are you ready to make sure TJ sees snow?" Jack asked.

"Are you some kind of guardian angel Jack?" Kate asked.

"Hardly, but it would be cool if they really do exist huh?" Jack said.

Jack took Kate to her house and waited while she took a shower, unpacked her San Francisco bag and repacked it with clothes for her and TJ that would be suitable for a day and night in the mountains. They returned to the hospital by 7 AM. While Kate dressed TJ for the trip, Jack stepped out into the hall to call Greg Lucas and let him know what they were doing.

The physician in Greg didn't agree with what they doing, but the human-being understood why it was important and why it didn't matter if TJ passed away in a hospital bed or in a bed in some cabin in the mountains. Jack checked his chart to see what kind of antibiotics and what kind of pain meds they were giving him and packed a small bag with syringes and vials of the appropriate medications.

With TJ lying comfortably in the backseat on the makeshift bed they'd created with blankets and pillows they began their trek to the mountains. The distance wasn't that great, but enough for Kate to get a decent nap in. He'd given TJ a shot of pain medicine before they left so he slept the entire way as well. He stopped the car and Kate woke up.

"Why are we stopping, is TJ okay?" Kate asked panicked.

"He's fine. I'm going to run in here and get a few groceries." Jack said.

"He can't eat food Jack so I don't eat in front him." Kate said.

"Not a problem Kate, but you'll need to sneak something in before we leave tomorrow." Jack told her.

She looked at all the snow everywhere and then in the back seat at her sleeping son and then back at Jack. She put her hand on his face and kissed him.

"Thank you for this Jack. You'll never know how much this means to both of us." Kate said.

"We're going to have fun. Be quiet and try not to wake him. When we get a little higher up to where the cabin is hopefully it'll be snowing and he can actually see it falling out of the sky. I remember the first time my………..uh, my father brought me up here to see snow. I can't wait to see his face." Jack said kissing her back and then exiting the vehicle.

Jack made quick work of the country grocery store and returned to the vehicle. He drove a little further up the mountain and parked the car in front of a cozy looking mountain cabin. He handed the key to the front door to Kate and retrieved the sleeping child from the back seat. Kate opened the door and sighed. It was perfect. Wide open living room, kitchen and dining area with a big fireplace that covered an entire wall. The upstairs was open as well and she guessed that was where the bedrooms were. It was warm inside the cabin, which she found odd.

"Why is the heat on?" Kate asked.

"Because my father pays to keep it maintained year round. He used to lease it out to vacationers, but got tired of people destroying his things so it just sits empty most of the time." Jack answered.

He laid TJ on the couch and went back outside to grab their suitcases and the groceries. They settled in and waited for TJ to wake up, both hoping he would wake up feeling good enough to enjoy the snow. Jack sat down and examined the child. He pulled out his stethoscope and listened to TJ's chest. He set the oxygen tank beside the couch and put the tubes under his nose.

"What's wrong? Is he not breathing?" Kate asked.

"He's fine Kate. He just needs a little oxygen. His heart rate is strong and there's no fever. He seems to have made the trip with no ill affects." Jack said.

The short examination made him stir and eventually open his eyes. Jack smiled at him.

"Mommy." TJ said softly.

"I'm here sweetie." Kate said taking Jack's place on the couch.

"My tummy hurts." TJ said and began to cry.

Jack grabbed a large bowl from the kitchen and handed it to Kate. He sat TJ up from behind and Kate barely got the bowl down in time as the child vomited and gagged and cried until it was over. Jack handed her a wet washcloth and she wiped his face.

"Do you feel better honey?" Kate asked.

"Yes." TJ said.

Jack watched her feed him through his feeding tube and hoped the nourishment would perk him up a little. About an hour after throwing up and being fed TJ started to perk up. He sat up on the couch and asked if he could get down. They decided to jump on the opportunity and take him outside. Kate put his coat on him and his new hat and mittens.

"Where are we mommy?" TJ asked.

"We are in the mountains. Let's go outside we want to show you something." Kate said as she held his hand and allowed him to slowly walk toward the door.

As soon as he was close enough Jack opened the door and watched the little boy's face light up and witnessed his cancer ravaged body find energy it didn't have five minutes ago while Kate managed to catch the boy's initial expression with her camera.

"Snow mommy! It's snow!" TJ squealed with delight making Jack smile at how special and magical the moment was.

TJ walked out onto the porch and then past it, tilting his face up so the snow flakes could hit him and he giggled like four year olds giggle, as happy as Kate had seen him a long time. She pulled her gloves off and quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"It's good Kate, it's all good. Come on let's build a snowman." Jack encouraged her, watching her struggle between the joy and the pain of the moment hurting him in a place that was so deep it rattled him a bit, not because he was afraid, but because he hadn't felt anything that deep in over five years and had forgotten what it felt like to actually care about someone that deeply.

Jack took the boy's hands and showed him how to push the snow together and make a snowball. He then lifted the snowball and encouraged TJ to taste it. TJ put his tongue on the snowball and squealed happily.

"It's cold!" TJ exclaimed and laughed.

While Jack labored in the snow rolling the bottom ball of the snowman around making it as big as possible, Kate conspired with TJ and when he wasn't looking they both clobbered him with snowballs, much to the little boy's delight.

"You think that's funny?" Jack teased the little boy as he approached him with a giant snowball in his hand.

"No! It's too big!" TJ laughed and then fell down in the snow trying to get away from Jack.

"Jack! Don't you dare!" Kate ordered.

"Here it comes TJ, lookout." Jack teased and then crushed the snowball in his hands making the snow fall over the boy's head.

"I want a snowman!" TJ demanded.

"Well, you better get busy making his head then." Jack told him and returned to the giant ball he'd been rolling through the snow.

"Mommy, help me." TJ said.

Kate help TJ roll a small ball through the snow while Jack worked on the middle ball. Once he was ready for the head, he rolled it over and set it on top of the other two balls.

TJ clapped his hands together, excited that it was starting to look like something. Jack walked up to the porch, kicked the snow off his boots and entered the house. He came back out with a carrot, a couple of pieces of coal and a scarf.

"I'll put the scarf on TJ, but you have to do the eyes and the nose." Jack said.

"I can't reach." TJ complained.

"Here mom, take these and help him put the face on." Jack said handing the carrot and coal to Kate.

"Would you do it so I can take pictures?" Kate asked.

"You sure? I don't want to intrude on your moment." Jack said.

"You aren't intruding, you're making my little boy happier than he's ever been so go on, get busy, give that poor snowman a face." Kate insisted.

Jack picked the child up and carried him over to the snowman. He showed him where to put the coal and help him make sure the pieces of coal stayed in place and then they shoved the carrot in together laughing at how big it was.

"Okay you two, pose beside the snowman for me." Kate ordered after taking shot after shot of them putting the face on.

Jack squatted down and sat TJ on his knee. TJ leaned back into Jack grinning from ear to ear and Kate snapped the picture.

"Okay, now it's my turn to take pictures." Jack said.

He took a few pictures of TJ and Kate with the snowman and one of the two of them cheek to check with the mountain in the background.

"You feeling okay TJ? Do you want to go inside?" Jack asked.

"No, I feel good." TJ insisted making Kate smile.

Jack walked back inside the cabin and came back out with a sled.

"Jack I don't think we should…." Kate started to protest.

"It'll be fine Kate. You guys climb on and I'll pull it up the hill. You have to let him sled down the hill at least once Kate." Jack pushed.

Kate agreed and wasn't sorry she did. She sat on the sled with TJ and listen to him laugh and giggle all the way down the hill. After the first trip up the hill Kate felt safe enough to let TJ ride up the hill by himself while Jack pulled the sled. They continued to play in the snow until TJ started showing signs of fatigue and then finally ask if they could go inside.

They went back into the cabin and Jack built a fire while Kate changed herself and TJ into warm, dry clothes. The sun was going down and TJ was worn out and becoming cranky. Jack did another quick exam and could tell TJ was starting to hurt again. He injected the antibiotic and a dose of the pain medication and put him back on the oxygen. They gave him his coloring books and made the couch into a bed. He was asleep 30 minutes later.

Jack made them some sandwiches, grabbed a couple of bottles of water and joined her in front of the fire.

"Here, you need to eat. He's asleep so you don't have to feel guilty." Jack said sweetly.

They ate their sandwiches and then relaxed. Jack grabbed a bunch of pillows off of the furniture in the room and they laid down together, side by side, him spooned around her from behind, holding her close, both watching the fire, neither speaking. She finally rolled over to talk to him.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey yourself. This fire is wonderful, I could go to sleep." Kate said.

"Go to sleep then. I like to watch you sleep." Jack said.

She placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him into a kiss, a deep, lingering kiss that he finally deepened, rolling her onto her back and holding her close, his mouth moving slowly over hers in a sweet, passionate, kiss that was so emotional it caught both of them by surprise. He pulled back a little allowing their foreheads to touch, both breathing a little harder than they were a minute ago.

"Make love to me Jack." She whispered softly.

"I don't think that's a good idea Kate? You're very emotional right now." Jack reasoned.

"You're right I am emotional, but those emotions are not what's driving my desire to be with you." Kate said.

"Kate, this is a very confusing time for you and I don't want to add to your confusion." Jack continued to resist even though physically he was ready to give in.

"You are the most compassionate man I've ever met and you gave me and my son the most normal day we've had since he got sick. Right now you're thinking I'm feeling like I should sleep with you because you've been so nice to me, but you're wrong Jack. The one thing I'm not confused about is you. I feel so close to you right now that wanting you feels like the most natural thing in the world. Do you feel it Jack?" Kate asked.

"Yes." Jack answered in a breathy tone and began kissing her again.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Sorry to leave you hanging like that, but I had to leave you wanting to come back for more didn't I? __Your enthusiastic reviews are a pleasure to read and thank you for taking a moment to share your thoughts._ **

They lay in front of the fire holding one another and kissing, both desperately wanting the other, but taking their time, enjoying the closeness and peacefulness of the moment. Kate was falling hard for him and he was trying hard not to confuse real emotions for being caught up in an extremely emotional situation. Would he really be falling so quickly for this woman if her story weren't so tragic, but more importantly would she be falling for him? She was in so much pain that escaping it through contrived romantic feelings and sex would not only be a very human thing to do, but it would be understandable. He would be okay if she woke up one day and realized where her need to be with him was coming from, but he didn't want her to hate him for it or accuse him of taking advantage or more importantly hate herself. He finally pulled away from her and sat up.

"What's the matter Jack?" Kate asked as she sat up and moved beside him.

"Kate, are you sure about this? Are you sure you aren't going to wake up in the morning and beat yourself up for screwing in front of the fire while your sick child slept on the other side of the room?" Jack asked.

"I have been a little crazy with the self-inflicted guilt haven't I?" Kate asked.

"No, it's understandable for you to be all over the place. I've only known you a few days, but I really care about you Kate and I don't want to do anything that is going to make you feel worse." Jack told her.

"Jack, do you not want to do this? Are you not attracted to me anymore?" Kate asked.

Jack looked down at the large bulge screaming to get out of his jeans and then back at her, giving her a look that seemed to say, "does this look like I don't want to do this". She looked down and then away and giggled at him making him smile.

"I do want to do this Kate, you have no idea how much I want you, I just don't want you to hate me later. I don't want you to feel like you've done something wrong because you allowed yourself to enjoy sex at a time when you're feeling like you shouldn't allow yourself anything enjoyable." Jack said.

Kate understood his apprehensions and was touched that he actually cared more about her and her feelings than getting laid. She smiled at him and crawled into his lap. She kissed him and then pulled back and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"This is about you and me and nothing else. I really care about you too Jack and I doubt I could ever hate you. You are sweet to consider my feelings over your obvious physical needs so how about you just shut up now and let me take care of those needs." Kate said as she kissed him deeply and jerked his shirt out of his pants.

She pushed the shirt off of him and pulled the t-shirt he had on underneath it up and over his head, his muscular arms and chest in the glow of the fire a sight to behold. She pushed him backward onto the pillows and moved her hands over his chest, pulling herself forward and kissing him lightly along his jaw line and then his neck, moving down the center of his chest as she moved her fingers over his nipples, pinching and tugging on them, feeling the bulge in his jeans become harder as he squirmed beneath her trying to adjust to the tightness of his pants.

She continued down the center of his chest and stomach, stopping just above the waistline of his jeans. She looked up at him, smiled and sat up, her bottom pinning his legs beneath her. She grabbed his belt buckle and looked at him with questioning eyes. When he didn't protest or try to push her hands away she continued on.

She unfastened his belt and then his jeans before slowly and carefully pulling the zipper down. She reached in through the opening and felt him through his underwear. She brought her mouth down and nibbled at the hardness through the material, making him groan. She slipped her hand inside his underwear and moved her hand over him, the feel of the soft and silky skin covering his hardness making her crotch moisten as her desire for him increased. She sat back up, grabbed either side of the waistband of his jeans and underwear and began pulling them down. He lifted his hips off the floor so she could get them past his butt and to his knees. His erection lay forward, stretching up toward his navel, the head swollen and dripping.

She moved forward again and took his length into her hand, gripping it firmly, but not too tight. She brought the tip of her tongue down and teased him licking lightly over the top of the throbbing appendage and then finally closing her lips over the entire head, gliding her tongue over it slowly while her hand gently pumped up and down. She could feel him squirming beneath her and could hear the occasional moan coming from his mouth. She couldn't see him, but knew his eyes were closed, enjoying the feel of her hot mouth tasting him.

She began gently massaging his balls with one hand and then finally opened her mouth wider and took him in as deep as she could, allowing his tip to hit the back of her throat before pulling back and then she began repeating this slowly, teasing him, making him groan, hiss and cuss and put his hand on the back of her head to let her know he liked it and wasn't in any hurry for her to pull away. She continued to gently massage his balls and suck his cock, adding more pressure and moving a little faster, tasting him as little previews of what was to come seeped out. He tasted good and he felt good and even though he was warning her to stop she ignored him and kept going until she felt the first spurt hit the back of her throat. She pulled her mouth away and gently moved her hand up and down as he continued to come, feeling what didn't make it into her mouth run down her hand. When he was finished and began to soften she let go of him and crawled up his body, kissing him on the mouth, their tongues moving in and out, letting him taste himself on her. He finally rolled her over onto her back and looked into her eyes.

"Your turn." He whispered in a sexy tone as he sat her up in front of him.

He sat on his knees in front of her and lifted her sweatshirt up and over her head, leaving her upper body naked and begging for his touch. He reached out and gently squeezed her breasts, allowing his thumbs to glide over her nipples, making them hard instantly and make her arch her back begging for his mouth to close over them. He smiled at her and pulled his hands away, letting his fingers glide lightly up and down her sides and across her stomach before placing his fingers on both of her nipples again and rolling the nubs through his fingertips, pinching and tugging lightly at them and then finally pulling her into his chest. Her breasts squashed against his firm, hairy chest making her moan and wrap her arms around his neck as he brought their mouths together in another long, slow, wet passionate kiss, taking her down to the floor and hovering lightly over her, just close enough for her to feel his hot skin against hers while his mouth provided electrifying kisses that made her stomach tighten and flutter. He finally pulled out of the kiss and gazed into her eyes, the caring and tenderness in his eyes causing a warmth to rush through her entire body.

She could tell he wanted to speak, to verbalize the intensity of the moment, but couldn't find the words to express it appropriately. She returned his gaze, providing a knowing look that assured him she felt it too, that she understood and that she wanted nothing else but him at the moment. He closed his mouth over hers again and began moving his hands over her body. She was so firm, yet soft everywhere he touched her and so responsive to all of his touches. He slowly moved his mouth away from hers and down. She tasted sweet and salty at the same time, completely natural, the smell of fresh air and snow and a hint of smokiness from the fire covering her body. He found a spot on her left breast, just above her heart and he sucked the skin into his mouth, marking her before continuing to move his mouth over her body, taking time to lick, taste, tease and suck both of her nipples, her moans coupled with her jean covered hips moving up and grinding into his hips arousing him, feeling himself recharging and growing hard again.

He sat up on his knees, unfastened her jeans and slowly slid them along with her panties down her hips and thighs and finally off. He tossed to them the side and looked down at her. She was so beautiful and sexy and wholesome at the same time. Her curly brown hair splayed out around her head, her delicate facial features that were both pretty and cute, freckles over slightly rosy cheeks and eyes so pretty and intense they drew him in. He could see her pain, but also the passion she currently felt for him and in that moment she had him, he was in this for the long haul. He lay back over her again and continued teasing her flesh with his mouth, moving down and then sliding between her legs, landing hot, wet kisses along the inside of her thighs, gliding his tongue through the creases of her legs where they joined at the hip and nipping lightly at her bikini line, his mouth everywhere, but where she wanted it to be, the heat emitting from her center making her squirm with desire.

He could smell her sex, her need and he kissed her mouth while his fingers moved down, sliding through the slippery crease and easily gliding inside of her, making her moan loudly and open wider for him, pushing her hips up, excited to finally have contact and wanting more, wanting it now, needing to feel him inside of her. He gently pushed her hips back down.

"Easy, try to relax." He whispered and began moving his mouth back down slowly.

He was driving her crazy and he knew it, but he wanted her to come so hard she saw explosions of light behind her eyelids just as she had done for him earlier. He positioned his mouth over her crease and began gliding his tongue up and down, listening to her pant and moan and feeling himself growing harder with every sound. She was so hot and dripping wet, on the edge and ready for him to push her over, practically begging and he decided she'd waited long enough. He pushed his tongue inside of her and she squealed, grabbing one of the throw pillows and putting it over her face so she wouldn't wake TJ. She lay with the pillow over her face feeling his tongue dart in and out of her, her orgasm so close if he touched her in just the right spot she'd be gone. She felt him pull his mouth away and then felt one, then two fingers slip inside of her. He began fucking her with his fingers and she held the pillow tighter, legs spread wide for him, all of her exposed and pleading for him to touch her where she needed to be touched. She felt his breath first and then she felt his lips gently close over her swollen clit, sucking it gently into his mouth while his fingers continued to move in and out of her and then she felt it, the tingling in her loin reaching the point of breath-taking excitement and she let go, screaming into the pillow and seeing nothing but brilliant white flashes behind her eyelids. She squirmed and moaned, and he held her hips down, swallowing as much of her as he could, his whole mouth moving over her, the two-day growth on his face tickling her and she came again, clamping her thighs around him as tight as she could and continuing to hold the pillow tight to her face.

When she finally released him, he moved up slowly and pulled the pillow away from her face, chuckling lightly at how cute she was.

"You are the sweetest thing I've ever had the pleasure of knowing." He said as he positioned his body between her legs while she wrapped her hand around his length again, holding it, feeling it, slowly pumping it in her fist, making it harder and finally positioning it at her entrance.

He pushed himself inside of her slowly, holding his position and hovering over her, looking into her eyes. He brought his mouth to hers and they kissed deeply while he slowly and gently made love to her, keeping a steady, warm, intense rhythm without turning it into madness. She came again, holding his head close hers, while her chin rested on his shoulder. It felt so good, so natural, like something warm and tingly slowly rushing through her groin, making her hold her breath and pant at the same time.

He continued thrusting in and out of her, his penis reaching in as far as it could go, his balls lightly making contact with her and then back out again. His arms were flexed, but there was nothing hurried or stressed, he was taking his time, making sure he felt all of her and she felt all of him, doing everything possible to make this as sweet and special and memorable for her as he knew it would be for him. He'd never forget the look on TJ's face when he saw the snow and this day and this place was special, what was happening between them was special and that her was heart was about to be broken in ways he wasn't sure she'd ever fully recover from made him want to cry for her, but instead he continued loving her, bringing another orgasm out of her before finally letting his own release take over. He dropped down and rested his weight on his folded arms while his body jerked, releasing inside of her, his manhood filling her with his seed, while the gentle, caring man filled her ear with whispers of promises to be there for her, to stay by her side and get her through this cruelty being inflicted on her son and to stay strong enough for all of them so she didn't have to be.

She kept her arms wrapped around his neck, hearing his promises fill her ear while he simultaneously filled her womb and she held him close, not allowing them to separate, tears of happiness, sadness and probably a bit of relief streaming down her face and she couldn't speak because somehow saying thank you didn't seem like enough. Instead she continued to hold onto him and kissed him with as much emotion as she could muster and he felt it and didn't hesitate to return the emotion.

They finally separated and repositioned themselves, her snuggled up next to him, his arm wrapped around her, neither bothering to dress, the fire more than enough to keep them warm. They fell asleep in each other's arms and when Jack woke a few hours later to the sound of TJ's labored breathing a sense of dread washed over him, knowing what he'd heard in the boy's chest earlier had gotten worse.

Jack slipped away from Kate's clutches and put his jeans on. He turned a light on in the far corner of the room and grabbed his medical supplies. Kate heard him moving around, slipped Jack's shirt on and joined him where TJ was no longer resting, but struggling.

"What's happening Jack?" Kate asked.

"He's hurting." Jack said as he had Kate sit the child up so he could listen to his chest.

He put the stethoscope on his back in different areas, getting TJ to cooperate occasionally and take a breath for him. He repeated the procedure on his chest and let Kate lay him back down. Kate sat and talked to TJ while Jack prepared a syringe.

"I'm tired mommy. My tummy hurts." TJ told her.

"I know sweetie. Jack is going to give you some medicine so your tummy won't hurt anymore and you can sleep." Kate told him.

Jack returned and watched them for a few minutes, wanting to give them time to talk without allowing TJ's pain to become too intense. TJ brought his knees up and rolled onto his side an indication that the pain was becoming unmanageable.

"I need to give him this Kate and he'll go to sleep." Jack told her.

She moved and allowed him to take her place. He slowly injected the medication into the child's tiny arm and then moved away so Kate could sit with him. It didn't take long before TJ's eyes began rolling around, his eyelids becoming too heavy to keep fighting the sleep.

"Nite mommy. I love you." TJ said and closed his eyes.

"I love you too baby." Kate said and kissed him on the cheek.

She watched Jack position TJ so he was sitting up a little and gently put the oxygen back on him.

They walked back over to where they had been sleeping and lay back down. Kate curled up into him, resting her head on his chest.

"He slipping away isn't he Jack?" Kate asked her voice so sad he felt a lump developing in his throat.

"Yes Kate, he's slipping away. Quite a bit of fluid has built up in his lungs." Jack told her.

"Is it painful for him?" Kate asked, choking on the words, not wanting to cry anymore, but unable to stop it.

He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head.

"I've got him pretty heavily sedated with pain medication Kate. He's not hurting and he's probably not aware of what's happening to him, but if you wanted to hold him just in case he's aware and maybe feeling a little scared that would be okay." Jack told her.

"Oh god Jack, no, we have to go home now. We have to take him back to the hospital in case he stops breathing. I can't watch my baby die, no I can't, I won't. Take me home now Jack!" Kate cried as she fought against the hold he had on her.

She finally stopped fighting him and sobbed hysterically into his chest. He held onto her while a few tears of his own slipped down his cheeks. The sobbing settled down to light crying and eventually nothing. She lay still and quiet in his arms.

"I've been so scared for so long Jack. I'm still scared, scared for TJ, scared that he's going to suffer and I won't be able to help him. Burying my son and still having a desire to get out bed every day doesn't seem realistic and that's pretty scary." Kate admitted.

"I know you're scared, but I won't let you be scared alone anymore." He promised.

"Do you really think he might be afraid Jack?" She asked.

Flashes of Conner managed to sneak into his thoughts and he nearly lost it. He quickly pushed the images of his son out of his mind and focused on her, nothing but her.

"I can't say for sure Kate. Do you want to hold him just in case he might be? I know that has to be scary for you, but I'll be right here with you and I think once you've got him you'll realize it's not scary, but how it should be." Jack told her.

"What if I can't do it?" Kate asked.

"You will be able to do it Kate. You're not afraid of TJ, you're afraid of letting him go." Jack assured her.

He stood and walked across the room. He slipped the oxygen tube off of TJ's head and gently picked him up, carrying him across the room and then laying him in Kate's arms. He walked back over to the couch and retrieved the oxygen tank and placed the tube back over TJ's head and under his nose. Kate held him, rocked him and talked softly to him, tears rolling down her face in a steady stream. He sat beside them, put his arm around her and held her close to him.

"Will he wake up again Jack?" Kate asked.

"The pain medication will wear off in a few hours. If……….(clears throat) if he hangs on until then, the pain will wake him up." Jack told her.

"I don't want the pain to wake him up. I don't want him to hurt anymore. I can be strong and let him go. I can do that for him. His legs are so cold Jack, why are his legs so cold." Kate asked.

"Here let's put another blanket around him. His pulse was very rapid when I brought him over here and now it's down to a normal, resting rate. He's not cold Kate, but he's safe and he's content in his mother's arms. It's the kindest, bravest thing you can do for him. Just hold him and when you're ready let him know it's okay to go." Jack coaxed in a soft, sensitive patient manner, a manner he wasn't even aware he was capable of.

Kate continued to hold him and rock him, talking softly to him, bravely telling him goodbye and how great things were going to be where he was going. It was the saddest, most heart-wrenching thing Jack had ever witnessed. After awhile, after she'd held him and kissed him over and over and rocked him back and forth as he grew weaker and weaker she finally kissed him on the forehead and spoke her final words to him.

"You fought hard little man and if you're tired it's okay for you to rest. Mommy wants you to rest and be happy sweetie. Go to sleep TJ. Go where you can rest and never hurt again and always know how much your mommy loves you." Kate told him through her tears and then relaxed back into Jack's chest, his arm still wrapped around her.

They sat quietly for another hour or so, watching the child slowly fade away, keeping him wrapped tightly in a blanket and holding him. Jack knew it was almost over. The child's breathing had all but stopped. He finally took one last drawn out breath and then he was silent. Kate heard it and began to freak out, sobbing heavily and begging Jack to do something.

"No, I changed my mind Jack. You have to try to bring him back. I can't, I can't. I'm not ready." Kate pleaded with him, laying the child on the floor between them and pulling on Jack, urging him to do something.

"He's gone Kate." Jack tried to reason with her.

"God damn you! You're a doctor! You took an oath to do no harm! Try to save my son Jack! Now!" Kate screamed. She was hysterical, crazy with grief and he knew that, but it didn't make her pleas to him any less gut-wrenching.

"I can't save him Kate. He's gone. He's finally at peace. Let him go sweetheart, let him go." Jack said in a gentle, but firm tone, holding onto her, slowly pulling her away from the dead child.

"I can't breathe Jack. Let go of me, I can't breathe! I need air!" Kate screamed and broke free from his grip.

She was up and out the front door of the cabin before he could catch her. He turned on every outside light and went after her. She was standing out in the snow in her panties and his shirt destroying the snowman they'd built with her bare hands. Beating on it while she screamed and cried about how unfair life had been for TJ. He stood back and let her go, let her be pissed off and get it out of her system and when their was nothing left of the snowman and she sat in the snow on her bare knees, hands bloodied from beating at the half-frozen packed snow he reached down and picked her up. She went limp in his arms and he carried her back into the cabin. He laid her on the couch and grabbed the other syringe he'd prepared when he prepared TJ's final dose of pain medication. He knew when he did it that the child would be dead within hours and that his mother was going to fall apart so he had the sedative prepared and ready to inject. He was ready to inject it when her eyes opened.

"What is that?" She asked.

"It's a sedative. It will help Kate." He told her.

"No, I don't want it. I want to be able to feel everything Jack." She protested.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Because he was my son and I need to feel the pain. I don't expect you to understand that, but I expect you to respect it." She said.

"Okay, but if you feel like you'd like to stop feeling for a little while just let me know." Jack said and began cleaning her hands up.

"I'm sorry I screamed at you." Kate said.

"Don't be. That's what I'm here for." Jack said.

He cleaned up her hands and bandaged the cuts that weren't deep enough for stitches, but were too deep to leave exposed. He then called the coroner's office and explained the situation. Kate was slowly fading from the angry/enraged state of mind she was in to the shock that people typically succumb to in these situations. She suddenly needed a bath more than anything so he helped her take a bath. She sat on the couch dressed in fresh, clean clothes with bandaged hands holding her dead child, not willing to let go and not willing to talk. While waiting on the coroner he dressed, picked up the cabin and threw their luggage into the car. He kept the syringe out because after watching her he decided that sedating her was probably going to be the only way to pry the child out of her arms.

The coroner arrived and as Jack suspected Kate was unwilling to let go of him.

"Kate, you need to let him take TJ. Can you do that?" Jack tried to reason with her.

"No! Once they take him I'll never be able to hold him again. They're going to put him in the ground Jack and I'll never be able to hold my baby again. Please, don't take him, please I need more time." Kate pleaded.

"Ma'am I'm very sorry for your loss, but you are going to have to let me take the child now." The coroner said sternly and started to pull the boy away from her.

Jack watched the tug of war for only a few seconds before he thought he might be physically ill.

"Stop! My god just stop it! That is a little boy not a piece of fucking rope!" Jack yelled and before Kate could react he jabbed the needle with the sedative into her arm.

Kate glared at him, but he ignored it. She was so far gone, so consumed with grief that there was no way they were ever going to be able to talk her into letting go. She began relaxing within minutes and became drowsy enough for Jack to lift TJ out of her arms and hand him to the coroner.

The coroner followed the required procedures and within 30 minutes had signed the paperwork to release the body. The local funeral home that had driven out with the coroner to collect the body took one of Jack's business cards and told him they'd make arrangements with a funeral home in Los Angeles to get the TJ's body back and they'd call him and let him know where to take Kate to make the funeral arrangements.

Jack watched them drive away and looked at the destroyed snowman in the daylight. Less than 24 hours ago they were having fun, laughing and carrying on like normal people and now, now TJ was gone and realistically so was Kate. He warmed the car up, made a quick trip through the cabin to make sure everything was secure, picked Kate up and carried her out the door and set her in the car. He put the seatbelt around her and reclined the seat all the way back. She'd sleep for hours and if he was lucky the rest of the day and night. He locked the cabin, got in the car and began the drive home.

When he pulled into the driveway of his home she was still sleeping deep under the sedation he'd given her. He waited for the garage door to finish opening and pulled the car in, hitting the button again so the door would close. Taking her to his house would mean divulging his life to her, but he couldn't take her home, not until she was ready to face that. He carried her into the house and upstairs to his bedroom. He pulled the bed coverings back and laid her on the bed. He took her shoes off and covered her with the blankets. He closed the shutters over the windows, darkening the room so she'd rest and left the room.

Kate could feel the heavy fog bogging her down and wanted to open her eyes, but her body didn't want to cooperate. She lay quietly trying to wake up, confused and then finally remembering everything, the grief and pain coming back in full force and she began crying, clutching the blankets to her chest and then realizing she had no idea where she was. She forced her eyes open and was met with a pair of brown eyes staring back at her. It startled her and she sat up. She looked at the young boy watching her and then looked around the room. Nothing was familiar.

"Jack! Jack!" She screamed in a panicked tone that scared the boy and made him run from the room and right into his dad who was running toward the screams.

"Conner I told you not to bother her." Jack said sternly.

"I didn't daddy. She just woke up and started screaming." Conner said.

Kate watched the two of them feeling more and more confused by the minute. What was going on? Was she still asleep and having some kind of crazy dream? No, the grief she was experiencing was too real for her to be dreaming. Her son was dead and now she was in a strange house in a strange bed and apparently Jack too was a stranger.

"You have a son Jack?" Kate finally blurted out.


	8. Chapter 8

_**You heartfelt reviews were a pleasure to read. Thank you. I'm glad you are enjoying the story and I hope I haven't depressed anyone too much. I know it's been sad, but they say what doesn't kill us makes us stonger and I believe that to be true. Hopefully some happier times are just around the corner.**_

Jack looked at Kate and then back at Conner. She looked as though she was ready to bolt without giving him a chance to explain. He took Conner by the hand and walked him over to the bed where Kate was sitting up, clutching the comforter around her and looking more hurt than angry.

"Conner this is my friend Kate. Kate this is my son Conner." Jack said.

"Hi Kate. I hope you feel better today." Conner said sweetly, his father's natural charm oozing out of him.

Kate didn't speak, she nodded at the little boy and looked at Jack like she was ready to throw up. Jack knelt down in front of Conner.

"Hey bud, your breakfast is on the table and apparently your grandfather is coming to see us. Maybe you can talk him into taking you to school today." Jack said.

"But daddy, you promised it was just gonna be us." Conner whined.

"I know son and we are going to have our two days, we just have to wait a little longer. Now go eat before your eggs get cold." Jack told him.

Conner shot his dad his best disappointed look and once he was sure the knife was firmly embedded and twisted he left the room. Jack straightened up and sat on the edge of the bed. He put his hand up to her face and she slapped it away. He dropped both hands into his lap and sighed heavily.

"You have every right to feel betrayed Kate, but please believe that was never my intention." Jack said.

"Betrayed? Jesus Jack, you didn't think that mentioning that you have a son was important? Do you have a wife you conveniently forgot to mention as well?" Kate asked hatefully and started to move off of the bed.

"Kate now isn't the time to talk about this stuff." Jack told her.

"You're right Jack. I don't even care why you chose to lie to me about who you are. I don't care about anything right now except figuring out what day it is." Kate said.

"It's Monday." Jack said.

"I slept through yesterday? Why am I in your house and where are my clothes?" Kate asked and looked down at the oversized t-shirt she was wearing.

"You were very out of it yesterday and you threw up all over yourself. I washed your clothes. They're over there in the chair." Jack said.

"So you kept me so drugged I couldn't take care of myself?" Kate asked.

"Yeah Kate I did. You were crazy and who could blame you." Jack said.

"I want to go home. Where did they take TJ? I need to make arrangements for him." Kate asked.

"Kate, please don't take this on by yourself." Jack pleaded.

"I'm fine Jack. Alone works for me because I know I'll never deceive myself. So, just tell me where TJ is and I'll get out of your house and your life." Kate told him.

"At least let me call someone Kate. Do you have family close by or a friend I can call?" Jack asked.

"What part of alone did you not get Jack? Other than my cancer family from the hospital, I've pretty much been flying solo since I moved to Los Angeles and that's the way I prefer it." Kate said and stepped out of the bed. He grabbed her wrist and she turned on him.

"Kate please don't leave. Let me help you with this." Jack continued to plead with her as she jerked away from him.

"I do not want your help and I do not want you to ever touch me again Jack. Are we communicating now?" Kate asked.

"Loud and clear. Help yourself to the shower if you want, towels are in the bathroom cabinet. I'll be downstairs. I'll write down the name of the funeral home and call you a cab." Jack said and walked out of the room.

Jack was halfway down the stairs when the doorbell rang. His father was the last thing he wanted to deal with today, but he'd received his text message saying he was on his way and didn't bother replying and telling him to stay away.

Jack opened the front door and turned away, walking toward the kitchen. He didn't bother to say hello or invite his father in. He knew he'd come in whether he was invited or not and was actually surprised he'd bothered to ring the doorbell. Christian followed Jack into the kitchen where Conner was finishing his breakfast at the bar while watching cartoons on a small television. The boy looked up from the cartoons and smiled.

"Hi Grandpa!" Conner chimed happily, jumping down from his chair and making his way over to Christian.

"Hey kiddo." Christian said as he picked him up and hugged him and then set him back down.

"Can you drive me to school Grandpa? Daddy is busy with that lady." Conner informed him.

Christian looked at Jack and Jack glared back at him, daring him to say anything even remotely disparaging.

"We need to talk son." Christian said, a demand more than a request.

"I'm not in the mood dad." Jack mumbled and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Conner, go get ready for school and let me talk to your dad for a minute." Christian told the boy.

"Will you drive me grandpa?" Conner asked.

"Yes and if it's okay with your dad I'll pick you up and you can come hang out with me at the hospital." Christian said.

"Can I daddy?" Conner asked.

"No." Jack said.

"But why dad?" Conner whined.

"I said no Conner, now go get ready for school." Jack said firmly.

"But dad." Conner continued to whine.

"Conner no, one more word and you're going to be in trouble. Go brush your teeth and get ready for school." Jack demanded.

"I hate you! You're a liar and you're mean!" Conner screamed and ran out of the room.

"That wasn't very productive son. Just because you're angry with me, you shouldn't take it out on him." Christian preached.

"He doesn't need to be hanging out at the hospital dad. If you'd like to do something normal with him like take him to a ball game or a movie or the park he's all yours, otherwise I'll make arrangements to have him picked up." Jack said.

"So you're planning on working today?" Christian asked sarcastically.

"As soon as I tie up some loose ends here I plan on going to work. Why?" Jack asked.

"I don't know Jack, you passed up being honored by your peers for a roll in the sheets with some waitress so I guess I'm just wondering where your head is at these days." Christian commented.

"Dad, you have no idea what I've been doing the last few days, but trust me, it was much more important than showing up in a monkey suit to receive an award in front of a bunch of self-absorbed physicians who congratulate me to my face and then behind my back suggest that the only reason I was recognized was because I'm your son." Jack said.

"I'm aware of what you've been up to Jack. News travels fast through the hospital grapevine. You just can't help yourself can you? You've always got to try to save the world don't you? What did it get you son? Was it worth it?" Christian asked.

Jack was silent and allowed the past few days to run through his mind, the moments with Kate and being allowed be a part of the pure joy a four year old got just from seeing snow and from throwing his first snowball and building his first snow man and taking his first ride on a sled. He thought about all of it and smiled.

"Yeah it was worth it dad. I'd do it again in a heartbeat." Jack said.

Kate walked into the kitchen, dressed and ready to leave.

"I'm sorry to intrude, but do you have that information written down?" Kate asked.

"Just a second, let me call you a cab." Jack said.

"No, I'll just walk and catch a bus." Kate said.

"The hell you will, damn it Kate, at least let me get you home safely." Jack demanded.

"Fine, you can take me home. I'll go wait in the car." Kate said.

"I'm very sorry for loss Kate, I had no idea you were dealing with so much." Christian told her, taking hold of her hand and patting the top of it.

"It was just the son of _'some waitress'_ so no great loss to society right Dr. Shephard?" Kate shot back at him hatefully obviously having overheard his comments to Jack.

Christian had no come back for that and Jack noticed that he didn't even appear to be ashamed that she'd pretty much pegged his feelings on the matter and Jack understood completely. His father would never wish ill will on any child, but apparently he felt that Kate wasn't good enough for his son, not in a serious way anyway and that was what this current beef was all about. Not about missing the all important dinner, not about getting involved in someone's tragedy, but about the idea that his son was carrying on with a woman he considered worthy of being a play thing, but never a doctor's wife.

"I guess she told you." Jack said sarcastically as he scribbled something on the back of one of his business cards.

"Jack one of these days you are going to figure it out." Christian said.

"Figure what out?" Jack asked in an annoyed tone.

"Women and which ones you enjoy and which ones you marry. A woman like your mother will always support you and your career Jack, a woman like Kate will always hold you back." Christian explained.

"And Emily, what kind of woman was she dad?" Jack asked.

"That doesn't really matter now does it Jack?" Christian commented just as Conner entered the room, standing beside his grandfather, glaring at his father.

Jack knelt down in front of Conner, straightened his shirt collar and retied one of his shoes. He kissed him on the cheek and hugged him.

"Have a good day. I love you even when you're mad at me." Jack told him as he felt Conner refuse to hug him back and watched the boy wipe his kiss off his cheek.

"If I promise not to expose him to the hospital can I pick him up from school and spend some time with my grandson?" Christian asked.

"Do you want to spend the day with your grandpa?" Jack asked the boy.

"Yes." Conner mumbled.

"Yes what?" Jack reminded.

"Yes please and thank you." Conner replied.

"Does that mean I can have a hug now?" Jack teased the boy.

Conner approached him and Jack picked him and hugged him tightly, feeling the boy's small arms returning the hug.

"I don't really hate you daddy." Conner said softly in his father's ear.

"I know, now have a good day at school and keep your grandpa in line." Jack told him.

Christian watched the two of them, remembering a time when his relationship with Jack was that pure and simple.

"Your mother will want to see him, so plan on us feeding him dinner and then I'll bring him home." Christian said.

"You'll be having nothing but milk, tea or water with dinner of course." Jack said.

"Of course." Christian answered sharing a knowing almost guilty look with his son.

Jack walked out with them, waving goodbye to his son one last time before seating himself inside his car. He turned to look at her, gently placing his hand on her leg.

"Kate…" Jack tried, but was cut off immediately.

"Go to hell Jack. Either drive me home in silence or I'm walking." Kate said as she violently moved his hand off of her leg.

Jack didn't argue with her. She was an emotional wreck and probably believed that if he lied to her about having a son everything else was a lie as well. Add in that his father basically suggested that she was white trash not worthy of being more than a fling to Jack and he considered himself lucky to still have his balls. They drove in silence to her house. He pulled into the driveway and sighed.

"You shouldn't have to walk in there alone. I know you're upset with me, but it's too much to deal with alone Kate." Jack tried to reason with her.

"I'd rather be alone than living a lie. You lied to me Jack and I don't want to be around you. Is that direct enough for you to understand

?" Kate asked.

Jack nodded and handed her the business card he'd scribbled the name of the funeral home on.

"What's this? Am I supposed to call you if I need to be drugged again?" Kate asked sarcastically.

"No, the name of the funeral home that has TJ is on the back. You've made it clear that you're not interested in being anywhere near me and I don't blame you, but are you sure you won't let me drive you there? I'll keep my distance." Jack asked his tone calm.

"I'm sure Jack. Look, I appreciate what you did for TJ. I'll always be grateful for that, but it's over now and you can go back to your perfect life in the suburbs. Goodbye Jack." Kate said and let herself out of the car before he had a chance to respond.

Jack went to work and put Kate out of his mind by throwing himself into it 150 percent. Later that afternoon he was sitting at his desk attacking a pile of paperwork when his phone rang, which aggravated him because he'd asked that his calls be held. He picked the phone up on the 3rd ring.

"Jack Shephard." He said.

"Dr. Shephard this is Carol. I know you asked that your calls be held, but they say it is an emergency." She said.

"It's okay Carol, put it through." Jack said.

Jack waited for a few seconds and man, speaking with deep concern came on the line.

"Dr. Shephard this is Daryl Martin from Martin Bros. Funeral Home. We have a client who is in quite a bit of distress. She keeps mumbling that she needs Jack and she had this business card clutched in her hand and your first name is Jack so I thought I'd take a chance you might be the Jack she's asking for." He explained.

"What happened, what do you mean distress?" Jack asked.

"Sir, I don't want to discuss it over the phone, but if you can't come I'll have to call for an ambulance." The man asked.

"An ambulance?" Jack asked in a somewhat panicked tone.

"I can't calm her down, I can't communicate with her. I've been trying to help her for the past hour doctor and I'm concerned about her. Are you coming or not?" The man said.

"Yes, of course. I'll be there as soon as I can." Jack said.

Jack left the hospital, not overly frightened, but saddened. He knew Kate was going to fall apart and because he handled things so badly she was falling apart alone. Nobody should have to plan their child's funeral and they certainly should never be expected to do it alone.

He pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home and entered the facility. A man who looked to be in his early 30s approached him.

"Dr. Shephard?" He asked.

"It's Jack. Where is she?" Jack replied.

"She's back here. She was holding up fairly well all things considered until we brought her back to our casket display room and I guess it was too much for her." The man explained as he led Jack down a hallway and opened the door for him.

Jack took one look at the scene in the room and felt his own tears welling up. Kate was sitting on the floor draped over a small casket mumbling incoherently, eyes swollen, face tear-streaked, and her body trembling, looking weak and thin.

"I'll take it from here. Thank you for calling me." Jack said.

"Thank you for coming and take as much time as you need." The man said.

Jack watched the door close and looked around remembering the last time he'd been in a similar room. He walked over to where Kate was draped over the casket and squatted down in front of her.

"Is this the one you want?" He asked sweetly.

Up until that moment Kate wasn't aware that he was in the room. She looked at him, shaking uncontrollably from head to toe and let loose of a fresh river of tears. He pulled her into his arms and then stood up, picking her up and carrying her out of the depressing atmosphere of wall-to-wall caskets and into another room, the Arrangement Room. This was where she had obviously been sitting before she broke down in the casket room because her purse was on the couch, along with the catalogs of flowers, vaults and caskets. He sat her down on the couch, but she wouldn't turn loose of him, her arms wrapped so tightly around his neck it was choking him.

"Kate, you can let go. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He said.

She wouldn't speak and if anything the grip she had on him grew tighter. He finally scooped her into his arms again and sat down with her in his lap, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder. She buried her face in his neck and continued to sob.

"I can't do this. I need you. I admit it. I'm sorry I got so angry at you." She cried, so distraught he had a hard time understanding her.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. It's all on me Kate, but let's not worry about that right now. Let's focus on taking care of TJ and taking care of you." Jack told her.

"They won't let me see him. I want to hold him one more time Jack. Why can't I hold him one more time?" Kate asked.

"It's not a good idea Kate. He's not the same and it would just make all of this that much more unbearable." Jack tried to explain without being overly graphic.

"What do you mean he's not the same?" Kate asked.

"Kate, you held him when it mattered the most. He had to die and that's so unfair there are no words to describe it, but he wasn't afraid. He died while being held in the warmth and safety of his mother's arms, feeling all of the love you had for him. Hold onto that Kate and remember how he felt in your arms and let that be enough. Please trust me on this." Jack pleaded with her.

"I want to, but how can go on knowing I'm never going to hold my son again, smell him or feel his warm breath on my neck. Oh god Jack, I can't take this. I don't want to. Please help me make it stop hurting so much." Kate cried her face still buried in his neck.

His own tears finally escaped, the depth of her pain and his inability to do anything to relieve it making him hurt for her, making him wish he could take some of it and put it on himself and feeling completely useless and helpless knowing that he couldn't. He quickly regained control of his emotions, knowing that the kindest thing he could do for her was to be strong and allow her to be as weak and needy as she needed to be and just continue to be there for her, genuinely caring for and about her.

He held onto her, easing her face away from his neck, but allowing her to keep her head close to his chest. His head was bent down talking softly to her, holding a small blue pill in his hand.

"Kate, I want you to take this for me. Will you do that?" He asked.

"What is it?" She asked.

"It's valium, just a very light dosage. Right now you are so sad you have to remind yourself to breathe. This will help take some of that edge off, make the sadness a little less suffocating." Jack told her.

"Will it put me to sleep?" Kate asked.

"It will allow you to relax so you can go to sleep if you want to, but no it's nothing like what I gave you at the cabin." Jack assured her.

The man handed Jack a bottle of water and Kate took the pill from him. She put it in her mouth and drank some of the water before laying her head back on his chest, one arm draped around his neck and the other draped over his stomach. He held tightly to her with his left arm and picked up one of the catalogs with his right hand.

"No, I don't want to look at that again. Please stop asking me to pick out a casket for my son. Please make them stop talking about picking out a cemetery plot. They are going to put my baby in the ground Jack does it really matter which piece of ground? I can't do this." She cried.

"Yes you can, just not alone. I'm going to help you make all these choices and then we are going to go pick out a plot and then I'll take you home and stay with you for as long as you need me to. Okay?" Jack prodded her slowly.

"I can't go home. I can't look at his empty bedroom and his toys and his clothes." Kate objected.

"Then I'll take you to my house. These flowers are nice, what do you think?" He said softly, cautiously as he held the picture from the catalog in front of her.

Without lifting her head she glanced at the picture of the casket spray he was showing her.

"The flowers have to be yellow and blue. His favorite colors were yellow and blue." Kate insisted.

Jack looked at the funeral director and he nodded in the affirmative and began writing things down. Kate and Jack sat together on the couch and picked out a vault and a casket and a few more flower arrangements. They decided on just a private graveside service involving a select group of friends Kate had made during TJ's cancer battle. Jack thanked the man and walked her out to the car. She was much calmer and they drove in silence to the cemetery, picked out a plot and drove back to his house.

He walked her into his home and showed her around. He doubted she'd remember any of it, but was trying to make her as comfortable as possible. He showed her the guestroom and the guest bath and she became anxious, her eyes showing how uneasy and almost scared she was.

"What's wrong Kate?" He asked.

"Is your room close to this one?" She asked and he understood.

He looked down the long hallway to the curve that led to another hall that eventually led to the master bedroom.

"You know you're more than welcome to stay with me Kate. I'm giving you the option of having some space, a place to be alone if you need to be." He told her.

"No, it's okay Jack. You have a young child in the house that would be confused. It's okay. This room is fine." Kate said.

"He wouldn't be confused. Come on, you look like you need to lie down." Jack told her and led her down the hallway to his bedroom.

She sat on the foot of his bed and looked around. She vaguely remembered waking up in the room earlier, but most of the day was becoming a blur to her. She felt achy and tired and sticky and she wasn't sure why sticky, but Jack had noticed it too while he was holding her. He could smell something sweet, like she'd spilled a soft drink all over herself and maybe changed her clothes, but didn't bother to wash the stickiness off of her skin.

"Do you care if I take a bath Jack?" Kate asked.

"No, go ahead. There's a Jacuzzi tub in the master bath. I don't ever use it, but Conner thinks it's pretty great. Your stuff from the cabin is still in my trunk, I'll go get it." Jack told her and pointed her in the right direction.

He went outside and pulled her suitcase out of his trunk. It fell open and TJ's coat and jeans fell onto the ground. He put everything back in the suitcase and put it back in the trunk, deciding that divulging that women had left their panties at his house on occasion and he kept them in case they wanted them back and they were clean and she could wear them couldn't freak her out any more than finding out he had a child. Anything would be better than allowing her to see the contents of that suitcase he was sure of that.

He went back inside the house and upstairs to his bedroom. The bathroom door was open so he called out just to make sure she hadn't gone under.

"You doing okay in there?" Jack asked.

When she didn't answer he grew concerned and entered the bathroom. She was sitting in the Jacuzzi tub, knees pulled up to her chest, head down and crying. She was such a mess and he was genuinely concerned about her physical well-being as well as her emotional state. He kneeled beside the tub and placed his hand on her back lightly.

"Hey, I'm going to go downstairs and make you something to eat. Do you need me to help you finish up in here first?" He asked in a soft, soothing tone.

"I'm not hungry." She argued.

"Just a little something Kate, please. Anything you want." He coaxed.

"Do you have ice cream?" She asked.

"Yes, is that what you want?" He asked.

"Yeah, my throat feels really raw and sore." She said.

"Okay, one bowl of ice cream coming up." He said and stood to leave.

"Jack." She said.

"Yeah." He replied.

"Will you stay here until I'm done?" She asked.

"Sure." He said and relaxed on the floor beside the tub.

After a few minutes of her not moving, he turned around, went up onto his knees, grabbed the bath sponge and began sponging the water over her shoulders and back, the hot water soothing her and making her sleepy. Deciding she was as relaxed as he was going to get her, he put the sponge up, pulled the plug and helped her stand up. He wrapped a towel around her and helped her step out of the tub. He pointed to the pile of clean women's panties and told her to help herself to any of the shirts in his closet while he went and got her some ice cream.

He brought the ice cream back, but only managed to get her to eat about five bites before she began refusing. She looked tired and sad and defeated and he wished he could make her feel better, but he knew he couldn't.

"I think I'd like to lie down." Kate said.

Jack pulled the bed coverings back and motioned for her climb in.

"Will you lay down with me?" She asked.

He took his shoes off, changed out of his slacks and dress shirt and into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and crawled into the bed with her. He lay on his back and let her snuggle up next to him, head on his chest and arm draped over his abdomen. Her body felt relaxed next to his.

"Jack, why do you have a pile of women's underwear in your house?" She asked. Had the situation not been so sad he was certain he would've chuckled.

"Well it's not because I like to wear them. It's also just a few pairs not a pile and how a woman can leave without her underwear has always been a mystery to me, but as you can see, it happens." Jack answered.

"But you don't have a wife hidden away some place?" Kate asked.

"My wife died when Conner was six months old." Jack admitted.

"I'm sorry, that must've been very difficult." She said.

"Thanks, yeah it was. It's just been me and him since. He's five, but will quickly let you know that he's almost six even though his birthday isn't for another two months." Jack told her.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this Jack? I don't understand why you wouldn't have at least mentioned that you had a child? Why would you lie to me like that?" Kate asked.

"I wasn't lying Kate, I just wasn't being completely honest. There just never seemed like an appropriate time to bring it up." Jack said.

"So what, you thought since my son was dying I would be jealous that yours isn't? Is that what you think of me Jack?" Kate asked still very hurt by his silence on the matter.

"No. I was going to tell you Kate, but everything happened so fast and you were dealing with so much and hell who am I kidding. I'm so bad at this that I was realistically just too ashamed to talk to you about Conner." Jack admitted.

"Ashamed? Why?" Kate asked.

"Because while I've been spending my days trying to figure out who I could pawn my son off on next you've been doing everything you could just to have one more day with yours. You're everything a parent should be and I've been in awe of you. I'm sorry Kate. I never meant to keep Conner a secret, it just played out that way." Jack explained.

"Why do pawn your son off on people Jack?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, but this isn't the time to discuss my inadequacies as a father. Are you feeling any better?" He asked.

"I can share the most painful, intimate moment of my life with you, but you can't give me anything in return?" Kate asked.

"Kate, I'll share anything you want, but this isn't the time to make anything about me. I'm so worried about you. I can't imagine what you're going through and I wish I could do something to ease your pain." Jack told her.

Kate propped herself up, both forearms resting on his chest, looking directly at him.

"I think you have a pretty good idea of what I'm going through. Knowing that you're a widower explains a lot, helps me understand how you seemed to know how to react, how you seemed to almost be able to relate to the pain. I know it's not the same Jack, but losing a spouse and losing a child have to run a close race as far as the devastation it causes. It probably sounds a little weird, but it makes me feel closer to you than I already did and it makes me feel like I have a real partner in this because you've been there and you understand what it truly means to have your heart broken." She said, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.

He rolled her onto her back, and wiped the fresh tears away before kissing her softly.

"Shattered." He said softly.

"What?" She asked.

"My heart, it was shattered, just as yours is right now." Jack admitted.

"But it's not shattered anymore?" Kate asked.

"I'd be lying if I said time heals all wounds, but the pain gets easier to deal with." He answered.

"Do you believe in heaven Jack?" She asked.

"I don't know what I believe Kate, but if there is a heaven I know Emily was waiting with open arms for TJ because all she ever wanted was to be a mother, already pregnant with our second child when she died. I'm not saying that to be cliché or just to make you feel better. I'm saying that because I believe it. If all that stuff really exists, I know she'd be knocking all the other angels out of the way to get to him and make sure he's safe and loved and happy." Jack told her, his voice cracking as he fought his emotions, revealing a somewhat spiritual, lighter side to him she never would've imagined existed.

"Thank you." She whispered and began crying again.

He kissed her again and hugged her, rolling back onto his back and bringing her with him, holding her close, letting her cry for as long as she needed to or until she wore out, whichever came first. He let his hand glide slowly over her in a soothing manner, his fingers gliding lightly over her arm and shoulder onto her back, making small circles and the repeating the process. His movements eventually lulled both of them to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

He could hear his name being called lightly and could feel her pushing on his shoulder, but his tired brain wanted to believe it was a dream and was refusing to push him into consciousness. Her voice got louder and the pushing became more intense and his eyes popped open, startled and confused.

"What? What's wrong?" Jack asked sleepily.

"You need to answer your phone." Kate told him.

He rolled toward the nightstand beside the bed and picked up his phone. It had 3 missed calls, a new voice mail and a new text message. They were all from his dad. He read the text message telling him he'd bring Conner home around 8 PM and replied to it so he'd know he got it. He dropped the phone back on the nightstand and rolled back toward the center of the bed.

"Sorry, I guess I must've been sleeping pretty hard." He said his voice still sounding sleepy.

"Is everything okay?" She asked lying flat on her back staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah, it was just my dad letting me know what time he was bringing Conner home." Jack said.

She moved next to him, getting as close to him without crawling inside his clothes as she could. He wrapped both arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"You're trembling, are you cold?" He asked.

"A little." She said.

He rolled them onto their sides so they were facing each other and pulled the heavy comforter over both of them. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moved closer until their bodies were pressed together, their heads resting side by side on the pillow, their faces less than 3 inches apart. She kissed him gently and then pulled back.

"Thank you Jack, for everything. I'm not feeling so crazy anymore. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now, but at least I feel more like me instead of some person standing on the outside watching me." Kate said.

"You've suffered a terrible loss Kate, I think you'll find that you're going to run the gamut of emotions for a while." He said.

"I can't keep clinging to you, I know that. I'm really scared right now and you make it not seem so scary." She told him her lips quivering as she fought her emotions.

"The idea of putting someone you love into the ground and saying goodbye forever is a pretty scary thing to think about. You hang on for as long as you need to, I don't mind." Jack said softly.

"Jack." She said.

"Yeah." He replied.

"Can we go see TJ tomorrow, make sure he looks okay?" Kate asked.

"Yes, of course." Jack said.

"It's going to be awful isn't it?" Kate asked.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Seeing my little boy in a casket." Kate said.

"Yeah so if you feel like you need to fall go ahead because I'll be there to catch you." Jack said softly.

She moved in and kissed him again, a deep, caring emotional kiss that under less depressing circumstances would've led to sex, but he pulled back before things got that heated, hugging her close to him, allowing her to feel his strong arms and hands wrapped protectively over her, knowing he couldn't ease her fears, but doing his best to let her know he understood them. They stayed cuddled up together under the comforter and fell back into a deep, peaceful sleep, the events of the past few days having exhausted both of them.

Conner crawled onto the bed quietly, not wanting to wake his dad, but not wanting to let him sleep either. Jack had been more neglectful of Conner over the past week than usual, not that Jack ever neglected his son, his health and well-being always his top priority, but he struggled with making time for Conner his top priority and over the past week the amount of time he'd actually spent with son could probably be measured in mere hours and Conner's five year old mind was to the point where it was craving, demanding his father give him some attention.

"I'm home daddy." Conner said in his "inside voice" while tugging on Jack's arm.

Jack woke up immediately and rolled onto his back nearly knocking the child over. He put a steadying arm around the child and pulled him closer.

"Hey buddy. I'm sorry. I meant to be awake when you got home." Jack said as he gently moved his hand over Conner's back.

"That's okay dad, grandpa had a key and he brought me upstairs." Conner said making Jack glance toward his bedroom door.

Christian was leaning on the door frame giving him the look of disapproval Jack had learned to recognize and dread by the time he was ten years old.

"I'll get up and you can tell me about your day." Jack said and sat up.

"Is she still sick daddy?" Conner asked pointing at Kate who was beginning to stir.

"She's just really sad right now." Jack said and eased out of the bed reaching out for his son.

"I'm going to go put my stuff in my room dad. Can I have some ice cream after my bath?" Conner asked.

"Yes, let me go say goodnight to your grandfather and I'll be up to run your bath water." Jack said, wiping a hand over his face in an attempt to wake up fully.

Conner jumped off the bed and ran toward the bedroom door with his backpack.

"Don't run Conner and tell grandpa goodbye." Jack told him.

Conner stopped and Christian kneeled down and gave the boy a hug. Conner kissed him on the cheek and told him goodbye and took off down the hallway toward his bedroom. Jack walked past Christian and stopped.

"Thanks for keeping him today dad. Come on I'll walk you to the door." Jack said, his voice clearly signaling that he was too tired to fight with him.

Christian followed him down the stairs and grabbed him by the shoulder before he had a chance to open the front door. Jack turned to face him. His jaw clenched and ready for whatever condescending remark was about to come his way.

"Jack, what are you doing?" Christian asked.

"She just lost her son dad and she's completely alone or at least she would've been. I guess I should thank you. Your butting in where you shouldn't actually worked out in my favor this time." Jack told him.

"You're serious aren't you? You're actually falling for that woman." Christian said.

"I don't want to talk about Kate with you. Okay dad. I just want to say goodnight and go spend a couple of hours with my son." Jack grumbled.

"Fine son, we'll have lunch tomorrow." Christian said.

"I don't know if I'll be in tomorrow. I'm thinking about taking some time off." Jack said.

Christian looked at him, realizing that saying anything right now would be nonproductive and just patted him on the shoulder.

"Goodnight Jack. Call me when you think you're ready to stop destroying your career and we'll talk." Christian said in his typical disapproving fatherly tone and let himself out.

Jack shut the door a little too hard, and walked back toward the stairs.

Meanwhile, upstairs Conner had collected his pajamas, his bath toys and a stuffed animal and had dragged it all into Jack's bedroom. Kate was awake, lying on her side watching the little boy carry his bath toys into the bathroom and then lay his pajamas on the bed. He then crawled up onto the bed with the stuffed animal and sat in front of her on his knees.

"Hey." Kate said and smiled at him.

"Daddy said you're sad." Conner said.

"Yeah I guess I am." Kate said.

"How come you're so sad?" Conner asked.

"I miss my little boy." Kate answered the child's innocent, direct question.

"Where is he?" Conner asked.

"Heaven." Kate answered, her lips quivering as she tried to control the tears that were escaping.

"Don't cry Kate. My mom is in heaven and Aunt Jenna says it's a happy place so I bet your little boy is happy." Conner told her.

"Are you sure you're only five?" Kate asked, smiling at how mature and articulate he was.

"I'm almost six. Maybe you can come to my birthday party if you're feeling better." Conner said making her smile again as she remembered Jack telling her that he would remind anyone that asked that he was almost six.

"I think I would like that Conner." Kate said.

"This is Ziggy." Conner said holding the stuffed kangaroo out to her.

"What is this for?" Kate asked.

"When I'm sad or scared I like to sleep with my dad too, but when he's too busy or on trips I sleep with Ziggy. You can hold Ziggy until my daddy can come back and sleep with you if you want." Conner told her.

Jack was standing in the doorway watching his son's natural compassion toward Kate, the part about being too busy to hold him when he's scared or sad feeling like a punch in the stomach. His son was so smart and intuitive and he was missing out on entirely too much of his life and he wished he could've realized this without having to be smacked in the face and woke up by watching someone lose their child.

"Hey buddy, you ready for your bath?" Jack asked.

"Yes, can I have bubbles?" Conner asked.

"If we use bubbles you can't turn the jets on or we'll have bubbles all over the bathroom." Jack reminded him.

"I know dad, but if I use bubbles I don't have to use soap." Conner reminded him making him smile.

"I don't know about that son, you're pretty stinky. What did you and grandpa do today?" Jack asked.

"Grandpa had to go to work, I stayed with grandma and played in the backyard." Conner told him.

"You didn't mess up her flowers did you?" Jack asked.

"Not all of them." Conner giggled making Jack laugh lightly, the image of Conner purposely pulling up her precious, precisely placed flowers and rearranging them for her to find later making him want to high five his son, the orneriness of it cracking him up.

"Come on, let's go get in the tub and let Kate rest." Jack told him still chuckling over the flowers.

"Do you want to hold Ziggy?" Conner asked.

"Sure." Kate said, smiling at the boy and taking the stuffed toy from him.

Conner leaned in and kissed Kate on the cheek.

"I'm sorry you're sad Kate." Conner said and scooted off the bed.

Kate cuddled the Kangaroo and watched Jack corral the child into the bathroom. She listened to him run the bath water while Conner talked nonstop about what he did at school and what they were doing at school tomorrow. The water stopped and she heard the boy playing in the water, still talking to Jack as though he had to get everything in that he could while he had the chance.

"Grandpa gave me the note from your teacher." Jack said.

"Am I in trouble?" Conner asked.

"I guess that depends on why you pushed Tony down." Jack said.

"He's mean dad. He was picking on Danny." Conner said.

"Is Danny smaller than Tony?" Jack asked.

"Danny has these things on his legs and what are those stick things called that you walk with?" Conner asked.

"Crutches." Jack answered.

"Yeah, crutches. His kind of wrap around his arms and we help him and stuff, but Tony likes to try to make him fall down." Conner said.

"Did he make Danny fall down today?" Jack asked.

"Yes and it really made me mad so I punched him and pushed him down. Am I in trouble?" Conner asked.

"No and I'm proud of you for sticking up for Danny, but the school has rules and you broke them so I can't do anything about you missing your play time the rest of the week." Jack said.

"How come Tony isn't in trouble?" Conner asked.

"Unfortunately son the Tonys of the world often get away with misbehaving, but you're doing fine. Sometimes doing the right thing means breaking the rules. Was it worth it?" Jack asked.

"Huh?" Conner asked.

"Would you do it again? Stick up for Danny?" Jack asked.

"I don't know. I don't think about it. I just do it." Conner answered making Jack smile.

"So Tony does this a lot huh?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, he's pretty mean dad." Conner said.

"Maybe I'll come inside and talk to your teacher when I take you to school tomorrow." Jack said.

"You're going to take me to school?" Conner asked the excitement in his voice making Jack feel guilty.

"Yeah, and I'm picking you up too." Jack said.

"Can we go eat lunch at the games place?" Conner asked.

"I have some things to help Kate with tomorrow son, but I'll try. Okay?" Jack asked.

"She can come too daddy." Conner offered.

"We'll see. Are you ready to get out?" Jack asked.

"No, I want to play." Conner said.

"Okay, I'll be in the bedroom. Yell when you're ready." Jack said.

Jack walked into the bedroom and lay down on the bed beside Kate. She held the Kangaroo up and smiled.

"Ziggy?" Kate asked deciding Jack had come up with the name.

"Yeah, he's go so many of those damn things I run out of ideas for names. Ziggy was always a fun cartoon to read." Jack said with a half smile.

"That's sweet that you help him name his stuffed animals. You and your son seem to have a wonderful relationship Jack, I'm not sure I'm buying the idea that you are a bad father.

"I never said I was a bad father, I'm just not as attentive as I should be, don't make enough time for him, but that's going to change. I should know that my son has a classmate with special needs shouldn't I?" Jack asked.

"Yes you should probably know as much about his classmates and friends as possible. Should he be in the bathtub by himself?" Kate asked.

"He's fine. He just needs me to lift him out because the tub is so deep. He used to refuse, but one time he slipped while he had one leg thrown over the side and well as you can imagine he cried for a long time." Jack told her, grimacing at the memory of his son crushing the family jewels on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub.

"He's a beautiful child Jack." Kate said.

"Thanks. Would care to join us downstairs for ice cream or anything at all I could convince you to eat?" Jack asked.

"I think I would like that and I think I could eat something." Kate said noticing the look of relief rush over his face and still a bit overwhelmed by how much he cared, but thankful that he did.

Jack helped Conner out of the tub and helped him dry off and put his pajamas on. He walked out of the bathroom and over to Kate who had gotten up and slipped her jeans on under the t-shirt she was wearing and was sitting on the bed putting some socks on her feet. Conner took her by the hand and urged her to come with him.

They walked downstairs to the kitchen. Jack made a sandwich for himself and for Kate and scooped some ice cream onto a cone for Conner. They ate in the kitchen, Kate quietly watching the two of them, missing her son and silently aching to pull the adorable child into her lap and hug him. Jack noticed the way Kate was looking at Conner and felt his heart breaking for her all over again. They finished their food and entered the family room, making themselves comfortable on the large overstuffed couch that sat in front of a large flat screen television. Conner sat in-between them, wanting to be next to his dad, but also wanting the attention of daddy's new friend.

Conner's relentless interrogation of Kate while on the couch seemed to help get her mind off of her grief for the moment so Jack let it go on, assuming the boy would tire eventually. They put in one of Conner's favorite movies and before long Conner settled down, stopped talking and within 30 minutes was curled up next to Jack sound asleep. Jack was deep in thought, not paying attention to the movie he'd seen at least 15 times and hadn't noticed Conner had gone to sleep.

"Jack." Kate whispered, but loud enough that he could tell she was upset.

He turned his attention to her and Conner immediately.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Hold him Jack. He just needs you to hold him." Kate said as the tears streamed down her cheeks.

Jack looked at the sleeping child and back at her. She got up from the couch and left the room. He turned off the movie, picked Conner up and carried him upstairs to his bedroom, tucking him in and turning his nightlight on as he left the room. He walked down the two hallways to his bedroom and found her sitting on the bed.

"Tired?" He asked.

"Not really." She said.

"Want to go back downstairs?" He asked.

"No, I'm sorry Jack, I shouldn't have said that. I guess acting like a lunatic is the new me." Kate apologized as she stepped out of the jeans and slipped back into the bed.

Jack crawled across the bed, stacked two of the pillows, lay on his back and held his arm open so she could cuddle up next to him. Once she appeared to be comfortable he let his arm drop around her, grabbed the remote and turned the television on.

"Kate it's only been a couple of days and you aren't acting like a lunatic, but I will tell you that Conner is a very loving, affectionate child and it won't take him very long to warm up to you and if that bothers you or makes you sad or uncomfortable you need to tell me and I'll talk to him about it." Jack said.

"Don't you dare even think about stifling that child's natural instinct to care and show affection because of me, besides I have to go home eventually, it's not like I'm going to be here forever." Kate said.

"You can stay here as long as you want Kate." He said sweetly, giving her a gentle squeeze.

Kate turned onto her side and so did he. She held his face in her hands and kissed him just like she had earlier, pushing her body into his as the kiss grew more passionate. He finally pulled back looking into her eyes trying to understand what she needed from him.

He finally returned her affection, opening his mouth and covering hers, locking them in a deep, heartfelt, passionate kiss. His mind battling with whether or not this was inappropriate and then finally shutting his analytical brain off and going with the moment when he felt her hands move inside his shorts.

He pulled her hands away and put them around his neck and continued to kiss her, sliding a hand gently inside the t-shirt she was wearing and cupping one of her breasts. She broke the kiss and buried her face in his neck.

"I know I shouldn't want you right now, but you are keeping me sane, making me feel like I'm still alive even though I feel so dead inside. I do want you Jack, please make love to me." She said softly, desperately.

He was confused, wondering if this was the best way to help her and if his physical aching desire to help her this way made him some kind of lustful pig. He slowly tugged at her panties until they were down to her knees and she worked them the rest of the way off. He reengaged her in a kiss and moved his hand between her legs. She did want him, her center wet, her crease slippery and responding to his touch. He slid a finger down and easily penetrated her with it, letting go of a moan and reaching for the button on his shorts. He unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts and reached inside, pulling himself out through the opening, ready to give her the relief she was begging for. He lifted her leg over his hip and moved closer, pushing himself inside her, feeling her breath hitch while her walls clenched around him briefly. He began moving himself in and out of her slowly, trying to be as gentle as possible, her fragile emotional state almost as fragile as her body felt to him.

She became agitated with his gentlemanly conduct and rolled him onto his back, sitting up and forcing him in so deep he had to take a deep breath and get himself under control. She lifted her t-shirt up and off, taking hold of his hands and pulling until he sat up to face her. She lifted his t-shirt up and off and ran her hands over his chest, kissing him hungrily, keeping him trapped inside her. She pushed on him until he lay back again and she began rotating over him, sitting up straight and riding him, panting and working hard for a release. He rubbed her swollen bulb trying to help her over the edge, but she couldn't get there, getting more and more worked up and becoming angry as she continued bouncing up and down on him, so hard at one point he had to grab her hips and slow her down because he wasn't sure, but he thought maybe she'd broke his penis, the pain shooting this groin at that moment enough to make him violent had the circumstances not been what they were.

He finally stilled her and rolled her onto her back, staying inside her, allowing the pain she'd just inflicted on him to subside. He held her close, trying to calm her down, soothe her. He kissed her slowly and deeply, keeping their bodies touching and their hands clutching. He began moving in and out of her while talking softly to her.

"Shh, it's okay Kate, just let it go. It hurts less if you just let it hurt. What happened sucks and you have every right to be so angry and so sad that you want to hit and scream until people understand what it's like to feel as bad as you do. I understand babe. I care so much and I'll do anything for you. Let it go Kate, share it with me every day, 50 times a day if that's what it takes to get the pain to a manageable place." He encouraged and tried to focus on making love to her slowly and sweetly while she let go of her anger and sadness and all consuming grief.

Tears streamed down her face as she put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, holding onto him and crying, feeling him moving in and out of her and realizing that as sad and miserable and heartbroken as she was being one with him like this made her feel warm and secure and whatever feelings she had for this man suddenly grew deeper and she cried and urged him on and when she felt the release building she relaxed and let him bring it out of her, moaning and thanking him through her tears while he came with her, no longer trying to fight his own tears, her reaching out to him on such a deep emotional level and trusting him to let him see her this raw touching him in a way he hadn't been touched in a long time.

He finished and stayed inside of her holding onto her, her face buried in his neck and his on the pillow by her ear, talking softly to her and reassuring her. After a few minutes he lifted his head and looked into her eyes. They both saw it and felt it, but neither were ready or willing to say it, instead coming together in another wet, passionate kiss that eventually led to them making love again, minus the anger and tears this time, just two people finding comfort and love in each other's arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Jack woke early the next morning, Kate snuggled close to him, legs tangled together, the sheets twisted around them the comforter nowhere to be found and the smell of sex permeating the room. He carefully eased himself out of her clutches and stood beside the rumpled bed. They'd been all over it numerous times during the night. He was physically exhausted and hoped any soreness she would have wasn't going to match the current ache in his balls. He found the comforter on the floor and quietly threw it over the bed, covering her completely with it, not ready to explain a naked woman in his bed to Conner. If he weren't so tired he might've stopped to consider the significance of Kate being the first woman ever allowed to still be in his bed when Conner woke up.

He walked into the bathroom and closed the door, turned the water to the shower on, went to the bathroom and stepped into the hot steamy water, letting it beat over his face and chest and then his back, applying soap and shampoo and then more soap and when he finally felt human again he shut the water off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist and walking back into the bedroom. She hadn't moved, still sleeping soundly, not crying and no evidence of her voracious appetite for him. She just looked peaceful, as peaceful as he'd known her to look.

He dressed, checked on Conner and went downstairs and outside to retrieve her things from his car. He pulled everything that belonged to TJ out of Kate's suitcase and put it in a bag he'd brought outside with him. He took the suitcase back into his house, dropping the bag with TJ's things on a table at the foot of the stairs, not sure what to do with it. He had about an hour before he needed to wake Conner up and hoped to be able to make some phone calls and enjoy at least one strong cup of coffee before he did.

After waking Conner and feeding him breakfast he went back upstairs to check on Kate. She was curled up in a ball under the comforter staring at the wall. He sat on the bed beside her and placed his hand gently on her shoulder.

"That was quite a night." Kate mumbled.

"Yeah." Jack said.

"You didn't like it?" Kate asked.

He leaned in and kissed her gently.

"If I didn't like it I wouldn't participate. What about you? Are you okay with it this morning?" He asked.

"I think I got a little carried away at times, and I think you're a very patient man for putting up with me, but yeah, I'm okay with it." Kate said in an apologetic tone.

"I don't put up with you, I care. There's a difference and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't enjoy every minute I get to spend making love to you even if I am running on fumes this morning." He said and leaned in and kissed her again, longer, wetter, allowing the intensity to build to passion before pulling away.

"Are you leaving?" She asked.

"I'm going to take Conner to school and run a couple of errands and then we can go to the funeral home. I finally brought your suitcase up. Feel free to use the phone and the shower and anything else in the house and please eat something." Jack said.

"How long will you be gone?" Kate asked."

"Not long. Will you be okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." She said softly.

"Are you sure Kate? I can get my sister-in-law to take him to school." Jack offered.

"No, don't do that. He's looking forward to you taking him to school. I'm fine." Kate said.

"You've got my cell phone number if you need anything. I'll see you in a few. Okay?" He said and kissed her one more time.

Jack took Conner to school and ran the few errands he had. He pulled back into the driveway of his home less that two hours after he'd left, grabbed the package in the seat next to him and made his way into the house. He closed the door and listened. The house was quiet. He thought about calling out to Kate, but if she was asleep he didn't want to wake her. He walked around and finally went upstairs, still clutching the bag he'd carried into the house with him. He found her in his bedroom, lying on the bed, showered and dressed for the day, clutching the sweater TJ had been wearing at the cabin. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his hand over her back.

"I can still smell him on this." Kate said and held it to her face.

He didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. All he could do was be there for her. She noticed the bag in his hand and looked up at him.

"What's in the bag?" She asked.

"I took the memory card out of your camera this morning and took it to the drug store. They printed the pictures and put them in this for you." Jack said as he handed Kate a small photo album with all the pictures from their day in the snow with TJ.

"Is that the snow pictures?" Kate asked in an appreciative, but apprehensive tone.

"Yeah, I had them put this one in a frame for you." Jack said as he pulled out the picture he took of TJ and Kate cheek to cheek with the mountain in the background. It was framed in a square, white frame that had a heart carved into the center of each side of the frame.

Kate sat up and took the photo from him, running her fingers lightly over TJ's face in the photo.

"He was so happy." Kate choked out and let go of her tears.

"He was and so were you. You can tell how much he loved you." Jack said.

Kate held onto the photo and wrapped her arms his neck, hugging him and thanking him and crying. He returned the hug and held on until she was ready to pull away. They sat together on the bed and looked through the pictures of TJ's last day, laughing at the different shots of the completed snowman and both agreeing the shot of TJ's face when they opened the door and he saw the snow was the one they'd blow up and display with his casket.

Jack finally took the photo album and placed it on the nightstand beside the bed along with the framed photo. He stood and took Kate's hands and pulled her up and into him. He kissed her and hugged her tightly.

She knew it was time to go to the funeral home. They could put it off if she wanted to, but there were people who wanted to pay their respects to TJ. She didn't want her dead child on display, but she was willing to allow a closed casket viewing with a picture displayed as soon as she herself decided she was satisfied with the way her son looked.

They drove to the funeral home in silence, stopping by the drug store with the memory card to have the one photo printed out large enough to fill a 24 inch frame. Jack kept his arm wrapped tightly around her waist as they entered the facility. He could feel her body begin to tremble as they followed the man to the room where TJ's casket was being prepared for visitors to view. They could smell the fresh flowers as they got closer to the room and Kate caught a glimpse of the casket, the lid open and just enough of TJ to stop her in her tracks. She turned away from the casket and buried her face in Jack's chest.

"I'll give you some privacy. Take as much time as you need and let me know if there is anything at all that needs to be better." The funeral director said and left the room.

Jack nodded at the man and didn't attempt to move. He looked at the small casket with the child laid out in it and felt his stomach knot up. He couldn't think of anything more unnatural than viewing something like this.

"I can't do this Jack. I can't look at my little boy in that thing. Please just get me out of here." Kate insisted, crying and clutching two handfuls of his shirt, refusing to turn around.

Jack slowly moved them toward the casket, knowing this was something she had to do, all part of the closure process and he knew that once you take in the view, absorb it and process it that it's not as frightening as your mind is telling you it might be. He stopped them about 3 feet from the casket and talked softly to her.

"You can do this Kate." Jack said.

"No, I don't want to. Just tell me if he looks okay. Does he look scared?" Kate managed to choke out.

She was growing weaker or fainter by the moment. He could feel more and more of her weight falling into him.

"He looks very peaceful Kate, like he's sleeping. I know you're scared, afraid that what you'll see will be too awful to handle, but I promise it's not. Turn around and make peace with this Kate and I promise I won't let go of you." Jack encouraged.

Kate slowly turned around. Jack kept his harm wrapped around her stomach, holding her close to his body. She walked to the edge of the casket and he could feel her hold her breath for a long time and then he could feel it hitching, her body about to crumble into an emotional pile of broken pieces and he tightened the hold he had on her.

Kate moved her hands over his little body, caressing his tiny hands and face, unhappy with the make-up that came off on her hands. She leaned in and kissed his cold lips and placed his blanket and favorite stuffed toy in the casket with him.

"Mommy loves you so much baby and I will miss you every minute of every day." Kate said through her tears as she continued to stroke the child's hands and face.

They stood in front of the casket for awhile, him holding her up and her taking her time and saying goodbye, waiting until she felt like she could allow them to close the lid on him for good.

"Okay Jack, I'm ready. I'm ready to walk away now." Kate said.

"Are you sure?" Jack asked softly.

"Yes. That's not TJ. It's just a shell of what used to be my sweet, courageous little boy. Tell them to close the lid. I want people to remember TJ, not his corpse." Kate insisted.

"Okay, we'll tell them on the way out." Jack offered.

"No! Now! I want to see them do it!" Kate demanded.

"Kate, are you sure you want…………" Jack tried to argue.

"Now Jack!" She yelled getting the attention of the funeral director.

"Is everything okay in here?" He asked.

"Yes, um, she wants you to close it now, for good and display the picture we brought. She won't leave until she sees you do that." Jack said.

"Are you sure Ms. Austen?" The man asked.

"Yes, I'm sure! I don't want anyone to see him like that. Do it now please." Kate told him, her body trembling against Jack's.

Jack remembered Emily's funeral and how the casket had been opened for everyone to walk by and pay their final respects. He remembered the family being kept in the chapel after everyone had left and the final words being spoken and he remembered sitting on the front row, the casket right in front of him, watching them put the blanket over her face and closing the lid on her and then locking the casket, the sound of it echoing through the room and echoing through his mind every night for months as he tried to go to sleep. He remembered the brief moment of panic he felt when that key was turned, the instant knowledge that it was really over, that he'd never see his beautiful wife again, that they'd just locked that door of this life and thrown away the key.

He remembered that feeling and he didn't want Kate to experience it, but he couldn't stop her. She was angry and grief-stricken and wanted what she wanted right now, there would be no talking her out of it, so he just held onto her knowing that it was going to most likely hit her the same way it had hit him, but probably worse because he had a small baby, a piece of Emily to hold onto that day while Kate had nothing by the emptiness that losing a child would leave.

They stood together and watched the funeral director place the framed photo of TJ on the pedestal beside the casket and then watched him close the lid on the casket. Jack could feel her growing weaker, feel her sobbing increase and breathing become erratic. When they turned the key he felt her dropping to her knees and he went down with her, turning her to face him, holding the man off with his hand while pulling her into him with the other. He cradled her in his arms while she cried for her loss, for that door of her life being officially locked and the key thrown away and while he couldn't protect her from this horrible sense of loss and emptiness he could support her and give her something to hold on to, just as he had clung to his six month old child in that painful moment.

The funeral director brought them a bottle of water and cool cloth and left Jack to bring her back in private and when she was ready to stand up and walk out of, they put their arms around each other's waist and walked out together, taking a moment to glance back at the picture of the smiling, happy little boy displayed beside the small casket covered with blue and yellow flowers.

They drove to Conner's school and Kate went inside with Jack to get him. Jack glanced into the room and saw his son sitting alone right beside the teacher and wondered if he'd gotten into trouble again. He waited for the bell to ring and entered the classroom. Conner approached them, looking a little sad.

"Hi Daddy." Conner said softly.

"Hey buddy. Can you stay here with Kate for a minute while I go talk to your teacher?" Jack asked the boy.

"Okay daddy. You want to see where I usually sit Kate?" Conner asked.

"Sure." Kate said and let the boy take her by the hand and over to his desk.

Jack watched them for a few seconds and walked over to where the young teacher was seated.

"Hi, I'm Jack Shephard, we met on parent's night I think." Jack said.

"Yes, we did. You have a very bright little boy Mr. Shephard." The woman said.

"Thank you. Is everything okay? I noticed he seemed to be in trouble again today." Jack said.

"That must be Kate." The woman said pointing at Kate who was currently being dragged through the classroom looking at all of Conner's pictures on the wall.

"How did you?" Jack asked not quite sure what to ask.

"Conner drew a picture today, a picture of an angel holding a little boy. He was very proud of it and told me he made it for Kate because she was sad and he wanted to give her something. The drawing was quite good and I suppose Tony didn't appreciate the attention Conner was getting over his drawing so he took a black marker and scribbled all over it." The teacher explained to Jack.

"This Tony sounds like quite a handful." Jack said.

"He probably has some issues at home that make him act out the way he does, but that doesn't mean he gets to be excused for what he did to Danny yesterday or what he did to Conner today." The teacher told him.

"So why was Conner in trouble?" Jack asked.

"He wasn't. He was close to being devastated by what Tony did and the only way I could console him was to allow him to come sit by me and make another picture for Kate. He didn't get to finish it so he made me promise to lock it in my desk until tomorrow. Your son has a very big heart." She told Jack.

"Yes he does and thank you for dealing with the picture thing the way you did." Jack said and stood to leave.

Conner ran up to him excited and ready to go. Jack picked him up, chuckling at how excited he was when a few minutes ago he looked as if his world was coming to an end.

"Daddy, Kate said she will come to the games place with us. Can we go? Please daddy." Conner asked.

Jack looked at Kate. She looked tired and he knew what she'd just been through emotionally and wondered if she really felt like spending a couple of hours in a restaurant/arcade. She smiled at him and nodded, knowing what he was thinking.

"Get your backpack son and we can go." Jack said as he set the boy down.

Conner ran to his desk, grabbed his backpack and then grabbed Kate's hand.

"Let's go dad." Conner insisted and led Kate out of the classroom with Jack following behind.

They drove to the restaurant/arcade with Conner chattering happily about his day with no mention of the picture or what Tony had done to it. They sat together in a corner booth, with Conner between them and ate Lunch. Kate mostly played with her food, but Jack noticed that she did eat about half of the club sandwich she ordered and decided it was progress over the two bites of her sandwich she'd eaten the night before.

They had a good time in the arcade and Jack noticed that Conner had managed to get Kate to laugh a couple of times. His son seemed intent on making things not sad for Kate and it was working for the moment. She didn't seem to mind that Conner had latched onto her and made her his playmate for the day, holding her hand and leading her around the arcade, convincing her to ride in a bumper car with him and helping him beat his dad at a game of air hockey.

Conner fell asleep in the car on the way home and Kate was close to nodding off by the time he pulled into the driveway. Jack carried Conner into the house and put him in his bed and convinced Kate to lay down with him on the couch in the family room and watch television. They both slept until Conner woke them up about an hour later.

Later that evening, Jack was busy pulling the bath toys out of the Jacuzzi while Conner was in the bedroom putting his pajamas on. He walked out to check on Conner's progress and found him staring at the picture of Kate and TJ that was on the nightstand beside the bed.

"You ready for your ice cream?" Jack asked.

"Is that Kate's little boy dad?" Conner asked.

"Yes son, his name was TJ." Jack said waiting for the barrage of questions that he was sure would follow, but never did.

Conner just seemed to process the information and was ready to go downstairs for ice cream. Jack walked into the kitchen not noticing that Conner was no longer behind him. He'd made a detour into the family room. He found Kate sitting on the couch and crawled up beside her. Jack turned around to ask Conner what flavor he wanted, looked puzzled for a moment and then realized immediately that Conner had saved the barrage of questions for Kate and hurried into the family room to try to muzzle him before he upset her.

"How come TJ went to heaven Kate?" Conner asked just as Jack entered the room.

"Conner, I don't think………" Jack started to interrupt the child but was stopped by Kate.

"It's okay Jack." Kate said and turned to face the inquisitive child.

"Sometimes children get very sick Conner." Kate told him.

"But my daddy can make sick people better. How come he couldn't make TJ better?" Conner asked.

"Your dad couldn't make him well Conner, nobody could. Sometimes people are just too sick or too broken to be fixed." Kate explained, her voice calm, no hint that the conversation was upsetting her.

Conner seemed to think hard and long about this and finally sat up on his knees and kissed Kate on the cheek and hugged her. He pulled back and Kate saw the tears running down the little boy's cheeks.

"What's the matter honey?" Kate asked.

"I don't want to go to heaven and leave my dad here." Conner cried.

"Oh sweetie, don't think like that. My little boy was very sick for a long time and you aren't. I think you and your dad will be together for a very long time." Kate reassured him.

"I don't want you to be sad Kate. Me and my dad will keep you company." Conner asked.

"Thank you Conner. I will always miss TJ and that will make me sad sometimes, but I think having you for a friend will help cheer me up." Kate told him starting to become emotional and giving Jack a look of desperation as Conner hugged her again.

Jack pulled Conner away from Kate and took him into the kitchen for his ice cream cone. He could hear her crying as he left the room and found that the lump that had developed in his throat while watching the scene was making it difficult to swallow.

When Conner finished his ice cream Jack took him upstairs to his bedroom and read to him until he fell asleep, wanting to give Kate some time to be alone and not have to deal with accepting affection from his five year old while her body was still longing to hold her own child so bad she could still feel him in her arms.

Jack came downstairs and found Kate on the couch flipping through the small photo album he'd given her earlier that day. He sat beside her and put his arm around her. She leaned back into him and let the back of her head relax on his shoulder.

"He was such a beautiful little boy Jack. I miss him so much. I remember when I was in labor with TJ, I kept thinking that nothing could hurt this bad and be survivable. That's how I feel right now. Can I really hurt this much and find a way to go on?" Kate asked.

"It probably doesn't seem possible today, but it shouldn't feel possible today. One day at a time is the only way to do it Kate and you're going to have good days and bad days. Hopefully you'll let me experience both with you." Jack said.

"Are you trying to make me fall in love with you Jack?" Kate asked.

"I don't have any hidden agendas here Kate, but would that be the worst thing that could happen?" He asked.

"I don't know. Should a person be toying with such a powerful emotion at a time like this?" Kate asked.

"Hell if I know. I guess if two people fall in love it doesn't matter what circumstances led to them finding each other, it only matters what they do once they have found each other." Jack answered.

"You're a mystery Jack. Dead wife or not, there's no reason why someone like you should be alone. I keep waiting for Mr. Hyde to show up and I'll be honest and tell you that it scares me. I'm fighting hard, trying not to allow myself to feel anything for you, but I'm failing miserably." Kate said.

"There is no Mr. Hyde Kate. This is the real me. I told you, I work a lot, sometimes seven days a week, 12 to 14 hours a day, and the rest of my time goes to Conner. That doesn't leave much time to pamper a woman and they don't like it. I dated a woman for about a year. We split up about a month before I met you in San Francisco. Can you believe she actually brought me pamphlets to private boarding schools? She wanted to send my five year old away to live with strangers and that seemed like an okay thing to her?" Jack explained.

"Yet you've done nothing but pamper me for days Jack. Why?" Kate asked.

"I don't have an answer for that Kate except that I genuinely care. If you want to hear that I just never cared enough about those other women to pamper them then I can look you in the eyes and tell you that is true. You're the first woman I've been with that hasn't had to compete with a ghost; that has actually managed to push my memories of Emily out of my mind. Trust me, nothing ruins a relationship quicker than rolling over and whispering your dead wife's name into your lover's ear." Jack explained making her laugh a little.

"You don't think about Emily when you're with me?" Kate asked.

"No. When I'm with you, whether we are just lying together talking or riding roller coasters or having sex, you are the only woman on my mind." Jack said.

"I appreciate your honesty Jack. You don't talk about it, but I get the sense that you loved your wife with all your heart and admitting that you might finally be letting go of her must be very difficult. As for Conner, well he's an adorable, caring, sweet carbon copy of his father and any witch that would consider sending him away deserved to be dumped. Please tell me those weren't her panties I was wearing." Kate said making him chuckle.

"Actually she dumped me when I refused to consider sending Conner away to school and she wasn't the type to leave her underwear behind so no worries there either." He told her, smiling at the normal conversation they were having in the middle of the tragic situation they were dealing with.

Kate moved into his lap, straddling him and placing her hands on his shoulders while his hands instinctively went around her waist and held onto her lower back. They looked into each other's eyes for a long time, neither speaking. She kissed him lightly and pulled back.

"What are we doing here Jack?" Kate asked.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"I mean we've known each other for a week, you've shared something with me that nobody should have to and you continue to be my rock. I'm walking around your house like I live here and your son is latching onto me. What are we doing?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. I guess we're just coping." Jack answered.

"And how long do we continue to just cope?" Kate asked.

"Until you're ready to take the next step in your life, whether that's going back to work or packing up TJ's things or deciding to stay here for awhile. One day at a time Kate." Jack answered.

"What was your next step Jack, when your wife died, I mean?" Kate asked.

"My next step was to eliminate all evidence of her existence. Her clothes, her favorite things, her furniture, her house, our bed, all of it given away and the house put up for sale. Of course there was Conner so I guess my laboring for weeks trying to eliminate her existence was an exercise in futility because she's looking right back at me every single day." Jack admitted.

"Did it help you deal with the pain?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I guess it did." Jack said.

"Then I guess it wasn't futile." Kate said and smiled at him.

"This isn't about me Kate." Jack said.

"Maybe it is just a little bit Jack. Maybe we're supposed to heal each other." Kate offered and kissed him some more.

"Maybe." Jack whispered and returned her kisses, pulling her closer, moving his hands over her back in a slow sensual manner as he deepened the kiss.

He moved his tongue over her lips begging for entrance and pushing in slowly when she opened up for him. They'd nearly perfected the dance in the week they'd known each other, both seeming to know how to move their tongue in perfect rhythm with the other, slowly tasting and teasing the other, the naughtiness of their perfected dance arousing and drawing the now familiar desire for one another out of them.

He slipped his hands inside the back of her shirt and unhooked her bra, gliding his fingers forward, pushing the unfastened undergarment up and away from her breasts, his large hands cupping both of them, massaging them with slow gentle squeezes and finally pulling out of the kiss and pulling her shirt up and off her. He pushed the bra straps down her arms and tossed it to the floor with her shirt. She sat in front of him, nude from the waist up, her dark brown curls hanging down around the front, creeping toward the top of her breasts. He pushed the hair back letting his fingertips glide lightly across her skin, making her shiver. He held the hair back and brought his mouth to her neck, kissing lightly, moving his tongue behind her ear and nibbling lightly on the lobe.

She squirmed in his lap, his kisses and nibbling tickling and tantalizing her at the same time. Her breasts skimmed the outside of his shirt while she was squirming, the sensation on her nipples going directly to her groin making her moan and gyrate over his crotch, feeling him harden through his jeans. He held his warm and gentle hands on her back while his mouth moved down her chest, kissing her breasts and rolling his tongue over each nipple, sucking each one into his mouth, making the bud hard and moving to the other side, making her gyrate harder into him.

She scooted back away from him enough to pull his shirt up and off, wanting to feel his warm, firm, hairy chest against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her into him, kissing her passionately while he repositioned them, laying her back onto the couch, letting her head rest on one of the throw pillows and taking his position beside her so he could play with her body for awhile. He kept his mouth moving over hers and she felt his hand move down to her waistband, his fingers gliding just inside for a moment and then nimbly unbuttoning and unzipping her pants, allowing his hand to slide inside the opening and into the front of her panties. He slid his middle finger down her crease and back up, the wetness making him moan and begin pushing her jeans and panties out of his way.

He pushed the clothes past her hips and knees, leaving them wrapped around her ankles, hungrily kissing her while his hand slid back down to her crease, encouraging her to bend her knees and open up for him so he could feel all of her. She felt his finger slowly swirling through her lips, spreading her slippery juices over her, the heat in her loin intensifying with every swirl as she became wetter and felt him smile while kissing her. He stopped kissing her and moved his mouth down to her breasts and brought his mouth down to her nipple sucking it hard into his mouth while his finger gently penetrated her the simultaneous rough and gentle sensations making her moan loudly and allow her legs to relax in the bent position, her jeans still wrapped around her ankles, her eyes closed and body relaxed enjoying what he was doing to her.

He continued the slow, gentle penetration below coupled with intense sucking and occasional biting above, his thumb gently rubbing over her clit, while his finger slid slowly in and out. Her nipples would be sore in the morning, but she didn't care and urged him to suck harder. He did and he felt her legs clamp shut as her center quivered around him, panting and holding tight, making sure his hand couldn't move, everything too sensitive for him to touch. He kept his hand still and moved his head back up to hers, kissing her once more before finally pulling his hand away and standing up.

He reached for his belt and she stopped him, insisting he let her do it. She unfastened his belt and carefully unfastened his jeans, sliding them down his hips and legs until they hit the floor and he stepped out of them. He was bulging against the confines of his grey boxer briefs. She ran her fingernails over his hardness through the material making him shiver and then she slid the boxer briefs down the same path his jeans took leaving his cock standing hard and firm in front of her. She took him into her hands and then into her mouth, nearly knocking him off balance. He ran his fingers through her hair and watched her swallow him and then pull back until he couldn't take it anymore. He pulled away from her and pulled her up to her feet.

She stepped out of her jeans and panties and he turned them around. He sat down on the couch and she followed, straddling him and hovering just above his tip. She put him into position and slowly slid down onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck and him holding firmly to her waist and she began to move up and down slowly, their eyes locked on each other, both focused on the heat between them and the sweet release that would come eventually. He felt her walls clench around him and held her still while she came. When she finished he laid himself back onto the couch and pulled her forward, her naked body sprawled over his chest moving slowing forward and back while she kissed him and then sucked on his nipples, picking up her pace a little and coming again, this one making her scream and him covering her mouth with his to muffle it before it woke Conner.

She collapsed over his chest, still connected, but too tired to keep humping over him. He rolled them onto her sides facing each other, lifted her leg over his hip and continued pushing into her unable to get there so he pulled out and rolled her onto her back and entered her again. She wrapped her legs around him and felt the warm sensation rush though her body as he took his time and loved her, bringing another mind numbing orgasm out of her before letting his own go and then collapsing in each others arms on the couch, naked and exposed both physically and emotionally.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Thanks for all the nice reviews and for sticking with it. Hopefully after this chapter things will start to lighten up a bit and not be so depressing.**_

They had gathered their strewn clothes and walked upstairs. Kate talked him into relaxing with her in the Jacuzzi which led to more lovemaking when they got out, his warm freshly washed skin with just a hint of the rain shower scented bath salts clinging to him too much for her to resist and him not the least bit interested in being resistant to her advances. He was falling in love with her, he knew it and he no longer wondered if her situation, her needing him so much is what made her seem so loveable to him, because it wasn't. It was her, everything about her and not any one thing he could put his finger on.

He'd wanted to take her back to his hotel room that first night and make love until the sun came up, but he resisted partially because of what she was dealing with, but also because she scared him. In the few hours he'd spent with her she'd triggered things in him he decided had died with Emily and yet there they were, the sweaty palms, the anticipation, the school boy giddiness of truly enjoying and being overwhelmed by the presence of the female beside him. It was the first time in five years he felt the fire in the pit of stomach reignite and it wasn't until that moment that he realized how lonely he'd been, how detached he was from the world that was going on around him, his passions in life had become his work and his son, the rest of him completely shut off from everyone and everything.

Jack recognized the familiar signs and it was easy for him since he'd only felt what he was feeling for Kate with one other person. Emily or "Em" as he called her had captured his heart the very first day and captivated his thoughts every day afterward and Kate had pretty much done the same thing, blindsided him and unwittingly brought him back to life. As he lay in bed on his side, propped up on his elbow, delicately gliding his fingers over her bare shoulder and back, enough so he could curb his urge to touch her, but lightly enough that it hopefully wouldn't wake her up, he thought about the time he'd spent with Kate.

So much of their time together had been racked with her attempting to survive something so painful that she had to remind herself to breathe and him doing his best to just be there for her. But their moments together when it was just him and her had been some of the most special moments he'd spent with a woman since Emily. He didn't bother burdening himself with the guilt that Emily wouldn't like it because she would've wanted him to move on and find some peace and happiness and if she could have she would've kicked him in the ass a long time ago and insisted he get back in the game. Kate was right, as much as he was focused on helping her, she was helping him, which he found a bit surprising because up until the day she walked into his life he had no idea he needed help, although his perceptive five year old son seemed to be keenly aware of the fact that his father was in need of something more in his life.

Kate began to stir and then finally rolled over to look into the eyes of the source of the gentle caresses she'd been enjoying for the last 15 minutes.

"Good morning." She purred as she let her fingernails glide gently though the hair on his chest.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." He apologized.

"That's a nice way to wake up." She told him and moved closer, her thighs and crotch making contact with him and moaning when she realized he was fully erect.

"I can think of nicer ways to wake you up, but I'll save that for another day." He teased.

"It feels like you've been thinking pretty hard about waking me up like that already." She teased back as she wrapped her soft hand around his length and began slowly pumping up and down.

"Actually I've just been thinking about you and watching you sleep, if I'd allowed my mind to wander to the naughty side of things you'd probably have a mess in your hand right now." He said with a light chuckle.

"I'd rather have the mess inside of me." She said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged until he rolled over on top of her, supporting his weight on one arm and looking into her eyes.

She brought his mouth down to hers and he kissed her passionately while they worked together to get their lower bodies positioned, both moaning simultaneously as he entered her. They began making love and had settled into a steady rhythm and just as he was about to pick up the pace Conner knocked on the door.

"Daddy, I'm awake and I'm hungry." Conner called.

Jack didn't break stride, but answered the child as best he could.

"Okay bud, I'll be out in a minute." Jack called out trying not to sound as desperate as he felt.

"What are you doing dad? Why is the door locked?" Conner asked.

"Um…I'm exercising." Jack lied and continued to move in and out of her, feeling her getting close and feeling his own release getting close and just wanted the child to get out of earshot so he could go wild for two minutes and get both of them off.

"Can I come in and watch?" Conner asked making both Jack and Kate stifle the desire to laugh.

"I'm almost done Conner. If you go downstairs and get things ready for me I'll let you have chocolate milk with your breakfast." Jack shamelessly bribed the child.

"In a big cup?" Conner asked.

"Jesus….(grumbling under his breath, trying to control the panting)…..you can have any cup you want Conner!'' Jack called out trying to remain patient and then picked up the pace, realizing if the boy was still out there he'd hear the sound of him pounding her into the mattress below them, but he'd lost all parental sense about five minutes ago.

They both came hard within a minute of Conner scampering away from the door, locking their mouths together in a wet, sloppy kiss to muffle the noises. When they both bottomed out and relaxed he broke the kiss and moved off of her, lying on his back just long enough to catch his breath before he tried to make himself look composed to his inquisitive child.

"That was close." Kate giggled.

"No kidding, but I was ready to up the ante and offer to buy him a new video game if that's what it took." Jack teased.

"Well, you better get down there while you're still all sweaty and out of breath." Kate suggested.

"Why's that?" Jack asked.

"Well you did tell him you were exercising." Kate reminded.

Jack chuckled and rolled out of bed. He slipped on a pair of jeans and left the room in search of Conner.

When he got to the kitchen Conner had the eggs, milk and bread on one of the counters and was standing on another counter, reaching for the top shelf of one of the cupboards ready to put a foot onto the bottom shelf of the cupboard so he could reach higher. Jack hurried across the kitchen and pulled him away from the open cupboard.

"Son, don't climb in the cupboards, you'll fall and get hurt." Jack said and sat the boy on one of the barstools.

"I got everything ready dad." Conner told him and pointed at the ingredients on the counter.

"I guess you want french toast this morning?" Jack asked.

"Nope, scrambled eggs and toast." Conner told him.

"What's the milk for?" Jack asked.

"You said I could have chocolate milk, but the chocolate is up too high." Conner complained.

"Okay, I'll make the eggs and you can make the chocolate milk and Conner, try to have some milk with the chocolate this time." Jack told him handing him the can of Chocolate powder, the milk, a glass and a spoon.

"You said I could have a big cup dad." Conner objected.

Jack chuckled at the fact that as young as Conner was he could get nothing by him. He reached into another cupboard and found a cup that had to hold at least 24 ounces of liquid and set it down in front of Conner.

"There ya go and if you drink all that I'll probably have to have your stomach pumped." Jack told him.

"What's stomach pumped?" Conner asked.

"Never mind, that's just me telling you not to fill up on chocolate milk, save some room for these eggs I'm getting ready to make." Jack told him.

"Are you picking me up at school today?" Conner asked.

"No, Aunt Jenna will be picking you up today. I have to do something with Kate today." Jack said and he cooked the eggs.

"Oh you're burying her son today huh?" Conner suggested as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"Conner, that's…….where'd you hear that?" Jack asked.

"I heard you yelling on the phone last night that Kate was burying her son today and that…..well, I'm not allowed to say what you said after that." Conner told him.

"You're not supposed to listen to daddy when's he's on the phone though are you?" Jack reminded him.

"No, sorry dad, but how come you and grandpa always fight?" Conner asked.

"We don't always fight Conner, we just don't agree on things very often so it probably sounds like we're fighting." Jack said.

"Dad what is burying?" Conner asked.

"Do you remember when your hamster died and we dug a hole out back and put him in a box and put him in the hole? That's burying something." Jack told him.

"They're going to put TJ in a box and put him in the dirt?" Conner asked sounding a bit disturbed by the idea.

Jack sighed heavily, put the scrambled eggs on a plate, placed them in front of Conner, leaned on his elbows on the breakfast bar and looked his son in the eyes.

"You ask some really hard questions sometimes son. Let's not talk about this right now and promise me that you will not ask Kate about this because it will make her very sad." Jack said.

"Okay daddy, but if I die I don't want to be in the dirt." Conner said his bottom lip quivering.

Jack realized the idea of being buried in the dirt wasn't something Conner was ready to process mentally and wished he'd stopped being pissed off at his father long enough to realize that his five year was standing close by listening to his phone conversation. He picked Conner up along with his large glass of milk and carried both into his office. While Conner sat in his dad's lap drinking his milk and nibbling on a piece of toast, Jack patiently and delicately attempted to explain what happens to a person when they die. He found pictures on the internet of a casket so he could show him that TJ wasn't in a shoebox and he found a picture of a cemetery and of a funeral to show him. When they were done Conner's small stomach was extended beyond capacity, full of chocolate milk, his young mind seemingly eased for the moment and the child looked up at Jack.

"So is that what happened to my mommy?" Conner asked.

"Yes." Jack answered.

Conner thought for a moment and looked up with thoughtful eyes.

"Daddy I would be scared if you put me in the dirt all by myself. Can they put TJ next to mommy so he won't be scared?" Conner asked.

Jack gently pulled the child into his chest with the arm he had wrapped around him as a gesture of reassurance and kissed the top of his head.

"He's not scared baby because the part of you that gets scared, the part that lives inside you and feels things like being happy or sad or scared, doesn't go into the dirt. That part of TJ has probably been cuddled up with your mom for days." Jack said softly.

"I hope TJ likes my mom as much as I like his." Conner said with a satisfied smile and squirmed out of Jack's lap.

Jack followed Conner out of his office, running into Kate who was standing just outside the door. Her eyes were filled with tears and he instinctively pulled her into his chest for a hug.

"I'm sorry Kate. He's a little freaked out and has a lot of questions." Jack apologized.

She pulled back and kissed him gently.

"It's okay Jack, we're all a little freaked out. You handled that very well and apparently he likes me." Kate told him.

"What's not to like." Jack said sweetly.

"I need to go home Jack." Kate said.

"Do you need some things?" Jack asked.

"No Jack, I mean I need to go home to stay. I can't keep living here and letting you do everything for me. I'm burying my son today and tomorrow I need to get back to normal, whatever that is." Kate insisted.

Jack looked at her, acceptance, closure and full blown denial all pouring out of her at once. The easiest way to face the idea that you're going to put a loved one in the ground is to look past it, look at it as the final detail before you can just move on. He wanted to argue and insist she stay with him, but he knew he had to let her feel her way through this awful day and be there when her delusions about just moving on came crashing down on her.

"Okay if that's what you really want. Do you want me to drop you when I take Conner to school?" Jack asked.

"You sure you aren't upset Jack?" Kate asked.

"No, of course not, whatever you feel like you need to do, it's fine." Jack said.

"Yes, I would like to go when you take Conner so I can shower and find the right dress to wear, but you'll pick me up and drive me to the cemetery right?" Kate asked.

Jack nodded and she excused herself to gather her things.

Jack drove Conner to school and dropped Kate off at her house. She insisted he not come in with her and he said he'd be back at noon to pick her up. He drove to the hospital to check on and release a couple of patients and did everything possible to avoid his father. He was just about to the elevator when he heard his voice calling to him. He turned around and reluctantly followed his father into a nearby conference room.

"Dad I don't have a lot of time." Jack said.

"Relax Jack, I didn't call you in here to lecture you on all of your shortcomings." Christian said.

Jack just looked at him. All of his shortcomings? There were so many he actually had a mental list of them?

"I want you to give this to Kate." Christian said and handed Jack a check.

"Dad, this is $20,000. Jesus, how much did you offer her to be my date?" Jack asked.

"I offered her $500 a day and I want to help. Funerals aren't cheap, but you know that." Christian said.

"His funeral is paid for dad." Jack objected.

"You paid for it?" Christian asked as if it were the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.

"No dad I didn't, but I would've if she'd needed me to. This isn't an act of good will, you're trying to buy her off aren't you? Hoping she'll take the money and stay away from me?" Jack accused.

"You're paranoid son." Christian scoffed.

"Am I?" Jack shot back.

"Yes, you are. You can sleep with anyone you want." Christian said.

"As long as I don't take it seriously, commit or god forbid, allow a woman to distract me." Jack said angrily.

"Jack, you're still living under the delusion that you can have it all, but you can't. You either want to be the best surgeon this city has ever seen or you want to settle for just being average. Women like Kate don't understand the drive it takes to be the best because, well if they did, they wouldn't be where they are in their lives." Christian lectured.

"When did you become such a snob dad?" Jack asked.

"I'm not a snob Jack, I'm a realist. Kate is a lovely girl, but she's a waitress Jack. Who grows up wanting to be a waitress?" Christian said.

"Did it ever occur to you that sometimes a person's circumstances determine where they end up and what is wrong with being a waitress? Could you do it? It's an honest living and probably one that allowed her to be flexible enough to deal with the needs of a terminally ill child." Jack defended her.

"If I had known…..look Jack, I just wanted you to have a good time in San Francisco, loosen up, relax and take pride in your accomplishments. Take the check and give it to her and walk away son." Christian stressed in his 'father knows best' tone.

Jack tore the check up and let the pieces fall on the floor between them.

"Give it her yourself." Jack spat, turned and walked away.

Jack left the hospital angry, feeling like his head might explode. He sat in his car for a moment and refocused on what was important today. In less than an hour Kate would be saying her final goodbye to her child. Remembering her face earlier that day when she'd heard his conversation with Conner was all it took to get him to refocus and push any anger toward his father out of his mind.

He stood in the living room of her home waiting for her to finish getting ready. He looked around at the pictures of TJ all over the place and the way the living room had been turned into an infirmary. He noticed the oxygen tank, the cart stocked with alcohol, sterile gauze pads and the syringes used with his feeding tube. He noticed the small catheter needles and tubes and assumed she'd been tasked with making sure TJ's bladder was completely emptied at least once a day to keep infections from setting in. He cringed at the idea of having to inflict that kind of pain on your child once a day and his admiration for her increased. He noticed the small bed set up in the living room and decided that it must've been easier for her to centrally locate everything.

Looking around at the remnants of the cruel disease the claimed her son's life made him glad he hadn't chose oncology as his specialty, certain that he'd be at war with himself constantly over what's morally ethical and what's medically ethical and seeing daily that there are so many things in life that are worse than death.

She entered the room and snapped him out of his thoughts. She wore a simple, tasteful brown dress and seemed somewhat detached. He put his arm around her waist and took hold of her hand.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"No, but it doesn't matter. Let's go." She answered and pulled away from him.

"Kate." He said in worried tone.

"Don't! Okay, just don't hover! I don't want you to take care of me today Jack! Just let me get through this on my own. Please." Kate snapped at him.

He didn't respond. He simply placed his hand on her lower back and escorted her out of the house and to the car. They drove to the cemetery in silence, pulling in behind the short line of cars that had formed. He stepped out of the car and walked over to her side of the car and opened the door. She sat silently staring ahead, the casket and flowers and line of chairs underneath the green tent clearly visible. He squatted down beside her and placed a comforting hand on her leg.

"I don't think I can go up there Jack. I feel like I'm going to throw up." Kate said.

"Yes you can, because I'm going to walk up there with you and if you stumble I'll catch you and if you get sick I'll hold your head for you." Jack said sweetly.

She took hold of his hand and let him help her out of the car. He put his arm around her waist and held onto her, allowing her to lean into him and begin the short walk to the casket.

"Thank you." She whispered.

They walked up the hill slowly, stopping to allow friends to speak to her and hug her. They finally took their seats right in front of the casket and Kate sat eerily quiet beside him, no tears and barely any sign that she was breathing. When it was over they sat together while the line of people walked by and paid their respects and placed flowers on or beside the casket. Kate finally stood and placed a single white rose on top of the casket and turned away quickly.

They began walking back to the car, him holding her and her letting him, neither looking back. He helped her settle into the car and drove her home. He walked her to her door and she insisted he go home, that she needed to be alone so he kissed her goodbye and walked back to his car, worried, but willing to give her as much space as she needed. He was about a block away when he noticed her purse in the passenger floor board so he turned around to take it back to her.

He was just about to ring the doorbell when he heard the crashing and the screaming and it frightened him enough to not bother with knocking and he let himself in. He stopped, frozen momentarily by the scene in front of him. The once tidy living room had been transformed into a mess of strewn, broken items, the only items that remained undisturbed were the pictures of TJ. He could hear the commotion coming from the back of the house and hurried toward it. He found Kate in what he guessed had been TJ's bedroom and she was throwing toys, throwing clothes, beating her bloodied fists into anything she could find and screaming "It's not fair" over and over.

Jack tried to contain her unsuccessfully twice before he finally managed to wrap his arms around her from behind and hold onto her. She brought both legs up off the floor and fought him with everything she had, kicking and screaming and managing to gain enough leverage by placing her feet on the window sill and shoving them backwards, knocking him off balance, both of them crashing hard to the floor; him on his back, and her on top of him, still being held tightly in his arms. He wrapped his legs around her legs and rolled them onto their sides so he could add his weight to the situation, needing all the strength he had to hold her down. They lay on the floor, his entire body cocooned around her, ignoring the pain she was inflicting on him as she fought to get away from him.

"Let me go Jack! I hate you! I hate everything in this house! Why can't you just leave me alone? Why don't you just go home to your perfectly healthy little boy and cherish that! It isn't fair that my little boy had to suffer and die while yours is perfectly healthy and you act like it's a burden to spend time with him. Why can't you just let me be angry and stop trying to make everything okay because you feel guilty for neglecting your son!" She screamed.

"You are hurting yourself Kate. You lay here and be as angry as you want, hit me and kick me if it makes you feel better, but stop hurting yourself." He pleaded with her or whoever he was dealing with at the moment, the Kate he knew lost somewhere in the insane rage that had taken over.

She bit down hard on his hand and it shocked him enough to make him let go just long enough for her to get away from him. He followed her into her bedroom and before he could stop her she put both fists into the glass shower doors in the bathroom, glass falling around her, blood running down both arms and then she stopped. She turned around looking at her hands and arms and then up at him and began crying, walking toward him and falling into his chest, sobbing heavily, chest heaving and blood dripping everywhere. He backed them out of the bathroom and grabbed a couple of towels on the way. Once in the bedroom he sat her on the bed and kneeled down in front of her.

"Let me see your arms hon." He coaxed in a soft, soothing voice, trying to keep her calm, but needing to see how deep the cuts were.

She held her arms out in front of him. Her hands were bloody and her knuckles looked like ground beef. She had a deep cut on her forearm that would need stitches and he couldn't tell if she'd broken any bones in her hands so he wrapped both hands and forearms in the towels and carried her out of the house and into his car.

She sat in the front seat quiet and not moving all the way to the hospital. He carried her into the emergency room and to an exam room and sat her on the exam table while one of the nurses scrambled to catch up with him.

Two hours and fourteen stitches later they walked out of the ER together, her leaning heavily on him, weak from hunger and from the day. She'd refused any kind of sedative or pain killer other that the local anesthetic used to numb the cut that needed stitches. There were no broken bones but her hands were bruised and swollen and would be for days. He helped her into the car and put the seat belt around her.

"I'm sorry Jack. I just lost it." Kate said.

"It's okay Kate. If something happened to Conner I think I'd have to beat up something too." He told her, locking the seatbelt and kissing her gently.

"It's not okay Jack and I didn't mean what I said about Conner. He's a beautiful child and I'm glad he's healthy. He loves you so much and you are a good father Jack. I can tell how much he means to you and that you are doing the best you can. God Jack I'm so sorry, I didn't mean what I said, I don't know why I said it. You've been so good to me and you didn't deserve what I said." She cried.

"Kate it's okay." He tried to comfort her.

"No! Don't say that! It's so hard to accept that my baby suffered through something so awful and I could do nothing to protect him, but what I said was awful. I have no right to be jealous of your healthy son Jack and I am more sorry that I can ever convey." Kate babbled on, sobbing again and completely distraught over having been so cruel to the person who had been her savior through all of this.

He unhooked her seatbelt and pulled her into his chest, hugging her and trying to assure her that she hadn't hurt his feelings.

"Kate what happened to TJ wasn't fair and you have every right to feel cheated for him and angry for him and jealous that he didn't get the chance to just be a little boy. It's okay to feel that way. You've been through so much and it's okay to be pissed off and if it helps to be pissed off at me then that's okay too, but no matter how angry you get please believe that my feelings for you do not come from guilt or a need to make you feel better. My feelings for you are about you and nothing more and because I do have very strong feelings for you I can let the things you say at a time like this bounce right off and not give them a second thought." He told her as he did his best to calm her back down.

"It hurts so much Jack I can't stand it. Please help me make it stop hurting, help me stop thinking about his final moments over and over. How am I supposed to want to go on when every part of me hurts this bad?" Kate sobbed into his chest, her body trembling, an entire day's worth of grief pouring out of her in the front seat of his car.

"I wish I could stop the hurt Kate and I'm here for you, whatever you want, whatever you need for as long as you need it. I'm taking you home with me and you're going to eat something and then you're going to rest and then you're going to eat some more and then you're going to rest some more and we're going to keep doing that every day until you are able to put the pain in a manageable place and I promise you Kate that you will be able to find that place." Jack told her.

"Then what?" Kate asked.

"There is no "then what" Kate, no plan. One day at a time. Good days, bad days and all the days that lie somewhere in between. There is no schedule for grieving, no right or wrong way to do it and no set time for when you should stop, because we don't ever stop missing them Kate, we just get through each day and find a way to move past it. There's no secret or magical cure, it's just about moving on and coping the best you can day after day. Can you do that? Can you trust me and let me do that with you?" Jack asked.

"Why would you want to do that?" She asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" He said softly, looking into her eyes the sincerity in his eyes calming her.

She nodded and he eased her back into her seat, put the seatbelt around her again and drove them home. He had no idea where this relationship was headed, but he knew she was completely alone and completely broken and that it was breaking him and that was enough for now.


	12. Chapter 12

Jack managed to get Kate to eat a bowl of soup and then he gave her the choice of resting on the couch or in his bed. She chose the couch, but only if he would lay down with her. He pulled a blanket and a pillow out of a nearby closet, lay with his back to the back of the couch and allowed her to snuggle in beside him, her back pressed against chest and stomach. He wrapped the blanket and his arm around her and they both slept for awhile.

He was wide awake and rested at this point, but she was still dragging and he didn't have to work very hard to convince her to stay put. She stayed on the couch watching television while he made some phone calls and then cooked the oatmeal she wanted with a fresh banana on the side. He found the request to be a somewhat odd, but was willing to prepare anything she would eat, certain a great deal of her fatigue was coming from a lack of nutrition and dehydration. She ate the food he prepared, drank a bottle of water and decided she wanted to be alone for awhile and went upstairs.

He'd gone to check on her around 6 PM and she was sleeping again so he decided to take advantage of the quiet time and take care of some personal matters. He sat in his office until he heard the doorbell around 8 PM. Jenna was supposed to bring Conner home after dinner and Jack was amazed at how quickly the last two hours had gone by. He made his way to the foyer and opened the front door. Conner was standing beside Jenna holding her hand. He had his pajamas on and didn't look very happy. Jack reached out and picked him up and the boy immediately wrapped his arms around his neck and began crying.

"Hey, what's wrong buddy?" Jack asked.

"I didn't mean to be bad daddy. It was a game." Conner cried.

Jack looked at Jenna for an answer, but she simply folded her arms across her chest and tugged on Conner's shoulder.

"Stop your crying Conner and show your dad what you did." Jenna ordered in a stern voice.

Conner lifted his head and looked at Jack with big, sad, tear-filled eyes that weren't the eyes of a little boy who was crying because he thought he was going to be in trouble, but because he was crushed. Jack noticed that he had splotches all over the back of his head and a couple on the sides, like someone had given him a really bad haircut.

"What happened to your hair Conner?" Jack asked biting back the laugh he was sure would be inappropriate.

"Rachel cut it daddy." Conner cried.

"Hey, it's okay. We can fix it." Jack chuckled trying to soothe his son who was entirely too upset over a bad haircut.

"Now tell your dad what you did to Rachel." Jenna demanded.

"I cut Rachel's hair daddy, but she asked me to. She said we were playing beauty shop." Conner explained, his voice hitching as he tried to calm down.

"I'm sorry Jenna, is it bad?" Jack asked fighting back the grin that was trying to force its way onto his face.

"I should've guessed you'd find this funny Jack. It's no wonder he overreacts when he actually receives some much deserved discipline." Jenna snapped.

Jack was no longer amused and he looked at his son, understanding that he wasn't crying over his bad haircut, but whatever had been done to him as punishment.

"Did you get punished Conner?" Jack asked in a calm tone.

Conner's bottom lip was quivering and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks as he nodded yes to his father. Jack could feel the rage building at the realization that either Jenna or Mike had hit his son, something Jack had never done, but knew that Jenna's children were frequent recipients of the rod.

"Show daddy." Jack whispered softly into his son's ear.

Conner moved his hand over the area where the back of his leg joined his butt. Jack pulled the child's pajama pants down far enough to see the welt on his son's leg and shot Jenna a look that told her she had finally crossed the line.

"It's okay baby, I know you thought it was just a game and I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you, but I promise it will never happen again." Jack spoke softly to his son, hugging him tightly and kissing the side of his face.

"It really hurt daddy and I'm not bad, I promise." Conner cried.

"I know you aren't bad. I love you so much. You know that right?" Jack told him hugging him and trying to reassure him while shooting daggers at Jenna.

"I know. I made a picture for Kate daddy. Can I give it to her?" Conner asked.

Jack set the boy down and kneeled down in front of him.

"Kate is upstairs in my bedroom. You can take your picture to her, but if she's asleep don't wake her up. I'm going to talk to Aunt Jenna so you stay up there until I come to get you." Jack said and watched the boy disappear up the stairs with his backpack before turning on Jenna.

"You hit my son with a belt?" Jack asked his tone suggesting he was ready to hit her with a belt.

"It was the strap we use to discipline Sam and Rachel. He wouldn't stand still and that's why he ended up with a couple of welts. It'll fade by morning." Jenna explained.

"There's more than one? Jesus Christ are you out of your fucking mind?!" Jack yelled.

"Why do you insist on talking that way to me Jack? You know it offends me." Jenna said.

"Yeah, well people beating my son offends the hell out of me. We've had this discussion before and I thought I made it perfectly clear that you were to never strike him." Jack told her.

"Rachel's hair is ruined Jack. I'll have to cut it off above her shoulders and you know how the church frowns on that." Jenna explained.

"The church." Jack huffed in a sarcastic tone.

"Yes Jack, the church, the one you refuse to let your son be a part of, the one you drove my sister away from." Jenna accused.

"I had nothing to do with Em's decision to stop going to church." Jack argued.

"Jack she loved the church and she believed in all of its teachings and she believed that you understood. She boasted to me about how you respected her beliefs and didn't pressure her to have sex before your wedding night. She had to have been devastated that you refused to become a part of the church with her." Jenna told him making Jack laugh lightly.

"You're kidding right?" Jack asked and chuckled again.

"What's so amusing now Jack?" Jenna asked.

"Nothing, you just didn't know your sister very well." Jack said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jenna asked.

"Never mind. I'm not going to discuss Emily or her beliefs with you because it's pretty obvious that the hopes and dreams she shared with me aren't the same as what she shared with you, but I will not tolerate you hitting my son and trust me neither would she." Jack told her.

"Like I said, if he would've stood still the strap wouldn't have left welts." Jenna said.

"You expect a five year old to stand still while someone is beating his ass with a leather strap?" Jack asked the anger in his eyes scaring her enough to back away.

"My children stand still because they know that every time you move you get another lash added on." Jenna told him.

"How many times did you hit my son Jenna?" Jack asked as he moved closer, angry and close to trapping her between him and the wall.

"We start out with the number of swings of the strap equaling how old you are. If you move you get more. Mike made me stop when it became clear Conner wasn't going to stand still." Jenna explained.

Jack turned her around and pinned her against the wall, his chest in her back, his mouth next to her ear, angry and ready to snap her in half.

"Tell ya what Jenna, how about you stand right here and let me hit you with my belt five times, you think you could stand still while I do that?" Jack threatened.

"Go ahead Jack. It's your fault Conner is acting up, bringing some strange woman into your house, letting her sleep in your bed, having your bedroom door locked because you are exercising. So if beating me up helps you feel better about the fact that you're carrying on with some woman in front of your son go ahead." Jenna told him.

Jack let go of her and she turned to face him.

"So that's what this is about? I'm letting Conner wake up and find a woman in daddy's bed so I must be getting ready to give him that mommy he's always asking for? That pisses you off doesn't it? In your mind I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life married to Emily. You're mad at me so you're taking it out on Conner." Jack pushed.

"So you don't deny that you're having sex with this woman while Conner is sleeping right down the hall?" Jenna asked as if it were behavior she could never hope to comprehend, much less condone.

"Jenna what goes on in my house and especially in my bedroom is none of your business. I don't judge how you choose to live your life and it would've been nice to get the same in return. You crossed a line today and I can't allow you be alone with Conner anymore." Jack said.

"Jack, please don't say that. I'm sorry." Jenna begged.

"Sorry Jenna, in my world people don't get a second chance to beat a child, especially my child." Jack said coldly.

"I didn't beat him." Jenna objected.

"You did beat him Jenna. You didn't just lose your temper, snatch him up and swat him a few times. Hell, I could've understood how that happens. You methodically planned out a punishment that included a leather strap. How long did you make him think about it before you actually did it? He must've felt so confused and afraid and if you were a man I would beat the shit out of you. Do you get that I literally want to kill you right this minute?" Jack growled his face so close to her she could feel his breath.

"I think you are over-reacting to the child getting a long overdue spanking Jack. I'm sorry that the strap slipped and marked him, but I did not beat him. I love Conner and you can't keep me from seeing him." Jenna protested.

"Oh yes I can. From now on, if you want to see him you will come over here and see him." Jack told her.

Meanwhile, upstairs Conner has taken his backpack to his bedroom and pulled out the picture he drew for Kate. He walks slowly to his father's bedroom and peeks in the door. Kate spots him immediately and smiles.

"Hey Conner." Kate calls out softly.

"Hi Kate, my dad said not to wake you up. Did I wake you up?" Conner asked.

"No sweetie, I was already awake. You want to come in and keep me company?" Kate asked and smiled as the child happily ran to the bed and climbed up as best he could with one hand, the other clutching the piece of paper tightly.

Kate watched him struggle and then finally make it up onto the bed. He walked toward her on his knees and finally relaxed right beside her, knees bent and legs folded underneath him.

"I made a picture for you." Conner said and handed the picture to Kate.

Kate sat up and leaned her back against the headboard so she could get a good look at the picture. It was an angel hugging a little boy and both the little boy and the angel had big smiles on their faces.

"Is this TJ in heaven?" Kate asked.

"Yes and that's my mommy. Daddy says she's not, but I think she's been kind of sad up there all by herself." Conner told her.

"I don't think your dad would tell you she's not sad if he thought she was." Kate offered.

"He always says he's not sad, but he is. I think he misses my mom a lot. He just says he's not sad so I won't be sad. I think if my dad is so sad, my mom must be even sadder because she's all by herself." Conner

"So you think TJ is keeping her company now?" Kate asked the innocence of the child's beliefs too sweet and charming to be upsetting to her.

"Uh huh and that's good because daddy says she was a great mom so now TJ won't be scared or sad. Do you think that's true Kate? I don't want TJ to be sad or scared." Conner said.

"I think for the first time ever TJ isn't sad or scared or hurting." Kate said.

"Are you still sad?" Conner asked.

"I'm still sad, but you cheered me up some and if I could have a big hug I think I'd feel a lot better." Kate told him.

Conner scooted closer to her and let her wrap him up in a big hug. He wrapped his arms around her neck and squeezed back, the feeling of his small arms around her neck making her want to squeeze him and hold him until he begged for mercy. She finally let him go and kissed him on the cheek.

"You're very pretty Kate." Conner said.

"Well thank you Conner." Kate said taking notice of the boy's wild, chopped up hair.

"Are you going to live with us now?" Conner asked

"No sweetie, I'm just staying for a few days, until I feel better." Kate explained.

"Don't you like my dad?" Conner asked.

"I like your dad very much and I like you very much too, but I have my own house." Kate told him.

"I like you very much too and my dad isn't sad when he's with you." Conner told her.

Kate studied the child for a moment. In the short time she'd known Jack and his son they had been dealing with grief and sadness, yet this little boy could tell that his father was happy.

"How'd you get so smart kid?" Kate asked and smiled at him?

"Grandpa says I'm smart like my dad." Conner boasted proudly obviously pleased to be compared to his father.

"I think your grandpa is right. Now, I have to ask and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but what happened to your hair, did you cut it yourself?" Kate asked.

Conner's bottom lip began quivering again and he began crying. Kate pulled him close to her and encouraged him to tell her what was wrong. He told her about his upsetting ordeal while Kate held him safely next to her. She was almost as enraged as Jack currently was, the idea of striking this sweet, adorable child over and over making her want to go downstairs and strike his aunt over and over. They both finally lay back down on the pillows and Kate listened to Conner talk about his day at school and about how the first picture he drew was destroyed and about all the things he and his dad like to do together. Kate was content to let the child carry on, deciding that listening to the problems of a five year old made her feel useful again and took her mind off her grief.

Jack had finished battling with Jenna and asked her to leave and not contact him for awhile. He understood how important their religious beliefs were to them, but he couldn't allow those beliefs to trickle down into how he wanted his son raised, especially the whole "spare the rod, spoil the child" belief. That they had whipped his son and made him feel scared, alone and picked on was something he was pretty sure he couldn't just shrug off.

Jenna didn't like it and a part of her believed Jack would need her and would give in and she'd have Conner again, but the part of her who knew how stubborn Jack was worried. Their family would be moving in a few months and leaving knowing she'd never see Conner again wasn't something she was ready to accept.

Jack took the stairs two at a time in search of his son. He wanted to see for himself what Jenna and her strap had done to him physically. He went to Conner's bedroom and didn't find him so he guessed he must've taken his picture to Kate and was busy talking her ear off. He entered his bedroom and stopped for a moment. Kate was gently brushing a few wild hairs away from Conner's face and Conner was snuggled up next to her, head resting on her bosom sleeping soundly. He walked over and sat on the bed beside Kate.

"Looks like you've made a friend for life." Jack said and smiled at her.

"He's so sweet Jack." Kate said.

"Well, his mom was pretty sweet so I'll give her all the credit. She was definitely nothing like that fucked up family of hers." Jack said.

"Conner told me about it." Kate said.

Jack reached for Conner's pajama pants.

"What are you doing? You're going to wake him up." Kate protested.

"I need to see what they did to him. Don't worry, once he's out, he's out. He could sleep through an earthquake I think." Jack said and proceeded to pull the boy's pajama bottoms down.

Conner was positioned primarily on his stomach so the back of his legs and little underwear covered bottom were easy to see. Kate could see the rage in Jack's eyes when he saw the marks on Conner's legs. He pulled his underwear back and was relieved to see that there weren't any more marks. He pulled Conner's pajama pants back up and sat quietly, stewing.

"Did you see the picture he drew?" Kate asked pointing to the crayon drawing on the nightstand, trying to break the tension in the room.

Jack picked it up and looked at it. He noticed how in this drawing Emily was smiling and happy and sighed.

"Conner has been obsessed with his motherless situation for about a year now. He wants a mom like most kids want the latest new toy, but he worries that this mom would be jealous. This is the first picture I've seen where his mom isn't looking sad and lonely. My son never ceases to amaze me. He's wise beyond his years about some things." Jack said.

"He's definitely a sensitive child." Kate agreed.

"Yeah, but he's still just five and when you're five you think your dad can just go to the mommy store and pick one out." Jack said and reached to pick his son up.

"Let him stay Jack. I don't mind." Kate said.

"Kate, I don't think…" Jack said, unable to find the right words.

"It's okay Jack, I understand you don't want him to get hurt and I'll be sensitive to that, but he's had a bad day, we've all had a bad day so would it be so awful to stick together tonight?" Kate suggested.

"It might be Kate. Jenna is right. I shouldn't be subjecting Conner to this relationship. You and I have connected or at least in my mind we have, but who's to say that whatever connection we've made is going to be strong enough to survive what lies ahead. It's wrong to let him get attached to you when all he wants in the whole world is a mother and you've just suffered a loss so devastating that the last thing you need is someone else's child needing you in that way." Jack said and picked the child up, carrying him out of the room before Kate had a chance to respond.

When Jack came back to the bedroom, Kate was up gathering her things.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked.

"You're right Jack, it's unfair to subject Conner or you or myself to this." Kate said.

"Kate, I didn't mean I wanted you to leave." Jack argued.

"I know Jack, but I need to." Kate said.

"So you're mad." Jack said.

"I'm not mad Jack, I'm not anything. One minute you're demanding I stay because you're worried and the next minute you're worried about me being around your kid. I think I'm beginning to understand why you're alone." Kate said.

"I'm alone because I haven't met anyone worth fighting for until now. Would you believe I could know you're worth fighting for after just a week?" Jack asked softly.

"Yes Jack, because after just a week I want to fight for you and if I weren't so emotionally exhausted I probably would. I buried my son today and maybe it's selfish, but right now I don't feel like fighting for you or anyone else so if you're going to get all weird about me showing your son affection I'm not going to argue with you about it." Kate said.

"Do you think Conner was acting out today? Do you think he cut Rachel's hair on purpose and deserved to be punished? Is he reacting to us or was it really just a game that he didn't understand was wrong?" Jack asked.

"I used to spend a lot of time working with children and hair cutting incidents were quite common. Think about it. They go to the barber shop or beauty shop and see it being done. The urge to try it themselves has got to be irresistible to them and it's not like anyone has ever suggested that cutting hair is a bad thing to do. So yes, I believe he really thought they were playing a game and no child deserves to have a belt or strap taken to them and no I don't believe he's reacting adversely to you and me because he seems very concerned about whether or not I like you." Kate told him.

"You're a teacher?" Jack asked.

"I'm certified to teach, but I prefer counseling, working with troubled children, supporting child advocacy groups. I gave it up when TJ got sick." Kate said.

"Yet one more reason to remain in awe of you." Jack said and smiled.

"Yet, you seem so apprehensive about us all of the sudden. How'd that happen Jack?" Kate asked.

"You know in all the years Conner and I have been on our own I never let any of the women I dated spend much time with him and they were never allowed to spend the night. It felt like it wasn't something I should be exposing him to, but it never felt that way with you. I know it's only been a week Kate, but it just feels right and allowing him to see me showing you affection seems like the most natural thing in the world and it never occurred to me that I was being irresponsible until Jenna pointed it out." Jack explained.

"A woman that hits children with a leather strap is going to lecture someone on being an irresponsible parent?" Kate scoffed making him laugh lightly.

"I'm sorry Kate, you don't need to deal with this, not today. I really don't want you to leave, but I wouldn't blame you if you did." Jack said.

She approached him and wrapped her arms around his waist, looking up into his tortured orbs.

"Don't be sorry. It's kind of therapeutic to have someone else's problems to think about. It makes me feel like maybe you and Conner need me as much as I need the two of you." Kate told him.

Jack leaned in and kissed her softly.

"I think we need you more." Jack admitted.

"Conner told me I was pretty." Kate said with a smile.

"He's obviously inherited his father's taste in women." Jack teased.

"He's okay Jack. What happened to him today upset him, but don't beat yourself up and convince yourself he's scarred for life." Kate offered.

"Is that expert advice?" Jack asked with a grin.

"Yes and it's free." Kate replied with a smile, kissing him lightly and gliding her hand lightly over the side of his face.

"So would letting him stay home from school tomorrow, getting his butchered hair fixed and hanging out with his dad and his dad's girlfriend be over-indulgent?" Jack asked and kissed her back, allowing the kiss to linger just long enough to leave her wanting more.

"So I've been elevated to girlfriend status? Personally, I like it when you're over-indulgent." She said and tried to kiss him again, but he pulled back, teasing her.

"So is there anything in particular you prefer me to be overly generous about?" He continued to tease her, holding her close and slowly backing her toward the bed.

She put her mouth to his ear and whispered, making him groan and smile at the same time. He laid her on the bed following on top of her, his dark smoldering eyes gazing into hers.

"You really want to indulge in that huh?" He asked.

"Oh yeah, more than I want to indulge in chocolate once a month, much more fun a lot fewer calories." Kate giggled his hands moving inside her shirt tickling her.

He stopped tickling her and looked into her eyes again, his heart bursting and ready to indulge in anything she wanted, as long as it made her happy.

"I love you Kate." He said in a low, husky tone and immediately closed his mouth over hers, trapping her in a deep passionate kiss, not allowing her the chance to respond or to not respond.


	13. Chapter 13

Kate heard his words and the sincerity in which they were delivered, but put it out of her mind for the moment, his kiss swallowing her mouth and his hands moving over with a surgeon's skills and the familiar ache for him down below the only thing she could focus on. She didn't have a lengthy list of past lovers to use as reference material, but she was sure she'd never had a lover that could make her wet with just his voice and that was probably the least sexy thing about him, the mental list of things about Jack that made her stomach turn summersaults surpassed any past relationship making him completely irresistible to her. She craved him and not just sexually and she found that a little unnerving, but in this moment her cravings were all about sex and satisfying the hunger to have him every way possible.

She could feel his hands moving inside her shirt, cupping her breasts and pinching her nipples through the thin material of her bra and she wanted to get the material out of his way, but she couldn't move, too much of his weight lay over her, trapping her. His hot, wet mouth began to move away from her lips and over her jaw line, the light scratch of his whiskers making her long to feel those whiskers grazing the inside of her thighs while his mouth worked it's magic. He carried the kind and patient demeanor he showed during normal every day activities into the bedroom with him and could make love to her with his mouth unlike anything she'd ever experienced.

His body shifted slightly and she could feel his hardness through the shorts he was wearing pressing against her leg and moaned, the sound making that hardness twitch slightly and making her center flood with wet heat. She lifted her hips up, needing to make contact with him and felt him smile, his lips now moving slowly over her neck and upper chest. He forced her shirt open by quickly pulling and popping all of the buttons off. It was his shirt so he didn't waste a second worrying about damaging it. He lifted the cups of the bra up and over her breasts, pushing it up until they were completely exposed to him, not bothering to take the time to unclasp the bra. The tightness of the out of position undergarment was a bit strange, but the way that it pushed down on her breasts as if to keep them in place for him was also a bit of a turn on to her. She watched as he teased her nipples with the tip of his tongue before closing his mouth over one and then the other, sucking and biting gently, each little nibble sending a twinge of electricity through her loin.

She watched him sit up on his knees, straddling her legs and admiring his handy work for a moment before taking hold of her hands and pulling her up to the seated position. He reached behind and unclasped her bra and made quick work of discarding the shirt and bra. She sat in front of him and closed her eyes while his fingers gently glided over her hot flesh, down her sides and across, lightly tickling her tummy and then up, cupping her breasts and gently massaging and caressing them. He positioned the bed pillows and throw pillows behind her and motioned for her to scoot back and relax into them. She let her bare back relax against the mound of cushy softness he'd created, sitting up enough to watch what his next move would be.

He reached for the waist band of the sweatpants that were too big, but had kept her comfortable all day and with little effort pulled them down past her hips, down her legs and off. She shivered for a moment, not because she was chilled, but in anticipation of his next move. She watched him watching her, naked except for the bikini panties that remained and she closed her eyes when he moved forward and kissed her again, his clothed body brushing gently against her nude body, his tongue moving slowly over hers, but with a hunger and intensity that made her hold her breath and squirm beneath him, wanting him to touch her where she needed to be touched and becoming impatient.

He moved back again, sitting on his knees between her legs. He put his index finger and middle finger in her mouth and let her suck on them before gliding them slowly down the center of her chest and stomach, letting them glide along the elastic waistband of her panties and then along the creases of her legs, just outside of the elastic, the crotch of them soaking wet, the familiar scent of her need for him making him feel animalistic for a moment and she smiled as she watched him get that hunger under control and then slowly pull her panties down, so agonizingly slow she thought she might come just watching him enjoy the slow, purposeful act so much.

She'd been with Jack numerous times over the past few days, but it was the moments like this that made her believe in the depth of the feelings they had for one another. He was so intent on taking his time, making sure the experience was as pleasurable for her as he could make it and he seemed to be completely lost in her during these moments. She'd never been with a man that could actually get lost in her and she liked it. He spoiled her and pampered her and made her feel like a sexy, desirable woman and while she wasn't going to break out in song over it, she did find the experience to be overwhelming and was positive she was caught up in something special.

With her panties out of his way, he took a moment to enjoy the view, her leaning back onto the pile of pillows looking like a sex goddess to him, a sex goddess that was squirming in front of him, her flesh hot, her nipples hard and her center dripping with desire for him. The way he was looking at her made her gasp involuntarily and he smiled just before he moved forward again, kissing her neck, his tongue feeling like fire against her flesh, his hot breath moving closer and closer to her ear and then finally whispering the details of what he was about to do as he let a fingertip glide lightly over her clit, making her whimper. He had her now, she'd turned to mush, unable to speak or act, but just be at his mercy, too turned on and too close to the edge to form a coherent thought, much less verbalize it.

He moved his mouth back down her body, sucking her nipples into his mouth again and pushing her grinding hips back down into the mattress. He kissed her stomach with such soft, teasing and tantalizing kisses that she shivered again, her body desperate for him to bring sweet release and he hadn't even moved to most sensitive area yet. She felt him moving down and took a deep breath, not realizing she was holding it. He stopped and looked up at her.

"Breathe." He said softly.

She let out the breath she was holding and opened her eyes, watching him nudge her legs until she relaxed and let them fall back, opening up for him, the anticipation of his mouth making contact with her heat making her squirm beneath him. She watched his head move down, between her legs and then she felt his tongue make contact with her crease ever so slightly as his lips and tongue began working together, gently sucking at her lips while his tongue made it's way in-between and finally finding a slow rhythm, gliding up and down her crease, sucking her clit in his mouth briefly and then gliding back down, sucking up her juices as fast as she could produce them. She felt his thumbs barely penetrate her and then open her up so he could push his tongue in and out and she sat up, holding his head, refusing to let him come up for air.

He moved his mouth away and pushed a finger inside her, feeling her clench around it and let out a light squeal, still holding onto his head, too close to orgasm to let him get away. He pushed his finger in and out of her slowly while sucking her clit and the warm gush of pleasure flooded her groin.

"Don't stop Jack, there's more, oh god just a little more….." She panted and then finally screamed as the second flood hit, so powerful she was shaking.

He pulled away and let her ride it out, keeping a hand clamped firmly over her mouth, the most intense orgasm he'd had the pleasure of watching her experience and watch was exactly what he did. He finally pulled his hand away and moved forward, kissing her deeply until he was sure she was finished. He stopped kissing her and pulled back just enough to look into her eyes.

"Sorry about the hand over the mouth. Don't want to wake the boy and spoil the fun." He said with a grin.

"I thought you said he could sleep through an earthquake." Kate panted.

"I think that was louder than an earthquake." He laughed.

"It was definitely off the Richter scale." Kate commented her brain still lost in the euphoria.

He stopped kissing her, sat up on his knees and pulled his shirt off. He reached for the button on his shorts and Kate's hands clamped over his. She wanted to do the unveiling to see him, to hold him in her hand and taste him on her tongue. She loved his cock, loved the way it seemed to fit perfectly in her mouth and the way she could feel it grow harder while her tongue provided just enough pressure and suction to finally bring him over the edge.

She unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts and let them glide down his hips. He wasn't wearing any underwear and his erection presented itself, the joke about poking someone's eye out running through her mind and amusing her briefly. He was as ripe as he was going to get without exploding and he grunted and groaned and steadied himself on his knees as she ran her soft hand over him, letting her thumb glide over his dripping head, swollen and purple and ready to come.

"Kate, I won't last." He warned.

"So don't last." She giggled and took him into her mouth.

"No Kate, I want to last. Please. I just want to make love to you." He pleaded and she pulled her mouth away from him.

"I thought you were going to let me indulge." Kate said and shot him a fake pout that was so cute he was sure his dick grew another inch.

"Oh like that's helping. How about an IOU?" He suggested making her giggle, his desire to not let things ends prematurely endearing to her.

She let go of him and laid back onto the pile of pillows he'd made for her. If he wanted to pamper her all night long that was fine with her because she wanted him inside of her as bad as he wanted to be there. She watched him finish removing his shorts and then position himself between her legs. He moved forward and pushed into her, making both of them moan and groan and remain completely still for a few seconds. She felt so full, like there was no room to stretch any further and then she felt him go deeper and pulled his face to hers, kissing him hungrily and encouraging him to move.

He pulled out of the kiss and held himself above her, moving in slowly and then pulling back out, watching her the entire time. That he could maintain such an intense stare and continue to bring so much pleasure to her down below made her shiver again. It felt like he was looking right through her and if she wasn't so preoccupied with the feeling of his hard cock pushing in and out of her she might've bothered to care that he might see something she didn't want him to, not yet anyway.

She felt the orgasm building as he continued loving her at a pace that allowed him to maintain control of his own release. She was there and she needed him to be still so she grabbed onto his butt and held him down, clenching hard around him and flooding their connection with more of her hot juices. He kissed her while she came, tasting her tongue, teasing her with his own, his hunger growing and his need to release becoming stronger than his desire to keep this going. She'd been with him enough to recognize when he was teetering on the edge and she loved to help get him over, to break down his resistance and make him go for it and pound into her relentlessly.

She moved her tongue over his lips and squeezed his butt gently before gliding her hands over his firm butt cheeks, allowing her fingers to glide down in-between them to where they were connected and then up his stomach and chest, rolling her finger tips over his nipples while moving her mouth to his ear and whispering things so naughty these were the only moments when it wouldn't shock him, but instead turn him on and make his own need painful enough to forget about her briefly and just go.

She heard the groan and then felt him start moving again and smiled, holding onto him and making him kiss her while he pushed himself to the brink of exhaustion, moving so hard and fast the bed was making noises. She knew he'd keep going, trying to get her off one more time and she worked along with him to make that happen and just as he finally gave up the quest and allowed himself to release, her orgasm flooded through her and they held on to each other, his seed filling her womb, the rest of her exhausted and pleasured to the point of feeling like jelly.

He moved off of her and they lay on their backs allowing their bodies to cool. His mind was slowly relaxing and succumbing to sleep and her mind was coming back down to earth and hearing the three words he'd said to her over and over. She moved closer to him, snuggling into the crook of his arm, her head resting over his heart, feeling his arm close around her and the comfort she drew from that, settling her mind and eventually shutting it down. She closed her eyes, sighed peacefully and drifted off to sleep.

He woke the next morning with a blanket wrapped around him and a pair of eyes staring at him. He took a moment to focus and looked at his young son with his really bad haircut and smiled.

"Hey." Jack said.

"Isn't it time to go to school yet daddy?" Conner asked.

"I thought you might want to stay home today and hang out with me." Jack answered.

"Really?" Conner asked in an excited tone.

"Really." Jack replied with a light laugh amused over how excited the child was.

"Where's Kate daddy?" Conner asked.

The question drew Jack into full consciousness, remembering the lovemaking and that he fell asleep without getting dressed and without closing the bedroom door. He looked over his shoulder at the empty half of the bed and he too wondered where Kate was.

"I don't know Conner, maybe she's downstairs. Why don't you go check and I'll be down in a second." Jack suggested.

Conner left the room and Jack stumbled out of bed, grabbed his shorts and walked into the bathroom. He joined Conner downstairs a few minutes later. Kate was sitting in the kitchen with him, dressed and apparently ready to go. Where she wanted to go he had no idea, but it was obvious that she had something in mind. He leaned over and kissed her before heading to the coffee pot. He prepared the coffee and hit the brew button and walked over to the bar where Conner was eating a bowl of cereal.

"He said you let him eat that for breakfast so I hope it was okay." Kate said.

"It's fine. Thanks for getting it for him." Jack said.

"Can we go to the zoo dad?" Conner asked.

"The zoo? Didn't we just go to the zoo?" Jack asked.

"No, it's been a long time. Please daddy, I love to look at all the animals." Conner begged.

"Would you like to go to the zoo Kate?" Jack asked knowing she obviously had other plans, but deciding to go ahead and get it out in the open.

"I would love to guys, but I need to go home and take care of some things." Kate said.

"Will you come back and see us?" Conner asked.

"Maybe you two could come see me." Kate said.

"Can we dad?" Conner asked.

"We'll see. Why don't you go upstairs and brush your teeth and get dressed and let me talk to Kate." Jack encouraged.

"Do I have to?" Conner whined.

"If you want to go to the zoo you do." Jack reminded him.

Conner climbed down from the barstool he was sitting on and walked over to Kate.

"Don't leave before I get back." Conner said.

"Your dad will have to drive me sweetie so I think we'll all leave together." Kate told him.

Satisfied with that answer Conner left the room. Jack walked over to the table, pulled a chair out and sat down.

"Is everything okay?" Jack asked.

"That's kind of a stupid question Jack. Of course everything isn't okay, but one day at a time, right?" She answered.

"Are you upset with me?" He asked.

"Why would I be upset with you?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, maybe because I told you something you didn't want to hear." Jack suggested and took hold of her hands.

"How do you know I didn't want to hear it?" She asked.

"Because you're uncomfortable and don't want to be around me." Jack said.

"Jack, I need to go home and face things. I can't keep hiding from the pain by playing house with you and your son." Kate said.

"Is that what we're doing?" Jack asked trying to hide that the comment stung.

"I don't know what we're doing Jack, but I need to try to figure it out. Why did you have to up the ante on me so quickly?" Kate asked as a tear escaped down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to upset you and I don't expect you to say it back. Okay?" Jack said as he tried to comfort her.

"Maybe I want to say it back." Kate said softly.

"So what's stopping you?" He asked.

"Do I love you? What's not to love? You've been my night in shining armor. I don't want to love you for the wrong reasons Jack. I need to put things into perspective and I need to let go of my own child before I allow myself to fall in love with yours although it may be too late. Can you understand how confusing all of this is for me?" She asked and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"There's no way I could ever hope to understand how confusing this situation is for you." He admitted.

"Thank you. I needed to hear that. I need to figure out what's in my heart, but right now my heart hurts too bad to do that." Kate asked.

"Take as much time as you need and if you need me to back off and give you some space just say so." He said.

"You're probably the one that needs some space. When was the last time you didn't have a neurotic woman clinging to you while you were trying to sleep?" Kate mumbled.

"I happen to like neurotic women." He said and smiled at her.

"I'm serious Jack." She said.

"Kate, I could sleep with you draped all over me for the rest of my life. It's not a bad thing. I happen to like it." Jack said.

"Wouldn't you like it more if I didn't need to be draped all over you, but just wanted to be?" Kate asked.

Jack pulled on her hands until she stood up. He then pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. She let her head rest on his shoulder and enjoyed the tight hold he had on her.

"Do you need this or want this Kate?" Jack asked.

"Both." She answered and buried her face in his chest, the feeling of warm fresh tears on his bare skin making him wish he could do more than just let her cling to him.

"You know Kate, I didn't expect you to wake up this morning ready to shut the door on your past and live happily ever after with me." Jack explained.

"It all feels so screwed up Jack. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm calm one minute and a pile of pain the next. I like being with you and your son and how can I like anything this soon? What does that say about me?" She cried.

"It says you are human. I want you to smile when you feel like smiling and I want you to cry when you feel like crying, but I don't want you to judge yourself for how you are feeling at any given moment. You are dealing with enough without adding self-inflicted guilt to the mix." He said noticing that she was trembling and tightening his hold on her.

"If I told you that the idea of going back inside that house scares me so bad I can't breathe what would you say?" Kate asked.

"I'd ask why keep forcing yourself to do it and insist I take you home." Jack said.

"I can't stay here forever Jack." Kate said.

"Why not?" Jack asked.

"Because I need to behave like a grown up, deal with what's happened and get my affairs in order." Kate answered.

"And you can't do that from here?" Jack asked.

"Jack, shouldn't you be pushing me to get back up and stand on my own two feet instead of enabling me and allowing me to be weak?" Kate sighed.

"I guess if I thought you were being needy and weak, but since I don't, I'm not going to push you to do anything." Jack said.

"Sitting in your lap sobbing like a baby isn't being needy and weak?" Kate objected.

"Kate, you are grieving and there is nothing I can do to help you through the process except be here for you and support you. I realize it feels like a more fitting punishment to suffer through the process alone, shut everyone out and beat yourself up for still being here while someone you loved with all your heart doesn't get to be here anymore, but it's not. You don't have to go through this alone. I don't want you to go through this alone." Jack stressed.

"Is that why you said it? So I wouldn't be alone?" Kate asked.

"No, I said it because I meant it. I do love you Kate. I think I fell in love with you when you licked the pie off my mouth." Jack told her and chuckled.

"What kind of woman does that on the first date?" Kate said softly.

"The kind of woman that makes me feel like I haven't felt in years, that made me feel alive again when I wasn't even aware that I had stopped living." Jack said as he tilted her chin up so he could kiss her.

"I really don't want to go home Jack." She admitted and snuggled in closer to him.

"I know." He said.

"I don't want to go to the zoo either. I'm sorry, I just need some time alone." She confessed.

"Don't be sorry. I'll take Conner to the barbershop and then I guess to the zoo and if you need anything just call. Otherwise, just hang out and enjoy the peace and quiet." Jack said.

"If you've got a decent pair of scissors or some clippers I can fix his hair Jack." Kate offered.

"Do you want to fix his hair?" Jack asked.

"Sure." Kate said as she sat up, wrapped her arms around his neck, hugged him, kissed him and hugged him again, bringing her mouth to his ear and speaking softly to him.

"I'm sorry you went through your grief alone." She said and kissed him again.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Thank you all for your kind reviews and while contraceptives haven't been mentioned (such a mood killer) it's probably safe to assume that they have been operating in the preventive mode. I hope you enjoy this chapter and be assured that the next update will come quicker than this one did. Thanks again!**_

Jack left Kate in the kitchen while he went back upstairs to take a shower and prepare for a day with his son. While he appreciated the offer, he decided that letting the barber fix Conner's hair would be the better option, the neatness freak in him not liking the idea of a haircut taking place any place in his house. Kate was amused that the idea of a few strands of stray hair possibly floating around bothering him so much. She could tell Jack was an extremely anal individual even if he had been acting strictly on impulse the last week. His home was neat and organized and his son was always dressed well and well groomed and they had their routines which she guessed was how Jack managed to juggle things and not completely miss out on his son's upbringing.

Conner was in the living room with Kate watching cartoons when Jack came down the stairs. The child saw his father dressed in slacks and a dress shirt with a pager strapped to his belt and immediately began crying.

"No daddy you promised." Conner cried.

Kate was confused, but only for a moment. The way Jack was dressed clearly indicated that he was headed to work not to the barber shop or zoo and she felt sorry for Conner who was close to being crushed with disappointment. She watched Jack kneel down in front of him and could see this wasn't a decision he was happy about either.

"I'm sorry Conner. I wish I didn't, but I have to go to the hospital." Jack apologized and tried to take hold of his son's hands.

Conner jerked his hands away and shoved at Jack's chest.

"You're a liar!" Conner screamed.

"I know you're disappointed son, but don't talk to me like that. It's disrespectful." Jack said in a calm tone, understanding how disappointed the child was and trying to stay patient with him.

"Shut up!" Conner screamed.

"That's enough Conner. Go upstairs and get your backpack, I'm taking you to grandma's house." Jack said sternly.

"No! You get it!" Conner refused and threw himself back into the couch cushions refusing to move.

Jack sighed and left to retrieve the backpack. He threw a few toys in it and some pajamas in case he didn't get back before bedtime. He came back down the stairs and found Conner still in the same spot. He looked at Kate and realized he should probably explain why the plans changed so suddenly.

"There was an accident about an hour ago. A school bus full of middle schoolers rolled. They're jammed and need surgeons. I have no idea when I'll be home." Jack told her.

"That's terrible. I hope the kids are okay." Kate said.

"Yeah, me too, let's go Conner." Jack said.

"I want to stay with Kate." Conner whined.

"No." Jack stated in such a way that it was clear there was no room for argument from either one of them.

Jack reached for Conner's hand and pulled him up and off of the couch. Conner immediately went limp, dropping to the floor and refusing to cooperate.

"Conner, I don't have time for this." Jack grumbled as he picked the child up and kissed Kate goodbye.

"I'll call you if I get a chance." Jack said.

"Good luck." Kate said and kissed him one more time feeling sorry for Conner, wanting to offer to keep him for the day, but not wanting to overstep the boundaries that were obviously there.

Jack headed toward the foyer with the angry, upset child in tow. Conner kicked and squirmed trying to break out of Jack's grip.

"Knock it off Conner. I am sorry about this, but I will make it up to you I promise." Jack said.

"No you won't! You always say you promise, but you don't! You hate me! I want to go to Aunt Jenna's house I hate grandma's house!" Conner screamed still fighting his father.

"You are pushing it buddy, you better settle down right now or you're going to be in trouble." Jack warned.

"No! I hate you!" Conner screamed and slapped Jack in the face.

Kate gasped and Conner froze knowing he'd gone too far and was about to be in trouble. Jack calmly set him down, more hurt than angry. He hated disappointing his son and constantly pawning him off on people and wished he could throw a fit right along with him, but he had to be the grown up, the parent and not allow his child to be disrespectful, not to mention violent.

"You know you just lost your play time for the next two days. No hour of television, no video games, no toys. Dinner, bath and in bed by 6 o'clock. Now, unless you want to add another two days march your butt out to the car and don't say another word." Jack ordered in the tone that Conner knew not to talk back to.

Kate watched the sad, disappointed and now quietly crying little boy walk out the front door with his frustrated, upset and wishing he could cry father and wanted to speak up, but decided it was too soon and let them go. The door closed, leaving her alone for the day to not only deal with her pain, but to replay that scene in her head over and over.

Jack walked Conner to the front door of his parent's home and rang the doorbell. His mother opened the door and motioned for them to come in. Jack entered the home and kneeled down to Conner's level.

"I'm sorry buddy and I know you're too young to understand. Have a good day and remember that I love you." Jack told him as he hugged Conner and kissed him on the cheek.

Conner wiped his kiss off and sulked away. Jack stood and faced his mother.

"I appreciate this mom. I'll make arrangements for him as soon as things settle down." Jack said.

"It's fine Jack and I'm glad you are finally seeing those people for who they are." She said striking a nerve in Jack immediately.

"I'm in too big of a hurry to discuss Emily's family with you today mom, plus I really owe you for this so I'm going to let that one go. He needs a haircut really bad if you've got time to take him and he's being punished so if I'm not back he's to be in bed by 6 PM. Okay?" Jack asked.

"He'll be fine Jack. Go, I'm sure your father is looking high and low for you." She told him.

"I'm sure he is. Thanks again mom." Jack said and kissed his mother on the cheek before rushing out.

By the time Jack got to the hospital some of the most serious injuries had been triaged and prepared for surgery. He went straight into a pair of surgical scrubs and 14 hours later he walked across the parking lot to his car, tired, hungry and aware that he had to be back in the morning. There were four more injured, broken kids waiting to be repaired, but were too unstable for surgery today and he was keenly aware that his own child was injured and broken emotionally, the look on Conner's face when he left him that morning haunting him during the moments he was able to catch a short break from the chaos. He'd spoken briefly to his mother around 7 o'clock that evening and as instructed Conner had been in bed for an hour. He wouldn't stop to pick him up, but would bring him clean clothes in the morning.

He walked through the front door of his home around midnight. He looked at the kitchen for a moment and decided he needed sleep more than he needed food and climbed the stairs to his bedroom. Kate was curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed, a book discarded a few inches from her. He sat on the side of the bed and shook her gently. She opened her eyes and looked confused for a moment and then sat up.

"What time is it?" Kate asked.

"It's midnight. Get under the covers and go back to sleep." He said as he stood and began unbuttoning his shirt.

Kate stood, took her jeans off and made herself comfortable under the blankets. She watched Jack strip down to his boxers and then join her. He laid his arm out until she snuggled in beside him and then brought it down and around her.

"Nite." He mumbled and before she had a chance to respond he was out.

Jack slept without moving for about four hours before his eyes popped open. He was exhausted enough to fall asleep, but too stressed and anxious to stay that way for very long. He looked down at Kate draped over his chest and remembered she had a t-shirt on when they went to sleep and wondered when she'd stripped down to her just her panties. He guessed she must've gotten too warm, but didn't want to give up the closeness to cool off. He also wondered how he was supposed to wake up with a naked woman draped all over him and not be completely turned on by it even if he was exhausted and hungry and expected to be back to work in a few hours. As much as he wanted to play with her body and initiate sex, he decided it was best to let her sleep and settled for watching her sleep.

She didn't stir and never noticed how intently he was watching her. She looked so peaceful and beautiful and a person that didn't know would never be able to guess that her heart was broken and that her mind was caught some place between shock, denial, guilt and anger. He finally closed his eyes again and slept, his stressed and anxious brain soothed and calmed by focusing on her.

Her sudden movement woke him up. She sat up and he wasn't sure if she was awake.

"I'm coming baby, hang on." Kate called and started to move off the bed.

Jack grabbed her arm and sat up beside her.

"Where are you going?" He asked softly.

"Didn't you hear that? TJ is calling me." Kate answered.

"Kate, I think you're dreaming." Jack said calmly still not sure if she was awake or talking in her sleep.

"No I'm not Jack. He's calling for me, I heard it. Let go of me." Kate insisted and pulled away from him.

He turned a light on and watched her slip her t-shirt on and walk across the bedroom floor, stopping, confused about where she should go next. She finally looked at him, awake, sad and resigned.

"He's not here is he?" Kate mumbled.

"No." Jack said softly.

"Of course he's not. How stupid would that be? I'm uh…I'm sorry I woke you up." Kate managed to choke out before disappearing into the bathroom, embarrassed and crying.

Jack sat in the bed for a few minutes hoping she would come back out. When she didn't he finally slid out of the bed and walked over to the closed bathroom door. He knocked softly and called out to her, but she didn't answer. He turned the door knob and it wasn't locked so he let himself in. She was sitting beside the Jacuzzi tub, knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs and head down, resting on her knees. He sat beside her, looking into her red, swollen eyes as he gently brushed her hair back away from her face.

"Why are you sitting in here on the floor all by yourself?" He asked.

"It seemed so real Jack." Kate said.

"I know it did." He said in a comforting tone.

"Why can't my brain just accept that he's gone and stop torturing me? God I miss him so much I feel like I'm going to go crazy. How do I make myself want to go on?" She pleaded with him, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.

Jack wrapped his arm around her and pulled her toward him until she let her head rest on his chest. He let his fingers glide gently up and down her arm while they sat together in front of the Jacuzzi tub, him in his underwear and her in a t-shirt and panties. She was too sad and broken at the moment for him to suggest they actually get up and vacate the bathroom so he just sat on the floor with her and held her, understanding how bad she was hurting and knowing he could do nothing to make things any less painful for her.

"I remember what its like to be so trapped inside your head that all you can think about, obsess about, is how one bullet would silence all of it and how that doesn't even seem scary because where your trapped hurts so much you just want relief. It's okay to feel that way Kate. Sometimes things really do hurt so much we don't have any desire to get out of bed, but I promise if you keep fighting and pushing that it does get easier, that all that noise in your head gets quieter and that feeling miserable still happens, but it becomes less frequent." Jack said his tone so distant she could tell he was back in his own memories, drawing on his experiences and how he survived it in an attempt to find anything that would let her know he understood.

"Jack, what happened to your wife?" Kate asked.

"It doesn't matter Kate." Jack said.

"It matters to me. I want to understand what you've been through because then maybe I can believe that I'm going to get through this because right now Jack those razor blades in the third drawer are awfully tempting." Kate admitted, no longer crying, just tired and numb and ready to quit.

"Kate, I understand the thoughts you are having. You're hurting like you never knew you could and you want to make it stop. I don't understand why knowing how my wife died helps you to stop having those thoughts." Jack said.

"Because it allows me to focus on you and your pain instead of just myself." Kate told him.

"You don't need to focus on me." Jack objected.

"That's not fair Jack. You know all about my pain and you claim that you love me, but you won't share anything about yourself with me." Kate argued.

"What do you want to know? You want all the gory details or just the highlights?" Jack asked obviously aggravated with her pushing him to talk about something he wasn't ready to open up about.

"Forget it Jack." Kate said as she pulled away from him and attempted to stand up.

Jack grabbed her arm gently and pulled her back down beside him.

"It was an acute subdural hematoma, a head injury, bleeding on the brain." Jack said.

"Car accident?" Kate asked.

"No." Jack said quickly the issue clearly painful and sensitive to him.

"Jack, I'm sorry. This is obviously very difficult for you. You don't have to tell me about it until you're ready to." Kate offered.

"It's my fault she's dead. I failed her Kate. I wasn't there when she needed me the most." Jack admitted his eyes filling with tears as his voice trailed off.

Kate didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. Not only had he lost his wife, he blamed himself for her death and she guessed this was something he kept to himself, kept locked up inside because he didn't appear to have anyone in his life that he trusted enough to share it with. She sat quietly beside him, giving him time to compose himself, time to collect his thoughts, time to put a bandage over the wound she'd reopened. He fidgeted and squirmed and then he finally relaxed again, resigned to the fact that he'd opened the box and might as well spill the contents.

"Her pregnancy with Conner wasn't easy and her doctor cautioned her about getting pregnant again, but we got careless. She was nearly 4 months along when she died. She was so sick and so weak with morning sickness that lasted all day and all night on top of sugar and blood pressure issues. I was working as usual and ignoring her phone calls and pages because I was too busy and because I thought Jenna was with her. She must've slipped or passed out in the bathroom and hit her head on the countertop on the way down. When I got home that night the baby was screaming unlike anything I'd ever heard and I knew something was wrong. I found her in the bathroom, she was barely alive. She died in my arms waiting on the ambulance while my six month old baby cried, hungry and wet, but his cries never registered, all I could think about was Emily and trying to convince her to hang on. One of the paramedics brought Conner to me. He hadn't eaten in hours and had cried so much he made himself sick and I couldn't let go of her and take him, take care of him. I didn't touch him again until the day of the funeral. I couldn't stand the sight of him so I not only let my wife down, I abandoned my son." Jack explained.

"I'm sorry Jack, that must've been awful for you, but how is your fault?" Kate asked.

"Where would you like to start? I'm a doctor, I knew better than to get her pregnant. She'd been calling me and paging me all day and then it just stopped. I should've realized she wouldn't just stop unless something was wrong. Jesus, if I'd just bothered to return one call maybe I would've been concerned enough with no answer that I'd at least send someone to check on her, but I didn't. I was busy putting some stranger back together while my wife lay in the floor dying for hours." Jack told her his tone as angry as she'd known him to be.

"It sounds to me like it was a tragic accident." Kate said.

"Don't. I don't ever get to call what happened to her an accident. If I do, that means I learned nothing from the experience." Jack told her.

"Okay Jack, but I think that you have given me some really great advice through all of this and it's a shame that you can't apply some of it to yourself." Kate said.

"I do apply it to myself and I promise I'll never let you down like that Kate." Jack said softly.

He was looking into her eyes with a look of honesty and sincerity that she was sure she'd never seen from any person she'd ever been close to and she felt her stomach jump. She'd heard Jack tell her that he loved her, but it wasn't until that moment that she truly believed that he did and with all his heart. She felt overwhelmed with the need to return his love, to coddle and protect him and as she watched him, never breaking eye contact with him, she was saddened at the idea that he'd been suffering so deeply and doing so completely alone for five years, and she wished she could find the words or the actions to let him know that he wasn't alone anymore.

"Thank you for sharing that with me Jack. I know you don't believe it's possible, but it really does help me." Kate said maintaining eye contact with him.

"So does that mean I don't need to remove all the sharp objects from my house?" He asked and sadly he wasn't teasing.

"Would you have really ever put that bullet in your head Jack?" Kate asked.

"No." He answered.

"Exactly. Do you want to go back to bed now?" She asked.

"I'd love to, but I probably should take a shower and get ready for work." Jack said.

"Do you have time to drop me by my house on the way? I think I'm ready to pack things up." Kate said.

"Are you sure?" Jack asked.

"No, but it can't be worse than sitting in this big house alone with my thoughts. I've got a car, if it's too much I'll just leave." She said.

"I left Conner at my mom's all night. I was going to take him to breakfast and then to school. Want to come?" He asked.

"I'd love to." Kate said and smiled at him.

"I'll give you my pager number and you've got my cell phone number and I won't ignore either." Jack said.

"I'll be fine Jack." Kate insisted.

"I have no doubt you will, but shit happens Kate and if it does I want you to call me. Are you planning on coming back here when you're done?" He asked.

"Do you want me to?" Kate asked.

"Of course, I thought we had that worked out. It'd be kind of cool to replace that drawer of abandoned panties with ones that belong to you." He said and winked at her.

"I guess whether or not I come back depends on whether or not you're planning on letting me enjoy that shower with you." She said in a sweet, sexy tone.

"I see how you are. Stripping me naked emotionally isn't enough, you have to have me naked physically too." He teased.

"If I had things my way you'd never be allowed to be dressed." She teased back and kissed him.

"That might make my patients uncomfortable." He said and kissed her back, deeper, longer, teasing her now.

"Please Dr. Shephard, women probably throw themselves down flights of stairs just hoping they'll need to come and see you. Imagine how thrilled they'd be to find that you do your consults in the nude." Kate giggled as he nuzzled and nibbled at her neck.

"There is so much wrong with that statement Kate that I think maybe I should just keep your mouth and your dirty mind otherwise occupied." He said in a raw, husky tone, locking her up in a deep, passionate kiss and slowly pulling her to her feet.

He walked them over to the shower and turned the water on. He pulled her t-shirt up and off and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her breasts into his bare chest and kissing him gently before pulling back enough to look into his eyes.

"I do too." She said drawing a confused look from him.

"You do too what? Think I should keep your mouth and mind occupied?" He asked.

"Well, that too." She laughed.

"What else?" He asked.

"I do love you Jack, so much that it scares me to death." She admitted.

"Then I guess we'll just be scared together." He said smiling at her and she could've sworn she caught a twinkle in his eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

They stood together in the large octagonal shaped shower, the water hitting them from the twelve different shower jets that were set to a soothing, massaging spray that enveloped their bodies in a warm, erotic water massage. They'd taken turns washing one another and had settled into a state of comfort and bliss, holding onto each other sharing sweet, intimate kisses and enjoying the feeling of their bodies melded together as one, completely connected at the center, but not moving. Her leg was lifted and wrapped comfortably around his hip and he was buried deep inside of her, both of them wanting and needing to eventually bring each other over the edge, but for moment, stillness and feeling the heated connection relaxing to both of them. She kissed him and moved forward, forcing him in deeper and making both of them moan.

He reached behind them and turned the water off before lifting her legs up and encouraging her to wrap them around his waist. She pulled out of the kiss and looked at him with questioning eyes.

"The moment it too tender to turn it into mad, wall slamming shower sex." He said as he held onto her and stepped out of the shower.

He carried her into the bedroom and laid her back onto the bed, staying inside of her and then repositioning himself until they were both comfortable. He looked into her eyes, their faces just inches apart.

"I love you so much and I want to make you happy." He said in a low sexy tone.

"Ditto." She said and pulled him down into a wet, passionate kiss.

They made love on the rumpled bed, their wet bodies chilled, but only briefly, their rhythm and steady position changes eventually overheating both of them. When they finished, her body draped over his, her breasts smashed over his sweat covered chest hairs, neither wanted to move, but it didn't take long for the cool air in the room to dry their sweat covered bodies and they became chilled again. They finally separated, took another quick shower and dressed, both quiet their minds still caught up in the mind numbing bliss they had just enjoyed, a bliss that needed no discussion afterward the glances each was stealing while dressing the only communication either needed at that moment.

After much encouragement, Jack convinced Kate to come into his parents' home with him to pick up Conner. Kate wasn't stupid and knew the Christian didn't like the idea of her being involved with his genius son so she assumed his mother probably wasn't all that thrilled about it either, but Jack's suggestion that Conner would be excited to see her made her willing to suck up any parent abuse she might have to endure and walked to the front door with him.

His mother looked her up and down when she opened the door and forced a fake smile.

"You must be Kate." His mother said.

"You must be Jack's mother." Kate replied.

"I'm Margo." She corrected her quickly, obviously not one that liked being referred to as someone's wife or mother.

"I brought clean clothes and I'm going to take him to breakfast. Is he up?" Jack asked trying to break the tension.

"If he is he hasn't come downstairs yet." Margo answered.

"Come on Kate." Jack said, taking her by the hand and leading her up the stairs before anyone had a chance to object.

Christian entered the room in time to see them disappear up the stairs.

"She's beautiful Christian, I can see why he's smitten with her." Margo said.

"I think we both know our son doesn't get "Smitten", he dives in with both feet and commits and before you know it he's added a new distraction to his life." Christian said.

"Well, perhaps you should've considered she might become a distraction before you bribed her to go out with him." Margo suggested.

"Careful dear, you're starting to sound like a mother and we both know that's hardly the case." Christian said.

"He's obviously happy with this woman so why can't you just accept that and be happy for him?" Margo argued choosing to ignore the dig at her nurturing skills.

"Did you have that talk with our grandson yesterday?" Christian asked.

"Yes." She answered.

"Did you make it clear to him?" Christian asked.

"Yes Christian, I laid the law down to a five year old." Margo snapped and walked away from him.

Jack entered the bedroom he knew Conner would be in. It was his old bedroom, the large queen-sized bed swallowing his little boy who lay in the middle of it staring solemnly at the ceiling. He looked over when he heard the door open and then back up at the ceiling. It wasn't the reaction Jack was hoping for, but guessed his son was still punishing him for letting him down…….again.

Jack walked to the bed and sat down. He looked at Conner for a moment and could tell something wasn't right, that his son wasn't behaving normally regardless of how upset he may still be. He reached out and felt his cheeks and forehead for any sign of a fever.

"Are you feeling okay?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Conner answered.

"I brought you some clean clothes. Get dressed, I'm taking you to breakfast and then to school." Jack said softly, studying the child, knowing something was off, but unable to put his finger on it.

Conner sat up and scooted toward the side of the bed, grabbing his clothes from his father on the way. Jack stopped him.

"I missed you yesterday. Can I have a hug?" Jack asked.

Conner stopped, wrapped his arms around his father's neck and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you daddy. I'm sorry I was bad. I won't be no more." Conner said sadly, trying to control the quivering in his bottom lip.

Jack pulled the boy back and looked at him. His sad little face and eyes nearly breaking his heart.

"Hey, you aren't bad. You were disappointed and you had every right to feel that way. Daddy was bad for promising to spend the day with you when he knows sometimes his job keeps that from happening. You know I love you more than anything." Jack told him and hugged him and kissed him before finally letting him go and watching with great concern as the child walked slowly to the bathroom and closed the door.

"That was strange." Jack said.

"Yeah, he does seem like someone that has had the life sucked right out of them. What do you supposed is going on with him?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, maybe it was one broken promise too many." Jack sighed.

"So this was your room?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, what gave it away?" Jack asked sarcastically as he glanced at all of his childhood achievements displayed everywhere.

"All of your awards are still all over the place. You were a very smart kid I see." Kate teased.

"Yeah, but I didn't really have any choice, anything less that straight As would've been unacceptable. I didn't hang that stuff up, my parents did." Jack said.

Conner came out of the bathroom, teeth brushed, his now extremely short hair in place and his little body dressed for school. He sat on the floor to put his sneakers on, still moody and quiet. Jack decided not to push the issue, to just keep an eye on him and see if he snapped out of it. They gathered his things into his backpack, let him kiss his grandparents goodbye and loaded him into the car.

He was quiet all the way to the pancake house and had nothing to say during breakfast. He ate until he was full without having to be hounded to do so and then politely asked his dad to take him to the restroom so he could wash his face and hands instead of Jack having to grab the moist towelettes he kept in the car and listen to the child fuss about having his face cleaned up.

Jack pulled up beside the sidewalk that led to Conner's classroom. Conner unfastened his seatbelt and slid between the seats. He gave his dad a hug and gave Kate a hug and started to get out of the car.

"Hey, wait up. I'll walk you." Jack objected.

"I can do it dad. You need to go to work." Conner said, opening the car door and stepping out before Jack had a chance to object.

Jack watched him walk up the sidewalk and into the classroom before pulling away from the curb.

"What the hell is the matter with my son?" Jack mumbled.

Jack dropped Kate off at her house and went to work. He checked on his surgery patients from the day before and spoke with the parents of two of the four kids who were still too critical for surgery. He was getting ready to attend a consult with his father when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket, saw that it was Conner's school and answered it immediately.

"Mr. Shephard this is Kelsey Andrews, Conner's teacher." The young woman said.

"Yes, is something wrong?" Jack asked.

"Conner isn't hurt or anything, but I do think we need to talk about what is bothering him." She said.

"He told you?" Jack asked.

"I noticed he wasn't quite himself today and I managed to pry enough out of him to realize you need to be involved. Can you come to school?" She asked.

"I can't come right this minute, but I can be there in about an hour." Jack said.

"That'll be fine, Conner can just stay and have lunch with me when his class lets out." She said.

"Okay, thanks, I'll see you in about an hour." Jack said, closing the phone, remembering something, opening the phone again and calling his mother quickly to let her know she didn't need to pick Conner up from school.

Jack's consult went longer than anticipated, then one of his two critical patients took a turn for the worst and required emergency surgery and in the midst of the medial dramas he completely forgot about Conner………again. By the time he remembered he was supposed to go to the school it was after 5 PM. Schools were closed for the weekend and Jack became panicked, wondering what had happened to Conner since he was supposed to pick him up.

Jack pulled his phone out of his pocket and immediately checked the voice mails a look of relief flooding over his face when the message from Jenna came through telling him the school had her listed as the emergency contact and called her when nobody showed to pick up Conner. Jack felt awful, as was typical for Jack, his work took precedence over his child.

He could relax for a moment, Conner was safe as long as he didn't misbehave enough to be beaten before he could get there to pick him up. He scanned back through his missed calls and found the number for Conner's teacher. She'd called him again from her cell phone less than 20 minutes ago. He hit the redial and waited anxiously for her to answer.

"Ms. Andrews, this is Jack Shephard." He said.

"Mr. Shephard I don't usually do this, but I feel like it is imperative that I speak to you about Conner and not allow him to stew over this all weekend." She insisted obviously aggravated that Jack had missed their meeting.

"I know, I'm sorry, I got busy and lost track of time." Jack said.

Jack agreed to meet with her at a local WiFi cafe. They sat opposite each other in a booth and she pulled out a drawing and slid it across the table. Jack looked at the drawing and then back up at her.

"It's very good. I know he appears to be gifted when it comes to drawing and painting, but I don't understand what this has to do with what's bothering him." Jack said.

"Conner wouldn't talk to me so I asked him if he could draw me a picture about why he was so sad today. Look at the picture Mr. Shephard and what it's telling you." She pushed.

"It's Jack and I can clearly see that he's drawn the two of us a world apart. I get it. I'm anything but father of the year. He feels neglected. I'm trying to remedy that." Jack said, not impressed that he was dragged to this meeting to hear that he's a bad father.

"Mr….Jack. Look at the picture carefully. You are living in different houses in different places and look at Conner's face in the drawing, he's very sad and afraid. Conner has never given me any indication that he feels neglected so you can save the self-inflicted parenting guilt for a teacher that is accusing you of doing something wrong." She told him.

"I'm sorry. It's been……well, it doesn't matter. If he's not feeling neglected then what is going on with him, he seemed almost depressed this morning, but wouldn't talk to me." Jack asked.

"First of all Jack, I've seen my share of negligent parents and you hardly fit the mold. You're busy and yes forgetting him today wasn't a shining daddy moment for you, but Conner loves you and thinks the sun sets and rises around you so apparently the person suffering the most over your apparent neglect is you." She said.

"So you still haven't told me what you think is going on with him." Jack grumbled, becoming impatient with her and the lecture she felt he needed.

"Are you always this rude and impatient?" She asked.

"Look, I'm sorry if I'm being short with you. I'm worried about my son. I'm not comfortable with where he is staying at the moment, but I thought meeting with you was more important than hurrying to pick him up." Jack apologized.

"Jack, when I saw that picture I took Conner down to the library and kept at him until he finally broke down and told me about a conversation he had with his grandmother yesterday." She told him, feeling him out, knowing that it was Jack's mother they would be talking about and unsure of how he would react to that.

"What did my mother say to him?" Jack asked, immediately angry and not at the young teacher sharing important information.

"She told him he was bad for throwing a fit and making you feel guilty, that he was bad for not allowing you to concentrate on your work and because he was such a bad little boy he had to go to bed early without dinner." She told him, stopping when she saw how the last bit of information affected him, unsure if he was about to cry or spontaneously combust.

"She sent him to bed hungry? Is the entire fucking world hell bent on treating small children badly? He was supposed to go to bed early because he slapped me in the face. He was being punished for being violent and disrespectful, not because he was bad and GOD DAMN IT he was supposed to be fed first!" Jack spat angrily, his fists clenching and unclenching reflexively.

The teacher looked at him and felt bad for him. He seemed like someone who was doing the best he could and didn't appear to have anyone he could trust to love and nurture his child the way that he would if he could be with him 24/7. She studied him for a moment, hoping he would calm down so she could continue.

"I'm sorry about the language. My son has been hurt at the hands of people that are supposed to care about him twice this week and I can't stand the idea of him feeling scared and picked on. I'm supposed to protect him and I've failed miserably." Jack sighed heavily.

"Well Jack it gets worse I'm afraid. Apparently if Conner doesn't stop being bad, stop acting like a baby and stop making you feel bad at work, Grandpa will send him to live very far away from you and Grandpa can do that because he's your dad you have to do what he says." She told him, the rage that flashed through his eyes startling her enough to make her lean back away from the table.

"That son of a bitch." Jack mumbled under his breath.

"He was so upset today Jack and that was why I called you to come to the school. He's a very bright child, but he is still just five years old and naïve enough to believe that he could be sent away by his grandfather and that his dad would have to go along with it. I have to admit that I had a hard time keeping my own tears in check because that poor child was completely traumatized by the idea of living in a world that doesn't include you. He was shaking and crying and promising he would never, ever be bad again." She told him, her voice cracking just a little, becoming emotional as she relived the scene with Conner, which told Jack that it must've been heartbreaking.

"Thank you and not just for taking the time out of your personal life to meet with me, but for caring enough about my son to get him to tell you what was wrong. I can assure you I would cut off one of my hands before I would allow anyone to take him away from me. I'm going to go get him right now and figure out some way to convince him that this could never happen." Jack said.

"Good luck Jack and I don't make a habit of this, but in the future, if you get tied up and need a hand, just call and I'll make sure Conner is safe. I have a young child and I know how difficult it can be and I have a husband helping out so…….just know the offer is out there." She said.

"Thanks." Jack said as he rolled the picture up and left the coffee shop.

He drove like a maniac, feeling like he couldn't get to Conner fast enough. He walked up the sidewalk to Jenna's front door and knocked. She opened the door and he immediately began scanning the room for Conner.

"Where is he?" Jack asked.

"Good to see you too Jack and you're welcome by the way." Jenna said sarcastically.

"Not now Jenna, I'm so not in the mood for this." Jack warned.

"You are so pathetic. You not only miss a meeting with his teacher you forgot to pick him up and then he tells me he has to go to bed with no dinner by six o'clock and you accuse me of being abusive?" Jenna attacked him.

"For the love of god would you for once in your life just shut the fuck up!" Jack yelled his face in her face and her hand making contact with his face immediately.

She brought her hand up for a second slap and Jack grabbed her by the wrist.

"Hit me again and I'll hit you back." He threatened and let go of her.

He headed for the stairs and took them two at a time. He opened the door to the room where Conner usually slept and found him wide awake, tears streaming down his face. He reached under his arms, picked him up and held him as tight as could, hugging him and kissing his head and apologizing for not picking him up from school.

Conner didn't speak, he just cried and let his father hold him. Jack grabbed Conner's shoes and put them in his backpack before standing with child and exiting the bedroom. They came down the stairs, Conner's arms wrapped around Jack's neck, his head resting on his shoulder and Jack holding firmly to him, so upset over the state of mind his little boy was currently in he wanted to punch something or someone.

Jack strapped Conner into the front passenger seat of his car and looked at him while he wiped the tears from the child's cheeks.

"I'm sorry you went to bed hungry last night. That was wrong Conner. When we get home I'll fix you something to eat. Anything you want." Jack told him.

"No dad. I'm bad. I have to go to bed." Conner told him.

Jack sighed and closed Conner's door. He attempted to talk to him during the drive, but Conner wouldn't talk. He pulled into the driveway and noticed the unfamiliar car. He assumed it belonged to Kate, but since he hadn't spoken to her all day either he couldn't be sure. He scooped Conner out of the car and carried him into the house. He stopped in the foyer and looked around. The house was spotless so the cleaning lady had come. He could smell something that made his mouth water and remind him that he hadn't eaten since breakfast and followed the aroma into the kitchen. Conner was still quiet and wrapped around him like a little Koala bear. He found Kate in the kitchen pulling the source of the heavenly aroma out of the oven.

"Hey guys. I hope you're hungry." Kate said and smiled at them.

"You didn't have to do that." Jack said.

"Of course I didn't have to, I wanted to. Is everything okay?" Kate asked noticing how upset both of them seemed to be.

"No, not really." Jack said as he sat down in one of the chairs around the kitchen table and completely broke down.

Kate was stunned. This man who had been her rock since the day she met him had been reduced to a sobbing mess as he held onto his clearly traumatized child and told him over and over how sorry he was and promised him that he would never allow anyone to send him away. She was confused and concerned for both of them and was about to attempt to comfort one or both of them when Conner pulled out of his father's tight clutches, perched with his knees on Jack's thighs, his small hands holding on to Jack's forearms and looking at his dad with as much genuine concern as a five year is capable of.

"Please don't be sad daddy. It makes me scared." Conner pleaded.

"I can't help it. I love you so much and when you're sad I'm sad. Conner I know you're just a little guy and things get confusing for you, but please understand that what happened between you and me yesterday was okay, that you weren't bad for being disappointed and that you can always tell me when you are disappointed. Baby please believe that you are more important to me than my work and that daddy would never, ever let grandpa or anyone else take you away from me." Jack pleaded with the child.

"You have to listen to Grandpa. He's your dad and you have to do what he says. Grandpa says if I don't stop being a brat and stracting you he will make you send me far away. I won't stract you anymore daddy, I promise." Conner cried.

Kate stood back and watched them, horrified that anyone would tell a child something so mean and scary. She felt bad for both of them, both needing one another so much and both hurting deeply because the other was so sad. If the circumstances weren't so fucked up, the love and concern they had for each other would've been a beautiful thing to observe.

"You are my son Conner and you are supposed to distract me because you are more important than anything else in my life. Grandpa is wrong and he can't make me do anything I don't want to do and trust me I can't live without you kid so you aren't going to live anywhere but right here with me and Kate." Jack assured him.

"Kate is going to live here?" Conner asked his young mind quickly switching gears and picking up on the prospect of his new favorite person always being around.

Jack looked at Kate apologetically. They hadn't really discussed anything long term and he'd just put her on the spot.

"Um Conner, what I meant to say…" Jack started but was interrupted by Kate.

"What your dad meant to say Conner is that if you want I can pick you up from school and you can stay with me when your dad has to work since I'm going to be living here now." Kate said.

"Really dad, I get to stay with Kate." Conner asked an obvious ray of sunshine having just brightened his otherwise miserable day.

"I'll tell you what Conner, take your stuff upstairs and wash your hands for dinner and we'll talk about it when you come back down." Jack told him the crisis seemingly over and perhaps a new one developing.

Conner climbed out of his lap and headed for the stairs. Jack looked up at Kate and sighed.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Jack asked.

"Get over it Jack. I wanted to offer to keep him yesterday, but you made it clear you weren't comfortable leaving him with me." Kate told him.

"Kate it's not that I don't trust you, it's…" Jack started to argue.

"I know what "IT" is Jack. You're worried that I'm too unstable right now and that Conner will get too attached, but right now I'm pissed off over how that sweet, innocent child has been physically and emotionally abused by the very people that are supposed to love him so save your bullshit concerns Jack, both of you need me right now as much as I need the two of you." Kate told him.

Jack looked at her, hands clenched into fists on her hips, ready to go to battle with him on behalf of Conner and he smiled. He pulled her into his lap and kissed her.

"You are so sexy when you're pissed off." He teased.

"So it's settled? Conner gets to stay with me?" She asked.

"Kate, I really think it's too soon." Jack cautioned.

"It's not too soon to confess your love for me, or too soon to ask me to move in or too soon to fuck my brains out every day, but it's too soon for me to be of some actual use again? Thanks Jack, there nothing like being a kept woman to make a girl feel special." Kate told him and tried to break free of his clutches.

"Kate, put yourself in my place." Jack insisted.

"I'm trying to Jack and I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to have a job that requires you to be completely focused or people die and have this huge responsibility at home to try to manage all by yourself. You've done so much for me, why won't you let me help you. I would never hurt your son Jack." Kate said the hurt she was feeling over his unwillingness to let her get close to Conner coming through loud and clear.

"I'm worried about you Kate, not Conner. You're child suffered through a terrible illness and died in your arms. I can't even imagine being able to breathe after something like that and now I'm supposed to burden you with my problems, with caring for my son? Who does something like that?" Jack asked.

"Jack, he needs me and he wants to be with me and it probably should make me uncomfortable, but it doesn't. What makes me uncomfortable is what is happening to him and to you." Kate pushed.

"But why would you…….." Jack tried to ask but couldn't find the right words.

"Why would I offer to take care of your son just a few days after burying my own? Because I love children Jack and because I love you and can't stand to see you and your son so upset. Admit it Jack, you need this too. You need to know you can go to work and that your son is safe, that he's being allowed to enjoy the stability of a home, of going to sleep and waking up in the same bed every day and of leaving for school and coming back to the same home every day. Will you please let me do that for you and especially for Conner? He's so beautiful Jack and I can't just sit back and watch the insanity involving him continue when I can and want to do something to help." Kate pleaded with him.

"Are you sure about this Kate? You're angry right now and seeing how much you care about Conner makes me love you more than I already did, but I'd understand if you want some time to think about it or even change your mind." Jack said.

"Jack, it feels good to be needed and I could love him very easily. On the days when I'm missing TJ terribly I'll just be honest with Conner. He's a very sensitive and compassionate little boy and I believe would understand as much as his level of maturity allows him to understand." Kate said.

"He was so scared Kate, convinced that if he so much as made me raise my voice to him his Grandpa would send him away. It's not that I'd forgotten how fucked up my father's tactics could be, I just always got the impression that Conner was a novelty to him, a playmate, a grandson he could just enjoy and not worry about molding into the next greatest surgeon to ever grace the halls of any hospital in the city. I really let my little boy down this time Kate." Jack said and sighed heavily, upset and aching at his very core.

"Jack, don't do this to yourself." Kate said.

"You know what it's like to watch your child hurt Kate. Obviously my son has never known the kind of suffering that yours did and I hope and pray that he never does, but it hurts so much to think about what's been done to him the last couple of days and know that I can never undo any of it. Knowing that he was terrorized with a leather strap and that he went to bed hungry, scared and alone, thinking that he might not see his dad anymore if he didn't behave is ripping my guts out." Jack confessed fighting his emotions, not wanting to get weepy again and appear weak to her.

"It's going to be okay Jack. Conner is going to be okay and I know I'm emotionally unstable right now and that scares you a little, but I promise I'm not trying to replace my dead son with yours, so while that's a legitimate concern on your part, it's not what's happening here. Nothing could ever replace TJ, but I have room in my heart for Conner. Truth be told, little parts of the broken pieces of my heart feel like they are fusing together every time he kisses me on the cheek or holds my hand." Kate said her own tears starting to get the best of her.

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his chest. She let her head rest on his shoulder and got her tears under control.

"So what is the source of that heavenly aroma?" Jack asked attempting to lighten things up before both of them turned into blubbering piles of goo.

"It's lasagna. I figured it was something that could wait you out if it had to since you doctors keep such odd hours." Kate teased.

"If it tastes as good as it smells I might have to show you my appreciation over and over later." Jack teased.

"It tastes better than it smells buddy so hopefully you'll be up to the challenge later." She teased back.

"Already there babe, the challenge will be making myself wait until later." He said and kissed her.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Thanks for all the nice reviews! I actually do plan on TJ's father making an appearance so hang in there. This chapter is a little lighter, some fluff and some fun and the next chapter will have some Kate and Conner one on one. Enjoy!**_

They shared a wet, sloppy kiss until they were interrupted by Conner, who was ready to display his hands for inspection. Kate giggled and squirmed out of Jack's lap so he could pay attention to his son's request for his hands to be looked at. It was obviously a game between them as Conner held them out palms down and waited for Jack to say, "palms up" before pretending to study them hard and give Conner his approval.

"Can I eat at the bar?" Conner asked.

"No, we should all eat together at the table." Jack answered.

"You're going to eat with us Kate?" Conner asked.

"Is that okay?" Kate asked.

"Uh huh, you can sit by me." Conner said and positioned himself in a chair at the table.

Jack leaned in close to Conner and smiled at him.

"Are you putting the moves on my girlfriend?" Jack asked.

"I can't move her daddy, she's too big." Conner answered making Jack laugh, relieved that all of his son's innocence hadn't been stripped away in the last two days.

"Okay son, but if you want a lady to sit beside you have to act like a gentleman." Jack offered.

"What's that?" Conner asked.

"It means you always do your best to make her feel as pretty and special as she is by doing nice things. So you can't show her your food once it's in your mouth and you shouldn't wipe your food on your sleeve and most importantly you should pull her chair out for her so she can sit down." Jack tutored his young son.

Kate watched their interaction, finding it cute and the way that Conner seemed to hang on his every word told her that while Jack may be a very busy father he takes the time to talk to his son. She watched Conner get up and pull the chair next to his away from the table.

"Come sit by me Kate." Conner said.

"Okay Conner, just let me get us some plates." Kate said.

"Come and sit Kate, I'll be the waiter." Jack offered.

Jack stood and walked into the kitchen stealing a quick kiss from Kate as they passed each other. He watched Conner attempt to be a gentleman from the corner of his eye while he prepared three plates of food. He carried two plates out and set them down in front of Kate and Conner. He grabbed a beer and a plate for himself and sat down at the table with them.

"What is this dad?" Conner asked with his familiar "yuck I don't like it" tone.

"It's lasagna. Try it." Jack coaxed.

"I don't think I like it." Conner said.

"How do you know if you don't try it?" Jack pushed.

"It's gross daddy, can I have a hot dog?" Conner asked.

Jack looked at Kate apologetically, hoping Conner wasn't offending her.

"Tell you what Conner, you take one bite of the lasagna and if you don't like it I will make you a hot dog." Jack bargained.

"Did TJ eat this?" Conner asked.

Jack noticed her eyes go distant immediately and then she cleared her throat and forced a smile, searching for the best way to answer a seemingly innocent question. He was just about to rescue her when she spoke.

"Well Conner, he really couldn't eat the same way that you and I do. He had a tube right here in his tummy that we put food in." Kate explained showing Conner where on his tummy the tube would be.

"Did you put lasagna in his tube?" Conner asked.

"Conner, will you please just try the lasagna?" Jack interrupted knowing the topic had to be difficult for Kate.

"It's okay Jack. We could only put liquid in his tube Conner, but we used to pretend…" Kate answered, becoming emotional and quickly wiping the tear that escaped away.

"I'm sorry Kate, don't be sad. I will take a bite." Conner said.

"No, no sweetie, it's okay, you aren't making me sad. TJ and I used to pretend we were putting different flavors in his tube. Sometimes we'd say we were having french fries or chicken nuggets or his all time favorite thing in the world before he got too sick to eat which was macaroni and cheese." Kate told him laughing lightly at the memory as a couple more tears escaped.

"That's my favorite too." Conner said.

"I'll make that hot dog for you." Jack said as he quickly left the table, the whole scene too much for him.

Watching her hurt and trying to imagine playing such a game with Conner on top of the day's events, losing his 11 year old patient and being exhausted all making him feel like a bundle of raw emotions.

"Did you ever pretend to put lasagna in his tube?" Conner asked.

"Yes, we did." Kate answered.

Conner looked at Kate and then out toward the kitchen where his dad was retrieving the hot dogs and then down at his plate. He put some of the lasagna on his fork and put it in his mouth.

"I like it. Come taste it daddy, it's good." Conner said and took another bite.

Jack pulled himself together and rejoined them at the table. His son was right it was very good and he was very hungry. They managed to get through the meal without any additional emotionally charged questions.

"Dad can I skip my bath? It's Friday." Conner asked.

"Did you play outside today?" Jack asked.

"Only a little bit. I don't smell like a puppy though." Conner answered making Kate laugh.

"You do smell like a puppy, I can smell you from here. Tell you what, you need to take a bath, but you can stay up until you fall asleep since you don't have school tomorrow." Jack said.

"I'm not punished no more?" Conner asked.

"Are you going slap me in the face again?" Jack asked.

"No." Conner answered.

"Good. Come on, I'll run your bath water and take a shower while you're playing." Jack said.

"Can I just take a shower with you?" Conner asked.

"I thought you were too big for that." Jack said with a grin.

"I'm not too big and you can soap me up fast. Please dad." Conner begged.

"Okay, go get your pajamas and I'll be up in a second." Jack agreed.

Conner climbed out of his chair and headed up the stairs. Jack finished off his third beer and stood. He pulled Kate up out of her chair and into him. He kissed her and pulled back a little still holding on to her.

"Sorry about all the questions. He's a very curious child." Jack apologized.

"It's okay Jack. I think it actually helps to talk about TJ. Conner's questions seemed to be getting to you more than me and three beers with dinner? Are you okay?" Kate asked.

"I'm fine. It's been a tough day with the stuff going on with Conner and things haven't been that great at work either." Jack admitted.

"Are the school bus kids not doing well?" Kate asked.

"No, I spent hours trying to put one back together today and she died. Eleven years old, headed to school one day and snuffed out just like that. Doesn't make much sense does it?" Jack said.

"I'm sorry. What about the other little girl, the one you did so much surgery on the first day?" Kate asked.

"She's improving, but has a painful road ahead. I should get upstairs before he starts yelling for me. You relax. I'll clean up the kitchen later." Jack said and kissed her.

Conner came bouncing down the stairs about 20 minutes later, freshly washed, hair combed nicely and wearing sweat pants and a white t-shirt for pajamas. Jack followed a few minutes later smelling just as fresh and dressed basically the same. Kate smiled at how much they looked alike and approached Jack, wrapped her hands around his waist and him hers.

"The kitchen is cleaned so sit down and enjoy your son for awhile." Kate ordered.

"Where you going?" He asked.

"I'm going to go take a bath so I can smell as good as the two of you do." Kate said.

"Need any help?" He asked with an ornery grin.

"Mmmm, that's tempting, but I think Conner needs you worse than I do." Kate grinned and broke from the light hold he had on her.

Jack watched her walk up the stairs and joined his son on the couch. He had a movie picked out and inserted into the DVD player and was waiting until he had his dad's full attention before he hit the play button. Jack put the throw pillows all on one end of the couch and lay down with his back to the back of the couch. Conner crawled in beside him with the remote and hit the play button. Jack reached over Conner and placed the remote safely on the table. They'd seen this movie so many times Jack knew the dialogue by heart. He guessed Conner picked it out so he could bombard his dad with questions without getting told to be quiet and watch the movie. He heard the boy's sigh and smiled, knowing the first question was about to come.

"Do I stract you dad?" Conner asked.

"Yes son, you do distract me, but you are my little boy and you are supposed to distract me." Jack answered.

"Does Kate stract you?" Conner asked.

"A little bit. Distractions aren't bad Conner. It just means you care about something or someone more than yourself." Jack tried to explain.

"Grandpa says they are bad." Conner argued.

"Maybe they are bad for grandpa, but that doesn't mean he gets to decide if they are bad for me." Jack told him.

"Grandpa is going to hate me daddy." Conner said as he turned to face Jack, his bottom lip quivering.

"Why would you think that?" Jack asked, rubbing a soothing hand over the boy's back.

"Cuz I told. I wasn't sposed to tell." Conner said.

"When somebody hurts you or scares you Conner you are always supposed to tell. You did the right thing and don't worry about Grandpa, he loves you and won't be mad at anyone but himself because he mad a bad choice." Jack tried to reassure him wishing he could just be honest and trash the old man, but not seeing how tearing down the child's grandfather would serve any useful purpose.

"Do you love Kate daddy?" Conner asked.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"I like her. Is she going to stay with us?" Conner asked.

"I think so. Would you like that? Would you like it if she were here with you even when I'm not?" Jack asked.

"I guess. I never did that with her yet." Conner said.

"I have to go to the hospital in the morning. Do you want to stay here with Kate and see if you like it?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Conner answered and yawned.

"I'm sorry the last few days have been so hard on you son. I'm going to work hard to make things easier for you." Jack said, pulling him closer and kissing the top of his head.

"I'm sorry I was ugly to you. I miss you too much and it makes me mad." Conner told him.

"I know. It makes me mad too. You know I love you even when you're ugly though, right." Jack said.

"Me too dad." Conner yawned, snuggling in as close as he could get, grabbing a handful of Jack's t-shirt and giving his dad one last sleepy glance before closing his eyes for good and falling asleep.

Jack joined Conner in sleep in less than ten minutes. Kate came back downstairs wearing a robe and pulling the knot loose that was holding her hair back. Jack and Conner were snuggled together, both lightly snoring. She smiled at them and covered them with a blanket before grabbing a book and heading back upstairs.

Kate read for awhile and thought about her day. She'd packed up all of TJ's belongings and arranged for one of the members of her cancer family to pick it up and donate it where it could be used the most. She'd left the rest of her house the way it was except for the clothes she threw into the backseat of her car to bring to Jack's house. Moving in with him on a whim and playing house seemed insane, but there was something so completely normal to her about all of it as well. She was certain she would've gone mad and already killed herself without Jack's support and having Conner to focus on and take care of would keep her mind busy and off of TJ.

Watching Jack break down over what had been done to Conner broke her heart. It was obvious how important Conner was to Jack and the idea that he'd been hurt at the hands of others was too much for him to deal with, especially after losing a child on his operating table. She'd be the first to admit she really didn't know Jack that well, but she'd seen enough of his natural compassion to know that he'd be affected by losing a patient, especially a young one. Stepping up and offering to stop the madness and provide some stability for both Jack and Conner seemed like the most natural thing in the world so while outsiders would be questioning what they were doing, wondering if it was too soon and worrying that all three them were going to end up getting hurt, Kate felt confident that it wouldn't end up that way. She was sure they were going to have some bumpy roads ahead, but she wasn't worried that anything would get bad enough to cause the situation to blow up in their faces because she believed her agreeing to Christian's absurd proposal and meeting Jack was one of those things you never question and just accept as something that was meant to be.

Kate fell asleep with her books and her thoughts only to be awakened later by light kisses being softly placed along her jaw line and her right breast being softly massaged, the nipple lightly grazed by warm fingertips. She opened her sleepy eyes and his kind, warm gentle face was smiling back at her. He kissed her gently and she felt his hand moved down her stomach to her tuft of hair and it was at that moment she realized that he'd untied her robe and had been quietly enjoying her body while she slept. He was completely nude, laying over her, but not touching, keeping himself a few inches above her, but his erection told her he'd either been thinking about her for awhile or he'd been playing with her for awhile.

"Jack, this is kind of hot and weird at the same time. How much did I sleep through?" Kate asked.

"You mean you don't remember me making love to you?" He asked, his ornery grin giving him away immediately.

She slapped at his chest and laughed.

"I hope I never get that tired." She said in a sexy tone and moved her hands over his chest.

"I'm really glad you woke up so quickly. I want you bad." He whispered in her ear.

"I can tell." She giggled and took his length into her hand.

"Careful." He warned.

"Boy, I guess you are in a bad way." She laughed.

"I put Conner to bed and came to bed with you and went back to sleep. You are actually the one that started this. Talking dirty in your sleep and then putting your hands all over me." Jack teased.

"I did not!" She squealed.

"Yes you did, that's exactly how I dreamed it anyway." He chuckled.

She pushed him onto his back and slithered over his body, kissing his neck while she rubbed her body over his hard length and moved her mouth to his ear.

"You want me to taste it don't you?" She asked in a sexy tone as she moved over him.

"Yes." He answered in soft, turned on tone.

She moved slowly down his body, keeping his erection pinned beneath her so he could feel her slowly moving down into position. She sat up and let the robe fall off her shoulders and let him look at her for a moment. She guessed he'd turned the bathroom lights on before he started waking her up. Jack wasn't one to make love in the dark, the visual stimulation for him was almost as good as the real thing or so he told her so she wanted to make sure she visually stimulated him all the way to orgasm.

She brought her mouth down at his base and ran her tongue slowly up the length of his member, looking into his eyes the entire time. She stopped, wrapped her fist around him and held him up to her mouth like a lollipop, licking the precum from the head slowly and then pursing her lips over the head and letting her tongue glide slowly over it's opening, teasing and taunting, the area so sensitive his breath caught and he attempted to pull back, but she would have none of that.

"You're killing me Kate." He groaned.

She smiled at him and began pumping him, taking more and more of him into her mouth, feeling the head engorge, knowing that it was so purple and swollen it no longer looked normal and she could tell his release was close so she pumped a little harder, and took him in as deep as she could, feeling him hit the back of her throat and hearing him groan every time. She could feel him gently clutching the hair on her head and she knew he was getting ready to come.

"Kate." He mumbled, this being his signal that she better back off if she wasn't in the mood for a mouthful of sperm.

She wanted to taste him but she wanted to watch too. She loved the way the head of his cock looked right before he ejaculated and found it a little amusing that she had a list of things she liked about his most private parts at their most private moments in such a short time. She pulled her mouth back and pumped while she flicked her tongue gently around the edges of his head, making any kind of contact with the actual, pulsating, ready to explode head would've been painful for him at this point, not pleasurable and she wanted to pleasure him. She felt his thighs tighten beneath her and the first spurt erupted and began running down her hand, she continued to pump him and watch him come and when he was finished she began the task of licking him clean while he watched, a sensual almost sedated look on his face.

When she was finished she moved her mouth up his stomach and chest and finally closed it over his, kissing him with a wet, hungry mouth while her wet, hungry crotch moved over his stomach. She felt him push a finger in from behind and moaned. He slid his finger in and out of her slowly while she rotated her most sensitive area over his stomach, still kissing him in between pants.

"More Jack." She panted into his mouth and took a deep breath when she felt him add one more finger quickly followed by another.

With his three fingers pushing in and out of her and her rotating over his stomach they found a rhythm and at her encouraging he pushed harder and faster. He could feel her legs starting to clench on either side of his waist as she continued soak his belly with her juices and then she stopped kissing him, pushed herself up a little, her hands holding on to his shoulders and he watched her face scrunch up as the orgasm's first wave hit. He slowed his fingers down and watched as the intensity grew and then as if on queue she began squealing and panting and he could feel her coming all over his stomach and hand.

Once she settled down he used his free hand to reach behind her head and pull her back down for another kiss, pushing his tongue into her mouth, letting her know that she had all of his motors running and that he wasn't ready to be done, that he wanted touch, caress and probe and play with her beautiful body until one of them was too exhausted to continue on. She felt him withdraw one of his three fingers and slowly start sliding the other two in and out just a few times before sliding out from underneath her and rolling her onto her stomach. She felt his tongue start at her Achilles tendon and slowly lick, bite and kiss his way up to her center before encouraging her to come up onto her knees. She eagerly did, ready for him to take her from behind, but he didn't, not with his cock anyway. She felt his tongue sliding in and out of her hot, hungry pit, separating her with his hands and plunging his tongue inside, staying buried inside while his mouth closed over her, sucking gently and then pulling his tongue back out. She felt him roll onto his back and slide between her legs, she sat up straight, hovering right over his mouth and he took hold of her upper thighs and pulled her down to where he wanted her, his mouth working slowly and sensually over her pussy, making sure no part of it got neglected. She grabbed onto the headboard as another orgasm began to build and he continued to lick and suck until she began panting and much to her disappointment, he stopped.

He nudged her leg so she'd let him up and once he was up he wrapped himself around her from behind and put his mouth next to her ear.

"Turn around Kate." He said.

"No, like this, take me like this." Kate pleaded.

"I will, but I want to do something else first." He pushed, fully erect again and pushing up against her back.

Kate turned around and he convinced her lean back against the pillows. He put her fingers in his mouth and sucked on them while he penetrated her with two of his fingers, making her moan. He pulled her fingers out of her mouth and placed them over her swollen clit. She knew what he wanted and she wanted it too. She proceeded to rub her clit while he continued moving his fingers in and out and she brought herself to an explosive orgasm while he watched and continued to fuck her with his fingers.

When she was through he kept his fingers inside of her and moved himself forward, kissing her deeply, so horny he had to press himself against her for a moment and concentrate. She found his hard cock and wrapped her hand around it.

"I want you inside me Jack." She told him

He pulled his fingers out of her and waited while she turned back around and held onto the headboard again. He positioned his tip at her hole and pushed himself into her while she straightened, leaned back into his chest and forced him in deeper, impaling herself on him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and played with her nipples with his other hand while he pushed himself in and out of her at a somewhat maddening pace, but unable to go as hard as she apparently wanted him to. He finally let her drop forward onto her hands and knees, repositioned himself and began slamming into her hard, so hard the sounds of their bodies crashing hard into each other was echoing through the room.

He finally pulled out of her, too exhausted to keep it up much longer, and waited for her to get comfortable on her back. He positioned himself between her legs and reentered her with one quick lunge, picking up right where he left off, pounding into her, flesh slapping into flesh, him driving deeper than any man had ever penetrated her and it made her crazy, made her grab his butt and push him into her harder and faster until she felt the tingle and held him in place, panting and biting into his shoulder as he filled her womb, while her body shook and convulsed in ecstasy.

"Oh my god Jack don't move, I think ano……" She panted as another wave rushed through her, making her clench around him.

He could feel a sensation on his shoulder where she'd bitten him, but his still erect, sensitive penis, spilling out still another load overshadowed anything that might be considered painful. He was certain he'd never come that hard and for that long before and he couldn't move. He wasn't sure if he was done and was beginning to wonder if he was going to have a permanent erection and then the sensations began to settle down and the swelling began to subside and he let himself breath again. He stayed inside her and lifted his head to look at her.

"You are incredible." He said and covered her wet, tired, sloppy kisses.

She pulled him down into a hug, not allowing him to move off of her, not ready to give up the connection.

"I've never felt the way I feel about you with anyone Jack. It's overwhelming and scary and next to giving birth to my son, the most special thing I've ever been a part of. Promise me you aren't going to break my heart." Kate said.

"I don't break hearts and I promise to help heal your already broken heart Kate." He said.

"Okay, but you have to let me help heal yours too." Kate said.

"You already have." Jack said and kissed her again.


	17. Chapter 17

Kate awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee, cologne and being kissed gently on the mouth. She opened her eyes and he was hovering over her, seated on the edge of the bed, hands on either side of her, freshly showered and dressed for the hospital. She smiled, wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and pulled him in for a deeper, longer kiss. He finally pulled back and smiled at her.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" He asked.

"I did. How about you?" She asked.

"You wore me out babe, I slept like a rock." He teased.

"I'm not sure how my being on the receiving end of the greatest sex ever equates to me wearing you out, but I'm always more than happy to oblige." She commented making him smile.

"The greatest sex ever? Careful, flattery will get you everywhere." He chuckled.

"What time is it?" Kate asked.

"It's early, not quite seven o'clock, but I thought I'd see if you wanted a chance to wake up before Conner starts making his demands." Jack said and smiled at her.

"Mmm and you brought me coffee too? You're sweet. What time does he usually get up?" Kate asked.

"He's up Kate. Conner doesn't subscribe to the concept that sleeping in on the weekends is fun." Jack laughed.

"What time are you leaving for the hospital?" Kate asked.

"I need to leave by eight. I might be home by noon, but I'm on call for the ER this weekend so I can't make any promises. You guys might not see me again until tonight." He admitted with a twinge of regret in his voice.

"Well I think we'll survive a whole day without you if we have to, but I should grab a shower while I have the chance." Kate said and yawned.

"Are you sure about this Kate? I'd understand if you're having second thoughts." Jack said.

"No second thoughts Jack. Conner and I are going to become great friends. Think you can handle sharing your son with a friend that will no doubt grow to love him as much as she loves you Dr. Shephard?" Kate asked.

"It sounds too good to dare dream about." He admitted.

"I thought the same thing about you the first few days, but I don't have to pinch myself anymore. You're real." Kate said sweetly, gliding her open palm over his cheek.

He stopped her hand and held it for a moment, kissing it gently and the letting it drop back down to the mattress while still holding onto it. He leaned in and kissed her again, a deep emotional kiss that projected everything he was feeling. He pulled out of the kiss and looked at her as if he couldn't believe she was really there and that she was real.

"A few more minutes of this and I'll be late for work, very late." Jack said and kissed her again.

"Daddy, I'm really hungry." Conner whined from the doorway.

"Don't whine Conner. Come in and say good morning and we'll go downstairs and figure out what you want for breakfast." Jack told him.

Conner walked into the room, stopped and put his hand on his father's knee. He really liked Kate and he wanted to stay with her, but like all children, facing a new babysitter for the first time was a little intimidating.

"Morning Kate." Conner said quietly and Kate picked up on his apprehension.

"So do you have a whole day of fun things planned for me?" Kate asked.

"You are supposed to say what we can do." Conner told her.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"Cuz you are the babysitter and I have to do whatever you say." Conner told her.

"Babysitter? I thought we were friends Conner and friends decide fun stuff together. Are we not friends?" Kate asked and watched Conner's face brighten and his demeanor change instantly.

"You're the biggest friend I have." Conner chimed with a big smile on his face making both Jack and Kate laugh lightly.

"Well I guess that probably makes you the smallest friend I have." Kate said.

"We can really do anything I want?" Conner asked.

"Well, you have to follow the same rules your dad makes you follow and I'm here to make sure you make safe choices, but yeah we can do whatever you want and we're going to have fun I think." Kate said.

"Daddy, you can go to work now if you want to." Conner said making Jack chuckle.

"Thanks Conner, but I kind of wanted to make you some breakfast first. Come on, let's go eat while Kate wakes up." Jack said as he stood and picked Conner up.

"You want some breakfast too Kate? I think we are having pancakes." Conner said.

"Oh we are? You didn't ask me if I would make pancakes." Jack teased.

"Please daddy, the kind with the face." Conner pleaded in the tone he knew his dad had a hard time resisting.

"You know how to make smiley face pancakes? I think that is the most adorable thing I've learned about you to date." Kate said and wasn't teasing, but was truly impressed that this busy, no-nonsense man would take the time to learn how to make fun foods for his child.

"Adorable is good I trust?" Jack asked a little embarrassed as Kate moved out of the bed and stood in front of them.

"Adorable will get you just about anything you want." Kate said in a seductive tone.

"Do you want your pancakes to smile at you Kate?" Jack asked in an ornery tone.

"Of course I do. Give me 20 minutes and I'll be down." Kate answered.

Jack shook his head, amused and completely charmed by her. He shifted Conner on his hip and they left the room, closing the door behind them.

Jack enjoyed a quick breakfast with Conner and Kate, his pancakes minus the face, kissed them both goodbye and sat in his car in front of his house for a moment appreciating how strange, yet wonderful it was to experience leaving for work in such a normal manner.

Jack was busy updating a chart at the nurses' station when he caught a glimpse of his father out of the corner of his eye. He slammed the chart shut and approached him. Christian could see the rage in his son's eyes and body language and before Jack had a chance to open his mouth he pointed at door and followed Jack into the empty patient room. Jack turned on him immediately.

"If you ever threaten my son again you will be dead to me." Jack told him.

"Jack, I'm sure Conner made it sound worse than it actually was." Christian responded in his typical calm, condescending tone.

"Save it dad! I know better than anyone that every little manipulative thing you do to the people you are supposed to care about is always WORSE than it sounds." Jack snapped at him.

"Jack, I wasn't trying to hurt the child. We've got a very high profile case coming through this hospital and I can't have my best surgeon distracted over babysitting issues." Christian defended his actions.

"You hurt him dad and now he is worried that his grandpa was going to hate him. I've spent my entire life trying to earn your love and respect and was never good enough. Hell will freeze over before I will allow my son to go through that!" Jack yelled slamming the chart in his hand against Christian's chest.

"Jack, I'm your father." Christian replied.

"You say that as if it entitles you to something, as if I'm supposed to just take those three words and it mean something to me. You're my father, so what. Is that supposed to make everything that is wrong between us okay?" Jack asked.

"Let's not do this Jack. I'm on call with you today. We don't need to take this in into an operating room." Christian warned.

"No problem dad. Priorities. Right?" Jack said sarcastically and swung the door open angrily, causing it to hit the wall.

Christian watched his angry son leave the room and realized he'd just blown another opportunity to try to set things straight with him, to try to explain that "I'm your father" means that love is never in question, that what he does he does out of love, but didn't have the guts to bring it up. Knowing that he'd made huge mistakes with Jack and that Jack wouldn't hesitate to throw those mistakes in his face and that he couldn't stand to hear those things kept Christian from ever trying to make amends with his son.

Jack stood in front of the nurses station again looking through the chart of his young bus accident patient and looked up at the very young nurse on the other side of the counter.

"Has she not had any pain meds this morning?" Jack asked.

"I'm not sure Dr. Shephard, I just came on and haven't had a chance to read the night nurses notes." The nurse answered.

"Could you check for me? I need to go examine her and it's going to hurt so I'd like to know what I'm dealing with as far as her tolerance levels go." Jack asked aggravated over how dangerous it was not to update information like that immediately.

"Here are the notes if you'd like to check for yourself, I'll update the charts when I get a chance." The nurse snapped at him and tossed the clipboard toward him.

"You've not been here very long (looks at her name tag) Shelly so I'm going to give you a piece of advice. I'm a nice guy and don't make a habit of treating the nurses like second class citizens, but you talk to some of these other doctors like you just talked to me and you'll probably find yourself unemployed." Jack said his tone quiet and calm.

"I'm sorry, of course. What's her name?" Shelly asked fighting back her tears and wiping away the one that escaped.

"Another piece of advice Shelly. If I can make you cry that easily you aren't going to last." Jack said.

"No, it's not you. It's just been a bad morning. Someone I thought cared about me, well let's just say he didn't. I'm sorry, I'm being very unprofessional." Shelly confided in him.

Christian approached the desk and stood beside Jack. Jack looked up and noticed the tension between his father and the young nurse, the way they were looking at one another, the way his father was giving her his patented "keep your mouth shut" look and he wasn't sure whether to feel angry, sad, disgusted or outright pity for this young woman who'd obviously added her name to the long list of Christian Shephard's conquests. Jack looked at his father.

"What?" Christian asked.

"Nothing. I've got patients to see. Can you get me that information please." Jack said to the nurse.

The nurse gave him the information he needed and Jack walked away shaking his head and wondering how much longer he could continue to work in the same hospital as his father.

Meanwhile………..

Kate straightened up the mess in the kitchen even though Jack insisted she leave it and enjoy the day. Conner had gone upstairs to dress. She walked into the living room and found him sitting on the couch watching cartoons. She sat beside him, grabbed the remote and turned the cartoons off.

"Sorry bud, your dad said you're only allowed to be glued to the 'idiot box' if there are no other options. It's a nice day, how about you show me your backyard." Kate offered.

"What's a idiot box?" Conner asked making Kate smile.

"I think that's your dad's way of saying too much television will make you stupid." Kate answered.

"I have a paint house outside. Come see." Conner said taking her by the hand and leading her toward the door that led to the backyard.

Kate hadn't really been out to take in the view in the back and was amazed at how it seemed to have everything a man and five year old boy could want. There was a large outdoor grill, a covered patio with comfortable padded furniture, a hammock and a hot tub, but none of the items looked like they got much use. Beyond the patio was plush green grass, some beautiful trees, a play house type structure and a swing set made of wood with lots of ropes and ladders and interesting tunnels and hiding places for an adventurous boy.

"What? No swimming pool?" Kate asked the sarcasm lost on the small child.

"Daddy won't get one until I'm a good swimmer." Conner said.

He held to Kate's hand and led her to the playhouse. Inside there were paints, water colors, drawing pads and markers and an easel.

"You really like to draw don't you?" Kate asked as she looked at all the pictures the child had plastering the walls of the structure.

"I like to paint more, but daddy makes me do it out here because one time I spilled some paints all over the carpet." Conner explained.

Kate giggled a little at another sign of Jack's anal neatness freak side.

"I'm sure you didn't mean to spill the paints." Kate offered.

"Daddy didn't yell, he just said I couldn't do in the house no more until I get bigger. He's going to make a whole room just for me to paint if I still like it when I'm bigger." Conner beamed.

"You want to paint a picture together?" Kate asked.

"Can you paint pictures?" Conner asked.

"Sure. Maybe not as good as yours, but I still like to do it." Kate said.

They painted their pictures together and set them aside to dry. Kate painted a picture of some flowers and Conner painted a picture of a dog. She looked around the structure and noticed there were a lot of pictures of dogs, a very specific dog with brown fur with some black spots.

"I guess you want a dog?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, but we aren't never home and dad says it would get lonely." Conner said.

"He's probably right." Kate said.

"Kate, are you going to live here now?" Conner asked.

"Maybe, would you like it if I lived here?" Kate asked.

"If you lived here could we always stay home when my dad goes to work?" Conner asked.

"Sweetie I can't promise you things like that." Kate told him.

"Are you going to get married to my dad?" Conner asked.

Kate felt cornered on top of an overwhelming sense of guilt. She immediately felt sympathy for this seemingly lonely child who wanted nothing more than to just have a stable home life and she didn't want to get his hopes up when she had no way of knowing where her relationship with Jack would go.

"Honey I don't know." Kate finally answered him.

"Why? You love him don't you?" Conner asked.

"You're too young to understand love Conner and why it's more complicated than that." Kate offered.

"My dad kisses you a lot. He never kissed a lady before except my mom. I seen pictures of them kissing. My dad must love you like he loved my mommy." Conner explained, the child's innocent assessment of the situation making Kate smile.

"You've never seen your dad kiss anyone before me?" Kate asked.

"Nope. He was really sad Kate and now he's not. I think you should marry him." Conner told her.

"What about me and you Conner? Don't you think we need to find out if you're going to like me as much as your dad does?" Kate asked.

Conner moved closer to Kate. He kissed her on the cheek and hugged her.

"I like you Kate. I think TJ was lucky to have such a nice mommy." Conner answered.

Kate choked back the lump in her throat and the tears that were trying to form. She pulled Conner into her lap and hugged him.

"I like you too Conner. You are the sweetest little boy I've ever met and you are too smart about people to just be five years old. I think you have what people refer to as an old soul." Kate told him.

"I'm almost six Kate." Conner reminded her making her laugh lightly.

Kate and Conner spent the next few hours playing and talking. Kate fixed him some lunch and lay on the couch with him watching one of his favorite movies in accordance with Jack's desire that Conner at least rest quietly after lunch so he wouldn't be miserable tired and impossible to deal with later in the evening. Conner knew this was the routine and didn't question it or fuss about it.

He fell asleep about 20 minutes into the movie. Kate lay beside him, lightly stroking his soft hair and enjoying that he smelled a little like a puppy after being outside all morning. She would've happily traded the smell of a child that had been out playing and sweating and having fun over the constant smell of antiseptic that came from caring for a critically ill child and the heartache that goes along with that smell. However, it didn't occur to her to feel bitter about it, but somehow blessed that this sweet, gentle little boy seemed to need her so much. Her cell phone began vibrating and she looked at it. It was Jack and she had to giggle at how happy and giddy she felt as she anticipated hearing his voice.

"You are in so deep Kate." Kate chuckled and answered the phone.

"Hey sexy." Kate chimed happily into the phone noting his light laugh on the other end.

"Hey yourself. How's it going? Is he driving you crazy with questions yet?" Jack asked.

"No, he's great Jack and he's sleeping at the moment." Kate answered the warmth she had in her voice for his son not lost on him.

"He must feel pretty safe and secure if actually relaxed enough to sleep." Jack told her.

"Aw thanks, I hope so. We had some fun conversations this morning that I can't wait to share with you so when are you coming home?" She asked.

"They just brought a stabbing victim into the ER. I'm getting ready to scrub in and by the looks of the x-rays I'll be up to my elbows in bowel for a few hours." Jack sighed.

"Well that's a rather disgusting visual Jack." Kate laughed lightly.

"Sorry. Um…I think I should be home by six or seven though so maybe we can all go out to dinner together." Jack offered.

"Sounds like fun, but I won't say anything to Conner about it in case you get tied up." Kate said.

"I hope that doesn't happen. I'm going to try really hard not to let it happen, but I will call you if it does, I promise." Jack said.

"That's fine Jack and we're fine so carry on with your doctor duties and don't worry about your son." Kate ordered.

"He's not the only one I'm worried about." Jack admitted.

"I know. You're sweet. That's why I've fallen so hard for you." Kate said sweetly.

"Here I thought it was the back rubs that sealed the deal." Jack teased.

"Those haven't hurt your cause believe me." Kate giggled.

"Good. Look forward to being pampered later." Jack promised.

"Not necessary. Seeing your handsome face and gorgeous body is all I need, besides maybe I'd like to pamper you for a change." Kate said in a sexy tone.

"I think I better hang up now, a few more minutes of this and I'll have to take a cold shower before I scrub in and I don't think my patient can wait, so I'll see you tonight. Tell Conner I said hi." Jack said.

"I will." Kate said.

"Bye Kate……..I love you." Jack said and before Kate had a chance to respond clicked his phone off.

Kate allowed herself to relax beside Conner and when they both awoke about an hour later, they enjoyed a sunny afternoon in the backyard. Kate sat on the patio and watched Conner climb all over the wooden swing set and read a book. She heard him call out and looked up. He was standing on top of the jungle gym holding onto a tree branch above his head.

"Conner get down, you're going to fall." Kate warned.

"Dad lets me do this." Conner argued.

"Well I'm not your dad and you are making me nervous so please climb down. Okay?" Kate told him.

"Watch this Kate!" Conner screamed right before he jumped from where he was standing.

Kate nearly screamed at the sight of him flinging himself from the contraption and then breathed a sigh of relief when he hit the ground and then rolled around giggling because he knew he'd scared her.

"I see that you've definitely got an ornery side." Kate said and then laughed at herself.

She watched him brush the grass and dirt from the knees of his jeans and then run back to the rope ladder to climb back up so he could do it again. Just as he neared the top his foot slipped on one of the ladder's rungs and he fell backwards, his head smacking the side of the contraption hard on the way down, his body landing with a sick thud on the ground followed quickly by the blood curdling screams of a child in a great deal of pain.

Kate ran to Conner who was curled up in a ball holding his arm, blood flowing from the side of his head and crying for his daddy. She picked him up and carried him into the house, grabbed a towel for his head and ran out of the house with him screaming and cradled in her arms, the blood from his head all over the front of her shirt. She ran next door and knocked frantically on their door. A young man who couldn't have been more than 20 years old answered the door.

"Please I need your help. I need to take him to the hospital and I need someone to hold him while I drive." Kate pleaded.

"Is that Jack's kid?" The man asked.

"Yes, please can you help me?" Kate asked.

"Yes, of course, come on I'll drive you." He offered.

The young man drove them to the hospital where Jack worked and dropped them off at the ER. Kate thanked him and ran inside with the crying, bleeding child. She immediately began demanding they find Jack and once they realized whose son the demanding woman was holding they took him into an examining room, did a quick assessment of his injuries and sent a nurse up to the surgery suites to let Jack know he was there and what was wrong with him.

"I want my daddy!" Conner screamed as they tried to hold his head down to look at the wound.

"It's okay baby, they are going to go find your daddy. Let them look at your cut sweetie." Kate tried to soothe him.

"No! Daddy! Where's daddy?!" Conner screamed.

"Conner it's going to be okay. Hold my hand and don't let go and think about something that makes you happy." Kate coaxed in a sweet, calm, gentle tone and took hold of the hand that wasn't attached to the arm that was injured.

While Kate continued to try to soothe the little boy the nurse entered the surgery suite. Jack glanced up for a moment and then back down at what he was doing.

"Dr. Shephard a woman just brought your son into the emergency room." She said.

Jack had to quickly suppress the natural urge to panic and remain focused on the patient whose life he currently held in his hands.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"He fell and has a pretty bad cut on his head and the ER doctor's best guess is a broken wrist. He's crying, asking for you." She said.

"But he's okay, nothing life threatening?" Jack asked trying to stay focused, his heart telling him one thing and his mind another.

"Yes, Dr. Shephard, he's scared and in some pain, but nothing serious." She told him.

"Tell them to treat him and I'll be there as soon as I'm finished here." Jack finally spat out, angry and torn.

Jack's father entered the surgery suite about 2 hours later. He assessed the patient to see where Jack was in the procedure and took his place beside Jack.

"What?" Jack asked.

"I can finish this. You need to take your son home." Christian said.

"You saw him? Is he okay?" Jack asked.

"He was hysterical. I authorized a mild sedative so they could do their jobs." Christian told him.

"You let them drug my son just to calm him down?" Jack asked.

"No Jack, I let them drug my grandson because he's got a nasty break in his wrist that would've been too painful to set without sedation. You should go Jack, your girlfriend looks like she could use some sedation." Christian said with just a hint of sarcasm.

Jack stopped and backed away from the operating table. Kate. In his attempt to focus on his patient he'd completely forgotten what dealing with Conner's situation must've been like for her. Now that he no longer had someone's life in his hands he could allow the situation to impact him, to hurt him, to make him angry and to fill him with regret. His emotional transformation was so obvious one of the surgical nurses went to him to make sure he was okay. He shook her off and slammed out of the surgical suite.

Jack removed everything but his scrubs and took the stairs down to the ER. He entered the room. Conner was sleeping, a large blood stained bandaged on the left side of his head and face and a full arm cast and sling covering his left arm. He walked to the exam table and glanced over at Kate who was sitting in the corner of the room. He could tell she was ticking. He kissed Conner on the forehead and walked over to where Kate was sitting. He kneeled down in front of her and attempted to take hold of her hands. She jerked away from him immediately, his contact snapping her out of the daze she was in.

"Kate, I'm sorry." Jack apologized.

"You're sorry? Where the hell were you Jack?!" Kate asked her voice shrill, almost crazed.

"I was in the middle of a surgical procedure Kate, I couldn't just drop everything and run down here, but that doesn't mean I didn't want to." He said softly, calmly trying to gauge just how worked up she was.

"I don't know what happened. One minute he was climbing his rope ladder and then he was lying on the ground screaming and crying. He just slipped and I was on the patio and wasn't there to catch him. I'm sorry. You trusted me with your son and I let him get hurt." Kate explained her anger suddenly gone, replaced by remorse and Jack grew concerned, wondering what the ordeal had done to her emotionally. He gently took hold of her hands and made her look at him.

"Hey, don't you dare blame yourself for this. I don't stand beside him every moment to catch him if he falls and I wouldn't expect you to either." Jack said sternly, seeing the fresh tears fall down her cheeks.

He stood and pulled her up with him, pulling her into his chest to comfort her. She shook and cried and he knew how incredibly traumatized she was, how this had brought up painful memories that hadn't had a chance to get buried very deep and he couldn't decide who he felt the most guilt over, his son who was scared and needed his father or the woman he loved who needed him to protect her from watching another child hurt and suffer.

"I'm so sorry you had to deal with this Kate." He apologized.

She pulled back from him angry again, staring him down, ready to strike and he stood and waited for it, welcomed it, because he knew he'd failed his son………..again and this time dragged another person he loved into it.

"How could you Jack? He was crying hysterically for you. He was so scared and hurting and all he wanted and needed was his father and you never came, you left me here to keep lying to him and promising him you'd come and you never did! I couldn't do anything to help him. God damn you Jack!" She screamed and punched at his chest, all of her anger and trauma coming out and he let her hit him knowing she could never inflict enough pain to match the guilt he was experiencing.

He finally wrapped his arms around her and held her and let her cry and felt a little relieved when she finally relaxed some and wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his chest, settling down and allowing him to be strong, to be there for them like she believed he should've been hours ago.

"Is he going to be okay Jack? There was so much blood." Kate asked, staying close to him not willing to pull her face away from his chest yet.

"Head injuries are typically very bloody, but he's going to be okay, he just needs some rest and time to heal." Jack said.

Jack signed all the appropriate forms, picked his son up and carried him out of the hospital. Kate insisted on sitting in the back seat so she could hold him until they got home. Once home he carried Conner into house and put him on the smaller couch in the family room.

"Will you sit with him while I go get him a pillow and blanket and his pajamas?" Jack asked.

"You stay, I'll do it." Kate said and headed up the stairs before he had a chance to object.

She returned with the items and put the pillow under his head while Jack held him up. He laid him back on the pillow and started pulling his dirty, blood-stained jeans off of him.

"Would you mind grabbing an ice pack out of the freezer and the scissors? I'm just going to cut his shirt off of him, I don't think the blood would ever come out of it anyway." Jack said.

Kate retrieved the items along with a bowl of warm soapy water. Jack looked at the large bowl of water and the towel and nodded.

"I guess he does need to be cleaned up some. Thanks." Jack said as he cut his shirt away, the boy stripped down to his character underwear.

Kate noticed that the fact that his little boy had 14 stitches in his head and a broken arm and was small and hurt and helpless was starting to register for Jack and take its toll on him emotionally as he became quieter and quieter. She watched him awkwardly attempt to give his son a sponge bath and finally grabbed his arm.

"Let me help you with that." She said.

He didn't argue. He stood and let her take his place and watched her expertly and quickly clean him up, having entirely too much experience with this sort of thing. She slipped his pajama bottoms on and they both decided he didn't need a shirt. Jack placed a throw pillow on Conner's stomach and let the bended half of the cast covered arm rest on the pillow. He placed the ice pack over the area where the break was and covered him with a blanket.

They took turns watching over him while the other disappeared upstairs to take a shower and Kate listened while he argued with his father about why he wouldn't be able to be on call the next day, an argument that Jack ended up winning, which made Kate smile. Conner woke later in quite a bit of pain and Jack convinced him to eat by agreeing to buy him a kid's meal from a nearby fast food restaurant. He ate and took the pain medicine his dad gave him and by 9 PM was sound asleep again.

Jack lay on the couch with his back against the back of the couch and Kate's back snuggled into his chest. He kept a protective arm over her and they both stared through the television, each deep in their thoughts. She finally turned around to face him. He looked at her and smiled a little. She kissed him and then snuggled into his chest, nearly sighing at the feeling of his arm wrapping over her.

"God you feel good." He sighed.

"Yeah so do you." Kate replied.

"My son has had a rough few days. (Pause) Hell, who am I kidding, he's had a rough five years and I let him down again today Kate and I let you down too and I'm sorry." Jack admitted.

"Yes you did let him down and you're going to have to make it up to him, make him understand what small children shouldn't be expected to understand so I'm glad you stood up to your father and that you're going to be here with him tomorrow." Kate said, cutting him no slack and even though it hurt to hear the truth, he appreciated that she was willing to be honest with him about her feelings.

"You're right Kate. I should've had them page a surgeon in the hospital. It was a pretty routine procedure that didn't require my particular specialty." Jack admitted.

"So why Jack? Why would, no how could you not be there for him?" Kate asked.

"I have no excuses Kate. I screwed up." Jack said.

"That's not good enough Jack and I'll be honest and tell you that I'm not sure I can be in a relationship with a man that could do what you did today. I love you Jack, but I'm not sure it's enough to make we want to do this." Kate admitted.

Jack didn't respond, but chose to shut down instead, shutting off his emotions and quietly cursing himself for allowing himself to love her, convinced that he'd lost her and not sure if he had the desire to fight to get her back.

"I'm going to sleep down here with him. He's probably going to have a rough night." Jack said.

"I'm going to sleep down here with you. We'll get him through it together." Kate said.

"You don't have to." Jack said.

"I want to." Kate said.

"I don't want you to." Jack told her, his attempt at being cold to her failing, but the hurt he was trying to protect himself from coming through loud and clear.

"Jack, I wasn't trying to hurt you and honestly I don't have anything left right now to do this with you. What you did today is incomprehensible to me and if I can't voice my concerns about whether or not I could continue to deal with a lifetime of situations like today without you shutting down on me then maybe this isn't going to work. I'm going to go upstairs and go to sleep. Goodnight." Kate said flatly as she sat up kissed him gently on the mouth and made her way toward the stairs.

He didn't say anything, didn't try to stop her and didn't deny that maybe they had made a mistake. He simply reached up and turned the lamp on the table beside the couch off, pulled a blanket over himself and laid his head on the pillow.


	18. Chapter 18

Jack lay on the couch quietly stewing. He wanted to go upstairs and beg for forgiveness and tell her what she wanted to hear, but he knew that he couldn't make her the promises she needed to hear, that he'd never be able to promise that what happened today would never happen again. Jack knew these things about himself and his chosen profession and he knew he could run upstairs and offer a genuine apology along with some empty promises to put a band-aid on the situation, but he didn't want band-aids, he didn't want Kate to want to be with anyone other than the real him. He was certain that changing who he was, who he'd warned her he was, wasn't an option so he'd shut down on her, ready to accept that he wasn't the man she thought he was or that he could ever be the man she needed him to be.

By midnight he was still awake, still stewing and accepting of the idea that it was about to be just him and Conner again because that was how it was supposed to be. Conner began to stir and then whimper. Jack turned the lamp on.

"Daddy, I'm sick." Conner cried and then threw up before Jack could get over to him.

"Damn it." Jack mumbled as he peeled the soiled blanket off of Conner.

"I'm sorry daddy I didn't mean to." Conner said sadly, snapping Jack out of his selfish, angry mood.

"It's okay buddy, I know you couldn't help it." Jack said sweetly.

Most of the vomit had landed on the blanket so Jack rolled it up and carefully placed it out in the garage until he had time to deal with it. He returned with a fresh bowl of warm soapy water and cleaned the traces of vomit from Conner's chest, neck, face and shoulder.

"Feel better?" Jack asked.

"I'm cold daddy." Conner said through his red, glassy eyes.

Jack carefully picked the child up and carried him over to the couch where he'd been stewing. He held Conner close to his chest and put the blanket he was using over him and continued to hold him, rubbing a soothing hand over the outside of the blanket.

"Will you stay with me until I feel better daddy?" Conner asked.

"I promise. Go back to sleep." Jack said.

"No daddy, not just now. Please don't go to work." Conner pleaded managing to drive the knife into Jack's heart.

"I'm not going to work tomorrow. I'm going to stay home with you." Jack said.

"Promise." Conner pushed.

"I promise." Jack said determined that he'd quit his job before he'd break this promise.

"Daddy." Conner said his voice groggy, but inquisitive.

"Yes Conner." Jack replied.

"How come you didn't come fix me today?" Conner asked, officially twisting the knife.

"I'm not allowed to fix you son, it's against the rules, but I should have been there to make sure you weren't scared." Jack explained.

"I was scared, but Kate made me think about fun stuff instead of the scary stuff." Conner told him.

"She did huh? Did it work?" Jack asked.

"Some, but it's not the same as when you make stuff not scary. Is it true you love your work more than you love me? Is that why you didn't come make me not scared today?" Conner asked.

The question hit Jack like a ton of bricks. Conner had obviously heard Jenna bad mouthing him at some point; that, coupled with the guilt over having made his child feel neglected and unimportant was making him feel like he might suffocate. Kate was right, what he'd done today was incomprehensible and bordering on unforgivable. He needed to stop worrying about what kind of man Kate needed/wanted him to be and focus on becoming the father Conner needed him to be because Kate's issues with him weren't about what kind of man he was, but what kind of father he was purposely choosing to be.

"I love you more than anything Conner. I should've been there for you today. I made a bad decision. Sometimes daddy really screws up and I'm sorry and I promise you that I won't let you down again." Jack told him, hugging him tighter, his voice cracking as he fought his tears of regret, wishing there was some way he could project all the love he felt for his son into the tight embrace he currently held him in.

"Don't be sad daddy, it's okay." Conner said, realizing his father was upset.

Jack loosened his grip on Conner and looked down at him, looking into his son's eyes and seeing entirely too much of himself in them, seeing the need to feel guilty because you forced your father to see himself and his flaws and hurt him in the process and he didn't want Conner to carry that kind of senseless guilt around. He kissed the top of Conner's head and kept a strong reassuring arm and hand wrapped around him.

"I am sad because I know I made a mistake, not because of anything you said Conner. You are the best thing in my life and you should be upset with me for not being there. You aren't wrong to feel mad about it. I was wrong. You are my little boy and nothing in this world should ever keep me from being there when you need me and I'm so sorry about that and I hope that some day you will forgive me." Jack told him.

"I'm not mad at you daddy. I love you." Conner told him.

"I love you too Conner and things are going to be better for you. I promise." Jack said.

"I'm tired daddy." Conner said through a yawn as he started to drift off to sleep again.

Jack guessed the nausea most likely brought on by the pain meds is what woke him up. He watched him settle back into a restful sleep and carried him upstairs to his bedroom. He tucked him safely into his bed, kissed him on the forehead and left the room.

Jack approached his bedroom door slowly, not sure if he was hoping she was asleep or hoping she might be awake. He entered the room and she appeared to be asleep. He walked quietly to his side of the bed, stripped down to his boxers and quietly eased himself into the bed. He pulled the comforter over his chest and lie still, eyes staring at the ceiling, slowly adjusting to the darkness of the room, the only light coming from the full moon and stars that he noticed through the open shutters on the bedroom windows.

"Is he okay?" Kate asked startling him.

"I think the pain meds upset his stomach, but he's resting now." Jack said.

"We need to talk Jack." Kate said.

"I know." Jack said.

Kate rolled over and he rolled onto his side. They were facing one another in the darkness, but it wasn't too dark for her to see the torment in his eyes.

"Jack, talk to me." Kate pleaded.

"What do you want me to say Kate? You were right. What I did today was inexcusable and I can only hope that for Conner's sake I actually learned from it and will make a better decision the next time." Jack said.

"Is it really so difficult Jack?" Kate asked, her tone calm not antagonizing, telling him she really wanted to understand what makes him tick and not make assumptions about why he makes the choices he makes.

"It shouldn't be and you're right to question what kind of man could ignore that his child is crying for him." Jack said, his tone solemn, regretful.

"Then why is it so difficult Jack? Can you help me understand why it is even a choice for you so that I can understand you better?" Kate asked.

"Do you want to understand me better Kate? Are you suggesting that you might be interested in staying in this relationship, in the possibility of a lifetime of difficult situations like today's?" Jack asked.

"I'm sorry if my honesty hurt you Jack, but if we can't be honest with each other we aren't going to last." Kate told him.

"Honest is point blank telling me I completely sucked as a father today Kate and yes it hurt to hear it from both you and Conner, but I appreciate that both of you trust me enough to just put it out there. I know that I need to be a more doting father and that you want that from me and I can handle you getting in my face and telling me when I screw up." Jack argued.

"Then why did you get so upset and shut down on me?" Kate asked.

"Because you took it to the next level and raised the stakes by threatening to not see this through. I can't, no I won't be in a relationship where one of us gets to threaten to quit when the going gets rough. I could commit to you right this minute Kate and the only way I'd ever regret that commitment is if I had to deal with the pain and worry that you will throw in the towel when the waters get choppy and believe me they will." Jack explained.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I was upset. You didn't see him. He's so lonely Jack and he just wants to be a part of your life and yeah, I admit it, a part of me wants to punch you in the stomach for having this beautiful little boy that worships you that you take for granted when mine is laying in a cold dark grave." Kate said becoming emotional and noticing that for the first time he didn't immediately pull her in to his arms and try to comfort her.

"I don't take him for granted Kate. Yes, I screwed up bad today but god damn don't ever accuse me of taking my son for granted because I can listen to that kind of cruel bullshit from my in-laws seven days a week and I don't want or need to hear it from you." Jack said his tone angry, not hurt.

Kate didn't say anything. She lay quietly sobbing just a few inches away from him, the urge to comfort her nearly more than he could resist, but he had to stay firm. He knew she was hurting, but he couldn't allow her to use his relationship with Conner as her weapon, her way of dealing with whatever was causing the hurt tonight.

"What's going on Kate? I know a great deal of this fight we're having is all on me, but there's more going on here than my screw up. Talk to me." Jack pleaded.

"Jack, how could I just move on and forget about my baby so quickly?" Kate asked.

"What makes you think you've forgotten about TJ?" Jack asked softening his tone.

"Jack it was all too easy today, well except for the accident of course. Conner told me I'm the only woman you've kissed since his mother so I should marry you. Your son needs a mother so bad and he's just begging me to please want to be his mother with those big brown eyes and there's this part of me that wants to promise him that the life his young mind dreams about is within his grasp because I want it too and how could I? Jack my little boy died and it hurts so much I can't stand to be inside my own skin most of the time so how can I want what Conner wants?" Kate asked.

"Did you just propose to me?" Jack asked with a slight smile, attempting to lighten things up.

"Just forget it." Kate grumbled and rolled over.

Jack scooted toward her, wrapping his large, warm protective arm around her and pulling her into his chest. He kissed the top of her shoulder lightly before allowing his head to relax on the pillows beside hers.

"I think that no matter what happens here Kate, whether we get married and have seven more children or if we eventually split up and go our separate ways, TJ is always going to be a part of you, a part of your life and a part of your heart. His picture is right there beside the bed. He hasn't been forgotten. It's called moving on. You don't ever get over it, but you do move on and you are moving on. You were a wonderful mother to your son and you'd be a wonderful mother to mine if that's what you decide, but you would never be the same kind of mother to Conner or to any future children you might have that you were to TJ. He was special and what you had with him was special and nothing will ever replace that in your heart." He told her.

"You always seem to have a logical answer for the insanity inside my head, a logic born out of experience. I hate that your advice comes from such a personal place Jack because I know you didn't have anyone to help you understand what was happening to you. It makes me sad to think about you being completely alone with this small baby and nobody to share your pain. I hope some day you'll tell me about Emily, what you loved about her, what parts of her shine through in Conner. I don't ever want you to feel like you can't share your memories of her with me." Kate said.

"So, does that mean you plan on sticking around?" Jack asked.

"I love you Jack, I want to understand you better, understand why today was such a difficult decision for you. Maybe if I understand where you're coming from I can help you recognize when you're about to screw up and vice versa." Kate said.

"A woman offering to try to understand me as well as help me stop screwing up is something I better pounce on." Jack chuckled.

"So you like the idea of being nagged? Do you really think you need that Jack?" Kate asked.

"You've seen me in action Kate, what do you think?" Jack asked.

"I think you just need someone to love you." Kate said sweetly and kissed him.

"So are you offering?" Jack his tone dead serious.

"Am I offering what?" Kate asked.

"To love me." Jack said.

"I already do." Kate said.

"But do you want to try to love all of me, including the father that wouldn't leave his patient to be with his son." Jack asked.

"Are you suggesting I take the bad with the good Jack?" Kate laughed lightly.

"I'm asking you if you're willing to take the bad with the good." Jack asked.

Kate rolled over to face him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"That depends. Do I get to spank you when you're really bad?" Kate asked making him chuckle.

He rolled her onto her back and kissed her deeply, intensifying the kiss as she opened up for him, their tongues touching and tasting one another as the familiar ache for another began to take over, body temperatures rising as their physical desires, coupled with their emotional desires took on the sensation of something close to unquenchable.

He wasted no time moving his hands inside the shirt she was wearing, her soft skin under his fingertips increasing his state of arousal. He pushed the t-shirt up, bunching it around her neck, exposing her breasts to him, his eyes, dark with need looking into hers just before he began slowly and sensually caressing her breasts with his hands while his wet mouth covered each nipple, sucking gently, his tongue teasing the nub, making it hard enough to suck into his teeth and then pull back, blowing lightly on the wet area, making her moan and squirm beneath him.

While his mouth continued to tease and tantalize the top half of her body, his hand moved down to the bottom half, slipping inside her panties and pushing them down and away from what he wanted. He slipped his long fingers down over her mound and between her legs, testing her wetness, wanting to be inside of her now, but not wanting to hurt her. He felt the flood of moisture cover his hand and groaned, the idea of being buried in there consuming his thoughts.

He sat up on his knees and pulled her panties away from her, spreading her legs in front of him while he got comfortable between them, looking at her and smiling and he pushed his boxers down to his knees, moving forward and slowly pushing himself into her, both of them moaning loudly, the sensation making them quiver and take a deep breath.

He held himself above her, arms flexed and pushing himself in and out, watching her face and leaning in to kiss her once in awhile, moving in closer and whispering into her ear to come for him and smiling as he felt her clench around him and dig her fingernails into his back just below the shoulders.

They continued to make love, slowly and steadily, him never breaking rhythm and only taking his eyes off of her to kiss her. Before Jack she would've been slightly unnerved by a man watching her so intently, wanting and needing to visually experience her most intimate and private moments with him, but there was so much love and honesty in his eyes that she found it drew her closer to him and she realized that while she'd loved men before, she'd never truly been in love before now.

They climaxed together and he buried his face in the pillows beside her, staying inside of her and allowing his body to relax. He finally pulled back and looked into her eyes, searching and studying.

"So what do you say Kate? Are we going to do this, try to be a threesome for awhile and maybe a family eventually?" Jack asked his gaze never leaving hers.

"Before I answer you have to tell me something." Kate said.

"What?" He asked.

"How come me?" Kate asked.

"How come you what?" Jack asked.

"How come you let Conner see you kiss me and never any other woman?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, I guess because from the moment I first kissed you it just felt right, that what we had was natural and good and that it was okay to allow my son to witness us because he'd feel the same way about it." Jack explained, watching her eyes melt into his, the sweetness and sincerity of what he'd just said making her emotional.

"I want to love all of you Jack, the good and the bad and I promise not to quit on you if you promise not to quit on me." Kate said.

"Why would I quit on you?" He asked.

"You wouldn't be the first man that has quit on me Jack and let's be realistic here, I'm a blubbering pile of irrationality these days." Kate told him.

"No you're not." He objected sweetly and kissed her.

"Then how would you describe me?" Kate asked.

"I would describe you as very soft, sweet, sexy, kissable, edible and huggable as well as sad, broken, vulnerable and trying to survive the moments of extreme pain and guilt that can be so intense everything feels hopeless." Jack said.

"Actually, you keep me from sinking into hopelessness. That's pretty big Jack, giving someone hope when it doesn't seem to exist. Are you sure you want to carry that load?" Kate asked.

"Positive." Jack said and let her swallow him in another deep, long passionate kiss that was about to lead to more sex when they heard Conner crying out again.

Jack jumped up immediately, threw some pants on and headed for the door. Kate quickly got up and redressed so she could help him. She stood just inside Conner's bedroom door watching Jack check him out.

"My arm hurts daddy." Conner whimpered.

"I know it does. Will you eat something for me so I can give you some medicine?" Jack said.

"No daddy, I'll throw up. My tummy hurts and so does my head and I have to pee." Conner complained, experiencing levels of uncomfortable that would bring most men to their knees.

"He's running a fever. Kate, there is some children's Tylenol in the cupboard above the coffee pot. Would you mind getting me a couple of them, one of his pain pills and a glass of milk?" Jack asked quietly.

"Sure." Kate said and disappeared.

Conner sat up, climbed off the bed, took a few steps and stumbled into Jack's arms.

"Where are you going bud?" Jack asked.

"To the bathroom." Conner said.

"You're pretty wobbly you want some help?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Conner sighed too tired and too uncomfortable to walk himself to the bathroom.

Jack carried Conner to the bathroom and helped him take care of business. He carried him back into his bedroom and lay him back down. Kate entered the room a few minutes later with a glass of milk and the pills. She handed them to Jack and sat on the other side of Conner. She looked at the fingers on the arm that was in the cast and noticed how swollen they were and then looked at Jack.

"I know. We need to keep his arm elevated and see if we can reduce the swelling." Jack said as he tried to help Conner sit up so he could take the pill.

"No daddy, I don't want it." Conner cried and refused to sit up.

"I know you don't feel well son, but this isn't helping." Jack said in a somewhat sterner voice attempting to calm Conner down enough to get the medicine in him.

Jack finally managed to get him sat up. He was cranky, hurting and a little out of it. Jack brought the glass milk and the pills to him. Conner swatted the glass of milk away and Jack lost his grip on it, the whole thing spilling all over Conner and his bed, upsetting Conner more than he already was.

"God damn it." Jack mumbled and stood up.

"I'll go get you some more milk." Kate said and left the room.

"I'm sorry dad." Conner whimpered.

"It's okay. It was an accident. Come on, let's you cleaned up." Jack said as he lifted the boy out of the bed and stood him up in front of him.

He stripped his milk soaked pajama pants and underwear off of him and dressed him in some dry clothes. He carried Conner into his bedroom and sat him in the center of the bed. Kate returned with a fresh glass of milk.

Conner saw the milk and the pills and began crying again and Jack was quickly losing his patience.

"Conner what's wrong? You never fuss this much over taking a pill." Jack asked the child.

"My throat hurts daddy. I can't swallow." Conner cried.

"Show me." Jack said holding the boy's jaw and looking into his mouth while Conner did his best to stick his tongue out for him. Jack sighed and let go him.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"I can't be sure, but it looks like strep, smells like it too." Jack said.

"What should we do?" Kate asked.

"He's already on an anti-biotic for the cut on his head so it should take care of it, but getting him to swallow is going to be next to impossible." Jack groaned.

"I have an idea." Kate said and left the room.

Jack laid Conner back on the pillows and watched helplessly as he cried and begged his daddy to make his arm stop hurting. Kate reentered the room with a small bowl and a spoon.

"What's that?" Jack asked.

"I took one of those pudding cups in the refrigerator, put it in a bowl and added a little milk to make it a little less thick. I used to do this TJ. He was too little to swallow pills so I'd hide them in the pudding. It's cold so it should feel good on his throat and they don't try to chew pudding so it, along with the pill slides right down." Kate said as she inserted his pain pill into a spoonful of the pudding.

Jack helped Conner sit up and watched as Kate held the spoonful of pudding up and convince him to open up and swallow it and smiled at how she managed to get him to not only do it once, but three times. He let Conner relax back onto the pillows and stood up.

"I'm going to go put clean sheets on his bed." Jack said.

"No daddy, don't leave. I want to sleep with you." Conner cried.

Jack lay down on the bed next to Conner and kissed him on the cheek.

"You can stay here until you fall asleep. Okay?" Jack said.

"No daddy, lay down with me and stay. Please." Conner pleaded.

"He's so sick Jack, let him sleep with you. I'll go sleep in his bed." Kate offered.

"You don't have to…." Jack started to object.

"I know I don't have to, I want to. He told me once he likes to sleep with you when he's feeling sad or scared and I understand why. Nothing feels safer than being snuggled up next to you." Kate said and smiled at him.

"You sure you don't mind?" Jack asked.

"I'm positive. Good night Conner." Kate said and kissed him gently on the forehead.

"No, you stay too. Please." Conner pleaded.

Kate looked at Jack.

"Yeah Kate, you stay too." Jack chimed in and smiled at her.

They settled Conner into the middle of the bed, making sure to get his arm propped up and then they lay down, one on each side of him, Jack on the left so he could keep an eye on his arm and Kate on the right. They each kissed him on the forehead and encouraged him to go back to sleep.

"Nite daddy, I love you." Conner said and yawned, the pain medicine starting to relax him.

Kate felt Conner's hand grab a handful of her t-shirt just below her rib cage. He looked at her through glassy eyes.

"Nite Kate, I love you too." Conner said and closed his eyes.

Jack could see that he had a handful of her shirt and he heard what he said to her. He quickly turned off the lamp and wondered if he managed to plunge them into darkness before Kate saw the tears in his eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Thanks again for your reviews and try to put that icky jealousy skex from last week out of your heads. Is it me or do sex scenes between Skate leave you with that not so fresh feeling, an undeniable need to take a shower and not a cold one, but a hot, steamy, can't get the grunge off quick enough variety. I've been really busy, but finally managed to update and hope to update again within a few days. I hope you enjoy and thanks for sticking with it.**_

Nearly a month had passed since Conner's accident and they had managed to settle into a somewhat normal routine. Kate continued to learn how to deal with the loss of her son while falling head over heels in love with Jack's son, the two of them growing closer every day. Jack fell into a normal work routine, some days longer than others. His decision to take part in the separation of the twins would begin to consume more and more of his time as the surgery date neared, but he and Kate discussed the possibility that they wouldn't see him much the week prior to the separation and she was okay with carrying the load for him that week.

Jack had taken the day off. Conner was going to have his full cast cut away and replaced with a smaller cast that went ¾ of the way up his forearm. Jack awoke early that morning and did some work in his office until Conner came through the door somewhat whiney and demanding all of his attention. He'd been acting out the night before and Jack had attributed it to being tired, but apparently that wasn't the case. They had breakfast together while Kate slept in. She hadn't been feeling well so they did their best not to disturb her.

"Daddy can we go look at bikes after the doctor?" Conner asked.

"Bikes? Why would we want to look at bikes?" Jack teased.

"For my birthday. It's not too far now and you promised I could have a big bike." Conner reminded him.

"Conner, you've shown me which bike you want at least ten times. I won't forget. I promise." Jack told him.

"What if they're all gone before you go get it?" Conner protested not willing to drop the subject.

"Don't worry son, they won't run out of bikes." Jack assured him knowing he had bought the bike a couple of weeks ago and stashed it in the garage.

"Can we please just go and see if it's still there." Conner pushed, his whiney tone starting to get on Jack's last nerve.

"No, not today." Jack answered firmly.

"But why?" Conner whined louder.

"Because Kate isn't feeling well and we need to come home and take care of her." Jack told him.

"No fair. I don't want to take care of Kate. I want to play with you." Conner pouted.

"Don't be selfish son. We can do both." Jack said sternly not pleased with his son's bratty attitude.

"What's selfish?" Conner asked.

"Selfish is when you only think about what you want and not about other people's feelings. Do you want Kate to feel sad?" Jack asked.

"I don't care." Conner grumbled.

"You don't huh? Maybe you need to spend some time in your bedroom figuring out why you should care. Is that what you want to do?" Jack warned.

"I don't care." Conner grumbled again.

"Okay, you are obviously still out of sorts today. Go upstairs and brush your teeth and put your shoes on. It's time to go to the doctor." Jack said.

"No. If we can't go look at bikes I'm not going to the doctor." Conner told him, folding his arms across his chest and refusing to move out of his chair.

"Conner, upstairs now or you're going to be in trouble." Jack ordered in his sternest father voice.

"Make me." Conner challenged.

Jack was becoming angry, but was also perplexed over the way his son was behaving. This was new territory for him as a parent as his son had never been down right defiant before and Jack couldn't imagine where the behavior was coming from. He sighed heavily, stood and picked Conner up. Conner went limp, refusing to cooperate.

"If you didn't have a doctor's appointment in 25 minutes you would be in so much trouble son." Jack told him.

Jack carried him up the stairs, brushed his teeth and put his shoes on him. Conner refused to walk so he picked him up again and carried him into his bedroom so he could tell Kate they were leaving. He set Conner on the foot of the bed and leaned in, kissing her gently. She opened her eyes, confused for a moment and then recognizing him.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey yourself sleepy head. I'm taking Conner to the doctor. Can I bring you anything back?" Jack asked.

"From the doctor?" Kate asked.

"Uh no, I thought you might want some lunch or something." Jack chuckled.

"No thanks. Good luck Conner. I can't wait to sign your new cast." Kate told the pouting child.

"You can't sign it." Conner said hatefully.

"Conner." Jack scolded.

"It's okay Jack. He's been upset with me since I picked him up from school yesterday. Maybe you can figure out why." Kate suggested.

"Okay, I'll try. We better go. Call me if you need anything." Jack said and kissed her again.

Jack carried Conner out of the bedroom and out of the house. The child never cooperated the entire time and by the time they finished getting fresh x-rays and a fresh cast with Conner fighting him the entire way, Jack was ready to find a bar and drink, but instead took his son home, fed him lunch he refused to eat and sent him to his room with orders not to come out until he's told he can.

Jack walked down the hallway to check on Kate. She was awake, dressed and laying on the bed curled up in the fetal position. He sat beside her and rubbed his hand over her lower back and hip.

"Are you still not feeling well?" He asked.

"I'm feeling a little better. I have a bit of a headache so I'm just being lazy." Kate said.

"Maybe you can help me figure out what to do with Conner while you're being lazy." Jack said as he stood and walked toward the bathroom.

"Is he still acting mad?" Kate asked.

"Mad? He's acting like a brat, refusing to cooperate with anything I ask him to do. It was embarrassing to say the least." Jack told her from the bathroom.

"Maybe he's feeling confused about us." Kate suggested.

Kate heard the toilet flush and waited for him to respond. When he didn't she turned to look toward the bathroom door. He was standing at the foot of the bed holding the stick she'd peed on earlier in his hand. She'd just tossed it into the trash can in the bathroom, making no attempt to hide it from him.

"What's this?" He asked.

"You're a doctor Jack, what's it look like?" Kate said sarcastically.

"Obviously I know it's a pregnancy test Kate, but I thought you were on the pill is what I meant." Jack said his tone calm, not accusatory.

"I was. I am." Kate said.

"Kate this test is positive. Did you forget to take them or were you not on them for very long?" He asked still calm, more concerned about her than the fact that she was pregnant.

"I've been taking those pills since TJ was 6 weeks old and I have never missed a day until that day at the cabin. I was too upset and then too drugged to remember. I swear Jack I did not do this on purpose. I do not want this any more than you do." Kate told him and let go of the tears she was holding back.

He walked over to her, set the stick on the nightstand and rubbed his hand over her back.

"I doubt that missing one day would've, I mean odds are you were going to get pregnant whether you'd missed that one day or not. I guess we're just that lucky minute percentage." Jack told her.

"How can you be so calm?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. It's not like freaking out is going to change anything." Jack said.

"Jack, I cannot have a baby right now. I do not want a baby. We have to terminate it." Kate said stunning him for a moment.

"Can we talk about it first? Think about it for a few days before we make a decision like that?" Jack asked.

"What is this we stuff Jack? It's me. It's my body. I can't Jack. I just spent the last two years of my life watching my child die a horrible death and I can't love another baby right now." Kate told him crying and starting to get a little hysterical.

He lay down behind her, spooning his body around hers, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"It's going to be okay babe. I'm here and I'll go along with whatever you want. I just want you to take a few days to make the decision. Okay?" He coaxed.

"This is crazy Jack. Why can't anything in my life ever be normal or easy? Nobody gets pregnant on the pill right? Why is this happening to me?" Kate sobbed.

"This isn't my area of expertise Kate, but women do get pregnant on the pill, not very often, but it happens." Jack said.

"I love you Jack and I don't want to hurt you, but I can't have this baby. I'm sorry, I can't even think about it. I already made an appointment to terminate it, day after tomorrow. Will you take me?" Kate asked.

The information was coming almost too fast for Jack to absorb it. She was ready to kill his baby without even considering his feelings on the matter.

"Of course I'll be with you Kate if this is what you really want." He said trying to hide his feelings and failing miserably.

"Jack, you can't want this. You may think you do, but we're still trying to figure each other out and hell right now you've got a five year old completely bent out of shape and it's most likely over us. Do you really want to complicate things even more by adding a baby to the mix?" Kate asked.

"I've know about this for 10 minutes Kate. I have no idea what I want, but it would've been nice to have a say in the matter, a chance to absorb it, to decide with you instead of just being informed that you're going to kill my baby and I need to be okay with that." Jack snapped unable to suck up the hurt for her benefit any longer.

"I knew you'd be like this, that's why I made the decision on my own. You can't force me to have a baby I don't want Jack!" Kate yelled.

Before Jack had a chance to respond his cell phone went off. He cursed loudly and pulled it out of his pocket to see who was calling. It was Conner's teacher. He took the call and listened intently, not offering much in response. Kate heard him tell the person he'd talk to Conner and then he hung up the phone.

"Well, at least the mystery of what crawled up Conner's ass has been solved." Jack sighed and lay back onto the pillows, flat on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Who was that?" Kate asked.

"His teacher. She said he got upset yesterday and when he didn't come to school today she got worried. She was calling to make sure he was okay." Jack said.

"Did she say why he was upset?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, it's just kid's stuff. You know how some kids can be meaner than others. I'll go talk to him. He'll be fine." Jack lied, not wanting to upset her any further.

"Are you going to hate me for this Jack?" Kate asked.

He rolled onto his side and looked down at her. He kissed her gently and pulled back again.

"I could never hate you and I would never consider trying to force you to have a baby. I'm going to go talk to Conner." Jack said as he kissed her once more and scooted off the bed.

Kate watched him walk out of the room. She felt guilty. He'd been nothing but sweet and supportive since the day she'd met him and she'd completely shut him out, refused to care about his feelings on the matter and refused to accept that she had life growing inside of her, a part of him, a part of both of them, life created when the odds said it shouldn't have been. She couldn't let herself think about those things, let herself humanize the situation because then she'd have a choice to make and right now it wasn't a choice, it was just something that had to be done, like swallowing a bitter pill, do it fast and get it over with.

She knew he wasn't being honest about Conner though and she suspected that whatever was eating at him had something to do with her. She scooted off the bed and walked down the hallway to Conner's bedroom and stood just outside the door, listening to Jack try to get the child to talk to him.

Jack sat on the bed and sat Conner up, propping his back against the pillows. He was still refusing to cooperate with his father so it was like trying to move a heavy rag doll around, him lying back down as soon as Jack would sit him up.

"I want you to stop this right now Conner. I mean it. Sit up right now or you are going to get punished like you've never been punished before." Jack scolded him in a tone Conner didn't recognize and was unsure of so he did as he was told and sat up.

"Did you hide a note from your teacher Conner?" Jack asked in a non-threatening tone.

"It's just dumb stuff daddy." Conner mumbled.

"Can I see it?" Jack asked.

"No." Conner answered.

"Why not?" Jack asked.

"You'll get mad." Conner said.

"Why would I get mad?" Jack asked.

"Cuz of Kate." Conner said.

"Conner, please show daddy the note. I promise I won't get mad." Jack pleaded with the child.

Conner reached under his pillows and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. Jack straightened it out and read the large header across the top "INVITE YOUR MOM TO LUNCH".

"Conner, I wish when things like this come up you would talk to me. I can't help you if I don't know what is bothering you." Jack said, his tone sympathetic.

"You can't help." Conner protested, his bottom lip puckering.

Kate could tell the child was just about in tears and wondered what the note said.

"I can come eat lunch with you tomorrow Conner." Jack offered.

"No daddy! It's for moms!" Conner yelled, grabbing the note out of his hand and tearing it up.

Jack picked him up and hugged him and let him cry, knowing there was more going on than him not having a mom to eat lunch with. He sat him in his lap and tilted his chin up, making him look at him, his sad, tear-filled brown eyes getting to him and sending any plans for punishment out the window.

"Conner, why didn't you just ask Kate to go with you? I know she's not your mom, but I bet she would've said yes." Jack reasoned.

"I was, but Tony said that's stupid." Conner explained as he tried to get his tears under control.

"Tony said asking Kate to eat lunch with you was stupid?" Jack asked.

"No daddy! I'm stupid!" Conner yelled still upset and starting to cry again.

Jack hugged him closer to him and kissed the top of his head, trying to calm him down.

"Who said you were stupid Conner?" Jack asked.

"Tony." Conner sniffled.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Are you going to get married to Kate daddy?" Conner asked as serious as a five year old could be.

"I don't know Conner. Why?" Jack asked.

"Would Kate be my mom if you got married to her?" Conner asked.

"She would be your step mom." Jack answered.

"No! I don't want a step mom! I want a real mom!" Conner cried.

"Conner, it wouldn't matter whether Kate was your real mom or your step mom, she'd still love you the same." Jack reasoned.

"No she won't. Tony said step moms are mean. He said she won't let me call her mom and you will have new kids and you guys won't love me like you love them." Conner screamed as upset as Jack had ever seen him.

"Hey buddy, I want you to try to calm down okay? None of that is true. I love you more than anything and if I have more kids I'll love them too, but not any more or any less than I love you. You are too young to be worrying about this stuff, much less trying to understand it so I want you to make me a promise." Jack said.

"What?" Conner sniffled.

"Promise me that you will trust that daddy will always love you and that I would never marry any woman that would be mean to you." Jack said.

"But daddy, Tony said that's what happens. He said Kate won't never be my mom and that I was stupid if I ask her to come eat with me. He said you guys will have new kids and you won't like me anymore. He said Kate is only nice to me now cuz she wants to get married to you and she'll be mean to me and not like me anymore after you get married." Conner explained.

"It's not true Conner, I promise. Kate loves you." Jack tried to convince him.

"Then why did Tony say it?" Conner asked.

Kate stood in the hallway torn between running in to reassure him and running away from all of it. However, the idea that this school bully terrorized him into believing she was a gold digging bitch that would make his young life miserable made her feel concern for Tony who must be living in less than favorable conditions to know about the things he was filling Conner's head with. She stepped into the bedroom. Jack looked up at her and Conner turned his face away, burying it Jack's chest. Kate kneeled down in front of Jack and put her hand on Conner's shoulder.

"Conner look at me please." Kate said.

"No! Go away!" Conner yelled.

"Sweetie, those things Tony told you are true." Kate told him.

Jack gave her a puzzled look and Conner turned his head around to look at her.

"They are?" Conner asked his bottom lip puckering again.

"They are probably true for Tony honey and that is very sad, but just because it's true for Tony doesn't meant it's true for us, all families are different." Kate told him.

"I'm scared it is true for us." Conner said

"Well those are scary things to think about which is why you should listen to your dad and trust that he would never let those scary things happen to you. You should also trust that I love you very much and would never be mean to you." Kate said.

Conner sat cuddled in Jack's lap looking at Kate with his soft, sad brown eyes, eyes that would break hearts some day. She could tell he wanted to ask her something, but was afraid or unsure. She looked at Jack and then back at Conner.

"Kate?" Conner said so softly she barely heard him.

"What is it sweetie?" Kate asked.

"Do you want to be my mom?" Conner asked.

Kate wasn't sure what she was expecting Conner to ask, but she wasn't expecting to be put on the spot. She looked at Jack for some kind of sign or hint or anything that would tell her how he wanted her to answer this question, but all she got from him was a set of questioning eyes. If she had time to be angry she would've been angry at Jack for not speaking up, for hanging her out to dry, for making her decide right then in there what it was exactly she wanted from this situation and from their relationship. She had to give the child an honest answer to his perfectly fair and honest question and it was apparent that Jack wasn't going to help her out because he too wanted to know the answer to Conner's question.


	20. Chapter 20

Jack watched Kate struggle to answer Conner's question. That she was struggling to find the right answer meant that she didn't have the answer Conner wanted to hear so he finally spoke up, trying to find an answer that would satisfy Conner and let Kate off the hook.

"Conner, I have to ask Kate to marry me before she can say whether or not she wants to be your mom." Jack said.

"Ask her." Conner insisted.

"No, not yet, we aren't ready to get married." Jack said.

"Why?" Conner asked in a disappointed tone.

"It's grown up stuff you wouldn't understand Conner." Jack told him.

"Do you want me to eat lunch with you tomorrow?" Kate asked.

"No." Conner sighed and scooted out of Jack's lap.

"Where are you going?" Jack asked.

"To play." Conner said.

"I don't think so son. I didn't like the way you behaved today. I know you were upset, but you can't be hateful and disrespectful to people just because you are upset." Jack told him.

"I'm sorry daddy." Conner said turning his tears back on.

"Okay, but you should stay in your room and think about why you are sorry. You can come out later and have some dinner and then I think you should probably go to bed early. Tomorrow you won't be being punished anymore. Okay?" Jack told him, his tone firm, but not threatening.

Jack stood to leave. He watched Conner sadly sit at the small table that was in his room. He had to turn away before it got to him and he caved. Kate grabbed his forearm.

"Jack, don't you think you're being a little too hard on him?" Kate asked.

"No, I don't. I don't smother him with unrealistic rules and expectations, but respect is something I expect and he knows being disrespectful means he's going to be punished." Jack defended himself as he pulled her out of the room and closed the door.

"He looks so sad and he was upset, can't you cut him some slack?" Kate asked wishing she could take it back before she finished saying it.

Jack looked at her hard and put his hand on her stomach.

"I don't get a say in what happens to this one, but right now I am the only parent Conner has so my decisions aren't up for debate." Jack said with a hint of anger in his voice and walked away from her.

She followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen where he grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator, unscrewed the cap and took a long drink.

"What do you want from me Jack?" Kate snapped.

"I don't want anything from you Kate, don't you get that yet?" Jack replied.

"Bullshit! You want me to fix your pathetic life, be the dutiful little doctor's wife and mother to your lonely son and how ever many more kids you can manage to get me to have. All we need is a white picket fence and fucking dog and we're right where you want to be!" Kate yelled.

"If that's how you feel then why don't you leave Kate? Conner and I will be fine without you and I know I sure as hell don't want a woman in my bed because she thinks I'm pathetic and that she's got no greater purpose in life than to fulfill some dream life that until a few seconds ago I wasn't even aware I wanted." Jack said hatefully.

"I thought we weren't going to quit on each other Jack." Kate said.

"It's not quitting. It's accepting reality. You just called me pathetic Kate. If that is how you see us we've got nothing here worth fighting for." Jack said.

"I'm sorry Jack, I don't think you're pathetic. I'm feeling cornered and lashed out unfairly. Two months ago I was a single mother with a dying child. Now I'm in a serious relationship, have a young boy wanting me to be his mother and am pregnant. Forgive me for feeling a bit overwhelmed." Kate said.

"You aren't the only one feeling overwhelmed Kate. Do you think I want a baby? Do you think I enjoy dodging Conner's constant questions or watching him want something so bad and not be able to give it to him? I understand it is all happening too fast for you, that you haven't had a chance to deal with your grief, but I honestly don't know how to slow it down. How do I make that little boy stop wanting you to be his mother? How do I undo a pregnancy neither of us wanted, but got anyway? How do I make the constant ache you feel for TJ less painful? How do I make you believe that I love you as much as I love that sad, lonely little boy and just want both of you to be happy?" Jack asked as he brushed past her and walked into the living room.

She wanted to kick herself. She'd really hurt his feelings and she didn't understand why she had lashed out at him in such a cruel manner. She followed him into the living room ready to do anything to make him believe she didn't mean what she had said, but once she sat beside him and got a good sense of just how hurt he was she had nothing to offer but tears.

Jack tried to ignore the tears, ignore the fact that she was melting down in front of him, but he couldn't, he loved her so much and couldn't stand to see her so distraught. He set his beer down, put his arm around her and relaxed back into the couch, pulling her back with him. She let her head rest on his upper chest just below his shoulder and they sat quietly for a few minutes, both taking some time to calm down and think before anymore hurtful words came out.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I'm so confused and I don't understand why you are upset about terminating a pregnancy that you don't want." Kate said.

"I'm not a big fan of abortions because a baby would be inconvenient. It seems like some thought should at least go into it. But, you aren't upset about my feelings on this baby, you're upset over what happened upstairs." Jack said.

"How do you make a five year old understand that people don't just get married and decide to be a family after just a couple of months." Kate said.

"I knew I was going to marry Emily a week after we started dating. I proposed after a month. She wanted the big church wedding so I waited and let her have her moment, but I would've married her the night I proposed. I'm a man that knows what he wants Kate and I want you and I want us to be a family so I don't know how to make Conner understand what I apparently don't understand myself." Jack admitted.

"It's too soon for me Jack. I can't, I'm sorry." Kate said.

"Is it too soon for you or do you have yourself convinced that it's too soon to be considered appropriate?" Jack asked.

"Jack, I……" Kate couldn't find the words.

"I'm not trying to be insensitive to the loss you've suffered Kate, but I've seen you with Conner, I've seen the way you look at him and the guilt you suffer later for allowing yourself to feel what you're feeling. Kate, allowing yourself to love another child is in no way disrespectful to your son. Allowing yourself to have another baby and be happy about it doesn't mean you've forgotten about TJ. The only person judging you is you and I think you're being too hard on yourself. I think you're a beautiful, wonderful courageous woman that was the best mother a sick little boy could've had and if I didn't believe you would be a positive influence in Conner's life I never would've let you get so close to him." Jack explained.

"Jack please don't force me to feel things I'm not ready to feel or have a baby I don't want." Kate pleaded.

"Kate, I'm not trying to force you to do anything. All I'm asking is that you stop denying your feelings, stop beating yourself up over some preconceived notions about how you should or shouldn't be feeling this many days, weeks, months or years after your son's death. TJ is gone, he's never coming back and you are going to feel that loss for the rest of your life, but you don't have to limit yourself to just feeling that, you need to make feeling that loss a part of you, but not let it define who you are." Jack stressed.

"So we're back to my original question. What do you want from me Jack?" Kate asked.

"I want you to be happy Kate, that's all, whether that is with me or without me. I'm offering a life with me and with Conner and whatever you want to make of it, whether that is pursuing a life-long career passion or devoting all your time and energy to being my love slave. All I'm asking is that you put your feelings about TJ in a safe place long enough to consider what it is you want from me, from us and take some time to really think about it, not just brush me and Conner and this baby to the side because you're afraid to love and lose again." Jack said.

"Did you just propose Jack?" Kate asked.

"No, but I plan to so if you don't want what I'm offering Kate, if it really is just too soon and Conner and I are making you miserable instead of happy, I hope you'll be honest with me because I do not want you to stay in this relationship if you are unhappy. We can take a break and you can take as much time as you need." Jack said.

"But we can't continue on like we are?" Kate asked.

"I think it's too hard on Conner and I think it's too hard on you." Jack offered.

"But it's not too hard on you?" Kate said.

"No, I know what I want from this relationship Kate and coming home to you every night is great and not something I struggle with. Watching you with Conner makes me smile and going to work knowing he's with you and is safe is a peace of mind I've never known as a father. A baby wasn't exactly in my immediate plans, but what the hell the best things in life are often unplanned. The only part of this that is hard on me is watching how difficult all of it is for you and I sincerely want you to take a break if you need to and if you abort the baby I will be there with you and support you." Jack explained.

"So this isn't an ultimatum; you aren't forcing me to decide between you and Conner or nothing?' Kate asked.

"Of course not, I'm doing what I think is best for the two people in my life I care the most about by giving you space and time if that's what you need, thereby removing the constant reminder of the mommy Conner wants, but doesn't possess the patience to wait for." Jack said.

"So how long to do I have to make this decision?" Kate asked.

"Kate, it's not like that. All you need to determine is if there is a decision for you to make, if you are emotionally ready to love me and my son. If you aren't that's okay, you aren't going to lose me, I promise. I moved you into my house and thrust you into a caregiver role and maybe you needed some time alone. I thought I was taking care of you. I couldn't stand the idea of you dealing with such a terrible loss alone, but maybe I was wrong, maybe I'm really hurting you more than helping you." Jack said.

"Jack I do love you and Conner and you aren't hurting me. I think I would've gone crazy without you and all of your support, but you're right about Conner, this isn't fair to him and I should've answered his question earlier." Kate said.

"Why didn't you?" Jack asked.

"I didn't know what the right answer was." Kate admitted.

"Whatever is in your heart is the right answer." Jack said.

"You're right and its time for me to shut my brain off and figure out what is in my heart. I understand what you're asking of me now. I think I'll go for a drive, be alone for awhile. Okay?" Kate said.

"Just promise me you'll be careful and call me if you aren't coming home." Jack said.

"What are you going to do?" Kate asked.

"I think I'm going to go upstairs and let my son off the hook, do something fun with him." Jack said.

Kate didn't have to drive very far. She knew exactly where she wanted to go to think. She loved sitting on the beach and staring out across the ocean. She loved how small and insignificant the ocean could make her feel because it always helped her realize how small and insignificant her problems were compared to so many others. She sat in front of the water and watched the sun set before she drove to the restaurant where she worked before meeting Jack. She talked with a couple of her ex-co-workers over dinner and then she drove to the cemetery. She thought it would be creepy to be there at night, but it wasn't, it was as peaceful as anything she'd ever experienced so she stayed and she talked to TJ for a long time, finally resting her head on his headstone and falling asleep.

Meanwhile, Jack and Conner talked at length about his behavior and why it was unacceptable and then Jack let the boy off with a warning so they could spend some time together. He took him to the restaurant that had the large arcade built into it and played games with him for hours, winning as many tickets as they could so the child could cash them in on the junk toys they used for prizes. They ate dinner together and talked, Conner bombarding him with questions about marriage and stepmoms and babies and all the issues his young mind was too immature to adequately comprehend, but Jack did his best to simplify things enough to at least set his mind at ease. Conner fell asleep on the drive home so Jack decided to let him skip his bath and just put him to bed. He hadn't heard from Kate and was concerned but decided he wouldn't try to call her, that she needed for him to stop hovering and smothering her, regardless of how good his intentions were.

He drank a few beers and went to bed, tossing and turning without her lying beside him and wondering where she was. He heard the front door open around 1 AM and sighed with relief. He lay in the dark and listened as she slowly climbed the stairs and then finally entered the bedroom. He reached up and turned the lamp on, startling her.

"Did I wake you?" She asked.

"No, I wasn't asleep. You okay?" He said.

"Yeah, I fell asleep." Kate said.

"You fell asleep?" He asked.

"Yeah, in the cemetery of all places." Kate laughed.

"Kate." Jack replied in his disapproving, that's kind of dangerous tone.

She crawled onto the bed and kissed him.

"I know, not the smartest thing to do. I'm going to take a quick shower." Kate said and crawled back off the bed.

He turned the lamp off and turned the television on, passing the time by channel flipping. She came out of the bathroom in a t-shirt and panties and crawled into bed with him. She snuggled in beside him, letting him wrap his arm around her, enjoying the warmth and security she always felt being wrapped up in his arms.

"Mmm, you're warm." She said.

"You're soft." Jack said and yawned.

"Are you tired?" Kate asked.

"Not so much, what's on your mind?" He asked.

She propped herself up on his chest, looking down at him. She leaned in and kissed him allowing him to deepen the kiss, finally rolling her over onto her back and intensifying the kiss, both of them close to letting out groans of disappointment when they broke for air.

"Jack, we have to talk first." Kate said.

"Okay." He said and rolled back onto his back pulling her onto his chest again so she could look down at him.

"I thought a lot about everything and I know for sure that I do not want to go off alone and grieve over my son. I want to be happy and you and Conner make me happy. I want what you are offering Jack, but I want to be allowed to miss my little boy." Kate told him.

"Of course." Jack said.

"I will cancel the appointment and we can talk about this baby and make a decision together. I know that you think we should just have this baby and be happy about it, but I think you're also much smarter than that. This is going to be a very emotional decision for both of us. I haven't forgotten what you went through the last time sometime you loved accidentally got pregnant and how this must be bringing back some painful memories for you." She said.

"Okay, we'll talk about it." Jack agreed.

"If you want us to be a family Jack then you can't shut me out anymore when it comes to dealing with Conner. We need to work together to make things less confusing for him, to make him feel so secure that the Tonys of the world will never be able to rattle him like that again." Kate insisted.

"Okay, but I've been flying solo with him his whole life so you'll probably have to remind me that I actually have someone to share the load." Jack said.

"No problem, I'll just smack you the next time you get all dictatory." Kate teased.

"I'm not a dictator." Jack argued.

"My decisions aren't up for debate? Sounds pretty dictatory to me." Kate laughed.

"Touché. I was upset. Sorry." Jack apologized.

"I have one more request." Kate said.

"What's that?" He asked.

"You have to be my love slave, not the other way around, starting right now." She said and kissed him.

"I can live with that." He said with a grin, pulling her in for another kiss and rolling her onto her back.

He began nuzzling his way down while his hands pushed her shirt up, nipping lightly at the exposed flesh.

"I have an idea of how to help Conner tomorrow." Kate said in a breathy tone as she felt his mouth close over one of her nipples.

"What's that?" He said softly as he moved his mouth to the other breast and slowly moved his hot, wet tongue over the nub, feeling her squirm beneath him.

"Do you trust me Jack?" Kate asked biting her lip as his fingers moved to latch onto to the waistband of her panties.

"Yes." He answered in a hot, breathy tone, moving his mouth down her stomach while his hands began pulling her panties down.

"Good, then trust me on this. Conner will have a good day tomorrow." Kate insisted her voice pitch changing as she felt his mouth move down to over her crotch as his hands pulled her panties down to her ankles and off.

"Mmmm." Was his response as he moved his mouth slowly up her legs, kissing the inside of her thighs and letting his tongue glide through the crease where her leg and hip joined.

"Was that a yes?" Kate gasped as his tongued dipped through her crease, parting her wet lips and teasing her clit.

He moved his mouth up her body and covered her mouth with his, drawing her into a deep passionate kiss she felt all the way down to her toes. His tongue plunged deep, hungry and eager, yet tender and sensual and when he pulled away he was sure he heard her sigh and he smiled.

"Kate." He whispered.

"Yeah." She replied.

"Can we please talk about Conner later?" He said with a slight grin and brought their mouths together again, rolling them over and finally allowing her to sit up.

She pulled her t-shirt up and off and his hands immediately went to her breasts, cupping them with his large hands and gently massaging them. She leaned in again, their mouths crashing together this time, his strong hands moving over her lower back, applying just enough pressure to hold her close to him, his hardened length pressing into her thigh. He loved her so much it was overwhelming to him. His mind was completely mesmerized by her beauty and the soft feel of her skin draped over his and his body would respond to the slightest touch, her scent, the sight of her pushing her hair behind her ear and smiling at him. He was in so deep he knew he couldn't live without her and the risk he took earlier by offering to set her free for awhile was the hardest thing he'd ever done, but that she was back, that she'd chosen him and Conner and all the heartache and stress that came with the package was a reward that made the risk worthwhile to him and he swore at that moment that he'd do everything in his power to make sure she never regretted her choice.

He rolled her onto her back again, slowing their wild frenzied kissing down to the deep, wet enthusiasm that was always the prelude to intense passion-filled lovemaking and she felt her stomach jump in anticipation of what was to come. She slid her hands over his hard body, down his sides and into the waistband of his boxers, pushing them down over his hips and slowly gliding her hands to his front, wrapping her fingers around his erection gently and moaning into his mouth, smiling at the way it made his cock twitch in her hands his tip immediately wet with precum that she slowly rubbed her thumb through, spreading the moisture over his swollen head and moaning into his mouth again.

He felt her push him down to her opening, slowly gliding his tip up through her wet, slippery crease and back down, leaving him in position to enter her, making him moan into her mouth and push himself inside of her. Her hot, wet slippery walls enveloped him and he lost the ability to see or breathe for a moment and when she opened wider, lifted her hips and allowed him to slip in deeper his ability to breathe returned as he let out a lengthy breath, grabbing two handfuls of the sheets beneath him and fought to regain his focus.

"It's okay Jack, let it go." Kate coaxed in a soft, sexy tone that put him over the edge.

She felt the release just before he put his head down and allowed himself to come completely, his body jerking against hers, the feel of it bringing her close to release. His head was swimming but he could feel her starting to tighten around him. He reached down between them and rubbed her clit gently, bringing her to orgasm and by the sounds she was making a powerful orgasm.

They both lay still, him still inside her, the sex over before it even began and he finally chuckled lightly.

"Sorry about that." He said and started to move off of her, stopped by her hands holding firmly to his butt cheeks.

"Now that we have that out of the way, how about you just stay right where you are and we'll see how long it takes your batteries to recharge." She said.

"Are you sure? It's pretty late and you haven't been feeling well." Jack said.

"I'm sure stud. Don't pamper, just kiss me." Kate said with an ornery grin.

He smiled and began kissing her again and neither were surprised that it didn't take very long for him to recharge, the intense passion-filled lovemaking that the earlier kiss had promised was fulfilled not once, but twice, both finally collapsing into each others arms around 3 AM and neither moving until the alarm clock startled Jack awake.

Jack showered, woke Conner, fed him and helped him get ready for school. He decided to let Kate sleep, never having the chance to discuss what she had in mind for Conner, but trusting that whatever it was would probably be better than anything he could come up with, that she could read, understand and handle children with an expertise he knew he'd never possess wasn't lost on him and just one more thing about her that he loved. He left Kate a note, telling her he took Conner to school and that he'd call her later, gathered up his son and left.

Conner was sitting in the cafeteria of the small private school with two other children and his teacher. He looked sad and uninterested in what was happening around him. He felt his teacher nudge him gently and he looked up. Kate was walking toward the table. He didn't smile or get overly excited, after all Kate was just Kate and Tony, who was sitting beside him, wouldn't hesitate to remind him of that. Kate reached the table and kneeled down beside Conner.

"I missed you this morning. Can I have a hug?" Kate asked.

Conner hugged her quickly and pulled away.

"You're not Conner's mom." Tony said very matter-of-factly.

"Tony, be quiet." The teacher said.

"No sweetie I'm not, but I wish I was." Kate said.

"You do?" Conner asked, his entire face brightening at the news.

"I do, but only if that's what you want Conner." Kate said.

"Are you getting married to my daddy?" Conner asked excitedly.

"I don't know when, but yes we talked about getting married. What do you think? I know I'm not your real mom, but I love you like you were my very own little boy and would love to be your new mommy if that's okay with you." Kate said.

"Yes!" Conner exclaimed and let Kate scoop him up into her arms hugging him tightly and smothering his face with kisses.

She finally set him back down, the sad dejected little boy she'd seen the night before no where to be found and as difficult as she thought this decision would be she realized how simple it had been and how much she loved this child, yet still felt the love for her own son as strong as ever. Jack was right, she could still grieve for her child without allowing it to define who she was and at that moment she was happy that she and Jack had such a nasty fall out the night before. She was glad that Jack had been brave enough to set her free if that's what she wanted because she realized that it was Jack and Conner that were setting her free and that denying them and the love she had for them would only trap her in a state of loneliness and misery she wanted no part of.


	21. Chapter 21

Kate let Conner lead her to a chair and suppressed a smile as he pulled the chair out for her just as his father had taught him. She sat in the chair and he took a seat beside her. Kate looked across the room at Tony sitting alone and felt bad for him.

"Conner do you think Tony would like to eat lunch with us?" Kate asked.

"He's kind of mean Kate." Conner objected.

"Maybe, but maybe he just needs someone to be his friend." Kate suggested.

"Do you want to be his friend?" Conner asked.

"I thought maybe both of us could be his friend." Kate asked.

"I'll ask, but he'll probably just call me stupid." Conner sighed as he left his chair to go talk to Tony.

Kate watched the two boys interact and made eye contract with Ms. Andrews, Conner's teacher. She understood what Kate was attempting to do and encouraged Tony to go with Conner, giving Kate a nod and smile.

Kate sat in her chair while the two boys retrieved the lunch trays. She found the small, low to the floor chair only slightly uncomfortable, but giggled at the idea of Jack trying to sit at one of these tables in one of these small chairs. She sat with one boy on each side of her and ate lunch with them, Conner chatting away happily about what he'd done with dad the night before. Tony finally spoke up.

"How come you don't have your own kid?" Tony asked.

"He's in heaven with my mom." Conner answered.

"Shut up dummy!" Tony snapped.

"No name calling boys. Conner's right Tony, my little boy is in heaven." Kate answered.

"Why do you want to be a stepmom?" Tony asked.

"I don't. We won't have steps at our house Tony. I'm just going to be Conner's mom." Kate explained.

"That's dumb. My dad got married and I got a stepmom. That's how it works." Tony told her.

"What about your real mom?" Kate asked.

"She left when I was a baby." Tony said and shrugged.

"You're a little bit older than Conner aren't you?" Kate asked.

"I'm almost seven. I got hurt bad last year and couldn't come to school so I'm held back." Tony told her.

"I'm sorry. Were you in a car accident?" Kate asked.

"No, I fell. Is Conner's dad really a doctor?" Tony asked.

"Yes, he is." Kate said.

"Is he a mean doctor that gives shots with needles this big?" Tony asked holding his hands about a foot apart.

"That's dumb Tony. My daddy is nice." Conner insisted.

Kate stopped Tony before he could reply to Conner with something hateful.

"Conner's dad is very nice Tony and I don't know about the needles. Maybe you would like to come over and play with Conner some time and you can ask him." Kate offered.

"Do you have fun stuff to play with at your house Conner?" Tony asked.

"Yeah and I got neat stuff in my backyard too." Conner said.

"I'll ask if I can come over after school tomorrow. Can I spend the night?" Tony asked.

"I'll have to ask Conner's dad Tony, but since tomorrow is Friday he'll probably say it's okay." Kate said.

"My stomach hurts. I'm going to go ask Ms. Andrews if I can go home now." Tony said and left the table.

Kate watched the boy leave the table and walk over to his teacher. She escorted him out of the cafeteria and Kate looked down at Conner who was looking confused.

"What's wrong honey?" Kate asked.

"I never had somebody spend the night before. I don't think daddy will like it." Conner said.

"Do you not want Tony to come over?" Kate asked.

"I guess. I never had someone come over. Is it fun?" Conner asked.

Kate realized the Conner probably had no idea what it meant to have someone over to play, that his dad probably wasn't home enough of the daylight hours for playmates to be a possibility.

"It is fun and you are getting old enough now to have friends come over to play. I don't think your dad will mind." Kate told him.

"Can we call him and ask him?" Conner asked.

"We probably shouldn't call him sweetie, but he said he would call us sometime today and then you can ask him. Are you ready to go home now?" Kate asked.

"Can we please call daddy Kate and go see him. I want to tell him." Conner begged.

"You want to tell him what honey?" Kate asked.

"That you want to be my mom. Please, just ask him if he's too busy." Conner pleaded with her.

Kate gave in to the child's pleas and called Jack's cell phone hoping she wouldn't catch him in the middle of something important. He answered on the second ring.

"Hey beautiful." He said happily into the phone.

"I guess I didn't catch you at a bad time?" She laughed.

"No, what's up?" He asked.

"I'm sitting here with Conner and he wants to come by and see you. He has something he wants to tell you. Do you have time?" Kate asked.

"It can't wait until tonight?" Jack asked.

"Here, I'll let you ask him that." Kate said and handed the phone to Conner.

"Hi daddy!" Conner said excitedly.

"Hey bud, what's up?" Jack asked.

"I just ate with Kate. Can we come see you please." Conner begged.

Jack couldn't resist the excitement in the child's voice and he wasn't so busy he couldn't take a few minutes to see his son.

"Sure, if you come right now. I'll be in my office." Jack asked.

"Okay daddy. Here's Kate." Conner said and handed her the phone.

"Hey." She said.

"What's he so excited about?" Jack laughed.

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" Kate teased.

"Come on up. I'm buried in paperwork right now and could use a break." Jack said.

"Okay, see you in about 30." Kate said and clicked the phone off.

Kate drove Conner to the hospital and they walked hand in hand through the front doors. Conner knew which elevator to go to and which button to push.

"Do you come here a lot?" Kate asked.

"No, daddy doesn't like me to come too much, but grandpa brings me sometimes." Conner said.

They stepped off the elevator and into the hallway, Christian spotted them before she spotted him. He approached them quickly keeping them from making much progress.

"Conner, what are you doing here?" Christian asked.

"We came to see daddy." Conner said.

"Does he know you're coming to see him?" Christian asked.

"Yes dad, I'm expecting them." Jack said loudly from a few feet down the hall.

"Daddy!" Conner yelled and ran to him.

Jack scooped him up and hugged him, positioning him on his hip and signaling for him to use his inside voice. The nurses, some of whom had their sights set on the young, single doctor gushed over the cuteness of the scene, but their gushing soon stopped as they watched him walk toward the beautiful brunette, kiss her, put his arm around her and lead her into his office.

Christian knew better than to question the scene and walked away, deciding he'd talk with son later.

Jack sat behind his desk with Conner in his lap.

"So what did you want to tell me?" Jack asked the child.

"Kate is going to be my mom and she's not even going to call it a stepmom!" Conner told him eyes wide with excitement, his face as happy as Jack had seen it in a long time.

"That's great." Jack said chuckling lightly over the child's excitement.

"When are you going to get married to Kate daddy?" Conner asked.

"I'm not sure Conner." Jack said.

"Can you do it tomorrow?" Conner asked making both Kate and Jack laugh.

"No son, I have to work tomorrow, but I'm glad that you are happy because Kate and I want you to be happy." Jack told him.

"Kate said Tony could come over to play tomorrow and spend the night if it's okay with you. Is it okay with you?" Conner asked.

Jack looked at Kate and then back at Conner.

"Tony? He's your friend now?" Jack asked.

"Kate said maybe he needs a friend. Maybe he can come to my birthday party too." Conner said.

"I don't care if he comes over." Jack said.

"Thanks daddy!" Conner said happily and hugged him before scooting out of his lap and moving toward the windows so he could look out.

Jack stood and walked over to Kate. He wrapped his arms around her lower back and pulled her close, kissing her softly and then pulling back.

"You've been busy today." Jack said.

"I hope it was okay to tell him Jack." Kate said.

"Look how happy he is Kate, it was better than okay, it was time I think. You sure you want to bring this Tony kid over to play?" Jack asked.

"I know he's done some mean things, but he's a very sad little boy Jack. He's almost a year older than Conner, but not any bigger physically and he seems so lonely. I get the feeling things aren't that great for him at home." Kate said.

"Conner's teacher hinted that there might be issues with him at home. I guess Tony's lucky Conner's new mommy is on a mission to save the world one child at a time." Jack said sweetly.

"Are you making fun of me Jack?" Kate asked.

"No, I'm in awe of you. Wanna get married tomorrow in-between a disc replacement and a rod insertion?" Jack teased.

"I think I'm busy tomorrow Dr. Shephard, but I'm free tonight." Kate teased back.

"Yeah, but I'm hopeful that I'll be keeping you busy with other things tonight." Jack said and nuzzled her neck making her giggle, neither hearing the knock on the door that preceded Christian entering the room.

"Jack if you're done with family hour I have a consult in my office I'd like you to sit in on." Christian said.

"Yeah, we're done here. Come tell me goodbye Conner." Jack said.

Conner walked over to Jack. He picked him up, hugged him, kissed him on the cheek and set him back down. He walked them to the door, kissed Kate long enough to make his father feel the need to clear his throat and finally pulled away.

"I'll see you guys at home." Jack told them.

He watched them walk to the elevator and reentered his office.

"I'm all yours." Jack said to his father.

"So, have you set a date yet?" Christian asked in his typical condescending tone.

"I don't want to have this conversation with you. Let's just go to work." Jack insisted.

"What do you know about her Jack?" Christian asked.

"I know all that I need to know Dad. I don't want to fight with you today. Let's just do this consult." Jack said.

"Fair enough, but promise me that in a few weeks my best surgeon is going to be completely focused." Christian said.

"The lives of two little girls depend on my being focused. I have no intention of letting them down." Jack said.

"Are you ever going to let me see my grandson again?" Christian asked.

"Depends." Jack said.

"On what?" Christian asked.

"On whether Conner wants to see you and if you're just going to be his grandfather and enjoy him and let me worry about raising him." Jack said.

"You have my word." Christian said in the tone that Jack recognized as his regretful, yet honest tone.

"You miss him don't you?" Jack said.

"He reminds me of you at that age, happy, simpler times. Meet me in my office in 10 minutes." Christian said and left the room.

Jack sighed and skimmed his memories quickly for a time in his childhood that had been happy or simple where his parents were concerned and then quickly let it go, deciding there were children that had it far worse than he did.

He spent the rest of the day and evening and the next day thinking about the new life he was about to start. He knew he and Kate could talk for hours on end, but that his feelings about the baby weren't going to change. He wanted her to have it and he was even getting used to the idea of it, he just hoped Kate could find a way to be okay with it emotionally so he chose to avoid the subject in an attempt to give her time with her thoughts before they tackled the issue together.

He decided his first priority needed to be getting a ring and proposing. He wanted to plan something romantic, take her away for a weekend and do it the old-fashioned man on bended knee way, but he had to get past the twin separation before he allowed himself to be distracted with something that good.

Tony's parents had agreed to let him come home from school with Conner and spend the night. Kate spoke briefly with Tony's stepmother. She had no desire to meet, saying anyone that could afford to send their kid to that school most likely wasn't a mass murderer and sent Tony to school with a backpack packed for an overnight stay. Jack managed to get home from the hospital before 6 PM. He had promised Conner he would cook hot dogs on the grill.

Tony was quiet and played well with Conner. Kate called them in from the backyard to eat. They ran into the kitchen, running into Jack who was carrying a plate of hot dogs to the table and juggled to keep them from falling to the floor, losing a couple of them. Tony immediately backed away and stumbled into the wall.

"Take it easy fellas, slow down." Jack said, his tone calm.

Jack looked at Kate to see if she had noticed it and she returned the look to verify that she had.

"I'm sorry." Tony said softly.

"It's okay. Conner you and Tony go wash your hands." Jack said.

The two boys disappeared into the bathroom off the laundry room.

"Did you see that?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, he's pretty timid for a bully isn't he?" Kate said.

The boys returned and Tony stood behind the bar in the kitchen.

"Tony, are you going to come eat with us?" Kate asked.

"I can eat here. Sometimes I spill stuff." Tony said.

"I spill stuff sometimes too sweetie so come on out to the table and sit beside Conner. If we spill, we'll just clean it up." Kate said.

Tony slowly entered the dining room and took a seat beside Conner. He sat quietly, eating slowly and studying Jack.

"Something on your mind Tony?" Jack finally asked.

"Huh?" Tony asked.

"You're very quiet. Is everything okay?" Jack asked.

"Do you hurt sick people?" Tony asked.

"No, I try to help them." Jack answered.

"Do you have needles this long?" Tony asked holding his hands a foot apart, making Jack smile.

"Are you afraid of doctors Tony?" Jack asked.

"I got hurt bad once." Tony shrugged.

"Were the doctors not nice to you?" Jack asked.

"My dad said doctors are bad. He said you stick big needles in people. He fixed me. It hurt, but I sucked it up and only cried once." Tony said.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"My bones got broke." Tony answered.

"Which ones?" Jack asked.

"Lots of them." Tony said.

"Do they feel better now?" Jack asked.

"Mostly." Tony shrugged.

"Which ones don't feel better?" Jack asked.

"This one and some of these." Tony said pointing to his upper arm and his ribs.

"How did you manage to break so many bones?" Jack asked.

"I fell." Tony answered.

"You must've fallen far." Jack said.

"I guess." Tony said and shrugged.

"Tony would you like for Jack to check you out?" Kate asked.

"No." Tony said very quickly his voice taking on a hint of fear.

"I promise I left all my really long needles at the hospital." Jack teased trying to get the child to relax.

"No!" Tony demanded.

"Okay, but I have one more question. Do those places hurt Tony or do they just feel funny?" Jack asked.

"They just feel funny. I'm full. Can I go play?" Tony asked.

Kate looked at his plate. He'd eaten half of a hotdog and about two bites of macaroni and cheese.

"You didn't eat very much." Kate said.

"My stomach feels funny. I'm done." Tony told her as if an upset stomach were a normal indication for him to stop eating.

They watched the two boys scurry away from the table and run up the stairs to Conner's bedroom.

"He's being abused isn't he Jack?" Kate asked sadly.

"I don't know Kate, but it sounds like some of his fractures didn't heal properly." Jack said.

"We have to do something Jack." Kate insisted.

"There's really nothing we can do." Jack said.

"So what, we're just supposed to sit back and watch this little boy suffer?" Kate asked as she stood and started clearing plates from the table.

"No Kate, we sit back and observe, let him hang out with Conner if they enjoy each other's company and get a better idea of what's going on with him." Jack offered.

"I swear his stepmother was drunk when I talked to her." Kate continued to stew, stacking the plates with more force than necessary.

Jack grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his lap, aggravating her and making him chuckle at how worked up she was.

"It's not funny Jack." Kate huffed.

"I'm not laughing about Tony, I'm laughing at how cute you are when you're pissed off. Look, I understand your concern, but confronting them on suspicion is only going to make them angry and possibly disappear and then we'd never know what happened to him. If they don't have a problem with him spending time over here then we'll just let him spend a whole lot of time here, gain his trust, get him to open up." Jack said.

"You don't care if there is an extra little boy around all the time?" Kate asked.

"I don't care if you don't care." He said and nibbled lightly at her neck and slipped his fingers under the hem of her skirt.

"Jack, how does your mind go there so quickly?" Kate giggled.

"My brains went to my lap as soon as you did." He replied and moved his fingers inside her skirt a little more.

"Jack, stop. Let me up so I can clean this mess up." Kate said.

Jack let her slide out of his lap and then stood to help her clear the mess. She disappeared into the kitchen while he grabbed the remaining dishes. He entered the kitchen and stopped to watch. She'd been wearing a short blue jean skirt and had been bending over in front him since he'd come home, teasing and taunting him in the way that only she could. She was currently bent over, strategically placing the dishes into the dishwasher. He watched her until she straightened up and returned to the sink to turn the water off, plunging her hands into the soapy dishwater and retrieving the dish rag. He walked up behind her, set the dishes he was carrying down on the counter and pressed his body into hers, allowing his hands rest on her thighs, his fingers slowly creeping up inside the skirt again.

"Jack, you scared me." She giggled.

"You are driving me crazy with that skirt, but you know that don't you." He whispered into her ear, his voice raw and husky.

"So you like it huh?" Kate teased.

"I like what's underneath it more." He breathed and moved his hands up inside the skirt, gliding his fingers over her center, slipping them inside the elastic of her panties and smiling at how quickly he could make her wet.

"Jack." She moaned in protest.

"That wasn't very convincing." He chuckled and began pulling her panties down her legs while she kept both hands planted firmly in the sinks, completely turned on and unable to move.

He slid the panties down and nudged her ankle, signaling her to step out of them. He shoved the panties into his pants pocket and slowly moved his hands back up her firm calves and creamy thighs, pushing them up the back of the skirt and cupping her but cheeks in his hands still squatting behind her, enjoying the view while the scent of her desire for him made his brain swim and the front of his pants swell.

He stood and lifted her skirt up, bunching it around her waist, bringing his hand around to her front, gliding it through her wet crease and penetrating her easily.

"Jack, stop, we can't, what if the boys come in." Kate panted.

"Then they'll see you doing the dishes with me standing very closely behind." Jack replied, kissing her neck and shoulders and pressing himself into her so she could feel his own need.

She turned around to face him, his eyes were filled with lust and the sight of it made her hotter and moister, she wanted him as bad as he apparently wanted her. She pushed him backwards into the room off of the kitchen that housed the washer and dryer along with a large table used for folding. She shut the door and eagerly closed her mouth over his.

He kissed her back and began stripping her clothes off, first the skirt and then the tight t-shirt she had on. He removed her bra with very little effort and then marveled at her beauty for a moment. Her skin lightly flushed as her body temperature began to rise in anticipation. She smiled a sexy, seductive smile at him and reached for his belt buckle, her fingers deftly unbuckling it, finding the button on his jeans and then slowly gliding his zipper down, careful not to catch what was fighting to get out.

She grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up and off of him, his muscular chest already beginning to glisten with a light sweat, his muscles taut, his body worked up and ready to take her right then and there. She loved that she could do this to him. She knew that people that didn't know Jack intimately saw a serious professional, but she knew the fun side of Jack, the side that liked to ride roller coasters and the side that was as easy to visually stimulate as any other man, the sight of her in short skirt and giving him the appropriate view occasionally making it difficult for him to sit still through dinner.

She rubbed her hands over his chest, his skin was almost hot to the touch, his eyes were dark and full of desire and focused completely on her. He pushed her back toward the table, pushing the clean, folded clothes on to the floor and lifting her up onto it, moving forward and gently placing her legs around his waist. He kissed her hard, pushing his tongue into her mouth and then slowly backing off, slowing the kiss down, making it softer, sweeter, hotter and wetter.

He moved his mouth down the center of her chest, kissing and lightly nipping at her flesh, taking a detour to the left to suck on her nipple while his hand lightly fondled the nipple on the right, moans emitting from her mouth as she pushed her bottom forward trying to make contact with him. He continued down, placing his hands atop both thighs at the bend, holding them in the position they were in and scooting her to the edge of the table, his mouth slowly closing over her hot center before she even realized he'd made it below her navel.

She hissed lightly and held to the back of his head while he worked his mouth over her. She could feel the familiar tingling beginning as his movements brought her closer and closer to orgasm and then she was just suddenly there. She let go of his head and threw her own back, her hands clenching the edge of the table as the orgasm rocked her body, trying to not to scream. He moved back up and closed his mouth over hers again, allowing her to moan into his mouth as loudly as she wanted.

He could feel her pushing his jeans down, wanting him and not wanting to wait for him any longer. She took his hardened length into her hands and held him for a moment, gliding her soft fingers over the silky hardness and slowly putting him into position.

He pushed into her slowly, pulling her hips forward until they were locked together as tightly as possible. He held her from behind and she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, encouraging him to move. He pushed in and out of her steadily, continuing to hold onto her while talking softly into her ear, his sexy, breathy tone making her hotter and wetter, the sudden increased moistness and the warm slippery walls engorging around him making him groan and begin moving faster.

She held onto him tightly, her small arms wrapped tightly around his neck, their bodies so close their chests were slippery with sweat, sliding together in the rhythm they'd created, both close to climax, both panting and both expressing their love to one another as he continued to make love to her. She climaxed, tightening hard around him and forcing him to stop for a moment while she peaked and as she started to come back down he started again, pushing in holding his position and then pulling back before pushing forward again, making sure he used just enough force to make contact with her most sensitive area, wanting to make her come again before she had a chance to finish. He pulled back and pushed back in one more time and she squealed and tightened her legs around him again. He let go with her and held her, his legs a little shaky and leaning hard against the table to stabilize himself, breathing hard, vision blurred and heart racing.

He laughed at how worked up he'd been and she at herself. He finally caught his breath, but continued to hold her close, drawing her into another deep, passionate kiss that took what breath she'd managed to regain back away and then he pulled his mouth away and looked into her eyes.

"You okay?" He asked and smiled at her.

"Yeah, how about you?" She answered.

"I think I'm getting too old for laundry room sex." He laughed.

"Trust me babe, you aren't too old. You were great." She complimented.

"Well, you're pretty inspiring." He returned the compliment.

They stayed together for a few more minutes and then pulled themselves back together, redressing and picking up the strewn folded laundry. They returned to the kitchen to finish loading the dishwasher. With the last dish loaded and the counters wiped cleaned they strolled, arms around each other, into the living room to relax. The doorbell rang and they giggled as they refused to break their bond and decided to answer it together. Jack opened the door and felt Kate tense up immediately. A man wearing dirty blue jeans, a t-shirt and ball cap stood before them.

"Hey Katie, long time no see." The man said.


	22. Chapter 22

Jack looked at the man and then back at Kate. She was clearly upset, her hand unconsciously digging into his waist almost to the point of it becoming painful. He shifted slightly to get her to loosen her grip a little and decided that since Kate wasn't going to speak he would.

"Is there something I can do for you?" Jack asked.

"Who are you?" The man asked.

"Who are you?" Jack asked.

"Name's Eddie, Katie and I go way back." The man answered.

"Call me crazy, but she doesn't seem all that thrilled to see you so is there something I can do for you before I close the door?" Jack asked, growing impatient with the scene.

"Is this your new boyfriend Katie?" Eddie asked.

"Stop calling me that Eddie!" Kate snapped.

"Aw now is that any way to talk to the father of your dead son?" Eddie taunted.

Kate turned her face into Jack's chest, wrapping both arms around his waist tightly, upset and in tears. He put a comforting hand on her back and shot Eddie a look that made him step back and put his hands up.

"Easy man, I don't want any trouble." Eddie said.

"What do you want?" Jack asked.

"That boy was half mine which means I'm entitled to at least half of this." Eddie said holding out a folded document.

Kate turned around, wiping the tears from her face and watched Jack unfold the document. It was a life insurance policy. Kate's sadness turned to rage immediately and she lunged at him, her fist landing squarely in the center of the man's face, breaking his nose. Jack pulled her back and held tightly to her, trying to get her to calm down.

"You son-of-a-bitch! Your name isn't even on his birth certificate! Get out of here!" Kate screamed.

"I think you should leave." Jack said.

"I'm not going anywhere until she signs this paper and gives me a copy of the death certificate." Eddie said.

"Kate, please go inside and let me deal with this." Jack told her, kissing her on the forehead and doing his best to reassure her.

She walked away, saddened and disgusted. Jack turned to the man standing in his doorway, walked forward and closed the door behind him, bumping into Eddie in a threatening manner.

"Man, I think she broke my nose. Can you get me a towel for the blood?" Eddie whined.

"She did break your nose, I heard it from where I was standing and no I won't get you a towel." Jack said as he reached for his wallet, pulled out a business card and handed it to the man.

"What the hell is this?" Eddie asked.

"It's a phone number where you can reach me during the day. Call on Monday and we'll schedule a time to talk about this, but it's not going to happen tonight." Jack insisted.

"Man, I'm only here for the day. I can't afford to stay all weekend. Am I supposed to sleep in my car until Monday?" Eddie complained.

"Not my problem. You're upsetting her and I won't allow it. I suggest you go now or I'll call the police." Jack threatened.

"Oh you'll call the police huh? Too big of a pussy to settle this like a man?" Eddie taunted.

"No, I'm too civilized to stoop to your level." Jack shot back.

"She's not worth your trouble man. Selfish little cock tease bitch is all she is." Eddie accused.

"Whatever man, just leave." Jack said and turned around.

Eddie grabbed him by the shoulder, refusing to let it go. Jack swung around and landed a hard punch to the side of Eddie's head, sending him stumbling backwards off the porch and onto his back on the sidewalk. Jack held his hand, having felt at least two bones crack as soon as he'd made contact with the man's head.

"I'm going inside to call the police. I suggest you leave before they get here." Jack said and entered the house.

Jack walked into the house and straight to the kitchen. He grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer, wrapped it in a towel and placed it over his hand. He picked up the phone, called his father and after a short conversation hung up the phone and walked into the living room to find Kate. She was sitting on the couch, legs bent and pulled up into her chest, her chin resting on her knees. She saw Jack enter the room with his hand wrapped and immediately stood up.

"What did you do? Oh Jack, not your hand." Kate said her concern shifting away from what had upset her and onto Jack.

"I broke it. My dad is coming to drive me to get it taken care of. Will you be okay with the boys?" Jack asked.

"Jack, I would've driven you." Kate said.

"I know, but the kids and well, I want to make sure it gets taken care of properly. My career depends on my hand healing properly." Jack said.

"This is my fault. I'm so sorry Jack." Kate apologized.

"It's not your fault some jerk grabbed me Kate. It's my fault for punching his thick skull instead of going for the soft tissue like you did." Jack told her with a slight grin.

"Your father is really going to hate me now." Kate sighed.

"You let me worry about my father. Will you be okay with the boys?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I'll be okay. I want to tell you about him, about Eddie." Kate said.

"Okay, when I get back. My dad will be here any minute." Jack said.

"I never wanted you to know about Eddie so another few hours won't matter." Kate said sadly.

"Kate, it's going to be okay. I'm more concerned about what his suddenly appearing is doing to you." Jack said.

"You always say everything is going to be okay, but maybe I just need for this not to be okay because sometimes Jack things are so fucked up they'll never be okay. Kate snapped.

"Hey, I'm on your side. Are you sure you're going to be okay? I don't want to leave if you're too upset to be alone." Jack said.

"I'm okay Jack. I was just foolish to believe my past would stay in my past, that it wouldn't eventually play a role in destroying my future happiness." Kate said.

"Stop it Kate. I mean it. I don't care about your past so if you don't feel comfortable sharing it with me that is fine, but no matter what we are going to have a future together and it will be happy and sad and angry and glad and all the things it's supposed to be." Jack said his tone serious.

The doorbell rang just as Jack had finished his short rant. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him gently.

"Go get your hand taken care of; we'll talk when you get home." She told him.

Jack kissed her back and left without bothering to invite his father in. He sat in the passenger seat of his father's car staring out the window.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" Christian asked.

"I punched a guy in the head." Jack answered.

"Why would you do something like that?" Christian asked.

"I was defending my family." Jack said.

"Your family or Kate?" Christian asked.

"Kate is my family." Jack said.

"Since when?" Christian asked.

"She's pregnant and we're getting married." Jack confessed.

"I'd be a liar if I said I'm surprised." Christian sighed heavily.

"Go ahead dad, let's hear it." Jack grumbled.

"Hear what?" Christian asked.

"About what a screw up I am, about how I'm too emotional, too weak, too involved. Go ahead, it's not like I don't have it memorized after all these years." Jack snapped.

"Well son you have pretty much screwed yourself out of taking part in a surgery that would've put your name in medical journals all over the world, but as long as you're in love and happy I guess it doesn't matter if your career goes to hell." Christian nagged.

"Of course dad, a broken hand is sending my career straight to hell. My part in the twin separation had nothing to do with fame or notoriety, but I do regret that I won't be able to help them." Jack said.

"Your broken hand will heal Jack, but as long as you continue to add distractions to your life your career is going to continue to just tread water. In order to achieve greatness you have to be willing to devote the majority of your life to your skills." Christian explained obviously disappointed about an impending marriage and child.

"Dad why can't you understand that what I want is to be a good doctor and I am a good doctor, but I have no desire to live in a hospital 24/7 or achieve these levels of greatness you have mapped out for me." Jack argued.

"That's too bad Jack because you have the potential to be the best surgeon this city's ever seen. You have natural abilities and instincts that most surgeons would sell their soul to the devil to possess, yet you don't seem to care." Christian continued to prod.

"I care dad. Can we please not talk about this anymore?" Jack asked.

"So did you at least win the fight?" Christian asked with a smirk.

"There are no winners in a situation like that." Jack sighed.

The two men rode in silence the rest of the way. They walked into the ER together and the orthopedic surgeon on staff was waiting for them. They took several x-rays of Jack's hand and the ortho guy, Christian and Jack studied the x-rays together.

"As you can see Jack, you've got a hairline fracture in each of the 3rd and 4th metacarpal bones. What did you do punch a wall?" The guy asked.

"Something like that." Jack mumbled.

"The good news is that the neither of the fractures resulted in a separation of the bones and it should heal just fine with a splint that supports the hand and immobilizes your 3rd and 4th fingers; the bad news is that you'll be sidelined surgery wise for at least a month." The orthopedic guy explained.

Jack walked through the front door of his home two hours after he'd left. Kate and the two boys were huddled under a blanket watching a movie, one boy on each side of her. He entered the room and sat down beside them. Conner scooted out from under the blanket and over to his dad. He reached out and rubbed his hand gently over Jack's bandaged hand.

"Does it hurt daddy?" Conner asked.

"Not so much. It's late, shouldn't you and Tony be getting ready for bed?" Jack asked.

"Do we have to?" Conner asked with a hint of a whine.

"Yeah I think you should, you don't want to spend your Saturday being tired and cranky." Jack suggested.

"Come on Tony, let's get ready for bed." Conner said.

Tony scooted out from under the blanket and stood in front of Kate.

"Can I stay here tomorrow and play?" Tony asked.

"If your parents don't care it's okay." Kate said.

The two boys ran up the stairs to get ready for bed. Jack stood and followed behind them. He returned about 20 minutes later, taking a seat beside Kate. He lifted his arm so she could snuggle in beside him and dropped it beside her, lightly wrapped around her. She rubbed her fingers lightly over his bandaged hand.

"Is it bad?" Kate asked.

"No, it was just stupid. It'll take about four weeks to heal." Jack said.

"You're probably wondering why I would associate with a guy like Eddie, much less sleep with him." Kate said.

"No, not really, but the life insurance policy on a child he never bothered with is something to wonder about." Jack said.

"Eddie's mother took the policy out on TJ when he was born. Just something she does for all of her grandchildren. I'd forgotten about it." Kate said.

"You kept in touch with her?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I sent her pictures. It wasn't her fault her son was a worthless a piece of shit." Kate huffed.

"So were you married to him?" Jack asked.

"No, I was just stupid Jack, really, really stupid." Kate said.

"You know you don't have to tell me about him if you don't want to." Jack said.

"After college I spent a great deal of time working in alcohol and drug rehabilitation type facilities. I couldn't really decide what I wanted to do and my degrees gave me the option to try different things. I met Eddie at one of the rehabs I was working at. He'd been clean for over six months and was an outpatient that came in for group therapy sessions once a week. He seemed like a nice guy and we'd go out for coffee or go to a movie, pretty much just friends at first. Then we started dating and I started to really care for him and I guess I cared too much to see or believe that he was using again or to see what a jerk he really was. You know the whole love is blind thing. When I found out I was pregnant he went crazy and then he dumped me." Kate explained.

"That must've been difficult." Jack offered.

"Not really. I mean, obviously it hurt because I thought he cared about me, but I'd been on my own for a long time so facing a pregnancy and raising a child alone didn't seem all that daunting." Kate said.

"I don't understand why you would be ashamed of any of this." Jack said.

"I had the baby alone and didn't list a father on the birth certificate. Eddie's mother came to see TJ a few times and I didn't mind, she was a sweet woman with a bastard for a son. She managed to convince me to let Eddie see him, to give him a chance to be a father to TJ and like an idiot I agreed to do it." Kate told him and stopped talking, trapped in a memory that was obviously painful and frightening.

"What happened Kate?" Jack asked.

"Eddie came around for about a month, convinced me he was into the daddy thing and I was so stupid Jack. I put my baby in the hands of an addict, a man that would steal from his own mother. I let him baby-sit TJ once in awhile, when I had to work late or if I just needed a break and after a month of getting into my good graces, of winning my trust back, of convincing me that he did care about me and that he did want to be a father to his son he played his hand." Kate said, upset and crying at this point.

"What did he do Kate?" Jack asked.

"He sold my baby Jack, sold him for 10 thousand dollars. He was just 7 weeks old and tiny and helpless and that son-of-a-bitch handed him over like a used television or something. It's a miracle that I got him back, just a fluke that someone noticed him taking the baby to the hotel room and called the police when they saw the story on the news. He spilled his guts, made a deal with the DA and pretty much got away with a slap on the hand. I think he served a couple of years." Kate explained.

"I'm sorry Kate, that must've been a horrible thing to go through." Jack said.

"It was stupid Jack, I'm stupid and if you knew how stupid I am you'd never trust me with Conner. Maybe there is a God Jack and maybe that's why he took my little boy back. TJ didn't deserve to be left in the hands of someone who would put him in that kind of danger. He was this wonderful, beautiful gift and I was careless with him." Kate cried.

"Kate, how could you suspect something like that? I mean who does something like that? Why would you consider that your son's father would sell him? You aren't stupid and you weren't careless or at least I don't see it that way and I trust you with Conner." Jack said tightening his grip on her a little.

"I left and I moved to Los Angeles. A high school friend of mine lived here at the time and put us up until I found a job and got on my feet and I never had any contact with Eddie. I had another old friend in Kansas. She set up a P.O. Box for me there and I used that contact Eddie's mother. I can't believe he found me. I should've listened to your father." Kate cried wishing she could've taken the last part back as soon as she said it.

"My father? What does my father have to do with this?" Jack asked.

"It's not important Jack. I'm sure he didn't……" Kate tried to brush him off.

"No, tell me what my father did Kate." Jack demanded.

"He came to me and offered me money to disappear, said he knew all about TJ's father and didn't want word to get out that his son was carrying on with someone associated with an ex-con, said he didn't want his grandson around someone that sells babies and then he said he'd do whatever it takes to get me out of your life." Kate told him.

She could feel every muscle in his body tense up and felt his heart rate increase and the longer he sat and processed the information the angrier he became.

"So this potentially dangerous man is in our lives because of my father. Perfect." Jack hissed.

"He's in our lives because of me Jack. Your father was just trying to protect you and Conner." Kate defended him.

"No Kate, my father was just trying to dictate my life as usual and this time he's gone too far." Jack said.

"What are we going to do? I don't want Eddie to profit from TJ's death." Kate said.

"I doubt there's anything you can do to stop it Kate, as sick as it is." Jack sighed.

"So if I do what he wants do you think he'll go away?" Kate asked.

"Let's hope. I don't get it though. I don't understand why my father would send him here. Did he really think it would matter to me? Did he think I would send you packing because of this Eddie character? It makes no sense. My dad knows me better than that." Jack puzzled.

"No, he was probably hoping that when you found out they arrested me with Eddie, found drugs in my home and in my baby's diaper bag and charged me with the everything from baby brokering to possession with intent to sell, you'd send me packing." Kate said.

"Kate." Jack said, sitting up and looking at her with questioning eyes.

"No Jack, I didn't know the drugs were there and no, I didn't try to sell my son, but whether you get convicted or not that sort of thing follows you around or at the very least it's there for someone like your father to dig up." Kate snapped at him and tried to get up, Jack pulled her back down.

"Why wouldn't you tell me about this?" Jack asked.

"Why would I? It's hardly the proudest moment of my life and not something I share with anyone. As you can see it puts doubt in a person's mind. You doubt me right now Jack so I guess your father accomplished what he set out to accomplish." Kate said as she pulled away from him and stood up.

"Kate wait, please just stay here and talk to me. I do not doubt you; I'm just trying to process all of this." Jack pleaded with her.

"It's probably better if you process it by yourself; decide if you still feel the same about me. I'm going upstairs. Good night Jack." Kate said and left the room.


	23. Chapter 23

_**You're reviews have been so kind and enthusiastic and very much appreciated. I'm glad you are enjoying this story and hopefully I'll be able to take it where you want it to go! Thanks!**_

Jack sat alone in the living room, the quietness of the house deafening to him. He'd always been a thinker and pretty much a planner as well as decisive, but at the moment thinking, planning and deciding seemed like foreign concepts. His father's obsessive need to run his life had finally crossed a line and had potentially put him and his family in danger. He couldn't help but consider that maybe it was time to break all ties with his father, transfer to another hospital perhaps even another state. This was a decision he never wanted to have to seriously consider even though getting out from under his father's oppressive thumb would probably be the best thing for him and his career. Jack sighed to himself and decided that the idea that children love their parents no matter what wasn't just some crazy notion, but true and for people like himself a debilitating emotional flaw.

His thoughts turned to Kate. He'd dived into an extremely emotional situation with both feet and never looked back. He'd like to say it was careless on his part; that absolutely no thinking or planning went into his decision to pursue a relationship with her and that was why he was currently sitting alone, not really shocked, but slightly taken aback at what she'd told him and wondering about an unplanned pregnancy. He'd love to brush off his current set of issues as just careless behavior on his part, but he knew that wasn't the case. Whether he'd been careless was irrelevant because he was in love with her and there was nothing she could do or say that would change that so how could allowing someone into your life that makes you happy be considered careless or wrong.

Then there was Conner. He'd allowed his son to get attached to Kate, to believe that he was finally going to have a mother and if things didn't work out his son would be crushed. Had he been careless and thoughtless there too or was he just following his instincts? Should a father follow his heart over his head when it comes to something this important? Conner had been as stable and happy as Jack had known him to be since Kate came into their lives and he couldn't deny that he himself was happier than he'd been since his wife died so did it matter that he was ready to get married and have a baby with a woman he realistically knew nothing about?

Jack let all these things rattle around in his brain and no matter what rationality he tried to apply to the different situations he came to the same conclusion every time. He was in love with her and would do anything for her and he felt nothing but sorrow for what she'd been though. It never occurred to him to feel angry about it or to doubt for one second that she was the victim, that her ability to love people and take care of people and always look for the good in people had led to the circumstances she found herself in.

Having given himself time to process all of it and realize that nothing had changed as far as his feelings for Kate went he decided to go upstairs and try to convince Kate that nothing had changed, a task he guessed would be met with resistance from her because the forgiveness that Kate sought existed only in her mind. The only person upset with Kate was Kate and she needed to find a way to forgive herself for all the things she wrongly blamed herself for.

She appeared to be asleep when he entered the bedroom so he quietly undressed and lay in the bed. She rolled over, kissed him good night and tried to scoot back to her side of the bed, but he held onto her and encouraged her to snuggle up next to him the way she liked to. With her head positioned over his heart, her arm draped over his stomach and her leg curled over his legs he brought his arm down and around her, holding her snugly. They stayed that way for awhile, him lightly moving his hand over her arm and her gently swirling her fingers through the hair on his stomach.

"Jack." She said softly.

"Yeah." He replied.

"Do you want to make love?" She asked.

"You never have to ask that." He chuckled.

"I'm serious Jack." She said.

"So am I. I always want to make love." He said.

"Well, with that broken hand you'll be around a lot more so you know what that means don't you?" Kate teased.

"Yeah, it means you'll have to be on top……..a lot." He laughed.

She pushed herself up and crawled on top of him. She leaned in and kissed him before reaching over him to turn the bedside lamp on.

"I know how much you hate making love in the dark." She told him as she pulled her nightshirt up and over her head.

He watched her perched above him, her bare chest begging to be touched while her hands moved over his chest, but her eyes didn't show the emotion that he normally saw there. It was as if for the first time since he'd met her she was confused about how to feel about him or how to connect with him not only physically, but emotionally.

She noticed the confused look on his face and in his eyes and it overwhelmed her that he was that in tune with her, that he could tell she was initiating sex because she didn't know what else to do. She felt like the closeness they shared had been shattered with her revelation, like he would never look at her the same and she missed her son. Seeing Eddie brought back so much pain. Knowing that she'd give anything just to hold her little boy one more time, to smell him while she cuddled him close to her bosom and comforted him and all his father wanted was money made her hate herself in a way she never had before and she broke down.

She sat on his stomach wearing nothing but her panties and began sobbing. Jack hadn't seen her this distraught since the day TJ died and it concerned him. He sat up and wrapped his arms around her, encouraging her to let him hold her, to allow herself to just fall and feel whatever it was she was feeling and allow him to catch her. She finally wrapped her arms around his neck and held tightly to him, her head resting on his shoulder and her crying nearing hysterics. He used his good hand to hold her from behind and rocked them gently, sitting in the middle of the bed, bare chest to bare chest, clinging to one another.

"Talk to me Kate." He said softly.

"TJ deserved to have a better father. He was such a beautiful little boy and the man who should've loved him, who should've been there when he was born and who should've been the man that made his last day on earth as happy as you made it for him only cares about cashing in on his death. I hate myself for doing this to TJ." Kate cried.

"I'm sorry he's putting you through this. I wish I could do something to stop it." Jack said.

"It's so sick Jack and it's my fault. I not only denied myself the enjoyment of sharing a pregnancy with someone who is happy about it, of experiencing the birth together and the joy of holding our child for the first time, I denied my baby his right to dignity which is so much worse than any unhappiness I inflicted on myself. What I've done to TJ is unforgivable. His father tried to sell him like a piece of used stereo equipment and now he's going to cash in on his death. How can you stand to be around me? I am so stupid for allowing this to happen?" She continued to cry, her breath hitching, so upset she was shaking.

"Kate, please stop beating yourself up for being you. You are kind and you always look for the good in people and some asshole took advantage of that. It doesn't make you stupid or bad. When I think about everything you went through with his illness, all the sacrifices you made for him and remember the two of you together that last day, I can't imagine not being around you. You are an amazing woman Kate." Jack told her.

"I don't feel very amazing Jack." Kate admitted, starting to calm down and relax into him.

He finally laid them both back, allowing her to slide off of him and settle in beside him, her face tear-streaked and by the way she was crinkling her forehead he guessed her head must've been pounding. He didn't bother to turn the lamp off. He just continued to hold her and watch her until she finally closed her eyes and found sleep. He lay beside her deep in thought for at least another hour before he allowed himself to sleep.

Jack woke early the next morning. He got the two boys up and moving around by promising to take them to breakfast and then to the Fun Palace, which was a large play facility with inflatables that allowed adults to participate with their kids if they wanted to. He left Kate a note telling her they'd be back some time that afternoon and hurried them out of the house before they made enough noise to wake her.

Jack sat in the play facility watching the two boys play together. His broken hand had allowed him to sit this one out, but since Conner had a playmate he wasn't disappointed. He made several phone calls while keeping his eyes on the kids and after a couple of hours he rounded them up for errand running with the promise of a trip to look at bicycles if they behaved. He didn't get out of the toy store without being easily persuaded into buying them something. He let them browse through the dozens of action figures of the latest and most popular themed movie or cartoon characters and bought each boy one along with their candy of choice.

Tony had been a little more talkative as the day went on and he warmed up to Jack, his face lighting up when Jack told him he could pick out an action figure and some candy. Jack spoke to Tony's stepmother and she told Jack he could keep Tony all weekend for all she cared, that the boy's father was out of town and she was sick of being saddled with kids every weekend. Jack politely informed her he'd bring Tony home the following day and ended the phone call.

He made one final stop at a local flower shop for a single red rose and took them home. They entered the home and Jack quickly gave up his attempt to keep them quiet, but it didn't matter, Kate was awake, showered and dressed. She was sitting on the couch reading a magazine and set it down when the boys excitedly approached her to show her their new toys. Jack stood back with the rose behind his back and watched her interact with the two children and when they set their toys and candy down and headed up the stairs he approached her. He leaned in and kissed her, handing her the rose before sitting down beside her.

"Thank you. Is this to thank me for initiating sex and not following through with it?" Kate asked.

"No, it's just to let you know you're always on my mind." He said sweetly.

"Eddie came by and beat on the door for awhile. I didn't answer it." Kate sighed.

"I'm going to take care of Eddie." Jack said.

"How are you going to do that?" Kate asked.

"Do you trust me Kate?" Jack asked.

"Yes." She answered.

"Good, then trust that I'm going to handle this and that he's not going to tarnish TJ's memory." Jack said.

"What've you got in mind Jack?" Kate asked.

"You know I have special plans for us this evening and I really don't want to talk about Eddie today, but I promise you that when Monday rolls around and I'm ready to deal with it, I will fill you in." Jack explained.

"Special plans? I'm intrigued." Kate said.

"You should be Ms. Austen because I've lined up my favorite teenager to come eat all of our food, drink all of our soda, make out with her boyfriend on the couch and keep an eye the boys for us." Jack told her and kissed her again.

"You let your babysitter have her boyfriend over?" Kate asked.

"I'm not even sure if she has a boyfriend right now, I just threw that in because I used to make out with my girlfriend while she was babysitting when I was a teenager." Jack answered with a grin.

"So where does this favorite teenager live and how do you know her?" Kate asked.

"She lives about three houses down and when she was about 13 she was always hanging around any time I was outside. I think she had a crush on me." Jack chuckled.

"That's kind of cute and I can't say I blame her. I have big crush on you too." Kate said and smiled at him.

"I think I got tossed aside for a jock with a letter jacket and loud car though." Jack said.

"Aw, I'm sorry, were you sad?" Kate teased.

"A little, she used to bring Conner and me Christmas cookies. I kind of miss those cookies." Jack said jokingly.

"I'm surprised the older women weren't the ones trying to win you over with food. A hot, sexy bachelor with a baby moving into the neighborhood had to have put a hussy bulls-eye on your back." Kate continued to tease him.

"A hussy bulls-eye?" Jack laughed.

"Oh sure, women have radar for sizzling hot bachelors and attempting to catch him is apt to make a gal act a little sleazier than normal." Kate informed him.

"You mean the hussy bulls-eye makes a woman try to seduce a guy on the first date?" Jack teased.

"Ha, I guess you got me there." Kate laughed.

"I'm just teasing you. You're forwardness was one of things about you that I found irresistible, because it was so obvious it was an act." Jack chuckled.

"So are you suggesting I'm a bad hussy?" Kate asked.

"You're a terrible hussy, but you are one beautiful, sexy, sweet woman." He said sweetly.

"You're kind of hot yourself stud, so where are we going tonight?" Kate asked.

"We are going out to eat. I made reservations for seven o'clock and after that we are going to a suite at a 5-star hotel where I will pamper you and hopefully make love to you for hours." Jack told her.

"We're going to check into a hotel for sex and then come home? That feels kind of sorted for some reason." Kate objected.

"It only feels sorted because you haven't seen it yet and we need some time to ourselves, time to enjoy each other without the threat of being interrupted by a five year old, time for me remind you how much I love you." Jack argued.

"Jack, you don't have to boost me up. Maybe I just need to feel like shit for awhile and hopefully learn from mistakes." Kate sighed.

"I'm not boosting you up Kate. I'm completely sincere and you have felt like shit long enough. Tonight you get to feel good. Let me make you feel as special as you are to me." Jack said and kissed her gently.

"You're too good to me Jack. Because of me you're going to miss out on the biggest surgery of your career. How can you not resent me for that?" Kate asked.

"I guess because it's still three weeks away and the reality of what I'm missing out on hasn't set in yet. I'm sure there will be some feelings of resentment Kate, because I'm human and can't control how I feel, but intellectually I know that this broken hand isn't your fault so if I start acting like an ass just remind me of this conversation and feel free to slap me." Jack said, making her smile.

"How about if I just spank you?" Kate teased.

"Mmm, that works for me. I need to go run one more errand. Will you be okay with the kids or do you want me to take them with me?" Jack asked.

"We'll be fine. Go do whatever you need to do." Kate said.

He stood, kissed her and left. Kate smiled, happy that they were going to go out on an actual date to a restaurant with real silverware and no chicken nuggets on the menu. She loved Conner and she loved the little family they had become, but she was ready for an adult evening and decided to go upstairs and find something nice to wear.

When they entered their hotel suite Kate gasped. There were pink rose petals everywhere; the furniture and the bed were covered with them. There were also pink balloons, some tied together in bouquets anchored with little storks and there were some single balloons floating around the room with tiny little babies tied to the end of them. Jack reached for a small bag that was on the table just inside the door and handed it to her.

"Jack what is all this?" Kate asked.

"Just open it." Jack insisted.

Kate looked into the little bag and pulled out a small pair of pink baby booties. She held them up in front of Jack, more confused than she was a few moments ago.

"Jack, have you lost your mind?" Kate finally asked.

"Kate, I know we haven't talked about the baby, but that's only because in my mind there is nothing to talk about." Jack explained getting interrupted by her almost immediately.

"Jack, we have to….." Kate argued and he silenced her by gently placing two fingers to her lips.

"I want to have this baby with you Kate. I want you to experience pregnancy with a man who is truly excited and who will be with you every step of the way. I want you to know how beautiful the moment is when we both hold our little girl and she looks back at us. I want to give you everything you never got to experience when you had TJ. I want to help you believe that it's okay to enjoy having another baby, that it's okay to love another baby and understand that while we'll make it special together, it won't change how special TJ's birth was to you. Please Kate, stop beating yourself up and allow yourself some happiness. Please let me make you as happy as you make me every minute of every day." Jack said, his voice cracking, his emotions real as his eyes began to tear up.

Kate felt her own tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. All the effort he had put into setting this room up, all the emotion he'd just expressed in that speech and most of all how he seemed to be so in tune with what she was feeling, what she was battling with emotionally. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him and followed that with a tight hug, his arms holding her firmly from behind and her taking a moment to enjoy feeling safe in his arms.

"You seem pretty sure this baby is a girl. Why is that?" Kate asked.

"Because you need time to let go of TJ before you give birth to another son." Jack said.

"That's a nice thought Jack, but what if it's a boy? Do you think I won't love it?" Kate asked.

"No, of course not, but I just know it's a girl. If I'm wrong you can make me your love slave for life." Jack said.

"You already are." Kate laughed.

"Yeah, I know, but I'll get you a plaque or something and make it official." Jack teased.

"You really don't play fair Jack. How am I supposed to not want to have this baby with you after all this?" Kate sighed.

"If you really don't want to have this baby with me, you won't. I'm giving you the emotional out you so desperately need. It's okay to want to have this baby Kate." Jack said.

"What makes you so smart about me?" Kate asked.

"I'm not; I just love you enough to work hard at understanding what's going on with you. So, what do you say? Are we going to have this baby?" Jack asked.

"I need time to think Jack. This is all so wonderful, but I need to make sure I know what I really want before I answer your questions." Kate said.

"That's fair and I have one more question for you to think about." Jack said as he lowered himself down onto one knee.

He pulled a ring box out of his pocket, opened it and held it up in front of her. Before he had a chance to get the proposal out she dropped down to her knees in front of him, clutching his arms and sobbing. He dropped his other knee to the floor and pulled her into his chest, his hand lightly holding to the back of her head while he kissed her lightly along the jaw line and spoke softly into her ear.

"It's too much Jack. I don't deserve this. Please just stop." She cried.

"Please marry me Kate." He said softly.

"This isn't fair! You can't do this to me Jack! God damn you and all your charm and romantic gestures!" Kate screamed at him, fighting to get away and him refusing to let go of her.

"Why can't I do this to you Kate? You aren't supposed to be loved? You aren't supposed to be happy, to be the center of someone's universe? Why is that Kate?" Jack asked holding tightly to her as she fought him.

"Because it's my fault Jack!" Kate cried.

"What is your fault?" Jack asked.

"It's my fault TJ is dead. I knew he was sick. I knew something wasn't right, but I waited, kept thinking it was just a stomach virus or a cold or that he was just tired from playing too hard. If I had taken him in sooner he would've had a better chance. My little boy never got to have a father that gave a damn about him and he never got to be happy and all of it was my fault. I don't deserve to be happy and I can't stand this. You have to stop it. Let me go Jack! I need to be by myself." Kate cried as Jack held firmly to her arm with his good hand.

"No Kate I am not going to let go. Blaming yourself for what happened to TJ is bullshit. Your son got very sick and it wasn't fair, but it wasn't your fault." Jack said sternly.

"What would you know about it Jack? You have no idea what it is like to watch your child hurt and not be able to do anything. I'm not worth all the trouble you've gone to Jack, please, this is a mistake. Just let me go." Kate pleaded.

"You're right I have no idea what it was like for you. I can't even begin to imagine and won't pretend I can relate to the pain you're dealing with, but five years ago the woman that meant everything in the world to me needed me to be there for her and I let her down. I won't make that mistake again Kate. You can push me away all you want, but I'm not going anywhere. You are worth whatever it takes and then some." Jack told her.

She fell forward into him, sobbing and clutching at the front of his shirt. He sat down on the floor, leaning against the table leg, pulling her down with him. When he had planned this evening he wasn't sure how Kate would react to it and the scenario that was playing out was one that he had considered. He'd been living with her, sleeping with her and making love to her nearly every day for over two months and he knew how fragile her emotional state was. He also knew she was holding back, that she was hurting and clobbering herself with self-inflicted guilt, he just didn't know why until now.

"Kate, I love you and I want to help you. I know this is all happening too fast for you and you don't have to give me an answer tonight. You take as long as you need. I just wanted you to know that my feelings for you haven't changed. That Eddie and your experiences with him haven't made me love you any less. I admire your strength Kate." Jack said.

"I'm a basket case Jack, how is that strong in your eyes?" Kate huffed.

"You aren't a basket case, you are overwhelmed." Jack argued.

"What about the baby? I have to make a decision before it's too late to do anything about it." Kate said.

"No you don't. Kate if you have this baby and you know in your heart that you can't love it the way it deserves to be loved then there is always adoption." Jack offered.

"Yeah right Jack, you're just stalling. You'd fight an adoption; make me feel guilty, blame me for giving your child away. You always make it seem like we're in things together, but in reality it's always what you want and me just going along with it and I'm sick of it!" Kate said hatefully, too hateful and she wished she could take it back.

He let go of her and gently pushed her off of him. He stood and held his hand out, pulling her up from the floor.

"Jack, I'm……" Kate started but was cut off by him.

"I know Kate, you're sorry. You're right, I have been making all of the decisions, but that's only because I was trying to make things easier for you, not because I want everything my way. If I make you feel the things you've accused me of the last couple of arguments we've had then I think we need to slow this way down." Jack said.

"Jack, please don't be hurt. I didn't mean…." Kate searched for the right words.

"No Kate you did mean it and you need to take some time for yourself and figure out why you feel the way you do. I'm not hurt and I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me that easily and the offer, both offers I made tonight are still there, but only if it is what we both want. Otherwise, we'll just end up resenting each other." Jack said.

"Are we breaking up?" Kate asked.

"No, we're just taking a little break." Jack said.

"What about the baby?" Kate asked.

"It's your decision. I'll do whatever you want. Come on, we might as well go home. You can stay in the guest room if you want, have some space and as much time as you need and I promise it won't hurt my feelings or make me mad." Jack said.

Kate felt awful. She'd ruined his surprise, his romantic evening and his proposal and he was putting up a good front, being calm with her when in reality he probably wanted to scream at her and toss her out on her ear. She didn't want to stay in the guest bedroom and she didn't want to stop what they had going on. She wasn't sure why she became so angry with his sweet gesture. She was so confused. She was hurting and head over heels in love at the same time and she battled with her feelings daily. Why couldn't she just shut it all off and just love him and accept the life he was offering her?

"No." Kate said and pulled her hand out of his.

"Kate." Jack insisted.

"No Jack, I don't want to sleep in your guest bedroom and I don't want to take a break. I love you and I need you and I don't know what's wrong with me, but I didn't mean what I said. You have been my rock and I do not resent that for one minute. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. I'm so in love with you and so afraid to let myself believe that I can really be happy or that I can make you happy and then there's this part of me that feels so guilty and that hurts so deeply that sometimes I wish I could just scream loud enough to let the entire universe know how fucking bad it hurts. God Jack is it ever going to stop hurting so bad?" Kate asked as fresh tears filled her eyes.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. He did understand the deep hurt she was experiencing and he'd known his fair share of guilt. He wondered if he'd met Kate sooner if he would've been ready to let go of his guilt and his hurt.

"Baby I know it hurts and I promise you that it does get easier, but it takes time. I'm not trying to force you to forget your pain, you need to deal with it your own way and allow yourself as much time as it takes to put the hurt in a place where you maybe take it out once a day and allow yourself to feel it and then put it back. In the meantime, you shouldn't be afraid of me Kate or anything I'm offering. I would never hurt you or guilt you into anything. I'm trying to convince you to let go of your guilt and try being happy and if your path to happiness means that now is not the time for marriage or a baby then you will have my support. I promise." Jack explained.

"I love you so much Jack, can we please stay here for awhile?" Kate sniffled, her head turned to the side and resting on his chest.

He pulled back and tilted her chin up to look at him. He leaned in and kissed her softly. He pulled back and she held onto the back of his head and pulled him back to her again, closing her mouth over his, swallowing him in a wet, passionate kiss. While the kiss continued he walked them deeper into the suite, toward the rose petal covered bed, ready to love her softly, sweetly and for as long as both their bodies would allow.

_**Yes, it was kind of evil of me to end it there, but I suppose it gives you something to look forward to since I promise not to leave out any of the details. Happy Lost night!!!**_


	24. Chapter 24

Jack could feel her body completely relaxing as he moved them closer to the bed and if he didn't possess a personal understanding of why Kate was so up and down and all over the place emotionally he guessed he would've given up on this relationship out of frustration a long time ago. But, because he'd been down the road of grief Kate was currently traveling he recognized much of what was going on with her as part of the same path he'd taken, the overwhelming sadness and burdening guilt she was suffering like going back five years and looking into a mirror. He continued to kiss her, holding gently to her lower back with his good hand and trying hard to remember he had a fairly hard and heavy splint on his right hand that would hurt if it landed too hard on her body.

She pulled out of the kiss and looked into his eyes. They were full of passion and love and she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life looking into those eyes as much as possible. She moved her hands down his side, to his hips, gliding them over the front of his thighs and finally to his butt, holding lightly and pulling him closer. She could feel the small, hard square box in the pocket of his slacks and realized she'd never even bothered to look at the ring, opting to meltdown immediately instead.

"Yes." Kate whispered drawing a confused look from him immediately.

"Yes?" Jack questioned.

"Yes, I will marry you and yes I am ready to be excited and happy and enjoy preparing to have this baby with you." She said and nearly melted as his eyes took on the wet, overwhelmed with emotion look they got when what he was feeling in his heart could no longer be kept inside.

"Are you sure? I want you to be sure Kate. No more back and forth, if we make this decision tonight we only go forward." Jack said.

"I'm sure. I'm about half crazy these days Jack, but I know what I felt when you were ready to back away and give me all the space I needed." Kate admitted.

"What's that?" Jack asked.

"I suddenly felt very cold and lonely and like there was so much space I couldn't breathe. I love you and Conner too much to go backwards; I'd be lost without the two of you so how could having three of you to love be anything but a wonderful life?" Kate said sweetly.

"It can't." He said in a low, husky tone and kissed her again, reaching behind her, fumbling with the zipper on her dress, finding it difficult to do with just his left hand.

"Want some help?" She giggled.

"Probably, I have trouble with my own zipper." He chuckled.

"Well I'd help you with that if you'd ask." She offered.

"That probably wouldn't be a good idea; we'd be spending a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom." He laughed and pulled her closer, kissing her again and then pulling back.

He reached into his pocket, pulled the ring box out and handed it to her. She took it from him, opened it, removed the ring and handed it to him. He carefully slipped it onto her finger. It was a little loose, but tight enough for now.

"It's beautiful Jack." Kate said.

"You're beautiful." He whispered and gently turned her around.

With her back facing him he found it easier to maneuver things and slowly pulled the zipper of her dress down. He slid the dress off her shoulders and let it glide halfway down her arms. He moved closer, his hot breath on the back of her neck making her skin tingle. He kissed the tops of her shoulders gently while his fingers moved slowly down the front of her chest, gliding in-between her breasts and back up. His light kisses made her shiver and he moved closer to her, letting the warmth of his body surround her. He grabbed the clasp of her bra in the fingers of his good hand and unhooked it with very little effort, smiling at his accomplishment because he loved to undress her and wasn't looking forward to being hindered for the next four to six weeks.

He slowly turned her back around to face him and pushed the dress down her arms the rest of the way, allowing it to slide down her body and gather around her feet on the floor. He pushed each of her bra straps off of her shoulders, leaving them hanging on her arms before putting two fingers inside the center of her bra and pulling forward, slowly sliding it away from her breasts, the straps sliding down her arms and finally off. He stepped back and looked at her, the tightness in the front of his pants increasing at the sight of her. She was so beautiful, her long, curly brown hair hanging loosely over her soft silky skin and her firm, round breasts were in perfect proportion to her body.

He trailed a finger slowly down her jaw line, to her collarbone and down her breast bone, never breaking eye contact with her. She could feel the crotch of her panties moisten, the look in his eyes, the feel of his touch, the thoughts she knew were swarming through his now completely foggy and aroused brain increasing her need for him. She reached out and unbuttoned his shirt, staying as patient as he was even though she wanted to rip the shirt off of him with no regard to how many buttons she popped in the process. With all of the buttons undone, she pushed the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms, noticing the bandaged hand and taking the time to slide the left shirt sleeve off and then carefully slide the right shirt sleeve over the splint. The shirt was still tucked into his pants in the back so she gave it a gentle tug, pulling it free and tossed it to the floor.

His toned, tanned arms, chest and stomach were displayed before her, his skin almost hot to the touch as she moved her hands slowly over his chest and down to his stomach and deeper, her fingers sliding inside the waistband of his pants and unfastening the top button before slowly gliding the zipper down. She slid the pants down his legs and he stepped out of them, leaving him standing in front of her in his boxer briefs, his rock hard thighs stretching the material, his beautifully sized balls tucked securely into place and his erection showing its impressive size and strength beneath the stretchy material. She'd decided a long time ago he would've made an excellent underwear model if medical school hadn't worked out.

She gazed into his eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into another intense kiss. She wondered if she would ever grow tired of kissing this man, of the feel of his mouth swallowing her, his tongue, strong and gentle at the same time gliding in perfect rhythm with hers and then pulling away to suck on her bottom lip briefly before opening back up and repeating the process. She'd always heard that you can tell how a man feels about you by the way he kisses you and never understood what that meant before she met Jack. There was so much genuine love and passion and an element of boyish giddiness in his kisses. He enjoyed it as much as she did, maybe more and it wasn't just a precursor to sex, part of the motions he felt obligated to go through to get to the prize. He took his time and made his kisses as attentive as the rest of his body was when they were making love. She knew Jack loved her before he ever verbalized it, because she felt it every time he kissed her.

They continued to kiss and allowed themselves to fall into the pile of rose petals covering the bed, the sensation of the soft, cool rose petals on their hot skin increasing their urgency briefly. He pulled out of the kiss and propped himself up on his right arm, looking down at her silky flesh surrounded by the soft, pink rose petals. He picked up one of the rose petals and brushed it lightly over her cheek, making her smile at him. He returned her smile and set the rose petal on her chest, moving his hand down and slipping it inside the front of her panties, cupping her heat as she instinctively drew her knees up and opened up for him.

"Not yet." He said softly and eased her legs back down.

He began sliding her panties down one side at time, working diligently at them with his one good hand. He finally stood and finished sliding them down her legs before removing his boxers. He stood at the side of the bed and encouraged her to turn her body in the right direction, relax her head into the pillows and enjoy lying in the center of the bed in the pile of rose petals. She did as he asked, the desire to crawl around in the soft, silky pieces of the flower temporarily curbed and the sight of her naked body crawling through the rose petals making him wish he had a camera, not that she'd allow him to take naked pictures of her, but his state of arousal had just increased 150 and he wasn't thinking clearly.

He crawled onto the bed beside her keeping his throbbing, dripping cock just out of her reach, knowing her touch would put him over the edge. He looked down at her and smiled before scooping up handfuls of the rose petals and spreading them over the top of her. He moved further down her body and positioned himself between her legs, lying forward and supporting his weight on his elbows, not penetrating her, his swollen length pressing against her bikini line and stomach, teasing her and making her squirm. He moved closer and kissed her, his body pressing into hers with the soft petals trapped between them. It was like having a thin layer of silk between their bodies and it felt as gentle, sweet and sexy as he was about to be with her.

"Jack this is so…." She said in a breathy tone when they broke the kiss for air.

"This is what it feels like to be inside of you, to have your soft heat wrapped around me, squeezing and constrictive, but satiny and so delicate you can't believe it's okay to move." He whispered and covered her mouth with his again, his tongue gently gliding over hers.

He stopped again and looked at her. He sat up on his knees and cleared the rose petals from her breasts before bending down and sucking one of nipples into his mouth, drawing a moan out of her, making her lay her arms back into the bed or rose petals, close her eyes and enjoy the feeling of his mouth on her nipples, alternating back and forth until they were both hard and a little sore from being lightly bit and then she felt him place a rose petal over each one nipple. He pinched the petal covered nipple with his fingers, able to feel the hardness through the thin flower petal.

She felt his hand move to her pussy, felt his fingers glide through her crease and penetrate her briefly, the sudden violation followed by emptiness making her whimper for him. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was watching her intently as he moved forward enough to put himself into position and then he watched her face as he pushed inside of her, slowly and fully before coming to rest on top of her again, his weight on his folded arms, his hungrily mouth swallowing her as his cock throbbed inside of her, stretching her walls, but not moving, just pushed in tightly and pulsating and she felt a gentle flood of excitement warmly pass through her loin making her moan and sigh and clench lightly around him.

He pulled out of the kiss and looked at her, obviously touched that just the act of joining them had brought her to orgasm. As she watched his eyes fill with tears she felt her own forming. A single tear escaped down his cheek and she reached up and wiped it away.

"You okay?" She asked.

"You won't regret it I promise." He said.

"Regret what?" She asked.

"Me. I hadn't realized that I had stopped living until I met you. I'm going to make you as happy as you've made me." He said as another tear betrayed him and found its way out.

"You already do." She said and pulled him back in for another kiss.

He continued to kiss her and began moving slowly in and out of her, taking his time and finally moving his mouth to her ear and whispering sweetness with every lunge forward, her body moving up to meet his, moaning his name every time. She came again, her chin resting on his shoulder, panting while her legs wrapped tightly around him, holding him in place, refusing to let go of the pressure right where she needed it.

She loosened her grip on him and he slid his arms underneath her back and pulled them both up, him sitting on folded legs and her straddling his lap, their bodies held close, her breasts moving slowly up and down over his chest as he continued thrusting into her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer, enjoying the feel of him so deep and pushing deeper, gently and patiently.

"I love you so much Jack. Hold me and don't ever stop, don't ever stop." She moaned feeling his arms wrap tighter around her as he continued to make love to her.

He kept them going, rocking in a soft, sensual rhythm and then felt her clenching around him again, the grip she had around his neck tightened and this time she verbalized how good it felt, the sound of her voice in the peak of an orgasm making him harder, making the head of his cock feel like it might explode, literally. He groaned at the sensation of his already hard cock growing harder, begging for release that he wasn't ready to let go of yet.

He lifted her off of him and she looked down at his now screaming appendage, slick and glistening with her wetness. She bent her head down and gently and slowly took him in and out of her mouth, her hot saliva soothing to him. He watched her lick and gently suck his cock, her naked body doubled over, her sexy, lust filled eyes making contact with his as she held him at the base and slowly let her tongue glide up, pursing her lips over the head and then teasing it with the tip of her tongue. God it felt so good and he became momentarily mesmerized by it, by the faint sucking sounds as she took him all the way to the back of her throat and then slowly back out. The familiar tingle in his balls, the tightening, the need to let go snapped him out of his trance and he ran his hand lightly over the back of her head.

"That feels so good Kate, but you have to stop. I'm going to come and I want to come inside you, not your mouth." He whispered softly.

She recognized the urgency in his voice and backed away so he could come the way he wanted to come. The entire wonderful night was his as far as she was concerned and if he wanted to come in her ear she'd go along with it. He motioned for her to turn around and lay on her stomach. She lay flat against the rose petals and felt him nudge her legs apart so she pushed up on all fours for him.

"No, stay flat." He said softly and pushed into her from behind as she slowly let her body lay back down into the soft, rosy smelling bed.

His body covered hers again, this time from behind, the majority of his weight supported on his folded arms again. She slid one leg up toward her torso and felt him moving in and out of her again, trapped beneath him, her body moving forward over the mattress with each thrust.

"God Jack that feels incredible." Kate moaned.

Jack didn't speak, he couldn't speak, he could barely see and breathing was becoming a chore. He felt her clenching around him again as another orgasm rocked her body and he let go, no longer able to stand it, filling the air with expletives as his body jerked, releasing his hot seed into her over and over. With the final drop expelled from his body, he pulled out of her and rolled onto his back, exhausted, not because the sex had been frenzied, but because even though he knew it was physically impossible, he felt like he'd just released at least a gallon of semen all at once.

Kate turned over and snuggled up next to him on the left side, his chest was covered with sweat and his heart was beating so hard she could feel it. She felt his arm wrap lightly around her body and he kissed the top of her head.

"I love you so much." He said in an exhausted tone.

"Are you going to make it Jack? I think your heart is going to jump out of your chest any minute now." Kate giggled.

"I'm not sure, I've never come like that before. You may have killed me Kate, but damn what a way to go. Thank you." Jack chuckled lightly.

They lay silent for a few minutes allowing their bodies to cool down and their brains to regain their normal function. She finally lifted her head from his chest and scooted up, letting it rest on the pillows. He turned onto his side and smiled at her. She had rose petals sticking to her. He peeled one away from her neck and tossed it onto the bed.

"So, do you do this rose petal thing a lot Jack?" Kate asked.

"No, that was a first for me. The woman at the flower shop where I bought the balloons suggested a few petals tossed around, but covering the bed with them was my idea. Did you like it?" He asked.

"I did and the room looked so great all decked out in pink. You really are an adorable man you know that don't you." Kate said.

"No, I just know I love you and the rest falls into place." Jack answered, his voice sincere, his eyes melting into hers.

"I noticed there's champagne. Is my favorite doctor going sip champagne in a hot bath with me?" Kate asked.

"Only if his favorite patient promises to sip slowly and have just one glass." Jack replied smiling as contently as she'd ever seen.

"Do you think the boys are okay?" Kate asked.

"I think Ashley would've called if they weren't. She's a good babysitter, very responsible, well as responsible as a teenager can be." He replied.

"Should we call?" Kate asked.

"No, we aren't calling. We'll be going home in a couple of hours. Let's enjoy ourselves until then." Jack suggested.

"But I thought I killed you." Kate teased.

"No, apparently you've just rendered me temporarily out of commission with a strong emphasis on temporarily. A hot bath, some champagne and strawberries should remedy that." He told her and kissed her gently.

He climbed out of the mangled pile of rose petals and walked over to the large Jacuzzi in the middle of the room. He leaned over and turned the water on, while Kate lay on the bed taking in the view. The sights of his lean, strong, muscular backside naked and leaning over a tub making her loin ache for him again.

"If I could take this view and figure out a way to bottle it I'd make a fortune marketing you as an aphrodisiac." Kate said in a sexy tone making him look back at her and laugh lightly.

She moved off the bed and joined him beside the tub. He brushed the petals off of her and stepped into the tub, holding his hand out for her. She took his hand and stepped in with him. The smell of the bath oils and the hot water was instantly soothing and relaxing and she leaned back into his chest. He kept his right arm on the side of the tub and used his left arm to gently sponge the water over her.

"We forgot the champagne." He said softly.

"Who needs champagne? You're more intoxicating than 50 bottles of the most expensive brand." She complimented.

"I think you're a little biased, but thank you." Jack chuckled and continued to move the sponge over her slowly.

They continued relaxing in their bath until the water became too chilly to enjoy. He stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist before holding a towel out for her. She stepped out of the tub and allowed him to wrap the towel around her, securing it and then pulling her into a hug.

"I wanted to give you a few days of this, take you away some place romantic and quiet and propose and treat you like a queen for a few days, but I decided that you needed to know how I feel about you and the baby more than you needed those days, but I promise that we will have a romantic getaway." He told her, his voice soft and sweet.

"Jack, I don't need romantic getaways, I just need you to continue to be as attentive and involved as you have been and not turn into that work obsessed mistress you've warned me about and not just for my sake, but for Conner's." Kate said.

"I'll do my best Kate, but I can guarantee I won't always succeed. I'm very passionate about what I do and there will be cases that will completely distract me from everything else in my life." Jack admitted.

"Since I'm going to marry you and raise your children Jack I feel like I have to ask this. Why is it that a patient can distract you from those in your life that you love, but your loved ones can never distract you from your patients?" Kate asked.

"Because when I've got my hands inside another human-being my mind can't be anywhere but right there focused on that moment, on every instrument, bone and piece of tissue in front of me. One little mistake brought on by not staying focused can cost a patient the ability to walk again or even their life." Jack explained.

"That makes sense Jack, but why so absorbed in the patient in the days leading up to the surgery?" Kate asked.

"Not the patient Kate, the procedure. Seeing it in your head, planning it, seeing that part of the anatomy in your head and mentally checking off every little thing that has to go right in order for nothing to go wrong requires intense focus. A lot of the procedures I do have become so routine they don't consume me the days prior to it, but something like that twin separation, well, it would've given you a good idea of how unpleasant that mistress of mine can be." Jack said.

They strolled over to the bed, pulled the bedspread and all the rose petals back and off of it, removed their towels and snuggled into the bed together, pulling the sheets up to their waists, her looking at him with questioning eyes, obviously still trying to get a grasp on what made Jack tick.

"So when Conner broke his arm, you had to stay focused on what you were doing and that's why you couldn't back away and be with him?" Kate asked.

"No, that was me being a screw up. I needed to stay focused long enough for another surgeon to replace me, I chose to finish that procedure and I let my son down. I'm not perfect Kate, far from it. Hopefully you understand that and won't hesitate to get in my face when I make dumb choices like that." Jack said.

"You're not perfect? Well, then I'm afraid I can't marry you Jack, you misled me." Kate teased and kissed him.

"Will you give me a chance to change your mind?" Jack asked as he kissed her back and rolled on top of her, hovering over her, staring deeply into her eyes.

She could feel the beginnings of another erection pressing against her and smiled at him.

"I guess you are no longer out of commission?" She asked.

"I'll let you be the judge of that." He said as he brought his mouth down to hers and silenced her and her questions for the remainder of their evening in the hotel suite.


	25. Chapter 25

After cuddling in the bed, making love off and on until after midnight Jack and Kate decided they should dress and go home. He had promised the sitter they'd be home by one o'clock and they'd be pushing it at this point. Jack spotted the flashing lights as soon as he pulled onto the street where his house was located and even though he had no idea where they were coming from he suddenly had a bad feeling and the closer he got to house the tighter his stomach became.

There were three police cruisers in front of his house and he could see Ashley standing on the porch with one of the police officers. He pulled his car into the driveway and without waiting for Kate ran to the front door to investigate. Ashley spotted him and threw her arms around him, crying, shaking.

"What the hell is going on?" Jack asked his own voice reaching a panicked tone.

"Are you Jack Shephard?" The policeman asked.

"Yes, what's happened. Are the kids okay?" Jack asked still holding onto Ashley who had obviously been frightened out of her mind.

"We got a 911 call that someone was trying to break in. When we got here that man (points toward the figure in the back of the police cruiser) was running around the outside of the house beating on all the windows and doors. He broke through the first pane there in the front window before we got here. Your little boy is scared, but he's okay, one of our officers is with him." The cop explained.

"There are two boys in the house." Kate interrupted.

"We only found one ma'am." The cop said.

Jack peeled Ashley off of him and hurried her into the house. He sat her on the couch, and held her by both arms.

"Everything is okay Ashley. Where are the boys?" Jack asked his voice loud and stern.

"They were upstairs Jack. I put them to bed together in Conner's room." Ashley answered.

"Stay with her." Jack said to Kate and ran up the stairs two at a time.

He hurried down the hall and entered the room. Conner spotted him and ran to him. He was whimpering, but not as hysterical as Ashley had been. Jack scanned the room for any sign of Tony.

"Shh baby it's okay. Conner, daddy needs you to tell him where Tony is. Do you know where he is?" Jack asked.

"No daddy. He was sleeping in the tent with me, but now he's gone." Conner said.

Jack looked at the police officer sitting on Conner's bed.

"He's a 6 year old boy about the same size as him. He's got to be in the house some place." Jack said.

Jack watched the police officer pick up his radio and let the other cops know they needed to search the house for a missing child. He took Conner downstairs and handed him to Kate so he could help look for Tony.

"No daddy, don't leave!" Conner cried.

"I'm not leaving Conner. I'm just going upstairs to help the policemen look for Tony. Stay with Kate and Ashley." Jack said sweetly, rubbing his hand soothingly over Conner's back.

Jack managed to get to the top of the stairs when he heard one of the policemen calling for him from the master bedroom. He followed the voices to his closet. Tony was sitting in the deepest corner behind some clothes, thumb in his mouth and rocking back and forth.

"What's wrong with him?" The policeman asked.

"I'm guessing he's scared." Jack said.

"He's more than scared, he's traumatized." The policeman offered.

Jack squatted in front of Tony and started to reach for him making the child scoot away from him in fear.

"Tony it's Jack, Conner's dad. Come on buddy I'm not going to hurt you." Jack coaxed.

"He's really mad this time. Please don't let him find me." Tony begged.

"Don't let who find you?" Jack asked.

"My dad, he was beating on the doors trying to get to me. I had an accident. Please don't tell him where I am. I promise I won't never be mean to Conner again if you hide me." Tony pleaded.

"Does the guy in the back of your cruiser have a name?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, his ID says his name is Eddie Parker. He's this kid's father?" The cop asked.

"No, he's not. Tony, that's not your dad. Your dad is out of town. Will you please come here son and trust me. I won't let anyone hurt you." Jack promised.

"Grown ups always say that." Tony accused.

"I promise Tony. I'll keep you safe." Jack said knowing he'd have a hard time keeping that promise, but the sight of this small child cowering in his closet was making him feel rage and sorrow at the same time and he decided he'd have to act on his and Kate's suspicions of child abuse now.

"No! Leave me alone!" Tony screamed.

"Is everything okay sir?" The police officer asked.

"Let's just let Tony stay here where he feels safe." Jack said.

Jack and the two police officers exited the closet and walked into the bedroom.

"You've got a lot of strange behavior going on here tonight. Care to explain?" The cop asked.

"The guy outside is a long story. Are you going to arrest him?" Jack asked.

"Yes, he's drunk and he was trying to break into your house so he will be processed through the county jail and probably get an arraignment Monday or Tuesday. What about that boy? What's his story?" The cop asked.

"He's a school friend of my son's that is spending the weekend with us. I'm sure you saw enough to suspect the same thing I do so how about you trust I'll get him out of that closet once things settle down and take the proper steps to make sure he's safe." Jack said.

"I'm going to do that sir, because I don't want to drag a kid out of here in the middle of the night, but I'll pass this on to my supervisor and make sure they send a cruiser by tomorrow to check on him." The cop said.

"Fine." Jack agreed.

He followed the policemen downstairs to his frightened family and babysitter and waited patiently for them to finish talking to Ashley and fill out their paperwork. He escorted the policemen out and walked back into the living room. Conner was wrapped around Kate and asleep again and Ashley was sitting on the end of the couch wringing her hands. Jack sat beside Ashley and put a comforting hand on her back.

"I'm sorry Ashley, I know that must've been scary, but you handled it very well. Do you want me to call your parents or do you just want me to drive you home?" Jack asked.

"Nobody is home. My parents are out of town and my brother is staying with a friend." Ashley said.

"I think you should stay here with us then." Jack said.

"You don't mind?" Ashley asked.

"No, of course not." Jack said and stood.

He leaned over and gently took Conner out of Kate's arms.

"Will you show her the guest room while I put him to bed and then meet me in our bedroom? I'm going to need some help getting Tony out of our closet." Jack said.

"What's he doing in there?" Kate asked.

"Hiding from his father." Jack answered.

Kate met Jack in the bedroom and they talked for a few minutes before attempting to coax the child out of the closet. Since Kate was a less threatening presence, Jack stayed in the background and let her do the talking. He noticed the strong smell of urine in the closet and wondered if it had been there when they found him and he was so relieved to find him safe that he just didn't notice.

"Tony, the man is gone and all the policemen are gone. It's okay to come out now." Kate coaxed.

"He's going to be mad." Tony said in a scared tone while looking up at Jack.

"Why do you think Jack would be mad?" Kate asked and motioned for Jack to squat down so he wouldn't look so intimidating.

"I had a accident. I didn't drink before bed, but it happened." Tony told her his bottom lip quivering.

"It's okay sweetie, accidents happen and see Jack isn't mad." Kate told him.

"No only lazy boys have accidents and you know what happens when boys are too lazy to go to the bathroom." Tony said almost in a trance-like tone.

"No, I don't know. What happens?" Kate asked.

"They have to wear a clothespin on their pee-pee." Tony told her, his bottom lip puckered up and tears starting to stream down his face.

Jack felt his face grow hot with anger and Kate had to control the gasp that was on the tip of her tongue.

"Tony I promise you that doesn't happen here. You had an accident and you aren't bad or lazy. Please don't be afraid of us honey, we just want to help you." Kate pleaded with him.

"Do you promise? I'm sorry. I'll clean it up and you can spank me if you want to, just please no clothes pin." Tony cried.

Kate moved closer and held her hand out to the boy. Tony looked at her, not moving.

"We don't spank children in this house and we don't get mad at them for having accidents. Come on Tony, let's get you cleaned up and put some dry clothes on you." Kate coaxed.

Tony took her hand and let her pull him up. She hugged him to reassure him and could feel him trembling. The lump in her throat was becoming painful and she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold it together. Jack could see it was getting to her, hell it was getting to him. He stood, reached down and picked the boy up, urine soaked clothes and all. Tony could sense he was in safe, caring arms and wrapped his arms around Jack's neck. He cried softly while Jack carried him out of the closet and into Conner's room in search of clean clothes for him.

Jack brought him back to his and Kate's bedroom and took him into the bathroom. He set the boy down and began stripping his clothes off of him. Tony tried to cover himself with his arms when Jack pulled his shirt off and Jack gently pulled the boy's arms away from his body.

"It's okay; you don't have to hide anything from me." Jack said in a soft non-threatening manner and finished stripping the clothes off the boy.

Jack cleaned him up with a wash cloth and did a quick visual inspection of the bruises on the child's buttocks and legs and helped him step into a pair of clean underwear and a pair of Conner's pajama pants. He didn't put the t-shirt on him right away; he wanted to get a better look at the injuries to his upper body so he picked him back up and carried him back into the bedroom. Kate started to speak when she was the marks on Tony's back, but noticed Jack shaking his head no at her. He sat Tony on the bed and began examining him.

The child's torso was a mass of bruises and welts, most of which appeared to have been inflicted with a belt. There were a couple of places that looked like stomping injuries to Jack and he had to take a deep breath to keep his anger and disgust from showing. He felt the area just below his ribs on the left that appeared to have stomped or kicked and the child winced away from him.

"Stop! That hurts!" Tony cried.

"I'm sorry, I'm done touching it." Jack said and focused his attention on the child's slumping left shoulder.

He looked at Kate and shook his head.

"Looks like a collar bone or shoulder injury that never healed properly." Jack sighed.

"I fell down." Tony lied.

"You fall a lot huh?" Jack said.

"I guess." Tony said softly.

"I know you don't know us very well Tony, but we're nice people and we're going to help you." Kate told him.

"You're the nicest step mom I ever saw and the prettiest. Conner is lucky." Tony said.

Jack put the t-shirt on Tony and smiled at him.

"Would like for Kate to put you to bed?" Jack asked.

"My sleeping bag is all wet." Tony said softly.

"That's okay. There is plenty of room in Conner's bed." Jack said.

"Please don't tell my dad you saw." Tony said.

"We won't. Come on sweetie, I'll tuck you in and stay with you until you fall asleep." Kate said and helped the boy down from the bed.

Kate joined Jack in the bedroom about 15 minutes later. He was lying on the bed, on top of the comforter, fully dressed and ticking. She lay down beside him and placed her hand on his forearm.

"That was Eddie trying to get in tonight wasn't it?" Kate asked.

"Yes, but he'll be in jail for a few days now." Jack said.

"I'm sorry Jack." Kate said.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. Let's just be glad nobody got hurt. We should get undressed, get under the blankets and get some sleep." Jack said.

"Yeah we should." She agreed.

They both stood, stripped down to their underwear, pulled the coverings back, turned off the light and met in the middle of the bed. They snuggled up together and lay quietly in the dark.

"What are we going to do about Tony?" Kate asked.

"I'm going to take him to the hospital in the morning and call child protective services. He needs a full set of x-rays and a urologist needs to examine him and make sure there's no damage. A clothes pin on his penis? What the hell is the matter with people?" Jack spat.

"When you were cleaning him up did you get a chance to examine him?" Kate asked.

"Just a quick visual exam, I didn't want to frighten him. His butt and legs are covered with welts and bruises. He's been beaten pretty severely Kate and pretty recently. I'm guessing within the last three or four days." Jack said.

"I want to go with you to the hospital." Kate insisted.

"Kate, it's not going to be pleasant." Jack argued.

"I know it isn't and that poor little boy is going to be scared to death. We can't let them lose him in the system Jack." Kate stood firm.

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Jack asked.

"They're going to pull him out of his home and he's going to need a place to stay. Why not? This house is big enough." Kate said.

"You don't have enough to deal with, you want to take on an abused child and all the bullshit that comes with that?" Jack asked, not as keen on the idea as Kate was.

"I guess you don't even want to consider it, so let's just go to sleep." Kate said.

She rolled over and away from him. He scooted in behind her and kissed the top of her shoulder.

"Let's see how things go tomorrow Kate. Chances are he's going to need to be admitted for treatment. I'm not trying to be cold babe, but there are people out there better qualified than us to deal with the psychological problems Tony most likely has." Jack said.

"Yeah right Jack, like he's ever going to get that kind of help unless he's with people who care enough to make sure he gets it." Kate dismissed his attempts at being logical.

Jack sighed and decided it was best to let her stew. It wasn't that he didn't want to help Tony, but he had to consider Conner and the new baby and Kate and her emotional state. Kate was thinking with her heart at the moment and nothing else, one of them had to be sensible.

Jack woke up alone the next morning. He rolled over and picked up his cell phone to see what time it was. It was almost 10 o'clock. He rarely ever slept in and was surprised he'd done so without waking once. He listened for a moment and could hear the boys downstairs and the events of the previous night came flooding back along with the dread of knowing what he had to do. He shaved, showered and dressed and made his way downstairs ready to deal with what he guessed was going to be a difficult day.

Kate was in the kitchen sitting at the bar reading the newspaper. He walked past her and made a fresh pot of coffee. He walked back and leaned on the other side of the bar so he'd be facing her. She looked up at him and he kissed her.

"You should've woken me." He said.

"You slept through me puking my guts up so I assumed you must've been really tired and needed to sleep." Kate said her tone suggesting she still wasn't happy with him.

"Did Ashley go home?" Jack asked.

"Yes, her brother picked her up, but she's coming back so you can pay her for last night and so she can watch Conner while we go to the hospital." Kate told him.

"Kate, I really wish you'd let me handle this. I don't think…" Jack argued but was cut off by her.

"You don't think what Jack?" Kate snapped.

"Take it easy, I was just going to suggest that maybe you don't know what you're getting yourself into." Jack said.

"You're patronizing me Jack and it really pisses me off." Kate told him.

"I am not patronizing you Kate, I'm trying to protect you." Jack snapped at her growing impatient with her Jeckyl and Hyde personality.

"Protect me from what? What's the matter Jack? Do you think that I'm too fucked up over TJ to deal with this rationally? I can be expected to deal with you and Conner and all your issues, but I'm not allowed to care beyond your circle of comfort?" Kate accused.

"Do you have any idea how big of a bitch you can be?" Jack hissed finally having had his fill of her hateful comments.

"Do you have any idea what a pompous ass you can be?" Kate shot back.

"What the hell do you want from me Kate?" He asked.

"I want you to stop acting like my father, stop coddling me and treating me like I'm some fragile porcelain doll." Kate answered.

"Fine, get dressed. We're leaving in a half hour." Jack said.

Jack gathered Tony's things while Kate was getting dressed. He managed to track down someone at the police station that knew what was going on and explained that he'd be taking the child to the hospital if they still wanted to come by and check on him. He spoke to Ashley and she arrived 10 minutes later. When Kate appeared at the bottom of the stairs, dressed and ready to go, Jack handed her Tony's things.

"What are you doing Jack?" Kate asked.

"I'm going to go get Tony now. Are you ready?" Jack asked.

"What are you going to tell him?" Kate asked.

"The truth." Jack answered.

"Do you have to……." Kate tried to argue.

"You've worked with troubled children Kate, but have you ever seen what they went through before they got to you? I've seen this more times than I care to remember and he's going to be pissed off no matter what we tell him so it's best just to be honest. You wanted to come along because you believe in your heart you can provide some comfort to him and for his sake I hope you can." Jack said.

"You're mad at me." Kate said.

"No Kate, I'm not. I'm mad at the bastards that used their little boy as a punching bag." Jack said, leaving her with Tony's things and wondering if she should've taken his advice and stayed out of this for now.

Jack came down the stairs carrying Tony. He was crying and begging Jack not to take him to the doctor. Jack held firm to the child and carried him out the front door. Kate followed behind and watched him patiently strap the crying boy into the back seat of his car. They drove to the hospital in silence except for the whimpering coming from the back seat. When they pulled into the hospital parking lot Tony's whimpering turned into pleas again. Kate watched Jack park the car, close his eyes and take a few deep breaths before getting out of the car and retrieving Tony from the back seat.

Tony kicked and fought Jack all the way in. He walked through the ER with him and back to the examining rooms. Kate stood back and listened to him give instructions for blood tests, urine tests, x-rays and CT scans. Tony was crying and fighting and begging and making sure Jack knew how much he hated him. Kate tried to calm him down and he spit at her and bit her, hysterical and completely out of control, the fear that his father would find out consuming the small child.

She watched as Jack and the ER doctor held the child down while the nurse jabbed a needle into the boy's hip and then watched him settle down, not completely sedated, but calm enough to stop hurting himself. Jack joined Kate in the corner of the room and watched them wheel the child out for x-rays. A police officer and a representative from child protective services entered the room and Jack told them what he suspected and what he saw on the child's body the night before.

They wheeled Tony back into the room. While Jack and the ER doctor studied the x-rays, Kate talked with the representative from child protective services, giving her as much information as she could.

"Look at all of these old fractures Jack. This kid doesn't know a life without pain." The doctor said.

"What about the scan of his abdomen? He's been at my house for two days and complaining of a stomach ache." Jack asked.

"He's very tender on the left. It looks like someone kicked him. We're taking him down for a CT scan next, but my guess is that his spleen is bruised." The doctor said.

"Jeff, he hasn't exhibited any symptoms of a bad bleed or I would've brought him in last night. Look at the left clavicle. It's going to have to be broken and reset or the whole shoulder area is never going to develop properly." Jack said.

"What the hell happened to this kid?" The doctor asked.

"His father." Jack sighed.

Kate was listening to the two doctors rattle off injuries and the possible medical procedures ahead for Tony and she felt herself growing woozy, her head getting fuzzy as her body broke out into a cold sweat. The nurse noticed her and went to her side just before she blacked out.

"Dr. Shephard!" The nurse called.

Jack turned around and saw the nurse trying to hold her up. He immediately took over and eased Kate down into the chair.

"Just give her some air." Jack said as he took the wet paper towels the nurse prepared for him.

He applied the cool cloths to her face, forehead and neck, the paleness and clamminess of her skin concerning him a bit.

"Kate can you hear me." Jack said.

"Is she okay Jack?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah, long night, stressful day and knowing her, nothing to eat." Jack mumbled.

"Girlfriend?" Jeff asked.

"Fiancé." Jack answered.

"Really? Congratulations." Jeff said.

"Thanks. Easy, easy, just relax." Jack said as Kate woke up, startled and confused.

"What happened?" She asked.

"You fainted. Have you eaten today?" Jack asked.

"No, I'm okay. I'm too sick to eat. How's Tony? Is he going to be okay?" Kate asked.

"Tony is probably going to be here for awhile, why don't you let me take you home." Jack offered.

"He's going to be so scared Jack." Kate argued obviously feeling terrible, but not wanting to leave the little boy alone even if he didn't want her there.

"Kate, he's most likely got a slow bleed in his spleen. He's either going to need surgery or he's going to have to be sedated and very still until the bleeding stops. Either way, he's not going to know what is going on." Jack explained.

"Do you promise those monsters won't get near him again?" Kate asked.

"Is that what you're so worried about?" Jack asked with a light smile, the way she was ready to go to battle for Tony reminding him of why he was so crazy about her.

"We have to make sure they can't hurt him anymore Jack. Promise me." Kate said.

"As long as he's here they can't go near him, but Kate I have no control over the legal system so you know I can't promise you everything is going to be okay for Tony." Jack reasoned.

"No, but you can promise me that we will fight on his behalf." Kate said.

"Okay, I promise. We'll do everything we can to make sure Tony stays safe." Jack promised.

"Even if that means he comes to live with us?" Kate asked.

"I'm not going to promise that today Kate. Let's just take this one day at a time, see how he does, and figure out what his options are. Okay?" Jack said.

"Okay, now can you show me where the bathroom is because I'm going to be sick." Kate told him.

Jack hurried her out of the room and down the hall to nearest bathroom. She entered and closed the door in his face, wanting to be sick without him hovering over her. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back into the exam room.

"Is she okay?" Jeff asked.

"She's pregnant and doesn't get her legs under her until later in the day." Jack said.

"Jesus Jack, has it been that long since we played golf or poker or had a drink? You're engaged and going to have a baby? I didn't even know you were dating again." Jeff laughed.

"It's a long story Jeff, but yeah it has been awhile and I could use a drink later if you're up for it." Jack said.

"It looks like I'm going to be tied up with this little guy and the police for awhile. You coming back after you take her home or are you going to back away from this one?" Jeff asked.

"No, I'd like to see this one through. Make sure he gets what he needs medically. I'm going to take her home and by the time I get back the CT Scans should be done and we should know what course of action to take with him." Jack said.

"So, are you making him your patient Jack?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah, I guess I am. I'll be back." Jack said and left the room.

Jack stood outside the bathroom and waited for Kate. She opened the door looking pale and weak. He put his arm around her and let her lean into him.

"Come on, I'll take you home and have Ashley stay until you're feeling better. I want to come back and make sure Tony gets everything he needs." Jack said.

"I feel so bad I'm not even going to argue with you. This is the worst pregnant day so far." Kate complained.

"Well, let's see, very little sleep, excessive stress and no food aren't usually conducive to a good pregnant day." Jack nagged at her.

Kate laughed lightly and squeezed his waist where her hand was holding onto him.

"Something funny?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, me. I guess if I expect you to stop coddling me I better start taking better care of myself so you won't always have to." Kate admitted in a guilty tone.

"I suspect I'll continue to do it anyway, but that part about taking better care of yourself would make me coddle more and nag less and coddling isn't so bad is it?" He teased.

They walked slowly out of the hospital, passing Tony's stepmother on the way, neither realizing who she was.


	26. Chapter 26

Jack and Kate were half way to the car when she realized she'd left her purse in the exam room where Tony was being taken care of. They turned around and walked back into the hospital. Kate sat in the ER waiting room while Jack walked toward the exam rooms to retrieve her purse. Kate sat in the chair feeling nauseous and exhausted with a slight headache. She watched the woman at the front desk getting angry with the woman behind the window and natural curiosities made her pay closer attention and try to listen to the conversation.

"Listen, I know that my son is here and you people have no right to keep him here!" The woman yelled.

"Ma'am if you will please take a seat in the waiting room I will find someone to come and talk to you, but you cannot see your son right now." The woman told her.

"His father is going to be home in a few hours and he is an attorney and he is going to own this place when he finds out you're treating him without permission." The woman threatened.

Kate wasn't sure, but a nagging feeling made her stand and walk over to the woman. She stopped beside her and tapped her on the shoulder. The woman turned suddenly and shot a hateful look at Kate.

"Are you Tony's stepmother?" Kate asked.

"Who wants to know?" The woman snapped.

"I'm Kate, we spoke on the phone." Kate told her.

"You bitch! I let my kid spend the weekend with you and he ends up in the hospital?" The woman spat at her.

"Are you suggesting that we inflicted all those injuries on that little boy?" Kate asked her tone angry, her fists unconsciously clenching.

"What injuries? Why did you bring him here? I call your house to see when he's coming home and your babysitter tells me you've brought him here. What the hell is going on?" The woman asked her face just inches from Kate's.

"Are you seriously going to stand here and try to pretend you had no idea that child has been severely beaten?" Kate accused.

"We don't beat our kids. He got lazy the other night and wet his bed so he got a spanking." The woman said.

"Was that before or after you clamped a clothes pin onto his penis?" Jack asked seemingly coming out of nowhere.

The woman reacted by backhanding Kate hard enough to knock her off balance and down to the floor. The woman pounced on her calling her a bitch and blaming her for all the trouble she caused. The police officer that had exited the exam room area with Jack immediately descended on the woman and pulled her off of Kate. Jack kneeled down and could see the bruising already starting on the side of Kate's face. He helped Kate up and approached the woman, his face inches from hers.

"Back away doctor. We'll deal with this." The cop told him.

"There is a little boy lying back there that has been beaten, kicked and tortured and trust me it's not the first time, so I hope you do deal with this because lady even if you never laid a hand on that boy, you are just as guilty for standing back and letting it happen." Jack said angrily.

"My husband will have your medical license by the time he gets through with you." She threatened.

"I'd like to have about 10 minutes alone in a room with your husband, see how he handles someone big enough and strong enough to hit back. Get her out of here." Jack hissed.

The cop led the woman out of the hospital and into a waiting police cruiser. Jack was joined by Kate, holding the side of her face. He pulled her hand away and examined the area where she'd been struck. Kate winced away from his touch.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Oh Jack, that poor little boy, he's been living with that crazy woman and a father that beats him." Kate said and began crying.

Jack wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest.

"Shh, it's going to be okay Kate. He's safe now and the police are going over there right now to remove the other two children from the home and as soon as the son-of-a-bitch steps off his plane today he'll be arrested so I guess we kind of owe Eddie a thank you." Jack said.

"Eddie? Why?" Kate asked still leaning into his chest, finding it warm and comforting as she slowly let him take on more and more of her weight.

"If he hadn't been trying to break into the house and scared Tony so bad we might never have discovered how beaten up he was." Jack said noticing that she was getting heavier and heavier.

"I think I need lie down Jack. I really feel awful." Kate said.

"Come on, let's get you home." Jack said and tried to get her to walk out with him.

"I can't Jack. I need to sit down." Kate mumbled and fainted again.

Jack picked her up and carried her back to the exam room area. He found an empty room and laid her on the exam table. One of the nurses followed him into the room.

"Is she okay Dr. Shephard?" The nurse asked.

"She's fainted twice in the last half hour. Is there anyone from OB in the hospital today?" Jack asked.

"Dr. Elliot is upstairs, do you want me to page him?" She asked.

"Yes." Jack said.

Jack busied himself making Kate comfortable on the exam table, putting an extra pillow under her head, loosening the top buttons of her blouse and covering her with a blanket. She finally opened her eyes and looked up at him, confused and pale.

"What's going on?" She asked and tried to sit up.

"Stay put. I'm getting you checked out and then I'll take you home." Jack said.

"No Jack, I'm fine." Kate said as she raised her head and then quickly put it back down struggling against the dizziness.

"Yeah I can see that." Jack said with a hint of sarcasm.

Dr. Elliot came through the door, took a quick look at Kate and then looked at Jack.

"What's going on Jack?" He asked.

"John, this is my fiancé Kate. She's pregnant and she's fainted twice today. She's not seen a doctor yet. Can you check her out, make sure everything is okay?" Jack asked.

John Elliot had known Jack since before Conner was born and knew the history with Emily and her tragic death so instead of making fun of Jack's over-reaction to a pregnant woman feeling faint he remained sympathetic.

"Sure Jack. How about you help her into a gown and I'll go see if I can track down one of the portable ultrasounds." John said and left the room.

"Jack, I don't want to do this." Kate resisted.

"I know, but will you please do it for me?" Jack asked.

"Is he a good doctor?" Kate asked.

"One of the best in his field." Jack answered and smiled at her.

"Okay, but if these legs go into those stirrups you are staying right here. I don't want you ever looking at that part of me in a clinical way." Kate insisted.

"Kate, I'm a doctor." Jack chuckled.

"Yes you are, but you aren't my doctor. You are my friend and my lover and our sex life is too good to ruin it by putting the image of you doing a pelvic on me in my head so you stay right here by my head or I'm not doing this." Kate ordered.

"This is obviously one of those woman things that men can never hope to understand so don't worry, I'll stay right here and keep my nose out of your pelvic exam." Jack agreed and smiled at her.

Jack helped her undress and put on a gown and watched her fight to keep her eyes open while they waited for the doctor to come back. Dr. Elliot reentered the room pushing an ultrasound machine with one of the nurses. He parked it beside the exam table and smiled at Kate. He noticed how pale she was and how exhausted she looked. A lab technician came in and took blood while the nurse took all of her vitals. He had her sit up with Jack's assistance and listened to her heart and lungs. After a quick exam, he helped the nurse put her legs back down and drape the sheets back over her legs and waist. He walked to the side of the exam table and looked down at her.

"You're pretty dehydrated Kate, have you been throwing up a lot?" He asked.

"Every day." Kate said.

"That should stop pretty soon, but until it does you really need to try to at least drink. Sports drinks are good to help replenish what you're losing if you can keep it down." The doctor said.

"I ate dinner last night and drank my water." Kate told him.

"You didn't eat much and you sipped your water. I should've been paying closer attention and I will from now on." Jack said.

"We're going to give her an IV and make her feel better and while they're getting that ready I'm going to take a look at your baby." Dr. Elliot told her and pulled her gown away from her stomach.

Kate and Jack watched him perform the ultrasound, both smiling when the heartbeat came through loud and clear.

"Everything looks excellent. You're 9 or 10 weeks along, give or take a week." The doctor told them.

"She's okay, I mean other than needing some fluids?" Jack asked.

"No she obviously needs some rest and some food too, but many of my pregnant patients in their first trimester are in the same shape from time to time. They are setting you up down the hall where there is a bed you can rest in while we pump some fluids into you." Dr. Elliot said smiling down at Kate.

"I'd rather just go home." Kate grumbled.

"You can go home as soon as you are done with the IV and eat something. You will be amazed at how much better you are going to feel." Dr. Elliot told her.

"Thanks John." Jack said and shook his hand.

"No problem Jack. Kate, it was nice meeting you and if you decide you'd like me to see this pregnancy through with you, this guy knows where my office is." John said and left the room.

"I was thinking 3 or 4 weeks Jack, not 9 or 10." Kate said.

"Does it matter?" Jack asked.

"No I guess not, I'm just surprised because I had a period in-between the first time I slept with you and now so I didn't think I could be that far along." Kate said.

"It happens." He shrugged.

"So this baby could've been conceived in the cabin the night TJ died." Kate said.

"Kate, don't do this to yourself." Jack said.

"No Jack, that's not a bad thing. I've been struggling with a lot of things and one of those things is the existence of God. I shouldn't even be pregnant, but I am and if I'm to believe my little boy is in this better place with this kind, loving and giving God then would it be so crazy to believe that this baby, this life, was given to me in exchange for the one he had to take away from me? That my getting pregnant on the same night my son died isn't just a coincidence, but maybe there's a higher power out there that believes that putting me in charge of another human life is a good idea?" Kate explained.

Jack leaned over her and kissed her gently.

"I don't think it's crazy and I agree with God. You are the perfect person to put in charge of another human life." Jack said sweetly.

"I should've listened to you and stayed home today." Kate admitted.

"Yes, you should've, but not because I suggested it, but because you knew you weren't feeling well. If you aren't going to take care of yourself Kate, I will and you won't like it." Jack told her his tone serious.

"What are you going to do? Order me to bed for the next 7 months?" Kate asked.

"No, that would be too much fun." He grinned.

"Oh I see how you are; you consider taking me in every way possible taking care of me." Kate teased.

"Seriously Kate, you have to think about yourself and the baby first. Okay? Promise me that the two of you will become your top priority." Jack pleaded.

"You and Conner are my top priority Jack, but I promise not to neglect my own health anymore and you're right, I knew I wasn't feeling well this morning and should've stayed home. Let's go do this IV and get it over with." Kate insisted.

Jack helped her dress and walked her slowly down to the room the nurse was preparing for her. She lay down on the bed and looked at Jack while the nurse inserted the IV needle into the top of her hand. She was asleep 15 minutes later. Jack left her side and went back to check on Tony.

Jack entered the room where Tony was being treated and Jeff turned around to look at him.

"You're back." Jeff said.

"I never left. Kate's down the hall sleeping, getting an IV." Jack said.

"You're having a bad day." Jeff laughed.

"That little boy is having a bad day and Kate is having a bad day, me I'm just happy to be back amongst the living again." Jack admitted.

"Well you're just in time to look at the CT scans with me. Looks like he's got a slow bleed in his spleen that's been going on for a few days. I'm surprised he wasn't complaining more." Jeff said.

"I don't think it does him any good to complain. Let's move him up to pediatric ICU and immobilize him, keep him sedated, see if we can get it stop bleeding. With the orthopedic surgeries he's facing, it'd be nice if we could spare him the pain of having his stomach cut open." Jack said.

"Jack." Tony said softly.

Jack approached the side of the gurney and looked down at the child. His eyes were glassy from the drugs he'd been given, but he was fairly coherent.

"I know you're mad at me buddy, but I promise you I'm going to take care of you." Jack said.

"Am I going to die?" Tony asked.

"No, no, of course not. All of these nice doctors are going to make you better than ever." Jack told him in a soft, kind voice.

"My dad is going be mad. He will hit me for telling." Tony said his bottom lip quivering and tears filling his eyes.

"Tony, no one is going to hit you anymore. I promise." Jack said.

"He'll come here and find me Jack. He's going to hit you too." Tony cried.

"Tony you are safe here. You are going to be staying here until you get well and he can't visit you." Jack tried to comfort the child.

"Please don't let them hurt my dad Jack. He doesn't mean to get so mad. I'm bad and make him mad." Tony said sadly.

"Tony you are not bad. None of this is your fault. You are just a little boy and you don't deserve to be hurt like this. Your dad is sick Tony and he needs help. This is his fault, not yours." Jack tried to make the six year old understand.

"Will you visit me?" Tony asked.

"Every day and so will Kate and when you get better I'll bring Conner up to visit too." Jack told him.

"When I get better can I come spend the night at your house again?" Tony asked.

"Definitely, maybe I'll get Conner some bunk beds so you'll have your own bed to sleep in when you sleep over." Jack told him.

"You shouldn't. I have accidents and will just ruin it." Tony mumbled, his pain medication making him sleepy.

"Tony look at me." Jack ordered in a non-threatening tone.

Tony looked at Jack.

"I want you to worry about getting well. I don't care if you have an accident every time you come to my house or if you spill soda on my floors or if you accidentally break something. You are a little boy and boys have all kinds of accidents and you aren't bad for being a normal boy. The people that hurt you are the bad ones Tony. Okay?" Jack said.

"Okay." Tony said softly and drifted back off to sleep.

Jack gave Jeff a final set of instructions for Tony's treatment and was about to leave Jeff when his father entered the room. Jack decided that the day had finally turned bad for him.

"What's going on Jack?" Christian asked.

"Just cleaning up messes your interference caused dad." Jack said.

"Can we go some place and talk?" Christian asked.

"No dad we can't. Whatever you have to say, just say it." Jack snapped.

"What are you doing Jack? You come in here on a Sunday and take over two ER rooms, start ordering tests and page the OB physician on call all for your own personal use?" Christian asked.

"If the years of blood, sweat and tears I've poured into this place hasn't earned me an occasional favor then feel free to send me a bill dad." Jack said.

"You're missing the point Jack." Christian argued.

"No I get it dad. You think I'm setting a bad example by charging in here the way I did, but you know what, I don't care. I had an abused six year old boy that was beyond hysterics on my hands and sitting out in the waiting room with him wasn't an option." Jack defended his actions.

"And the special treatment for your girlfriend?" Christian asked.

"You're right, it was special treatment and if it were Conner instead of Kate I'd do the same thing. I can't treat members of my own family dad, but I can sure as hell make sure they get the best treatment available. You used to do the same thing with me when I was a kid so what's really bothering you dad? Upset that your little plan didn't work?" Jack asked.

"What plan is that Jack?" Christian asked.

"You know what plan. What are you doing here? Do you ever go home dad?" Jack asked.

"I'm here Jack because the mother of the twins is upset. She won't go ahead with the surgery without you. I've been meeting with the hospital administrator all morning and he wants to meet with you tomorrow. Do you think you can focus on medicine long enough to join us?" Christian asked.

"What time?" Jack asked.

"Ten." Christian answered.

"I'll be there." Jack said, his tone all business.

"Is Kate okay?" Christian asked.

"Don't." Jack said, clearly irritated.

"Don't what?" Christian asked.

"Don't act like you're concerned about Kate." Jack said.

"I'm not. I'm concerned about you. If she's not fine then you won't be either." Christian admitted.

"She's fine dad and so is the baby. God you hate that don't you? Emily and Conner ruined all of your plans for me and now I've gone and done it again, decided to try to have a life, some happiness, a family, something more than this god damn hospital." Jack spat at him with as much contempt and outright hatred as Christian had ever seen from his son.

"I know you really believe that son, but what you don't understand is what I've always known and that is that you can't handle both, that either your family or your career will suffer because you are a perfectionist Jack and you want everything to be perfect. It's impossible so you will end up sacrificing one for the other." Christian lectured.

"No dad, what you are afraid of is that I won't sacrifice my family for my career because in your mind the career is the only thing that matters and you're right, I won't. I'm going to do the twin separation, but not for you or for me or for this hospital. I'm going to do it for the mother that has put that much faith in me and I'm going to be successful and when I'm done, I'm done here. I'm moving on to another hospital, maybe another state. I can't be around you anymore dad." Jack said with a twinge of sadness in his voice and walked away.

"Don't walk away from me Jack." Christian ordered.

Jack waved him off and continued down the hallway toward the room where Kate was sleeping. Christian didn't dare follow. He knew his son well enough to know it was time to let him stew, that he could approach him later and convince him not to leave.

Jack lay in bed with Kate that same night, holding her close, his body spooned around hers from behind, quietly thinking about his future and their future. Even though he was still she could tell he wasn't asleep and rolled over to look at him, the light from the television enough to see his face, to see that he was feeling unsettled and even a little sad.

"What's wrong Jack?" She asked.

"Nothing, it's just been a long day." He lied.

"Liar." She said.

"Do you ever wonder why we continue to love the people who hurt us the most?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, but maybe it's just because we aren't capable of hate Jack." Kate offered.

"Tony was worried we'd hurt his father, blamed himself for the abuse. I do the same thing with my own father, but I'm not six years old anymore." Jack sighed.

"He's your father Jack, of course you love him and want to make excuses for him. It's perfectly normal." Kate offered.

"I can't do it anymore Kate. He's gone too far. I think we should think about living some place else, some place not in California, some place where our kids can grow up with fresh air and sunshine and seasons that change. Some place far away from my father." Jack said.

"Jack, if you want to change hospitals or move to another state because that's what is best for us I'm ready to follow you anywhere you'd like to go, but don't make this decision because you want to get out from under your father's thumb. You have to do that now, while you're here or you'll never truly be free from what you feel is suffocating you." Kate suggested.

"Okay, I promise not to make any rash decisions. I just don't want anything to get in the way of us being happy." He said and kissed her gently.

"Then stop stewing and make love to me." She said with a grin.

"Kate, I think we should cool it. You had to have an IV today." Jack argued.

"Baby, you are very good, but you weren't so flaming hot you dehydrated me. I did that to myself." Kate giggled.

"True, but still, it's late and you should rest. We can make love in the morning if you feel like it." He said.

"I'll be sick in the morning and I feel like it right now. I'm fine Jack and I can't believe you are going to make me beg for sex. Come on stud, nice and slow. It'll relax me and make me sleep so good I'll be a new woman tomorrow." Kate purred as she rubbed her hand over the front of his boxer briefs.

"You're so full of shit, but you're pretty cute and sexy when you're working so hard to seduce me." He said and kissed her, rolling her onto her back and sliding his hand down the front of her panties.

She moaned into his mouth and opened up for him and his hand slid through her already moist, slippery crease. He pulled out of the kiss and smiled at her.

"You're pretty incredible Kate. So wet so quick." He groaned and began kissing her again, sliding her panties down and then discarding his own underwear and joining them with one slow, gentle thrust inside of her.

"Jack, you've been aroused and pressed up against my back for the past 20 minutes. Of course I'm wet, the anticipation was killing me." Kate told him making him chuckle lightly.

"I love you Kate." He said softly.

"I love you too and I love it when you're inside me so take your time." She told him.

He kissed her slowly and lovingly and moved within her gently, thrusting upward and holding his position before pulling back, making her moan through their locked lips and feeling her clench around him and come as her hands gently gripped his shoulders and her warm juices flooded around him. He pulled his mouth away from hers and looked into her eyes, still moving in and out, watching her slowly come back down to earth.

"Do it again Jack, make me come again." She whispered and pulled him in for another kiss, wrapping her legs tightly around him and enjoying the feeling of his body covering hers, propped up on his one good arm, his strength in his arms, his back, his legs and the power of his hard penis driving in and out of her causing her to have to remind herself to breathe, the feeling so good she wanted to allow herself to just fall into it and forget everything else.


	27. Chapter 27

Jack's eyes opened suddenly and he lay still, listening.

"Daddy it hurts!" The cries that had woken him were coming through loud and clear now.

He hurried to find some pants to throw on and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him, hoping that whatever was going on with Conner wouldn't wake Kate who was resting as well as he'd seen her rest in the last couple of weeks. He hurried down the hall to Conner's bedroom and turned the lamp on beside his bed. Conner's face was red, hot with fever. Jack reached out and touched him lightly, startled by how hot he was.

"Daddy it hurts." Conner whimpered.

"What hurts baby?" Jack asked.

"Everything hurts. I feel awful." Conner told him.

"Can you show daddy the places that hurt more than others?" Jack asked.

Conner pointed at his head. Jack reached down and picked him up. Conner closed his eyes tight and wrapped his legs and arms around his father. Jack carried him downstairs and into the kitchen in search of a fever reducer. He gave Conner the chewable pills and some juice and they spent the rest of the night on the couch together. Conner restless with a fever that spiked at over 105 degrees a couple of times and Jack sitting beside him applying cool cloths until the child would begin shivering with chills and then lying beside him, wrapping his body around him trying to warm and comfort him, the heat coming off of Conner's body making him sweat.

Kate woke the next morning and noticed that Jack's side of the bed was empty and cold. She got up, battling the nausea that set in immediately and put a robe on. She came down the stairs and immediately ran for the guest bathroom that was just off the living room. She came back out, pale and woozy and looked at Jack who was up, applying cool cloths to Conner who was stripped down to his underwear and obviously running a very high fever.

"You should go back to bed Kate." Jack said, his voice weary from what she guessed had been a long night.

"What's wrong with Conner?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. I'm guessing it's viral as high as his fever is. I called his pediatrician. He has an appointment at eleven." Jack said.

"Jack go get some sleep, I'll stay with him." Kate said.

"No, you don't need to catch whatever he's got and you can barely sit up yourself." Jack insisted.

"Jack, you're exhausted. I can relieve you for an hour." Kate argued.

"Kate I thought we agreed you were going to take care of yourself. You're obviously sick and weak and in no condition to deal with this. Please, just go back to bed and rest." Jack snapped.

Kate looked angry and stood to make a pissed off dramatic exit from the room, however her body had other plans, the sudden movement making her very dizzy and causing her to fall forward into Jack who stood just in time to catch her.

"Do I need to carry you upstairs and then hire a nurse to make sure you stay there because I'll do it Kate." Jack scolded her.

"Why are you getting so angry Jack? Jesus, you'd think I'm doing this on purpose." Kate yelled.

Jack picked her up and carried her up the stairs. He laid her on the bed and kissed her gently.

"I'm sorry I raised my voice. What if I hadn't been there to catch you Kate? What if you'd fainted and hit your head on the way down? I need you to promise me that while I'm gone you won't try to get up if you don't feel like you can do it without blacking out." Jack said.

"Jack." Kate argued.

"Promise me Kate." Jack insisted.

"I promise, but I'm very nauseous Jack." Kate said.

"I'll put the trashcan from the bathroom by the bed; just use that if you don't feel like you can keep your balance." Jack said.

"Okay, whatever you want, just let me up now or I'm going to throw up all over you." Kate pleaded with him and sat up, holding her head, her hand over her mouth.

Jack helped her into the bathroom and held her hair back for her, watching her body grow weaker every time she threw up. He helped her back into the bedroom and brought the trash can with them. She lay back on the pillows, feeling better once he propped a few up behind her. He left the room and came back a few minutes later with some lemon-lime soda and saltine crackers.

"Try to nibble on these and drink some of this. Conner is sleeping so I'm going to grab a shower." Jack told her.

She watched him enter the bathroom. He was very tired and had another long day ahead of him. She wondered who took care of Jack when he got sick or when he just became too tired to keep going and it saddened her to realize that he probably didn't have anyone that did that for him, but it also made her determined to be the one person that would.

Jack exited the bathroom 20 minutes later feeling a little less fatigued. Kate was sleeping again. He noticed that she managed to eat almost a whole cracker and did drink some of the soda. He dressed in slacks, a dress shirt and a tie for his meeting at the hospital and left the bedroom to check on Conner.

It finally dawned on him that he had a sick child, a meeting and a doctor's appointment and that he had no place to leave the sick child until the doctor's appointment. Kate was too sick to deal with whatever was going on with Conner. He shrugged to himself, dressed Conner, put the sleeping child in the car with him and left for the hospital.

Christian looked up from the large conference table when the door opened and the look of disapproval flooded his face before Jack had a chance to close the door. He approached the hospital administrator with his sick, sleeping child wrapped around him and shook his hand.

"I'm sorry about this. He's sick and I had no place to leave him." Jack said.

"It's okay Jack, this is just an informal meeting to decide if rescheduling the separation is in the best interest of everyone." The administrator said.

"Your girlfriend isn't competent enough to care for a sick five year old?" Christian said in a tone low enough that only Jack could hear.

Jack ignored him, in no mood for a confrontation with his father. He glanced at the small couch in the corner of the room and decided Conner could rest there while they had their meeting. He made the child comfortable and did his best to focus on the conversation taking place at the conference table. Twenty minutes later the decision to reschedule the separation had been made and Jack excused himself. He returned from the restroom a few minutes later to find his father and the administrator on their knees on the floor fussing over Conner.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"He woke up and started to come to me, but couldn't manage to walk without falling down." Christian said.

"He's got an appointment with his pediatrician in about 40 minutes." Jack said as he joined the two men on the floor and began checking Conner out himself.

"Jack, take him upstairs to pediatrics and have them take a look at him." The administrator offered.

"Thank you but…." Jack started to argue, but was cut off by his father.

"Take him upstairs Jack. He needs a spinal tap. High fever, headache and loss of coordination are classic symptoms of meningitis." Christian said.

"Yes dad they are, but he could also just have the flu." Jack argued.

"Now isn't the time for you to be stubborn or prove a point to me Jack. This child needs a spinal tap and I don't know about you, but I'd prefer someone I trust do the procedure." Christian said.

"So would I, but since neither one of us can do it, I guess I'll take him upstairs and see who's available." Jack said as he picked Conner up and carried him out of the room.

"You should go with him Christian." The administrator said.

"He doesn't want me there." Christian said.

"Well that's too bad Christian because that young man is entirely too stressed out and needs someone he can depend on, maybe it's time you stopped being his mentor and tried being his father." He suggested.

"I wouldn't know where to start." Christian sighed.

"Do you love him?" The administrator asked.

"Of course." Christian answered.

"You ever tell him that?" He asked.

"He knows how I feel about him." Christian asked.

"Does he? I've known Jack since he was a kid Christian and no offense, but I don't think he has a clue how his father really feels about him." He offered.

Christian didn't respond. He knew his friend and colleague was right, that he'd made more mistakes with Jack then he cared to count, but he wasn't sure if could fix things between them or if Jack would be interested in things between them ever becoming any easier. He decided to forget about the past for the moment and try to focus on what was happening with Conner in the present and made his way upstairs to find out where he was being treated. He spoke briefly with one of the nurses and entered the exam room he was directed to. Jack looked up at him and then directed his attention back to Conner who was lying on his side waiting for the local anesthetic to numb his lower back enough to perform the procedure.

"Hi grandpa." Conner said softly.

Christian approached the boy and placed his hand on his leg, his mind going back in time, to his six year old son lying on an exam table in the ER, crying and begging his father to make them stop.

"Do you remember when you cut your leg trying to climb that fence?" Christian asked Jack.

"Coming that close to castrating yourself isn't something you forget." Jack mumbled.

"Hearing that blood curdling scream and finding you impaled on that fence isn't something I'll forget either." Christian said.

"Why are you bringing that up dad?" Jack asked.

"Seeing you here like this with Conner, I guess it reminded me of the first time I really let you down." Christian admitted.

"Let me down? You pulled me off the fence and never left my side through all the shots and stitches that followed. It was probably the last time you were ever really there for me dad." Jack accused.

"I've always been here for you Jack." Christian argued.

"Not like that, not just as a dad. It was scary and it hurt so much and you didn't tell me to suck it up or tell me how stupid I was for climbing the fence in the first place. You held my hand and you told me you knew I was scared and that it hurt and that I should just keep looking at you and squeezing your hand because you'd never let anything bad happen to me. You never held my hand after that dad." Jack said the sadness in his voice not lost on Christian.

"I've never let go of your hand since that day Jack." Christian sighed.

Jack looked at his father. They were alike in so many ways, but so different in many other ways.

"Look dad, I appreciate you coming up here to check on Conner." Jack said.

"Is that why you think I'm here?" Christian asked.

"I don't know why you are here dad, I just know I can't do this right now. You gave a criminal my address. You sent a dangerous person to my house and put my family in danger and I don't understand how you can want Kate out of my life enough to do that when you don't even know her, won't even try to get to know her." Jack complained.

"Jack, I've learned enough about her to know that I don't trust her." Christian argued.

"She didn't do it dad? She wasn't doing drugs, wasn't selling them and had nothing to do with selling her son." Jack defended her.

"I have no idea what kind of stories she has been telling you Jack, but TJ was not her biological son. I'm not saying she didn't love him like her own, I'm just saying there is more going on there than she's telling you and it has nothing to do with drugs." Christian said.

"Dad, that guy tried to break into my house last night and is sitting in the county jail and when he gets out he'll just come back because he wants to cash in a life insurance policy on a dead four year old and god dad, you brought him here and you think that it's okay as long as it is a means to whatever end you are trying to achieve and I just don't understand what I ever did to make you hate me so much." Jack told him.

"Hate you? Jack, I.." Christian began but was interrupted by the doctor entering the room to perform the procedure on Conner.

"I'll let you deal with this Jack. We'll talk later." Christian said.

"Yeah, okay." Jack said puzzled by his father's behavior.

Christian left the room and then the hospital, determined to try to rebuild his relationship with his son, to get them back to where they were that day he held his terrified six year olds' hand in the ER, back to a time when his son meant more to him than his next drink, the drink he just had to have that day he left him alone in the park just long enough to run across the street for a couple of quick shots. He sat in his car in the parking garage and remembered that day, stepping out of the bar and seeing the crowd gathering in the park, his gut telling him something was wrong and forcing his legs to break into a run, getting closer to the crowd and recognizing the cries of a child in agony as those of his own child and then finally breaking through the crowd and seeing his little boy impaled on that fence. The light blue shorts he'd been wearing were stained with a thick dark substance he recognized immediately as blood, a cut that started at the boy's knee and ran all the way up the inside of his thigh to the point where his small body was connected to the fence, bringing a sound from his throat that must've sounded like a wounded animal. Concerned adults were holding onto the boy, not allowing him to move while the boy's cries grew louder and were very pronounced, "I want my daddy! Where's my daddy!"

Christian never told Jack where he'd disappeared to that afternoon, ashamed that he'd been that careless, that his child was climbing a fence to get to the street he saw his father crossing and had he landed any differently on that fence things could've turned out so much differently. His alcoholism became steadily worse after that day and he distanced himself emotionally from his son, making sure he did everything he could to ensure his child would grow into a successful man, interfering with everything where Jack was concerned in an conscious effort to protect him and never fail him again like he did that day. Christian realized that the best way to protect Jack would've been to stop drinking and to just be a father to him, but like many people what we know is best isn't typically what we do.

Jack sat in the room with Conner. The spinal tap had scared him more than it hurt him and he had cried himself to sleep. His fever wasn't climbing as high as it had been, hovering around 102 when it would peak and then drop back down when the fever reducers kicked in. He hadn't given any more thought to the strange behavior from his father earlier. He was exhausted, worried about his child and Kate had lied to him, had been lying to him this whole time and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He had little room left in his mind for anything else. The pediatrician returned to the room with the results of the spinal tap. Conner did have meningitis, but it was viral, not the more serious type. Jack could take him home since nothing more than rest, fluids and pain relievers could be done for him.

Jack wished he could check on Tony while he was at the hospital, but he couldn't leave Conner so he shrugged it off and began redressing the boy for their trip home. One of the second year residents knocked on the door and entered the room. She looked at Jack and then let her gaze drop back to the clipboard in front of her a smile spreading across her face.

"Hello Dr. Shephard." She said.

Jack looked at the woman and then he too smiled.

"Is that really you Brandi? How have you been? How was Europe?" He asked.

"Europe was great. I just got back a few weeks ago and got back to work a couple of days ago. How have you been?" She asked.

He looked at her, the petite, short haired brunette with big blue eyes that seemed to be right behind him every time he turned around during her internship. She was adorable to him and so full of life so when she'd invited him for drinks after work he agreed. They shared a couple of beers and ended up back at her apartment for what Jack could only describe as mind-blowing sex. They didn't have a lot in common beyond the sex, but she loved to pick his brain, in awe of his medical skills and wanting to learn as much as she could from him and he would be the first to admit that there was a part of him that enjoyed the idol worship.

They carried on their sexual relationship for nearly six months, sneaking quickies in various secret places in the hospital and meeting after work for dinner and drinks followed by hours of raw, lustful sex that would leave him so physically exhausted, his tortured mind could shut down and rest. She was offered an opportunity to do a surgical rotation in Europe and while the professional in him insisted she go, the man that had gotten used to her company found that he actually missed her after she left and not just because of the sex, but because she was cute and funny and could make him laugh when nobody else could.

"Jack?" Brandi said snapping him out of his daze.

"Yeah, oh, I'm good. Conner is pretty sick, but I'm good." Jack said.

"I see that, poor little guy. He looks just like you Jack." Brandi said.

"You think so?" Jack asked.

"Yes." She said and handed him the clipboard so he could sign the forms clipped to it.

"So you back for good?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I may even get to assist on the twin separation." She said excitedly as she took the clipboard back from him and moved closer to him.

"Good for you. Want me to put in a good word with my father?" Jack asked.

"No, I want to earn this on my own, but thanks. So maybe we can go for drinks one day and catch up, uh when you don't have Conner with you of course." Brandi suggested.

"Yeah sure, I'll come track you down when things aren't so crazy." Jack said.

She moved in on him, pulling his face to hers and kissed him.

"You do that Jack because we've got a lot of catching up to do." She said in sexy tone that left no doubt in Jack's mind what she wanted to catch up on.

"Hey, is your cell phone number still the same?" Jack asked just before she exited the room.

"Everything is still the same." She told him and left the room.

Jack finished dressing Conner, thinking about the cute little brunette that had just reentered his life and for that moment, made him forget about the beautiful brunette who has been lying to him waiting for him at home. God he was so tired, confused and a little hurt and couldn't be sure if he hadn't had Conner with him if he wouldn't have taken Brandi up on her offer.


	28. Chapter 28

Jack entered his home with Conner sleeping soundly on his shoulder. The house was quiet. He carried his son upstairs and put him to bed. He walked down the hall to his bedroom where he found Kate sleeping peacefully. He walked into his closet and stripped out of the slacks and dress shirt he'd worn to the hospital. He exited the closet in jeans and a t-shirt and walked back into the bedroom. He watched Kate sleep for a few minutes and wondered why she would lie to him, why if she really loved him as she said she did, she could look him in the eye and lie to him and he became hurt and a little angry. She must've sensed she was being watched because she opened her eyes sleepily and then smiled at him.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." He replied.

"How's Conner?" She asked.

"He's pretty sick, but he's resting now. There's nothing we can do for him, but make him rest and keep liquids in him and hope he snaps out of it in a day or two." Jack told her his tone flat, almost clinical.

"Did you get a chance to check on Tony?" Kate asked.

"No. Kate. I was busy watching them stick a needle in my son's back." Jack snapped.

"Why are you snapping at me Jack?" Kate asked.

"I'm just tired and don't feel like playing 20 questions. I'm going to go downstairs, try to catch a nap on the couch." He mumbled.

"You don't want to take a nap here? Maybe I can help you relax so you can sleep better." Kate offered in a teasing, seductive tone.

He looked at her and worked hard to control his anger. He didn't want to fight with her; he was too tired to think clearly.

"I'm really tired Kate, can I get a rain check?" He asked in a soft almost apologetic tone.

"Jack what's wrong?" Kate asked.

"Nothing, I just need some sleep." Jack said.

"Then come over here and lay down. I'm feeling better and will listen for Conner." Kate said as she climbed out of bed.

"You don't mind?" He asked.

"No." Kate said.

She watched him strip out of his clothes, a little surprised that he stripped down to nothing to climb into bed and wanted nothing to do with her. She decided that he'd been through a lot in the last couple of days and probably was beyond tired and decided not to over-analyze the situation.

Jack slept hard for over four hours. Conner had been awake for nearly three of those four hours and feeling well enough to lie on the couch and watch his favorite movies. When his fever began climbing again she gave him some medicine and he had gone back to sleep. She decided to check on Jack and make sure he wasn't getting sick as well.

She entered the bedroom and found him stretched out on his back the blankets pushed down away from his upper body, revealing just enough of him below the waist to make her suddenly want him. She was amazed that he could do that to her because no man ever had. She stripped off her clothes and quietly scooted onto the bed with him. He stirred for a moment, but didn't wake up.

She moved her hand over his chest and stomach and down, caressing his semi-hard cock softly until his eyes opened. He looked at her through glazed, sleepy eyes halfway in-between sleep and consciousness, aware of what she was doing to him, but too unaware to protest if he wanted to. She climbed on top of him and began moving her wet opening over him, smiling at his response. She kissed his mouth quickly and then moved her mouth over his neck and chest, sucking and nibbling and then kissing him again, him not really kissing back, but not resisting either.

She finally reached down and put his now hard cock into position and slid onto him, eliciting a slight moan from him, but little else. Was he really that tired she wondered. She didn't care. If anyone deserved to get laid without putting any effort into it he did. She continued to move over him and to her surprise he came very quickly. Less than three minutes after she had felt his hard cock slip inside her she felt the familiar warmth running out of her and him go soft. He never made another sound after the slight moan, never even participated in the intercourse. He just allowed himself to come and was done, as if he didn't really care one way or the other. She found the whole experience almost shameful and realized something was wrong. She moved off of him and sat up on her knees, covering herself with the sheet, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"What's going on Jack?" She asked.

"You tell me Kate." He said coldly.

"Tell you what Jack?" She said.

"Tell me why my father would think you weren't TJ's biological mother." Jack said and noticed the quick reaction in her eyes before she looked away and regained control.

"Because your father wants to break us up? Hell, I don't know Jack." She lied.

"Stop it!" Jack yelled.

"Stop what?" Kate asked.

"Stop lying to me. My father is an interfering, manipulative prick, but he doesn't tell bold-faced lies Kate." Jack insisted.

"Jack, I don't know.." She started to lie again and he put his hand up to stop her.

"Shut up Kate. Don't say another word to me unless it is the truth." Jack ordered and moved off of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked.

"I'm going to the hospital to check on Tony. I'll take Conner to my mother so you can have some time alone to think." Jack said.

"Think about what?" Kate asked angrily.

"Think about us and if you care enough about us to tell me the fucking truth Kate because when I get back that's what I want to hear and if you lie to me again I'll find out eventually and that will be it. I love you more than anything and I can't believe you don't trust me enough to be honest with me, but if you can't find that within yourself and come clean once and for all then we aren't going to make it." Jack grumbled.

"You don't lie Jack? You don't keep secrets?" Kate accused.

"No Kate, I don't. You can ask me anything you want and I'll answer. I kept Conner a secret the first few days, but we barely knew each other then. I don't keep important things from you Kate and just to prove it, I'm going to tell you about Brandi." Jack said.

"Who is Brandi?" Kate asked.

"Brandi is an old girlfriend. Actually she was more of a friend with benefits because we never really dated. I'd buy her dinner and drinks and she'd fuck my brains out. She's very ambitious, very driven and not looking for Mr. Right to sweep her off her feet so we got along great." Jack said.

"So why are you telling me about Brandi?" Kate sighed.

"Brandi came back today after being gone for 18 months. She came back ready to pick up where we left off and there was a moment Kate when I thought about it, considered following her to the nearest supply closet and going for it because the woman I love isn't who she says she is. She must not be, otherwise she wouldn't be lying to me. It's a good thing Conner was there because he's probably the only thing that kept me from cheating on you today. That honest enough for you Kate?" He finished his angry rant, the hurt in his eyes and his voice coming through loud and clear.

"Jack please don't leave. I can explain." Kate pleaded.

"Good, I'll be anxiously awaiting your explanation Kate, but right now I need to get away from you. I need to focus on anything but you right now and when I get back if you're even thinking about telling me anything but the truth then don't bother being here. I love you and I want to marry you and have a full and happy life with you, but I don't want any of that if it's all built on a lie." Jack said.

Kate didn't respond. She watched him dress quickly and leave the bedroom. She heard him down the hall packing a backpack for Conner and she sat in the bed wondering why she'd let things get this out of hand. She listened to him shuffle around until she heard the front door open and then close, realizing she was completely alone and wondering what she should do. Should she tell Jack the truth or should she just leave.

Jack left Conner with his mother. He needed to be anything but a father and someone's fiancée at the moment. He went to the hospital to check on TJ. The bleed in his spleen had slowed and it looked hopeful that he would avoid surgery. He was sedated and looked very small and entirely too alone. Jack sat beside his bed for a long time, hoping that the child would at least sense that the entire world hadn't forgotten about him. He heard the shuffling of feet and looked up. Conner's teacher was standing just inside the small area of the pediatric ICU that Tony was occupying.

"I guess you heard." Jack mumbled.

"I did. I missed Conner today. Is he sick?" She asked.

"Yes, he's very sick; you probably won't see him this week." Jack mumbled.

"Oh that's a shame, anything I can do?" She asked.

"No, but thank you." Jack said.

"Is Tony going to be okay?" She asked.

"He's healing and he's got a tough road ahead, but physically he'll be okay eventually, emotionally is another story." Jack sighed.

"What's going to happen to him?" She asked.

"We're keeping him heavily sedated right now; trying to get some internal bleeding under control without surgery and it appears to be working. Once that is under control he's going to have to under go some bone surgeries to break and set old injuries that never healed properly, the worst of which is going to be his right hip and leg. Tony won't be back to school this year." Jack said not attempting to hide the anger he was feeling over the child's abuse.

Ms. Andrews didn't attempt to hide her feelings on the matter either, placing a hand over her mouth as the tears that filled her eyes escaped. She wiped them away and looked at Jack who could only give her a look of agreement, understanding the sick, helpless feeling seeing a child in this kind of shape leaves you with.

"I will make sure Tony finishes his school year. When he's not so out of it, I'll come tutor him, make sure he's ready to move on to first grade." She told Jack.

"I'm sure he'll like that. He's going to need all the friends he can get while he's here, before he gets lost in the system." Jack said sadly.

"We can't let him get lost in the system Jack." She argued.

"Yeah, Kate said the same thing. She wants to bring him home with us, but I can't do it. He's going to need more time and attention than I've got to give. It wouldn't be fair to Conner." Jack said.

"You're right, he is going to need a lot of specialized one on one if there is any hope of him recovering emotionally from this." Ms. Andrews agreed.

"Hopefully they'll find a good place for him. Listen, I've got to go, but you're welcome to stay. I know it doesn't seem like he knows people are here, but we like to believe that deep down they do know and that it makes a difference." Jack told her.

"Yes, I think I will sit with him for awhile. Is it okay to talk to him?" She asked.

"Sure and who knows, he might even hear you." Jack said with a smile and left the room.

Jack walked to the nurse's station and pulled out Tony's chart. He made a few notes in the chart and put it back.

"I'll be back in the morning to check on him. Keep him sedated and schedule him for another CT scan first thing." Jack told the nurse.

"Same old Dr. Shephard, just can't stay away can you?" The voice chimed in from behind him.

He smiled and turned around.

"You should talk; you probably didn't even unpack before you came back to work." Jack teased.

"Sure I did, I had to unpack my stethoscope." Brandi teased back.

"Ah, further proof that we were twins separated at birth." Jack laughed.

She moved closer to him and pulled him away from the nurses' station.

"That's a nice theory Jack, but you're older than me and I'd never sleep with my brother no matter how good looking he was." She said making sour face and making him laugh.

"Good point." He chuckled.

"So are you done here? Would you like to get that drink now and catch up?" Brandi asked.

Jack thought about it for a moment. It was just a drink. He had no desire to sleep with this woman anymore. What had happened earlier was a moment of insanity brought on by anger and hurt. Granted, he was still hurt and angry, but he was no longer too exhausted to think clearly, so exhausted he was vulnerable enough to consider sex with an old friend.

"Yeah, a drink sounds good. Have you eaten? Want to grab something?" He asked.

"As a matter of fact, no I haven't eaten. Let me go hang up my lab coat and grab my purse and I'll meet you in the lobby." She said.

Jack agreed and watched her walk away. He looked over at the nurse who had been watching them. She looked away and shook her head.

"Like father like son." She mumbled.

"Did you say something?" Jack asked.

"I said, goodnight Dr. Shephard." She lied.

"Goodnight." He replied and took the stairs down to the lobby. He pulled out his phone and sent Kate a text message.

Kate heard her phone go off and looked at it. She read the message several times:

_Going to have dinner with an old friend. Don't wait up.----Jack_

Kate could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She knew who the old friend was and she knew this was her fault, that if he cheated and slept with this Brandi girl it was her fault. Why had she let the lie get so far out of control, why couldn't she bring herself to just tell him the truth? Kate had gotten so good at lying that it never occurred to her that there was someone that deserved honesty; that someone might be hurt deeply by her lies, that her lies might actually destroy the first really good relationship she'd ever had.

"Please Jack, just come home and I'll tell you everything." Kate whispered to herself.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Add the threat of infidelity to the situation and the readers come to life. LOL Seriously though, your reactions were great. It's nice to know you're sucked in deep enough to actually care what happens to them. Thanks for letting me know how you feel! **_

Jack stood in the lobby of the hospital waiting for Brandi to join him. He saw her exit the elevator and in an almost hyper manner bounce over to where he was standing. She quickly moved in to kiss him and he dodged it and hugged her instead.

"I missed you Brandi and a lot has changed." Jack said and then pulled away from her.

"Yeah, what's different Jack?" She asked happily.

"I'm engaged Brandi and my fiancée is pregnant." Jack admitted.

She looked at him for a moment, shocked by the news, but not the least bit deterred by it. She smiled at him.

"Congratulations Jack. Does this mean we aren't going to have dinner and drinks?" She asked.

"I guess that depends on whether or not _**just**_ dinner and drinks is okay with you." Jack said.

"So we can't sleep together anymore, oh well, that sucks for me, but not so much I'd want to lose you as a friend. Will this fiancée of yours mind if I still take you out once in awhile to pick your brain?" She asked.

"Probably not." He chuckled and put his arm around her and led her out of the hospital.

Kate sat in the living room of the big empty house watching television, but not really seeing anything, her mind deep in thought. Jack's mother had brought Conner home hours ago and he was sleeping soundly in his bed. It was after midnight and she hadn't heard from Jack again. She was just about to turn the lights off and go to bed, resigned to the idea that Jack was screwing another woman at the moment and wouldn't be home, when she heard the front door opening. She thought about jumping up to greet him, but decided that even though this was her fault she wasn't going to seem that eager. She heard two voices and looked up. Christian was doing his best to steady a very drunk Jack. One of Jack's arms was draped over his shoulder and Christian had his arm wrapped securely around his waist.

"Do you think you could help me out here?" Christian asked.

Kate immediately took her place on the other side of Jack and they began the task of getting him up the stairs and into his bed. Christian sat Jack on the bed and bent down to remove his shoes.

"I guess I let you down again dad." Jack drunkenly mumbled.

"We all need to tie one on once in awhile Jack." Christian replied and pulled Jack's legs onto the bed, forcing him to fall backward, his head landing on the pillows.

"I need to pick Conner up." Jack argued and tried to sit up.

"Conner is home. He's asleep." Christian told him.

"Are you sure?" Jack asked.

"Positive. Go to sleep Jack." Christian ordered and threw a blanket over him.

"Kate. Where's Kate?" Jack asked.

"She's right here watching you drool all over yourself. Goodnight son." Christian said again.

Jack went silent and quickly passed out, as drunk as Kate had ever seen him and Christian wasn't sure, but possibly the worst he'd ever seen him. Christian turned around, gave Kate a look that bordered some place in-between disgust and disapproval and left the room. Kate went after him, following him down the stairs and grabbing his arm from behind to make him stop and talk to her.

"What happened? Are you the friend he was having dinner with?" Kate asked.

"No Kate, that would've been Brandi. She called me to come get him when she realized he was too far gone to make it home on his own." Christian said.

"Where'd you pick him up?" Kate asked.

"What?" Christian replied.

"Did you pick him up at her house?" Kate asked.

Christian flashed Kate another unflattering look and in his typical condescending tone began talking to her.

"You're going to marry my son, yet you don't know the simplest fact about him, which is that he wouldn't cheat, doesn't have it in him to cheat on the woman he loves." He said.

"You just couldn't wait to tell him could you? You promised me you'd let me handle it." Kate accused.

"You promised me you would handle it Kate and I assumed that meant before you married him. I have no idea why you are lying to him, but I can find out if I need to. What I do know Kate is that the last time I saw my son that drunk was when his wife died so that tells me he's in this thing with you for the long haul and whatever faults Jack may have, he doesn't deserve to be feeling the way he's feeling tonight." Christian told her, his tone no longer condescending, but that of a concerned father, of someone that genuinely loves his son and hates seeing him being hurt.

"You really love him don't you?" Kate asked.

"What kind of question is that? He's my son. Do you really love him?" Christian asked.

"Yes." Kate answered.

"Then stop lying to him. He's not like me Kate. He's a good man that doesn't judge. If you two weren't jumping into a marriage so quickly you'd know that about him." Christian said.

"I do know that about him. He's the most decent person I've ever known. I'm afraid of screwing that up. I couldn't handle seeing shame in his eyes and that shame being for me." Kate said.

"I'm guessing since I've never seen a look like that from him for me, you're safe Kate. Like I said, he's a good man. Oh, and here's that life insurance policy. You're pal Eddie signed it. You just need to sign it and do whatever you think you should do with the money. He won't be bothering you anymore." Christian said.

"What did you do? How did you.." Kate asked.

"I spoke the only language a guy like that understands." Christian explained.

"Thank you." She said.

"I didn't do it for you, I did it for Jack." Christian said and turned to leave.

"Thank you for bringing him home." Kate said.

Christian didn't answer. He let himself out and Kate resumed her position on the couch, deciding she'd sleep there and prepare to come clean with Jack in the morning.

Jack came down the stairs slowly around 8 AM. Kate and Conner were sitting together under a blanket watching cartoons. He stopped and placed his hand on Conner's forehead and face. He was still warm, but no longer cooking.

"Hey buddy, you feeling better?" Jack asked softly, his head obviously pounding and him doing his best to avoid any extreme noise.

"My head still hurts daddy." Conner said.

"Yeah, mine too." Jack mumbled and walked toward the kitchen.

Kate stayed with Conner while Jack stayed in the kitchen, drinking coffee, reading the paper and stewing. He came back through the living room about an hour later and looked at Kate.

"I need to take a shower and go to work for awhile. Are you okay with him or do I need to take him to my mother?" Jack asked.

"No daddy, not again." Conner whined.

"It's okay Conner, you're staying with me." Kate said.

Jack headed up the stairs and Kate was growing weary of the silent treatment he was giving her.

"Conner I'm going to go upstairs and talk to your daddy for a few minutes." Kate told him and followed Jack up the stairs.

Kate entered the bedroom just as he was entering the bathroom. He stopped and looked at her.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, I was just wondering if you're ever going to talk to me again." Kate said.

"I can't do this right now Kate. I drank too much last night, I'm sick and my head hurts." He said.

"Whose fault is that?" She asked.

"Mine, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't have the patience for this right now. Can we talk later? We'll get a babysitter and go out for dinner." Jack offered.

"Yeah, okay." She said and walked away.

"Kate." He said.

"Yeah." She replied.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too." She said and smiled at him.

Jack went to work, but returned home two hours later, too sick and hung-over to do his job effectively. He ate soup with Conner and then they took a nap together. After three hours passed and neither the boy nor the man had come back downstairs Kate went upstairs to check on them. She found them in the master bedroom, Jack on his back and Conner snuggled up next to him, holding onto a handful of his shirt. Both were still sleeping very hard so she left the room and decided she could use a nap herself. She made herself comfortable in the guest bedroom and the lack of sleep the night before finally took its toll on her. She barely remembered lying down, much less drifting off to sleep, the next memory the grip on her arms and her name being called forcing her into consciousness. She opened her eyes and Jack was hovering over her, looking concerned and holding firmly to her arms.

"There you are; I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be able to bring you around. You okay?" He asked genuinely concerned.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"You were having a bad dream. I've been trying to wake you up for about five minutes." Jack said.

"I don't remember. I guess I let myself get too tired." She said.

"That's my fault. I was too hard on you Kate, I over-reacted." He admitted.

"No, you weren't. You've been so good to me and deserved at the very least some honesty. I'm sorry Jack." She said

"Do you still feel like going out?" He asked.

"Sure, I just need to grab a shower." She told him.

They enjoyed a quiet dinner and managed to talk about everything from her having her first morning with no morning sickness to how many times he threw up that day before he finally gave it up and came home. They avoided the subject that was still a source of contention between them and while they walked down the sidewalk, enjoying the pleasant night, he stopped, leaned against the building and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her gently.

"Talk to me Kate. Please, I need to know what's so awful that you felt like you couldn't tell me." He said in a soft, non-threatening tone.

"Jack, TJ wasn't my biological son, but it didn't mean that I loved him any less. All of that was real and I'd give anything to have one more day with him." Kate said as a tear escaped down her cheek.

"I've doubted us the last couple of days Kate, but I've never doubted that the grief you're suffering is real. I just don't understand why you felt like you needed to keep that a secret. Do you not trust me Kate?" He asked.

"I don't trust me Jack. I've done things I'm not proud of, things that might make you think twice about wanting to marry me." Kate said.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of what I'd consider so bad I wouldn't want to marry you." Jack suggested.

"Eddie wasn't TJ's father. I have no idea who TJ's father was. TJ's mother was a 15 year old girl that found herself pregnant and alone. Teenage girls in trouble were part of my job and part of my other job was bringing these girls in, giving them a place to stay and when their babies were born handing them over to their new parents, parents that would pay a lot of money for a healthy, newborn baby." Kate told him and watched his face take on a look of shock, disbelief and even some concern, but she never saw the shame in his eyes that she feared she would.

"So, you were working with baby brokers?" Jack asked.

"Nobody was getting hurt Jack. These babies never stood a chance with their unmarried teenage mothers and the people I worked for gave them a chance, gave them to parents that wanted nothing else more in life than a child or so I thought." Kate defended her actions.

"How'd you convince the girls to give up their babies?" Jack asked.

"We lied to them. The moment she delivered the girl was given a drug to knock her out. When she woke up we told her the baby died. Most of the girls expressed a desire to give their babies up, that was just Cray's way of assuring they couldn't change their mind." Kate admitted completely ashamed of the part she'd played in this.

"Kate, that's…..I don't understand……I'm trying……so how'd you end up with TJ?" Jack finally managed to complete a sentence

"The people that bought TJ brought him back when he got sick. They just wanted to exchange him like a defective appliance or something." Kate said.

"So TJ was diagnosed early in infancy?" Jack asked.

"No, not a diagnosis, but he'd been sick constantly and doctors had given them a list of possible illnesses and all the tests they wanted to perform so they just brought this adorable five month old baby back and wanted their money back. It wasn't until that day that I realized that I couldn't be a part of what they were doing any longer." Kate told him.

"So instead of getting him medical treatment you just decided to keep him and hope he'd get better?" Jack asked.

"No! It wasn't like that Jack. Cray asked me take TJ home and take care of him until they could find another family for him so I did and I got attached and when they weren't having any luck finding a home for him I agreed to take him. He would've ended up abandoned and in foster care Jack. I couldn't stand the thought of that happening to him. So they made me a phony birth certificate and the rest is history." Kate said.

"The insurance policy, what's that all about?" Jack asked as he tried to remain calm and process what she was telling him.

"Cray and Andrew are attorneys and they use insurance as part of their front, part of their legitimate business dealings. The new parents get life insurance policies on the baby. It's relatively cheap for them to keep the premiums up. They must've kept the policy on TJ and put me and Eddie as the beneficiaries." Kate said.

"So you've been in touch with them all this time?" Jack asked.

"No Jack I swear I haven't. I have no idea how they found out about TJ or how they found me. I promise Jack as soon as I got to California I took him to the doctor. They diagnosed him two months later. I loved that little boy more than anything and I did everything I could to fight his cancer." Kate told him a steady stream of tears rolling down her cheeks.

"The story about Eddie and the emotion you told it with. That was all a lie? And the stuff about my father was a lie too?" Jack asked.

"Your dad did come to me. Some how he found out I wasn't TJ's biological mother and he made me promise I would tell you or he would." Kate admitted.

"Kate, you let me blame my father for something he didn't do? You played on my emotions by making up some story about your son's father trying to sell him for drug money? You lied to me about experiencing child birth? Why would you do that?" He asked, clearly confused and hurt by her actions.

"Lying about being TJ's mother became such a habit over the years that it stopped feeling like lies and just became a truth of sorts. I was his mother Jack. I loved him so much and I would trade places with him right now if I could." Kate insisted.

"Kate I don't doubt you loved that child, but the rest of it is hard for me to comprehend. I know my dad and I don't get along that well, but did it really not bother you to add more fuel to the fire?" Jack asked.

"Of course it did! I hated seeing you hurt. This is just who I am Jack. I was afraid of losing the first man that I ever truly loved and when I get scared I resort to old habits." Kate screamed.

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, trying to calm her down, not wanting this to turn into a scream fest with both of them saying horrible things they could never take back.

"What old habits Kate?" Jack asked.

"Survival habits Jack. My father died when I was 10. My step dad tried to get in my pants when I was 16 so my mom kicked me out of the house. I managed to finish school and support myself without resorting to prostitution or drugs, but a lot of times it took sneaking and lying and tricking people to get by. I put myself through college, but I was in so much debt I had to find a way to make extra money. I met Cray and we dated for awhile and he offered me a job. In hindsight I guess he probably sought me out and just dated me to charm me into working for him since I had access to the pregnant girls he wanted." Kate explained.

Jack continued to hold her, absorbing all of it, feeling betrayed and angry, but also protective of her and sympathetic to how she managed to get involved in something and probably didn't know how to get out of it.

"So where does this Eddie guy figure in to all of this?" Jack asked.

"Eddie worked for Cray, ran errands, put together the insurance polices, help take care of the girls. I guess when it was time to change TJ's information he just added himself to the policy. I'm not really sure what happened there since I never bothered with the policy." Kate said.

"I wish you would've told me all of this a few days ago." Jack sighed.

"I was afraid if you found out I was involved in something not only illegal, but with questionable moral issues it would ruin what he had." Kate said.

"So this is it? Everything? No more surprises?" He asked.

"Well, I did get caught stealing a yo-yo when I was eleven." Kate told him making him chuckle.

"Why'd you steal a yo-yo?" Jack asked rubbing his hands over her back and kissing her forehead.

"Because it was one of those cool new ones that glowed in the dark and it came in hot pink and all the other kids had one and my mom said we couldn't afford it. I was just being a bratty kid." Kate said.

He placed his fingers under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. She was afraid to look into his eyes, afraid of what she would see so when she saw nothing but love and acceptance there she smiled and fought the tears that were threatening. He kissed her softly and wiped away the tear that escaped.

"I love you and there isn't anything you can't tell me. No more tears Kate, let's be happy, both of us, all three, soon to be four of us." Jack said.

"Jack, how can you just accept everything I've told you? Don't you care?" Kate asked.

"I care and I'm a little shocked, but it doesn't change how I feel about you. We'll get past it. I guess we should start by getting rid of Eddie." Jack said.

"Your father already did." Kate said.

"What?" Jack asked.

"When he brought you home last night he gave me the insurance policy and said he took care of Eddie, that he wouldn't be bothering us anymore. I'm guessing he paid him to go away." Kate said.

"My father scares me sometimes. He seems to have a very long reach." Jack said.

"He just loves you Jack." Kate said.

"So, are you ready to go home?" Jack said.

"Do we still have a home? Are we okay again? Is this Brandi person going to be someone I need to beat up?" Kate asked making him smile.

"No, I mean yes we are okay, we're better than okay and no you don't need to worry about Brandi, I told her about you, about us and she's happy for me. She only likes me for my brain anyway, well what she can suck out of my brain. She'll probably be my boss within the next 5 years." Jack chuckled.

"Bullshit. No woman in her right mind just likes you for your brain. I know she's smarter than me, is she prettier?" Kate asked.

"Do they make a woman prettier than you? I think not. Kate, she's a doctor, a very ambitious doctor and we're friends. I have no desire to sleep with her again. You're going to have to trust me." He told her and kissed the tip of her nose.

"I do trust you Jack and I'm really sorry I lied to you, not because I got caught, but because I don't ever want to see that look in your eyes again. You deserved better than what I gave you and I won't hurt you like that again." She promised and kissed him.

They stood against the building, wrapped up tightly, the kiss deepening and intensifying. That they missed one another and the closeness they shared evident in how desperately they seemed to be trying to close the temporary gap and return to normal. He finally broke the kiss, his breathing a bit labored and smiled at her.

"We should find the car before this gets out of hand." He suggested and pushed himself off the wall, wrapping his arm around her, pulling her close and slowly walking her to where the car was parked.

The parking lot where they had parked was beginning to empty, patrons finding their way home for the evening. He held her door open for her and once she was inside, closed the door and walked around to let himself in the car. He put the keys in the ignition and leaned over to kiss her again. Her mouth opened and he moved his tongue inside, both attempting to swallow one another and then slowing it back down to a sensual, wet, hungry kiss. He felt her hands unbuckling his belt and considered stopping her for a second, but he'd missed her, missed her touch, missed the smell of her, missed being intimate with her even though it had only been a couple of days. She unzipped his pants and pulled him out through the opening, moving her warm, soft hand up and down his quickly hardening length.

"We should stop now or move this to the back seat." He mumbled in-between kisses.

She smiled at him and then reached over him, hitting the seat adjustment switch and moving the seat backwards. She then unbuttoned his pants and pushed the opening away from him, drawing him out completely and kissing him one last time before lowering her head. He felt her hot, wet mouth close over his now throbbing head and hissed, both hands clutching the steering wheel as she licked, sucked, squeezed and even bit a few times.

What she was doing to him felt so good he felt his mind going completely blank and closed his eyes, allowing his head to relax back onto the headrest and absorb it all. Every nibble, every tease with the tip of her tongue, every deep plunge into the back of her throat, his release steadily building and a sneak preview seeping out onto her tongue, her response of "Mmmm" vibrating over his pulsating head causing him to jerk and groan.

She could feel his hand drop down to head, holding onto her hair the way he always did when he was ready to come, his signal to her, but she wasn't interested in being warned this time, she wanted him to fill her mouth, wanted to taste him, wanted to reclaim him as hers after coming so close to driving him into the arms of another woman. She moved her mouth up to kiss him once more.

"I want you Jack, let it go, all of it." She coaxed as she stroked him with her hand and gave his balls a gentle squeeze before taking him into her mouth again.

She took him deep a few more times, hearing his breathing turn into quick pants, his cute, tight ass squirming in the seat and his hands reaching for anything they could hold onto to. She felt his thighs tense up and then she heard him pant "oh fuck Kate" just before she felt the first spurt of him hit the back of her throat. He jerked slightly and let go of another load, followed by two more quick releases and then he relaxed, his head highly sensitive and flinching away from her tongue at first.

"Sorry, just soft touches I promise." She said as she gently kissed and licked his swollen cock until it began to soften and relax.

Jack continued to rest his head on the headrest, his eyes still closed, his mind numb and not functioning yet. He could feel her tucking him back inside his pants and closing everything back up. He'd just been satisfied in a way that only Kate could satisfy him, leaving him feeling like a pile of helpless mush, his dick feeling like it could happily relax right where it was for the rest of the night even though it was certain he'd be satisfying her before the night would end. He finally came to his senses and lifted his head. He looked over at her, her long curls draped over her tanned shoulders, the street lamp catching her green eyes perfectly and causing a sparkle, her sweet face, complimented with a lazy smile, genuinely happy that she'd been able to do what she'd just done for him.

"You may have rendered me useless for the rest of the night Kate." He teased.

"I bet I can get you to rise to the occasion again." She teased back.

"No doubt, want to go home and engage in some hot, passionate make up sex?" He asked.

She leaned over and kissed him again, slowly moving her tongue in and out of his mouth, holding his face in her hands in a manner that suggested she wished she never had to let go. She finally pulled back and fastened her seat belt.

"I'll take that as a yes." Jack said and started the car.

_**Do you want to experience the make-up sex? Perhaps you're growing tired of the descriptive bedroom fare? The next chapter will be lighter and happier for Jack and Kate and definitely Conner who is going to be healthy and happy for awhile.**_


	30. Chapter 30

_**Per your requests, fluff and make-up sex. Enjoy and thanks for all the kind reviews!**_

While Jack drove the babysitter home, Kate picked up the living room, checked on Conner and slowly made her way into the bedroom. She looked at the bed and smiled, knowing that very soon she would be lying in the middle of it with Jack inside of her loving her like no man ever had. She felt like coming clean with him had lifted the remaining cloud from their relationship, a cloud that probably never needed to be there, but one she allowed to build because of her own insecurities and trust issues.

She slipped out of the dress she was wearing and walked into the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror in her bra and panties and looked at her body. She turned sideways and ran her hand lightly over the slight pooch that was beginning to develop. He stood in the doorway to the bathroom watching her. He found that her beauty often left him feeling awestruck, but watching her happily and lovingly caress the part of her body where the life they'd created together was growing made his heart swell and made him believe for the first time that she really did want the baby. She could sense his presence and turned around, smiling shyly at him.

"How long have you been standing there?" She asked.

"Not nearly long enough. Have I ever told you how incredibly sexy you are?" He said as he approached her, wrapped his hands around her lower back and pulled her into him.

"We'll see how sexy you think I am when my stomach gets so big I can't see my toes." Kate teased.

"You're wearing the present I bought you in San Francisco." He said and ran his fingers along the inside of the cup of her bra.

"I needed to feel pretty tonight." She said.

"You're gorgeous." He said and kissed her gently as his hand reached up and unclasped her bra.

"I want to take a bath Jack." She told him as he slid the bra away from her body.

"I want to take a bath with you." He said in a breathy tone and kissed her neck.

"Are you going to shave my legs for me?" She teased.

"Sure, just let me unwrap my hand so I can really get into it." He said.

"Jack, what would you know about shaving legs?" She giggled.

"You're laughing, but I bet you've never had a surgeon's hands treat you to a shave." He said in a seductive tone.

"We are just talking about shaving legs right?" She asked.

"Maybe, maybe not. Do you trust me?" He asked with a sexy grin.

"I do. Get undressed and unwrap your hand and I'll run the bath." She told him.

Kate filled the large Jacuzzi tub with hot water and bath oils, the steam and the scent of the bath oils creating the perfect atmosphere for the sexual encounter they were certainly about to have. She slipped her panties off and he returned to the bathroom just in time to watch her do it, his sweet smile of approval making her ache for him. They stepped into the tub together, facing each other and slowly lowered their bodies into the steaming water. She looked at his injured hand. It was still swollen and grossly discolored with various shades of bruising.

"Your hand looks like it hurts." Kate said and made a face.

"Only if I wiggle my fingers and your legs don't need shaving." He said as he placed each one of her legs on top of his.

"I know; I just wanted to know if you'd do it." She said, giggling as he pulled her forward, her butt scooting across the bottom of the tub in-between his legs, her legs bending and ending up straddling him around the waist.

"All you have to do is ask." He said and kissed her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and scooted up into his lap, their chests pressed together, locked in a deep, passionate kiss, his good hand moving over her back and then down to her bottom, gently slipping down between her legs and penetrating her, her wetness taking two of his fingers easily. She'd no doubt been wet and ready for him since the action in the car, worked up and craving release and he had every intention of satisfying her current need before they engaged in any kind of foreplay. He lifted her and positioned himself at her entrance, allowing her to slide down and connect fully with him. He felt her quivering as she wrapped her arms tighter around him, her knees on either side of his hips.

"Shh…babe it's okay, just relax and let me take you there." He whispered in her ear as he pushed himself up inside of her.

He thrust into her five or six times and her body let go, an explosive orgasm rocking her making her pant and repeat his name numerous times. She bottomed out and locked him up in another deep, wet, hungry kiss staying connected with him, feeling him deep inside of her and not moving, so full and so perfect.

He waited for her to completely settle back down and then leaned back as far as he could, gliding her forward until she was draped over his chest and stomach. They kissed while he pushed in and out and she moved up and down until they found their rhythm, slowly making love, the water slightly swishing with their movements, taking their time, seeming to enjoy holding one another and the closeness as much as the excitement building where their bodies were joined. He felt her tighten around him and then squeal and pant her way through another orgasm and allowed himself to follow right behind her, filling her with his seed while his strong arms held her tightly to his body, the love he felt for her coming through loud and clear. They separated and she lay on his chest, relaxed and content while his hand moved up and down her back slowly.

"I wish we could stay right here forever." She said softly.

"Yeah, but we'd shrivel up like prunes and there are parts of me I never want compared to a shriveled prune." He said making her laugh lightly.

"Jack, do you really forgive me for lying to you?" She asked.

"Forgive sounds so holier than thou. I understand why you felt like you needed to lie and my bruised feelings are okay. It's behind us as far as I'm concerned." He said and kissed the top of her head.

"Are you really okay with everything?" She continued on.

"Kate, I doubt I'll ever be able to use baby brokers and okay in the same sentence, but it doesn't feel like something I need to obsess over or hold against you. Shit happens." Jack said.

"Is Brandi really completely resistible to you now?" Kate pushed.

"I'm sorry about the whole Brandi thing. I was overtired and I felt betrayed, but I shouldn't have thrown her in your face. It was disrespectful to her and you. You are the only woman for me Kate, I promise." Jack said.

"No, this one was all on me Jack and making up was nice, but I'd like to try to avoid any blow ups that big in the future." She said.

"Me too and we aren't done making up yet unless you want to be done." He said.

"Oh yeah, there was something about being shaved by a surgeon's hands." Kate said and shot him a look of uncertainty.

"You'd really like it I swear, but if you aren't comfortable with it that's fine. I'm content to just take you to bed and make love to you until one of us passes out." He said sweetly.

She sat up and moved off of him. He stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around his waist. She stepped out and he wrapped a towel around her torso. They stood in front of the bathroom mirror drying one another off. He threw the towels in the corner and stood admiring her for a moment.

"God you're beautiful. Can you just always be naked?" He teased.

"You'd get tired of it quickly." She said and laughed as he nuzzled her neck, the growth on his face tickling.

He picked up his razor and put a fresh blade in it. He grabbed the shaving gel and the lotion and a clean towel and motioned for her to go into the bedroom. He laid the clean towel over the bed and motioned for her to lie down. He went back into the bathroom, grabbed a small package out of the medicine cabinet, wet a hand towel and brought it back with him. He looked down. Her face was apprehensive and excited at the same time. He chuckled lightly and sat down beside her. He grabbed the shaving gel and squirted some of it into the palm of his broken hand. He used the fingers on his other hand to swirl it around to make it foamy and then smoothed it over her crotch, encouraging her to bend her knees and open up for him. She did and he gently applied the shaving gel along the edges of both lips taking care not to allow the gel to get close enough to seep into her crease.

She was growing wetter and wetter just from him applying the gel and couldn't imagine what it would be like once he actually started shaving her. She watched him bring the razor down and then felt it gently swipe over her and she moaned as the wetness increased, dripping out of her making him smile and become aroused. The familiar ache to have him inside of her filled her loin, making her take a deep breath and push her hips down into the bed. She felt the razor gently swipe up one side in-between her leg and her slit and she could see his cock growing and twitching and she sighed heavily, the juices from her pussy soaking her, the scent of her sex arousing all of his senses.

He continued on, leaving a perfect tuft of hair in the center. He wiped the excess shaving cream away and applied the lotion so it wouldn't burn or chafe. She couldn't believe what a turn-on it was to let a man shave her and when she felt his fingers gently glide through her wetness she sucked in her breath. He held the two fingers up so she could see how dripping wet she was and then he put them in his mouth and licked them clean.

"Make love to me Jack." She pleaded.

He smiled and reached for the small package he'd brought from the bathroom. He tore it open and pulled out a round white tablet.

"What is that?" She asked.

"It's Alka Seltzer. Have you ever made love with one of these fizzing and bubbling inside of you?" He asked.

"No, but I think I'm about to." Kate laughed.

Jack positioned himself between her legs and carefully pushed the white tablet into her. She was so wet it began foaming and fizzing immediately and she moaned as he pushed himself into her, pushing the fizzing tablet deeper inside.

"Oh my god, that's…." Kate panted as a g-spot orgasm flooded through her entire groin area, lingering on, making her groan and push against him as the fizzling substance he was slowly swirling around inside of her continued to heighten, almost electrify the experience.

It felt like he was using his dick as a stirrer and she found herself yelping, the sensation unlike anything she'd ever experienced as another g-spot orgasm hit and this time she screamed, closing her eyes tight, a bright spectrum of color flashing behind her eyelids. He clamped his mouth over hers and began pumping in and out of her, keeping the orgasm building, keeping her right on the edge, making her beg him to go harder. He pounded into her with everything he had, everything he could manage while balancing on just one hand, sweat pouring off his face, skin slapping hard against skin as he pounded in as hard and as deep as he could go, driving her hips deeper and deeper into the mattress. She finally pulled her legs back as far as she could and cried out as the next orgasm ripped through her. He stopped and let her enjoy every second of it, holding her breath for a moment and then letting it out in short breaths blown through closed lips that must've sounded like a poor rap imitation to anyone that might've been listening. He let her bottom out and dropped down to his forearms, moving steadily in and out, the feel of him inside of her something she wished she could hold onto forever.

"Come inside me Jack. Fill me up. I love you so much." She told him, completely exhausted, sweaty and holding onto his sweaty back with what little energy she had left.

He thrust into her one last time and grunted, letting go just as she had requested, pushing in as deep as he could so he could fill her up.

"Jesus, you are so fucking incredible Kate." He groaned through gritted teeth as his body continued to empty into hers.

When he finally finished he rolled off of her onto his back and they both lay on their backs breathing hard, bodies wet with sweat, minds completely numb and completely satisfied, another minute of sex for either one of them out of the question. Their breathing finally settled and she scooted over next to him, snuggling up and laying her head on his chest, over his heart, right where she liked to be.

"Jack that was the best sex I've ever had in my life." She said.

"I guess we're done huh? No room for improvement, so no need to do it anymore?" He teased.

"Only if you want to find out just how bitchy I can be. I'm just blown away by how good that was. Wow. Thank you. You can shave and Alka-Seltzer me any time you want as long as we don't have to have a big fight first." She said.

"Mmm….make up sex is always good and I wanted to give you something a little different after what you did for me in the car. Not too much Alka-Seltzer though, it is medicine." He said and gave her a light squeeze.

"So do I get to shave you next time?" She asked.

"As long as you're talking about shaving my face, sure." He chuckled.

"That's not fair." Kate pouted.

"It's fair. You'll have to come up with some other form of foreplay that doesn't involve blades if you plan on playing with anything other than my face." He laughed and rolled onto his side, tickling her sides, making her squeal and beg for him to stop.

"Stop, I have to pee really bad." She begged.

He stopped tickling her, hovering over her, looking into her eyes and smiling. He kissed her lovingly and pulled away again, looking at her with what resembled bewilderment.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing, I was just wondering how anyone could've ever abused your trust, how anyone had the chance to know you and didn't appreciate and savor every minute together with you." He said and then hugged her when he saw the tears fill her eyes.

"Thank you for putting up with me Jack." She said as she sniffled and sucked the tears up.

"I'm guessing I'll be saying the same thing to you sometimes. Putting up with each other is part of nurturing the relationship isn't it?" He suggested.

"I've never really been in a serious relationship until now so I don't know." She said.

"Tolerance, unconditional love, respect, being considerate, taking a deep breath and counting to ten, bickering over stupid shit and having really big fights over not so stupid shit, it's all part of a healthy relationship, or at least what I consider healthy. What you consider "putting up with you" is just me fighting for us. You'd fight for us even if you wanted to clobber me wouldn't you?" He asked.

"You wanted to clobber me?" She giggled.

"Kate." He protested.

"I know, you're being all serious and wonderful and I ruined it. Of course I'd fight for us and I'd clobber any shameless hussy that dared to set her sights on you. You're mine. I'm claiming you and I am not willing to share." She told him.

"What about my mistress?" He asked.

"I'll kick her ass if she gets to greedy with your time." Kate said and smiled at him before she pulled him down for another kiss.

The kiss deepened and became heated and sloppy. He pulled back and looked at her.

"I thought you had to go to the bathroom." He said.

"I do and you need to wrap your hand back up. You have to heal on time. Two little girls are depending on you." She said.

She scooted out of the bed and left him laying, lazily watching her walk into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and he moved off the bed, pulled a pair of boxer briefs out of the dresser and pulled them on. He grabbed the splint and the elastic bandage and walked back over to the bed. She exited the bathroom and walked into the closet. She exited the closet wearing a t-shirt and walked to the dresser, pulled out a pair of panties and slipped them on. She saw him sitting on the bed struggling with the bandage and walked over to help him.

"What can I do?" She asked.

"Roll the elastic bandage up for me if you don't mind." He said.

She rolled the bandage for him and handed it to him. He quickly wrapped his hand back up securely and then stood. They straightened up the bed coverings and then pulled them back so they could get under them. They snuggled up together in the center of the bed and lay quietly in the dark.

"We need to plan a party for Conner. What kind of parties has he had before?" Kate asked.

"He really hasn't, just family and birthday cake." Jack answered.

"Well family appears to be running a little thin this year so do you care if I plan a really great kid party for him?" Kate asked.

"No, it sounds great, can I come too?" Jack said.

"You're joking, but if you miss his birthday party we will fight." Kate said.

"I haven't missed one yet Kate, of course the first five were done at my convenience not necessarily on the right day, but I'm not about to miss his first birthday party planned by the mom he's been begging me to get him since he was three." Jack assured her and kissed her gently.

"That's kind of neat huh?" Kate said, genuinely pleased and excited about planning Conner's party.

"No, it's awesome. Nite babe." Jack said sleepily.

Goodnight Jack." Kate said.


	31. Chapter 31

Over three weeks had passed since Jack and Kate had the worst fight of their young relationship and everything had been going smoothly since the night she told him the truth about her past. Conner recovered quickly from his illness and grew closer to Kate every day. Jack spent more time at home since he wasn't able to perform surgery. With his hand close to having the splint removed and another two weeks after that of regaining his normal mobility he was becoming difficult to live with, bored and antsy and frustrated at only being able to supervise recommended treatments and surgeries.

Tony had undergone the surgery on his hip and leg and had been moved to the pediatric wing of a nearby rehabilitation hospital. Jack stopped by every day to monitor his progress as well as spend some time talking to the boy and letting him know he hadn't been forgotten. Jack had not only grown to care about the child, but as a physician he also knew that keeping Tony's spirits up was critical to a fast and full recovery. Ms. Andrews, the boys' school teacher, also visited Tony every day. She helped him with his school work and kept him caught up with the rest of the class so he could test out and be promoted to the first grade.

Jack stood at the nurses' station looking over Tony's chart when he heard the boy screaming. He looked at the nurse behind the counter with questioning eyes.

"I have no idea. He woke up cranky today." She said.

"He's been stuck in a bed for over 3 weeks. I'd probably be cranky too. Let's get him up." Jack said.

"On crutches?" She asked.

"Let's just start with some rail walks, teach him how to keep the leg up. His hip should be strong enough now. He should be ready for some crutches in about a week." Jack said.

Jack finished writing the orders he'd just verbalized into the chart and handed it back to the nurse. He followed the sound of the screams into Tony's room and stopped just inside the door. The nurse that was attempting to put clean clothes on him shot Jack an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry doctor. He's having a rough day. I'll be through here in a few minutes." She said.

"Why don't you let me finish that for you." Jack offered.

"Are you serious?" She asked.

"I've got a boy his age at home that likes to put up a fight when he's cranky and not feeling well. It's fine." Jack said.

The nurse handed Jack the child's shirt and left the room. Jack walked to the bed and carefully sat on the edge of it. Tony's shorts were hanging off one leg and he looked mad and frustrated. Jack carefully bent the leg that wasn't in a cast and guided it into the open leg of the shorts and carefully pulled them up. He put his hands out for Tony to hold onto.

"I want you to sit up. Pull on my hands." Jack said in a non-threatening tone.

"The people always sit me up." Tony whined.

"I know, but if you want me to take you outside you have to show me you can sit up." Jack said.

"Outside? Really?" Tony asked with a hint of a smile.

Tony gripped Jack's hands tightly and pulled himself up, his upper body weakened from the spleen injury and from lack of use, but he was determined to go outside and battled his way through it.

"Good job. Let's put this shirt on. Don't want to drive the little girls crazy now do we?" Jack teased.

"I hate girls." Tony said.

"That'll change." Jack chuckled.

"Nuh uh, girls are icky." Tony argued.

"Okay, but you have to be nice to the girls Tony." Jack told him.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Because they are sweet and pretty and you will appreciate them some day. Now sit right there while I go find a wheelchair." Jack told him and left the room.

Jack returned quickly with a wheelchair that would swallow the child's small body, but it would allow him to get out of the bed. Jack carefully lifted the child out of the bed and sat him in the chair. He propped a pillow next to his hip for support and propped both legs up. He wheeled the child out into the hallway and stopped by the nurses' station.

"I'm going to take him outside, see if we can't improve his mood a little bit." Jack told her and headed for the elevator.

Jack wheeled the child outside and strolled up and down the sidewalks around the facility with him. After about 20 minutes he stopped by a bench and sat down. He looked at Tony to see how he was holding up.

"You okay bud? Not getting too tired are you?" Jack asked.

"No, I'm not tired. Can I have one of those?" Tony asked and pointed at a small building set up along the sidewalk.

Jack looked in the direction Tony was pointing.

"A snow cone?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, are they good?" Tony asked.

"You've never had a snow cone?" Jack asked.

"No, my mom and sister got them, but I wasn't allowed cuz I'm too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom." Tony said.

Jack felt his blood pressure rise and an unbelievable feeling of sadness overcame him as he visualized this little boy getting to watch while the rest of the family enjoyed a snow cone. He couldn't do that to a dog and couldn't imagine how anyone could be so cruel. He pushed the wheelchair over to the snow cone shack and stopped in front of it. He patiently read the different flavors to Tony and let him take his time deciding.

"Which kind do you like?" Tony asked.

"I like Watermelon." Jack said.

"I want that." Tony said.

"Give me the biggest Watermelon snow cone you make, extra juice." Jack told the man.

Jack handed the large cup full of the frozen flavored ice to Tony and smiled as he tasted it and a large grin spread across his face.

"Pretty good huh?" Jack asked.

"Uh huh, thank you." Tony said.

Jack wheeled him back over to the bench and sat down again, watching him enjoy his snow cone and listening to him chatter about everything that was on his six year old mind. He was a beautiful child, very bright and very sweet and definitely not the bully that was terrorizing Conner. The bully was just the battered child screaming for help and Jack couldn't stand to think about what was going to happen to Tony because he'd catch himself considering taking him in and he knew that this one of those times when his head had to rule over his heart.

"Do you know Jack?" Tony asked snapping Jack out of his thoughts.

"Do I know what?" Jack asked.

"Where my daddy is?" Tony asked.

"I don't know Tony." Jack asked.

"Can he come see me?" Tony asked.

"No Tony, he can't." Jack answered.

"I'm never going to see my dad again?" Tony asked, his bottom lip quivering and his eyes tearing up.

"It's going to be okay Tony." Jack lied.

"Where am I gonna live?" Tony asked and wiped the tears off his face trying to suck it up and be brave.

"Tony there are lots of grown ups that are going to worry about your dad and where you will live so I don't want you to worry. Promise me, you will only worry about getting well." Jack said.

"I'm scared." Tony cried.

"I know you are, but I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you." Jack promised before he could stop himself.

"Can we go inside now?" Tony asked.

"Are you getting tired?" Jack asked.

"Yeah." Tony said softly.

Jack pushed the chair back into the hospital and up to Tony's room. He set the snow cone on the table beside the bed and lifted the child out of the chair, gently placing him in the bed. He sat on the side of the bed and looked into the child's sad eyes.

"Did you not like being outside?" Jack asked.

"Yes, thank you for the snow cone." Tony said softly.

"Hey, Conner is having a birthday party on Saturday. How about I come and get you and bring you to the party." Jack suggested.

"Can I come live with you Jack?" Tony asked.

Jack couldn't stand it. The child was completely alone, frightened and sad, had nothing and no one and Jack had everything. How was he supposed to tell this boy he didn't want him.

"Tony, let's see what happens okay." Jack answered.

"Why?" Tony asked as his eyes filled with big crocodile tears.

Jack hugged the child's upper body into his own. He didn't have an answer for him, but he figured he could at least try to comfort him.

"Everything is going to be okay Tony." Jack told him fighting his own emotions.

Jack felt the child relax and laid him back into the mattress. He looked so sad and lost that it took all the control Jack had not to cave in and promise him room and board until he was 25. He finally stood and turned to leave the room. Ms. Andrews was standing in the doorway. She shot Jack a sympathetic look.

"Hey Tony, your teacher is here and I've got patients I need to see, so I'll see you tomorrow." Jack said and hurried out of the room.

Jack spent a few hours at the hospital, taking a half hour to get his hand x-rayed and rewrapped. When the doctor called him to let him know the fractures were healed, he stopped what he was doing and sat in his office unwrapping his hand. He heard a light knock on the door and then it opened, his father stepping into the room. Jack waved him in, still focused on his hand. Christian sat on the other side of the desk and watched Jack finish the task, dumping the splint and the bandage into the trash can. Jack began slowly making a fist with his right hand, wincing slightly at the stiffness, but continuing to work it.

"You wanted to see me?" Christian asked.

"Yeah, I need a favor." Jack said.

"Okay." Christian said.

"Kate's got this big birthday party planned for Conner on Saturday and she wants to surprise him. Can you pick him up Friday and keep him overnight?" Jack asked.

"Your mom has a surprise at the house for Conner so that will work. What time do you want us to bring him home on Saturday?" Christian asked shocking Jack into a moment of complete stupidity.

"What?" Was all Jack could manage to say.

"Kate did invite us to the party Jack, but I wasn't sure how big of a surprise you wanted it to be." Christian said.

"Um, actually I was going to come pick him up because I need another favor." Jack said.

"Okay, what else?" Christian asked.

"Tony, the boy I've been rehabbing, he's getting pretty depressed. I thought he might enjoy leaving the hospital for a day and coming to the party, but if I miss one minute of my son's party Kate will….well, let's just say it won't be pleasant. Do you think you and mom could pick him up and bring him with you? I'll make sure he gets back." Jack asked.

"I don't mind doing that Jack, but I have to ask if you are considering taking that child in." Christian asked.

"No dad, I wish I could, but he needs more attention then I have to give. Conner needs my attention especially with a baby on the way. I'm just hoping they find a decent place for him. Right now I just want to try to keep his spirits up so he can heal." Jack said a twinge of sadness in his voice.

"Does Conner know about the baby yet?" Christian asked.

"No, why?" Jack asked.

"He's very excited about having a mother Jack. He asked me if I could make you hurry up and get married so he could call Kate mom. Kate having a baby of her own before he gets to claim her as his mother could get tricky son." Christian said.

"Dad, is everything okay?" Jack asked.

"Yes, why do you ask?" Christian asked.

"Because you're acting like my father instead of my boss and you have been for the last few weeks and I really like it, but you aren't dying or anything are you?" Jack asked making Christian chuckle.

"No son I'm not dying. I can't undo all the past mistakes Jack, but I can try to improve the present and I want my family back, my wife, my son and my grandson." Christian explained.

"Okay. Does this mean you aren't going to interfere anymore?" Jack asked.

"Don't go crazy Jack. A zebra doesn't ever completely change his stripes." Christian said and Jack smiled.

"So you can help me out with all the party stuff?" Jack asked.

"Yes and think about what I said about the baby Jack. Conner wants a mother. If you two don't plan on getting married any time soon the perhaps you need to come up with a solution that suits his current needs." Christian suggested.

"We were planning on getting married after the baby gets here, as in a year or two after the baby gets here." Jack said.

"Why so long?" Christian asked.

"Weddings are a hassle and neither one of us wants to plan one." Jack said.

"Vegas is a five hour drive son." Christian said.

"Vegas? I hadn't considered getting married with Elvis as our witness, but I'll run that one by Kate." Jack said with a grin.

"You do that. We're having a team meeting next Monday to start mapping out the twin separation. I'm going to put Brandi on your team, is that going to be a problem?" Christian asked.

"No, she knows I'm engaged." Jack said.

"I wasn't worried about Brandi. Is it going to be a problem for Kate? I don't want you distracted by a jealous fiancée." Christian commented and Jack laughed.

"Thank God. I knew my condescending, interfering father had to still be in there some place. Kate's fine with my working with Brandi." Jack assured him.

"Good. I'll pick Conner up around 6 PM on Friday." Christian said.

"Okay, I'll see you then. Thanks dad." Jack said and with his ink pen back in his dominant hand he refocused on the paperwork in front of him.

Jack spent the evening with Kate and Conner. They cooked dinner together, ate together and cleaned up the dishes together. Kate had already helped Conner with his school work so there was nothing left for Jack to do but play with his son. They played a game of HORSE in the driveway. Jack had the basketball goal lowered to six feet so Conner could make the shots and he let Conner win the game, purposely missing most of his shots.

"You're getting too good, I think it might be time to raise the goal to 10 feet." Jack told Conner.

"I'm almost six daddy, you should raise it. I'm big enough now." Conner told him.

"I thought I'd wait until you're almost seven. Stop trying to grow up so fast kid." Jack said and picked him up, raising him above his head, making him giggle and beg to be tossed.

"Not tonight bud, my hand probably isn't strong enough to catch you yet. Give me a few days. Let's go inside so you can take a bath. You stink." Jack told him and brought him down, positioning him on his hip.

"You stink more. Can we play a video game after my bath daddy?" Conner asked.

"One video game and then it's bedtime." Jack said.

"When can I get a later bedtime?" Conner asked.

"Maybe when you're almost seven." Jack teased.

"That's too long daddy." Conner whined.

"Summer will be here soon and you can stay up a little later." Jack said.

Jack ran Conner's bath water and sat in the bathroom listening to him recount his entire day, his five year old motor not wanting to wind down. The warm water and the chatting seemed to calm him down eventually and the video game they played together helped him relax. Jack laid beside him in his bed and read to him, surprised when he looked over after just 15 minutes of reading and Conner was sleeping. He eased himself off the bed, kissed his son on the cheek and turned the lamp off.

Jack walked into his bedroom, stripping his shirt off as he entered the room. He heard her whistle and chuckled, pulling the shirt off his head and tossing it at her. She quickly threw it back at him.

"Gross Jack, it smells like you got your butt kicked by a five year old." Kate teased.

Jack looked at her lying in the bed wearing nothing but a t-shirt and panties and wished he'd taken a shower while Conner was taking his bath.

"I'm going to grab a quick shower." He said and entered the bathroom.

Kate lay on the bed reading her book, waiting for him to finish his shower so he could get busy making love to her. She couldn't remember the last time they didn't make love, but she knew it had been a long time ago and wondered if they'd ever tire of one another. He'd even come home in the middle of the day a few times, horny and hard and hoping she wanted him as bad he wanted her and she couldn't imagine not wanting him.

She watched him exit the bathroom, freshly showered, butt naked and aroused. He closed the bedroom door and crawled onto the bed with her, taking her book out of her hands and tossing it to the floor. He moved over her and kissed her, his mouth wet and warm, the heat from his body making her sweat. He pulled out of the kiss and made quick work of her clothes, her naked body lying before him, her pregnancy starting to be more and more apparent every day. He leaned in and kissed the small bump where their baby was growing before positioning himself between her legs.

He moved forward, lifting her arms above her head and brought his mouth down to her again, their heated, naked bodies touching slightly, making both of them moan. He began moving his mouth slowly over her neck, stopping and biting and attempting to mark her. She pushed him away.

"Jack, I can't walk into Conner's school with a big hickey on my neck." Kate objected.

"Sorry." He said in a breathy tone, his need and his hunger intense.

He moved his mouth down the center of her chest and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He reached behind his neck and unclamped her hands, moving them up above her head again and holding them there while his mouth moved over her breasts, finding a spot to mark and making her moan as he focused his all of hot, tongue-sucking energy on that one spot, finally releasing and covering her nipple, sucking gently, the tenderness in them not allowing him to get too rough with them and if he wasn't careful he'd end up with milk in his mouth before long.

He moved down her belly, letting go of her arms, her understanding his need to be in control and leaving them above her head this time. He moved between her legs and left soft kisses along the insides of her thighs and along the creases of her legs, while his finger traced lightly over her slit, grazing her clit briefly. His mouth was so close she could feel his hot breath on her and he could smell her sex as she grew wetter and wetter in anticipation.

"Please Jack." She moaned.

"Please what?" He asked making sure she could still feel his hot breath, his mouth and tongue so close she was squirming.

"Please make love to me." She pleaded.

He let go of a breathy laugh.

"You don't want me to make love to you yet. Say it Kate. Tell me you want me to taste you; that you want to feel my tongue inside of you." Jack ordered.

"I want you to taste me. I want to feel your tongue inside of me. I want you to make me come with your mouth." She begged and squirmed beneath him.

She felt him glide his tongue through her slit and moaned loudly, bringing her hands down to his head, running her fingers through his short, cropped hair and he stopped and moved his mouth back enough so he could talk.

"Hands back up and if you move them again I'm going to tie them." He told her and she thought she came, his dominant tone making her want to fuck his brains out.

He felt and saw her wetness increase. She was enjoying this so he continued on, licking her and penetrating her with his tongue as she battled to keep her hands above her head, her hips coming up off the bed to meet his mouth and him gently pressing them back down. He pushed one then two fingers inside of her as deep as they would go.

"Please Jack, suck it hard." Kate pleaded.

He put his mouth over her clit and began sucking it hard while his fingers moved slowly in and out of her. He felt her clenching around his fingers as she began exploding all over his face. He kept his lips pursed gently over the now highly sensitive bundle of nerves and held them there, allowing her to fully enjoy her climax. She squealed and panted the way he loved to make her squeal and pant and when she was done he sat up and looked at her, her face flush and her eyes glassy, her brain still caught in the post orgasmic abyss. She was the most beautiful and most precious thing to him the world and he wasn't sure if he wanted to play tough with her anymore. He had every intention of straddling her and feeding her his cock as part of the experience, but looking at her, her sweet face with those adorable freckles, her soft beautiful, pregnant body sprawled out in front of him and he just wanted to hold her and love her in the kindest, most caring way possible.

He worked himself between her legs and pushed inside of her slowly, allowing her to adjust to him and them pushing in the rest of the way. He took hold of her hands and placed them around his neck, looking into her eyes and kissing her sweetly. He held his position and though he hadn't planned to talk to her at this moment in this position, something prompted him to go ahead and ask her what had been on his mind all evening. She could see it in his eyes and all over his face so she kissed him gently and spoke.

"What is it Jack?" Kate asked.

"How do you feel about Conner calling you mom?" Jack asked.

"How do you feel about it?" Kate asked.

"I'm fine with it. It's something that means so much to him, how could I not be fine with it." Jack answered.

"Exactly." Kate said smiled.

"I love you Kate and he loves you so much. I think getting a mom on your sixth birthday is pretty awesome." Jack said his voice cracking with emotion.

"I love both of you and I have a good idea of how we'll make the transition from Kate to mom." Kate said.

Jack kissed her slowly and deeply and began moving in and out of her, so in love with her that he felt like he could never adequately express it. He couldn't believe how quickly his life had gone from pathetic and lonely to perfect and it scared him. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to ruin the paradise he'd found himself living in all of the sudden complete with a father that wanted to be a father to him. He continued making love to her, bringing her to orgasm quickly and then carrying on, the next orgasm explosive and exhausting for her as he too let go and they shook and shuddered together, exchanging body fluids, sweat, tears and a lot of love. He stayed inside of her for awhile, kissing her and holding her, wanting to make her feel as special as she was to him. He finally moved off of her and spooned his body around her from behind.

"Kate did I die or maybe I had a car accident and I'm in a coma?" Jack asked.

"If you did then I'm dead or in the same coma with you. Why do you ask?" She giggled.

"It's all too good to be true. It's hard to believe it's real." He said.

"Yeah, I know, I pinch myself daily. Want me to pinch you?" She asked.

"You can do anything you want to me." Jack said.

He continued to hold her until they became chilled and then he grabbed the comforter and threw it over them. She was sleeping soundly and he planned on joining her. The door was locked and Conner wouldn't walk in and find them naked and he wanted to enjoy holding them together, flesh on flesh. They slept and made love on and off the rest of the night and by morning both recalled why they typically avoided going to sleep naked, but they were exhausted in a pleasant way, the slight soreness between her legs a nice reminder of all the times he'd loved her during the night and the passion he'd done it with every single time. She hoped she never tired of having him in as many ways as he was willing to give himself to her.


	32. Chapter 32

_**Sorry it's been awhile I know. It's been crazy. Lots and lots of fluff in this chapter. Are they finally on the road to happily ever after or is this just the calm before the storm? Hmmm... Thanks for all your kind words!**_

It was the Friday before Conner's birthday party and the day of his actual birthday. Jack had spent the last couple of days trying to help Kate find the gift she wanted to give Conner. He wasn't too sure about it, but knew that his son would be thrilled and wasn't going to rain on Kate's parade. She was very specific about the color and size of the gift so they'd been all over the city trying to find exactly what she wanted and had finally found it with only three places left to look.

He helped her put the surprise together for Conner, planning on giving it to him as soon as he woke up, which Jack guessed would be brutally early, the child's excitement over finally being six years old making it difficult for him to go to sleep the night before. They would have a few presents and then go out for breakfast. Jack and Kate planned on taking Conner to school with birthday cupcakes for the class and then they would spend the day shopping for the party. The enthusiasm that Kate was planning Conner's day with was contagious and Jack found himself almost as excited as they were.

Jack set an alarm for 5 AM so he and Kate could wake up and shower before waking Conner. By 6:30 AM they were ready to face the day and headed toward Conner's bedroom with a large box. Jack stopped her just outside Conner's door and looked at her, his eyes showing a look of complete awe and appreciation. He leaned in and kissed her.

"What was that for?" She asked.

"For being you. He's about to have the best birthday of his young life and it really means a lot to me that you care so much about him." Jack said.

"I love him Jack. If I didn't, I wouldn't be so excited about being called mommy again." She told him.

He kissed her once more and the entered the bedroom. Jack could tell Conner was pretending to be asleep and grinned.

"Well I guess since he's asleep we'll have to save this present for the party tomorrow." Jack told Kate.

Conner's eyes popped open and he sprang up onto his knees.

"I'm awake daddy!" Conner squealed making both Jack and Kate laugh.

They sat on either side of the bed and Jack set the box down in front of Conner. Conner eagerly reached for the lid and Jack stopped him, pulling the card off the top of the box and handing it to him.

"Read the card first son." Jack instructed.

Conner sighed and ripped the envelope open. He pulled the card out and studied it, his ability to read words beyond what it should be for his age, but not something he breezed through either. He looked at the words printed carefully inside in ink and read them slowly and out loud.

"This is your first birthday as my son so I want it to be sp..sp….what's this word dad." Conner asked.

"Special." Jack answered.

"special. I hope you love this as much as I love you. Love, Mommy" Conner finished and then went quiet reading the words again, comprehension not his strong suit yet. He studied the card for close to a minute and then looked up, grinning from ear to ear.

"I can really call you mommy?" Conner asked.

"Do you want to?" Kate asked.

"Yes!" Conner said excitedly, clapping his hands together making Jack smile.

"Okay, but you have to finish opening your present first." Kate told him, looking over to Jack and smiling, giddy with anticipation.

Conner lifted the lid off the box and looked inside, his face lit up and he reached inside.

"It's my puppy! Just like my pictures! Daddy look! He's the one I always wanted!" Conner squealed with excitement as he pulled the puppy out of the box and hugged it.

Jack laughed lightly at how excited Conner was and decided that a dog probably wouldn't be so bad, the child's genuine happiness over it worth any trouble a puppy might get into.

"Kate knew exactly what you wanted, except it's not a he, it's a she." Jack told him.

"It's not Kate daddy. It's mom now." Conner corrected him.

"Sorry, I forgot. So are you going to thank your mom or what?" Jack asked.

Conner handed the puppy to Jack and leapt into Kate's arms, wrapping his arms around her neck and hugging her tightly.

"Thank you for my puppy and for being my mom. This is the best birthday I ever had." Conner told her.

Kate held him tightly, her eyes watering as she fought back the tears. He was the sweetest, most loving child she'd ever encountered and she could feel all the love he had for her wrapped up in the hug he was giving her.

"Hey, you better get your puppy back before she pees on your dad." Kate told him.

Jack gave her a "don't even suggest anything that disgusting" look and both Conner and Kate giggled.

"Let's go downstairs and make her eat something." Conner suggested and climbed out of his bed, not waiting for an answer from them.

Jack and Kate followed Conner down the stairs and into the kitchen and watched him stop in his tracks. The bicycle he'd been begging for was parked in the kitchen, complete with a helmet hanging from the handle bars.

"My bike! I got it!" Conner screamed and handed the puppy to Kate, his young mind in excitement overload.

Conner climbed onto the bike and sat on it. He looked down at the training wheels and frowned.

"What's wrong? It's the one you wanted isn't it?" Jack asked.

"It's for babies." Conner said so disappointed he was almost in tears.

Jack looked at Kate and they looked back at him and the bike and then Kate finally understood what the problem was.

"The training wheels Jack. He doesn't like them." Kate said.

Jack didn't even try to reason with the child, he walked out to the garage, grabbed a wrench and came back into the house.

"Run upstairs and get dressed bud and when you get back this bike will no longer be for babies." Jack told him.

"Come on Conner, I'll help you pick some clothes out and don't forget you've got a puppy to name." Kate told him, holding the puppy in one arm and taking Conner's hand with the other.

Conner stopped and looked at Jack who was squatted down beside the bike. He walked over to him, hugged him and stepped back.

"I love my bike daddy. I just don't like the baby wheels. Will you help me name my puppy?" Conner asked.

"It's okay. I screwed up. I knew you were too big for the baby wheels, I guess I'm having trouble getting used to you being such a little man. I'll teach you how to ride it when you get home from school today." Jack said.

"You're the best dad ever!" Conner said and hugged him again.

"Having a great kid like you makes being a dad the best job in the world. Go get dressed and maybe Ka……um, your mom would like to help you name your puppy." Jack suggested.

Conner took hold of Kate's hand again and they left the kitchen chattering about what to name the puppy. Jack watched them walk away and realized he couldn't stop smiling and what a good feeling that was. He made quick work of removing the training wheels and by the time Conner and Kate returned, the bike was perfect according to Conner. He sat in the corner playing with his puppy while Jack and Kate prepared to leave for breakfast. Jack glanced over at Conner and then grabbed Kate from behind, turning her around and pulling her into his chest and stomach. He kissed her and smiled at her.

"So, did you come up with a name for the newest member of our family?" Jack asked.

"Yup, we're going to call her Frisco." Kate said.

"Yeah, how'd you come up with that?" Jack asked.

"It was easy. It's where we met." Kate answered.

"Did you tell Conner the reason behind the name?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I did and he said that was a cool name and that he was glad his daddy met me." Kate answered.

"His daddy is glad he met you too." Jack said and kissed her sweetly.

"Daddy where is Frisco going to stay while we're gone?" Conner asked.

"We'll put her in the bathroom by the laundry room with some newspapers." Jack said as he pulled away from and Kate, grabbed some newspapers and had Conner follow him into the laundry room.

With the dog taken care of and everyone dressed they left to enjoy breakfast together before taking Conner to school. They dropped Conner and his cupcakes off at school and headed into the city to shop for party games and decorations. Jack had never done anything like this and his sensible side told him they were over doing it, but after watching the two people in his life that meant everything to him that morning and how excited both of them were he decided that splurging on this particular birthday party would be okay.

They picked Conner up from school and offered to take him to lunch, but he wanted to get home to his puppy and new bike. While Kate prepared lunch for them, Jack took Conner outside and began teaching him how to ride a bike. He fell a few times and scraped his knee and elbow pretty bad once, but refused to let his dad take him inside and clean the wounds until he could ride his bike. Jack recognized his own stubborn streak in his son and laughed. After a few more tries and quite a bit of wobbling Conner finally managed to get his body balanced and coordinated and took off down the sidewalk, screaming excitedly that he was doing it. Jack sat on the lawn and watched him ride. He was allowed to go two houses before he had to turn around and come back. After a few trips back and forth Jack stood up and grabbed the bike when Conner got close enough.

"Okay buddy, that's enough for now. You need to go inside and eat and rest for awhile." Jack told.

"No daddy, it's my birthday! Please, I want to ride some more." Conner begged.

"Come inside and eat and let me clean up those scrapes and you can skip your rest time today. We'll walk to down to the playground and you can ride on the trails there." Jack told him.

They managed to get Conner to eat half of a sandwich before he dragged both of them down to the playground to watch him ride. Kate and Jack lay on a blanket in the grass watching Conner ride over the bicycle trails in the park.

"It's amazing he picked that up so fast. Let me guess, you were both smart and athletic as a child." Kate teased.

"I don't know how athletic I was, but I played sports. It really pissed my father off so I did my best to excel at as many of them as I could. I lettered in 3 sports in high school." Jack admitted.

"Your dad wanted a doctor not an athlete huh?" Kate asked.

"Oh no, not just any doctor, the best, better than him. Of course he made sure to remind me daily that I didn't have what it takes to be as good as him. I'm not sure what his reasoning was behind that. I guess it was supposed to give me the incentive to try harder, but I think all it really did was drive a really big wedge between us, made me resent him and all his plans for me." Jack said.

"That's sad Jack." Kate said.

"No it's not, it's pathetic. He really has been trying hard lately to be a father to me. It's kind of strange, keeps me on my toes and makes me wonder what he's really got up his sleeve." Jack told her.

"Maybe he really just wants to be a part of your life Jack." Kate suggested.

"Maybe, and that would be great, but it'll take a lot of effort on his part to convince me there is no ulterior motive. He did say my mom has a surprise for Conner. Dare I dream of the idea of my child having normal grandparents?" Jack asked, a twinge of sadness in his voice.

"You can't stop dreaming Jack." Kate said.

"Yeah, what do you dream about?" He asked.

"My dreams came true in San Francisco so I'll have to come up with a new one eventually." Kate told him and kissed him.

"Really? I bought you a present while we were out today. Maybe now you don't want it." Jack teased.

"What is it?" Kate asked.

"It's nothing really, just a little something I saw and decided you had to have." Jack said and handed her a small square box that he'd even taken the time to have gift wrapped.

"When did you manage to do this where I wouldn't see?" Kate asked.

"If I tell you all my secrets, shopping for you at Christmas will be impossible." Jack said and laughed lightly.

Kate opened the box and lifted the lid. When she saw what was inside she felt herself becoming weepy. She pulled out the hot pink, glow in the dark yo-yo and smiled.

"This is so great Jack, I can't believe you remembered." Kate said and wiped away the few tears that escaped.

He hugged her and kissed her gently.

"It wasn't supposed to make you cry." He chuckled.

"It's hormones." Kate said.

"Oh good, so does this mean you'll be getting naked later and yo-yoing for me?" Jack teased.

"It glows in the dark, I can get naked and yo-yo in the dark for you." Kate laughed.

"No, this is my dream and in my dreams it is never dark when you are naked." He told her and rolled her onto her back kissing her with a wet, passionate, loving mouth.

They continued to kiss, both being drawn in deeper than either had anticipated, while trying to keep an eye on Conner. Jack saw the accident about to happen and pulled his mouth away from hers about the time Conner slammed into the bench, slipping off the seat and landing hard on the bar.

"What happened?" Kate asked.

"Bicycle bar right between the legs." Jack said on his way to his feet.

Kate watched him run over to Conner who was lying on the ground, knees bent and holding himself. She decided it was the type of injury his dad was better equipped to deal with and waited on the blanket while Jack tended to him. When Jack got to Conner he was rolling on the ground, not crying, but about to.

"Conner roll onto your back and take some deep breaths." Jack instructed as he knelt beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"That really hurt daddy." Conner gasped.

"I know it did. Is it starting to feel better now?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I don't think I want to ride anymore today." Conner said forcing Jack to bite back a grin, knowing that straddling anything, especially a bicycle seat was the last thing a guy whose nuts are currently in his throat wants to do.

"That's fine. Come on, let's go home." Jack said and helped him stand up.

Kate watched them slowly walk over to her and began folding the blanket. She put the blanket, the water and her yo-yo in the backpack they'd brought with them and when they got to her she kneeled down in front of Conner.

"You looked really great on that bike. Maybe I'll get one too and we can ride together after school sometimes." Kate offered.

"That would be fun. I'm tired daddy, will you carry me?" Conner asked.

"Carry you? You're six now, are you sure you aren't too big to let me carry you?" Jack teased.

"Please daddy. I'm not too big." Conner pleaded with the hint of whine that indicated the child needed to rest or would be too grumpy to enjoy his evening with his grandparents.

Jack picked him up and Conner wrapped his arms and legs around him, laying his head on his shoulder. Kate put the backpack on her back and pushed the bike. Conner was asleep before they got out of the park.

"He's so adorable when he's snuggled up on you like that." Kate said.

"He really is getting too big for this. It's sad, but it's true." Jack said.

"Pretty soon, you'll have another tiny person to tote around on your shoulder." Kate said.

"I can't wait. I missed most of Conner's tiny person days. Of course I'll probably have the six year old on one shoulder and the baby on the other until he gets used to the idea of sharing me. He's never had to." Jack said.

"You know when you say things like that Jack I just want to do all kinds of naughty things to you because you are easily at your sexiest when you're being a doting daddy." Kate told him.

"Take a mental picture for later then." Jack chuckled.

"You're so bad Jack. I bet the people you work with would be shocked to find out just how adventurous you are in the bedroom." Kate teased.

"I'm not bad, I'm crazy in love with you and want to enjoy you in as many ways as I can. I'll be bad though if you promise to spank me." Jack teased back.

They made the trek home and Jack lay Conner on the couch, deciding he'd let him sleep for about an hour and then get him ready to go with his grandparents. Christian and Margo showed up promptly at 6 PM to pick him up. Conner sat on the couch, rested and freshly bathed, playing a video game.

"Are you ready to go Conner?" Christian asked.

"Daddy, who is going to sleep with Frisco if I'm not here?" Conner asked.

"Son, you aren't sleeping with Frisco when you are home, let's make that clear right now." Jack answered.

"Who is Frisco?" Margo asked.

"It's my new puppy. Do you want to see it grandma?" Conner asked.

"You finally got your dad to buy you that puppy?" Margo asked.

"Nope, my mom bought it for me. Come see it!" Conner said excitedly.

Margo looked at Jack with questioning eyes, wondering if he'd gotten married and not bothered to invite his mother.

"Go with the boy dear, he's going crazy. I'll get his things while you're looking at the puppy." Christian said.

Margo took the boy's hand and let him lead her to the laundry room to see the puppy. She passed Kate who was in the kitchen preparing snacks for the party the next day and quickly looked at her ring finger for any sign of a wedding band. Christian took Conner's backpack from Jack and Jack could see the question in his eyes.

"No, we didn't get married yet. We just decided it would okay to let him call her mom." Jack said.

"I see." Christian said.

"What?" Jack asked aggravated by his father's tone.

"Nothing Jack, I'm just wondering why you've made all these moves to become a family and seem to be resisting the one simple thing that will seal the deal." Christian said.

"I told you, we don't want to bother with it right now." Jack said his tone entirely too defensive.

"Are you sure Jack? Kate's put together quite a party for tomorrow. She doesn't seem like someone that would shy away from planning a wedding." Christian said.

"Dad, can we not talk about this tonight?" Jack asked.

"Fair enough, what time are you picking him up tomorrow?" Christian asked.

"The party is at 2 PM. I'll be there around noon if that's okay." Jack said.

"That's fine. I take it he knows he's having a party." Christian said.

"Yes, he thinks he's having some friends over for cake and ice cream. He has no idea what Kate has put together for him though. It's too much in my opinion, but it seemed to be important to her to do this." Jack said.

"When you were three your mother threw a party for you fit for royalty, complete with a carousel and when you were five we took you and a bunch of your friends to Disneyland for the day. You turned out okay." Christian said.

"Let's go grandpa!" Conner chimed from the dining room before Jack had a chance to respond to his father.

"Hey, aren't you going to tell me goodbye?" Jack asked.

Conner walked over to his dad who picked him up, kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tightly.

"Bye daddy. Don't forget to kiss Frisco goodnight." Conner told him, making him smile.

"You have fun and be good for grandma. Don't wreck her flowers or anything." Jack told him.

"I won't. Grandma made me my own place to grow flowers. That's more fun than wrecking them." Conner told him.

Jack looked at his mother and she smiled at him. He could remember doing the same thing with her when he was a boy and how his father had scoffed at the idea of his son playing with flowers.

"That's great. I'll have to come see your flowers tomorrow when I pick you up." Jack said and set the boy down.

Jack walked his parents and Conner out to their car and re-entered the house to help Kate with the decorating. Three hours later the entire house was covered with streamers, confetti, balloons, goody bags, signs, games and prizes. The giant inflatable that the kids would be jumping in all afternoon had been delivered and set up in the backyard and they were putting the finishing touches on the duck pond and the dunk tank. Jack grabbed Kate by the hand and led her inside the inflatable. They jumped around for a few minutes and then fell into the comfort of it dead center.

"Conner is going to love this." Jack said.

"I hope so. All little kids should have at least one really great birthday carnival. I think the 6th birthday is the perfect age to enjoy it." Kate said.

"I can't believe you're going to sacrifice me to that dunk tank. Hopefully those little kids can't throw very well." Jack laughed.

"There's a clown coming to make balloon animals for them. Maybe you can bribe him or her to take a few shifts for you." Kate said.

"What do you suppose a clown's price is?" Jack asked.

"I'll take a few shifts if you want." Kate offered.

"No way." Jack objected.

"Why not?" Kate asked.

"Because you're pregnant and don't need to be dropping into a tank of water over and over. Plus I don't want any dads that might be around gawking at your wet t-shirt." He said with a hint of jealousy.

"Mmmm….I love it when you act all jealous, it makes me want you bad." Kate said.

"Ever made love in a moonwalk Kate?" Jack asked as he kissed her and slipped his hand underneath her shirt.

"Jack, what about the neighbors?" Kate protested and pushed his hand away.

"Let them get their own moonwalk." Jack said and deepened the kiss.

It didn't take him long to have all of her clothes tossed out onto the lawn along with his own. The night air was cool, but he kept her wrapped up tightly to keep her warm, kissing her and caressing every inch of her. The smell and taste of her overwhelmed his senses and drove his hunger for her over the edge, eliminating any foreplay, him pushing inside of her as soon as the clothes were out of the way. The bouncy surface below them would spring her back into him every time he thrust into her, pushing him deeper and making him find it hard to stay focused.

"Oh fuck Kate, I'm sorry." He groaned unable to control his release.

His body jerked as his hot seed filled her. She rubbed her hands over his back until he was finished, wishing he didn't look so ashamed when he finally looked up at her.

"It's okay Jack, you can't always control everything you know." She told him and giggled.

"Ah don't laugh at me. It's liable to cause serious damage." He said as he moved off of her.

"I doubt that. I bet I could get up and jump around and you'd be hard again within 10 minutes." She dared.

"Kate I don't think I've come and been ready to go again that fast since I was 13." He chuckled.

"You were having sex when you were 13?" Kate asked in a shocked tone.

"Yep, I was very closely acquainted with Rosie and her five friends." Jack answered as he held his right hand up and wiggled his fingers.

"That's kind of hot Jack. Will you masturbate for me sometime?" Kate asked.

"Kate, you're being weird." He laughed.

"Oh right, like you wouldn't want to watch me do that." Kate laughed.

"That's different." He objected and then laughed at how stupid that sounded.

He pulled her over to him until she was sitting on his stomach. He slowly moved his hands up her stomach and gently over her breasts. She leaned forward and kissed him as his hands moved over her back, butt and thighs. She felt him slip a finger inside of her and gasped lightly, moving her pelvis over his stomach, trying to get the right friction going.

He gently flipped her over onto her back and scooted down between her legs. He reinserted his finger and lowered his mouth, slowly moving his tongue through her slit and then sucking on the tiny bundle of nerves that was swollen and sensitive to the touch. He applied gentle pressure with the tip of his tongue and continued to move his finger in and out. She began to moan and rotate her hips slightly.

"Right there Jack, don't stop, I'm almost there." She panted and then clamped her thighs around his head, squealing and bucking beneath him.

When she finished he sat up on his knees in front of her, erect and ready to go again. She sat up and took him into her hands, holding him and gently moving her hands over him, feeling him grow harder as she did so.

"See, I knew it wouldn't take long." Kate said, a mischievous grin on her face that was so naughty and cute he thought he might come in her hand.

"Turn around." He said, his eyes clouded with desire, his voice close to cracking.

She turned around, sitting up on her hands and knees and looking back over her shoulder at him. He maintained eye contact with her while he slowly pushed himself into her, deeper and deeper, as deep as she could stand.

"You're so deep Jack." She moaned pushing herself back into him and driving him deeper, feeling his balls make contact with her skin.

"Jesus Kate." He whispered in a breathy tone and began moving in and out of her.

The bouncy surface beneath them was making it hard for him to stay inside of her, her body wanting to bounce away from him. He was afraid he'd get carried away, slip all the way out and plunge back into the wrong opening so he stopped and encouraged her to sit up. She slowly sat up and leaned into him, her back resting against his chest, her lower half sitting down onto him. She moaned as his hand slipped between her legs, rubbing her while he thrust himself inside of her.

"Jack." She panted.

"You want it harder and faster?" He asked.

"Yes." She moaned.

"Then say it and don't stop saying it until I make you come." He said through gritted teeth.

Kate began panting "fuck me hard" over and over and squealed as she felt him grow harder inside of her, the naughty request spewing from her mouth making him crazy. She reached behind her and clasped her hands behind his neck. He held onto her with one arm, while his hand gently massaged her clit. He drove himself into her in rhythm with her demand, over and over and over until both of them finally stiffened and came hard, groaning and moaning and panting, their sweaty bodies stuck together. He stayed inside her and laid them on their sides, both of them breathing hard.

"Get a room!" The neighbor yelled from the other side of the privacy fence making both of them let go of a light, breathy laugh.

"How about we go upstairs and soak in a nice hot bath and then get some rest. We're having a birthday carnival tomorrow and will need all of our energy." Jack said.


	33. Chapter 33

She could feel the warm wetness on her nipple, her brain trapped somewhere between sleep and consciousness. The tightness of the warmth clamped over her nipple intensified and she felt the familiar ache between her legs as she opened her eyes and looked down at him. His mouth was clamped over her nipple, sucking softly and slowly while his hand moved slowly over her other breast. She ran her fingers through his hair and he looked up at her and smiled. He moved up and kissed her softly.

"I hated to wake you, but you said you wanted to be up by nine." He said.

"That's a nice way to wake up, seems like I went to sleep that way too." She teased.

"No, I distinctly remember being wrapped around your warm, sexually spent body and you begging me to stay inside of you all night." He said.

"Yeah, so why aren't you still inside me?" She asked with a grin.

"You thrash around too much. I didn't want anything to get broken." He laughed.

She rolled onto her side and they lay quietly looking at one another. She remembered their bath and the way that he had loved her afterward and she smiled at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, I'm just happy." She answered.

"Yeah, it's kind of scary huh?" He said.

"What's scary?" She asked.

"Everything going so well, makes me wonder when something really bad is going to happen." Jack said.

"There's no such thing as a lifetime of happiness Jack. If we didn't have bad times to get through, how would we ever be able to recognize the good times?" Kate reasoned.

"That's true I guess, unfortunate, but true. So, are you ready to get up and face the day?" He asked.

"No, I'd rather lay here with you." She said.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, pushing him onto his back and rolling on top of him, kissing him deeply and slowly as his hands gently held to her sides, no desire to resist her. She slowly slid down his body, kissing his chest and stomach while her fingernails scratched gently through his chest hair. She continued to move down and gently kissed the head of his semi-erect penis. His breath hitched and he she looked up at him, licking gently over his tip while he watched her, his eyes dark and fixed on her, his brain slowly being lulled into that state of bliss that left him unable to speak, much less think.

"Come back up here." He whispered in the sexy tone that made her wet instantly.

She was perched comfortably between his legs. She pushed herself up on her hands and knees, her arms on either side of his body, and began licking and kissing and lightly sucking every part of his balls and cock that she could get to until he was fully erect, his head pulsating in her mouth. She wanted to suck him in deep and hard and finish him off, but she also wanted to make love so she pulled her mouth away and sat up on her knees, looking down at him and lightly gliding her hand over his hardened length.

She moved forward and positioned his hand between her legs, encouraging him to penetrate and explore all of her wetness with his hand. She was so hot and wet and he wanted nothing but to bury himself inside her. She pulled his hand away and moved back, the look of confusion in his eyes making her smile. She moved his hand to his cock and in her sexiest voice explained what she wanted.

"Show me Jack." Kate whispered.

"Show you what?" He asked.

"Show me how you like it. Show me how you'd want me to jerk you off." Kate pushed.

"I wouldn't, I can do that myself." He chuckled in a lusty, sexy tone, playing along with her game and slowly moving his hand up and down his shaft, spreading her juices over his hardness.

Kate sat back and watched him, biting her bottom lip, completely enthralled by what she was watching. He finally took hold of her hand and pulled it to his throbbing member, encouraging her to wrap her hand around it. He felt her warm, soft hand grip him and sucked his breath in, letting it out in a long, breathy release before wrapping his own hand around hers and guiding it up and down.

"Squeeze just a little tighter." He said and then groaned when she complied.

"Is that too tight?" She asked.

"It's perfect, too perfect. You're going to have to stop or only one of us is going to come this morning." He told her.

She smiled at him and let go of him, sliding forward over him. He put his tip into position and she slowly slid down onto him, his swollen, throbbing hardness stretching her walls and filling her to the brim.

"God Jack you're like crack." She moaned and began moving over him.

"You're a poet and don't know it." He teased and sat up, pulling her into his chest and kissing her deeply.

He thrust up into her and she began riding him and once they found a rhythm they rocked together in harmonious pre-orgasmic pleasure, slowly loving one another and keeping each other on the edge of release, their bodies connected at the middle, chests lightly sliding up and down against one another and hands gently moving over each others shoulders, arms and backs, their mouths locked in a passionate kiss. She pulled her mouth away and locked their foreheads together, the tips of their noses gently rubbing together.

"So close, so close, don't stop." She panted softly and felt him deepen his thrusts, hitting the spot she needed him to hit and making her start to clench around him.

"Come on baby, come on, let's get over the edge together." He whispered in her ear as he thrust into her.

She stopped moving and cried out, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing as tight as she could. He stopped his thrusts and held onto her, holding firmly to her back while he let his own release go, his mouth sucking and biting at her neck as his body jerked slightly with each spurt of his juices. They both finally stilled and held onto one another, trying to refocus and regain their senses along with the ability to breathe at a normal rate.

"Did you just compare me to a street drug Kate?" He asked and laughed lightly.

"I did. I'm addicted to you. No matter how many times I fuck you, I just want more." She said and felt his cock twitch inside of her.

"Apparently, we just finished and you're trying to get me going again." He teased.

"I love you so much Jack, more than I've ever loved anyone." She told him, her head resting on his shoulder, their bodies still connected and him holding her in his arms.

"I love you too." He said and pulled back some so she would look at him.

He brushed the stray hairs away from her face and pushed them behind her ear and smiled at her. She was the only woman he'd ever known that could look so cute in such a disheveled state and when she wasn't looking cute she was so beautiful she took his breath away. He kissed her softly, rubbing his thumb over her cheek.

"I guess we should get out of bed huh?" She said.

"Yeah, I need go to the hospital before I pick up Conner. Do you need me to grab anything while I'm out?" He asked.

"Nope, just the birthday boy." Kate said.

They finally separated, took a shower together and dressed for the day. Jack left for the hospital and Kate spent the morning putting the finishing touches on the party. Jack pulled into the driveway of his parent's house closer to 1 PM than noon and knew his son wasn't going to be happy with him, but decided it wouldn't be as bad as the scolding he'd just received via cell phone from Kate. He had no good excuse. He got busy and lost track of the time. Conner opened the front door before Jack had a chance to ring the bell.

"You're late." Conner accused.

"I know son and I'm sorry, but we still have a whole hour before your party." Jack told him.

"Come inside and see the room Grandma and Grandpa made for me." Conner said as he grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him into the house.

Jack followed the excited child up the stairs to the bedroom that used to be his. Conner opened the door and Jack couldn't believe what he saw. The entire room had been redone to suit Conner. One entire wall was for painting and there were paints and easels in that area of the room. A new bed with bright, colorful bedding had replaced his old bed and on another wall was a television stand with a brand new 19 inch flat screen television with a DVD player and Conner's favorite game system, along with a few movies and games. Jack turned around and saw his parents standing in the doorway.

"Are you planning on adopting him?" Jack asked.

"Look daddy, grandma can paint with me sometimes and grandpa played a video game with me last night. I creamed him." Conner laughed.

"We're hoping he can spend more time with us and if he's going to do that he needs to feel like he's at home." Jack's mother explained.

"This is great. Did you thank them Conner?" Jack asked visibly moved by the effort his parents were making to be a part of his and Conner's life.

"Uh huh, didn't I grandpa?" Conner answered.

"Yes he did. He's a good boy Jack." Christian said.

"Grandpa said I could have a trampoline, but only if you say it's okay." Conner said.

"Dad, you know how dangerous those things are, why would you make an offer like that?" Jack asked.

"I didn't. He asked and I decided I'd let you be the bad guy." Christian smirked.

"Sorry Conner, no trampoline." Jack said.

Conner didn't get overly upset. He'd been begging for a trampoline for over a year and knew his dad wasn't going to budge on his decision, but his young mind thought maybe that he'd have to do it if his grandpa told him to.

"I hate to run you off son, but if you want your mother and me to pick up Tony for you we're going to have to leave now or we'll be late for the party." Christian said.

"Yeah okay, I'll see you guys there." Jack said feeling both grateful and confused.

Jack managed to get Conner home with 25 minutes to spare. He hurried him upstairs and helped him find the shorts and the shirt Kate wanted him to wear. She'd hired a photographer to capture the party and bought him a new pair of cargo shorts and a navy blue polo to wear. Jack had rushed Conner up the stairs so quickly the child had no time to notice just how fun his party was going to be. Jack brought him down the stairs on his hip, talking to him and then set him down in the living room. Conner began looking around at all the balloons and streamers and decorations and when he spotted the moon walk through glass windows of the double doors that led to the back yard he grinned from ear to ear and ran for the door.

"Don't go out yet Conner. We have to wait for your friends to get here." Jack told him.

Conner looked out the windows at the carnival like atmosphere his backyard had been turned into and ran back to Jack, who knelt down to his level.

"This is for my party?" Conner asked.

"Yes, it's all for you. Do you like it?" Jack asked.

"I love it!" Conner exclaimed with so much excitement Jack laughed.

"You should go find Kate and thank her. She planned all of this." Jack told him as the doorbell rang, announcing the first guests to arrive.

Jack left to answer the front door and turned to find Conner on his heels. He pushed in front of his dad and opened the door to find his Aunt and uncle and their children.

"Aunt Jenna!" Conner yelled happily and reached out for a hug.

Jenna hugged him for a long time, kissed him on the cheek, told him happy birthday and handed him a gift. She straightened back up and looked at Jack.

"Why don't you take the gift to Kate and see where she wants you to put them Conner and take your cousins with you." Jack said.

"Daddy, you keep saying Kate, it's mom." Conner reminded him.

"You're right, sorry. She's in the kitchen I think. Let me talk to Jenna for a minute." Jack said.

Conner took his cousins into the house and left his dad at the door with Jenna and Mike.

"Mom?" Jenna asked in a disapproving tone.

"We aren't going to do this Jenna. It's important to Conner that you are a part of this day, but so help me God if you do anything to ruin this for him we'll finish what we started in this same foyer the night you brought him home with bruises on him." Jack threatened.

"There's not going to be any problems Jack. We just wanted to see Conner, celebrate his birthday with him." Jenna's husband Mike assured him.

"Come on in, have a seat." Jack said and moved to the side so they could enter the foyer.

"Did you and Kate get married?" Jenna asked.

"Not yet, we're engaged." Jack said.

"But he's already calling her mom?" Jenna asked.

"Yes. Come on Jenna, you know how much I love Emily, but Conner never knew her and he loves Kate and wants to call her mom. Please don't make him feel like he's doing something wrong." Jack pleaded with her.

"She won't, come on Jenna, you promised you'd let this go." Mike prodded.

Jack watched them walk away and saw more guests arriving so he decided to stay at the door and greet them all. Some of the parents dropped their children off and left, while others chose to stay since they really didn't know Jack or Kate and weren't comfortable leaving their children with strangers. The day went very well. Jack and Kate got to meet many new potential friends and two of the dads volunteered to take Jack's place in the dunk tank. Conner's entire class as well as many of the neighborhood children were in attendance and a few of the mother's as well as Jenna and Margo helped Kate keep all the kids entertained and fed and worked the various games she had set up.

When Jack spotted his father in the moon walk with Conner he decided he couldn't take it anymore and had to know what was going on, who these people were and what had they done with his parents. When he saw Christian enter the house he decided he'd find a quiet corner some place and demand some answers.

He found his father sitting on the couch with Tony getting ready to play a video game with him. Jack hadn't had a minute to spare for Tony the whole day and wasn't sure why, but he felt a little guilty.

"Hey Tony, are you having fun?" Jack asked.

"I wish I could jump." Tony sighed.

"I wish you could too bud. Have you been using those crutches and playing some of the games?" Jack asked.

"I'm tired Jack and my leg hurts." Tony whined.

"Maybe when some of the guests leave he'll feel more like moving around." Christian offered.

"Yeah, okay. Dad, can I talk to you for a minute?" Jack asked.

Christian followed Jack into the office he had in his home. Jack closed the door and paced, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say.

"Is something wrong Jack?" Christian asked.

"Wrong? No, not wrong, just weird. Why are you and mom acting so……..nice?" Jack asked finally settling on _nice_ for lack of a better term.

"We weren't nice before?" Christian asked his tone a mixture of confused and condescending.

"Come on dad, you were jumping in the moon walk. What's going on?" Jack asked.

"Your mother and I are starting over Jack, trying to recapture a time when we hadn't yet destroyed everything we touched." Christian explained.

"Why? I mean why now?" Jack pushed.

"What is the big deal son?" Christian asked.

"It's a big deal because I've never known these people my parents have become. You've been fucking with my head my entire life dad, why would I believe this isn't another mind game?" Jack snapped.

"First of all, your mother has always been what you are seeing lately, I just never had any tolerance for it so she kept it inside and your are right Jack, the games I've played with you, games I thought would make you mentally strong have ruined my relationship with you, but this isn't a game. I promise." Christian said.

"So why the change dad?" Jack asked.

"I've stopped drinking and my hands shake. They shake and they get stiff. What good is a surgeon with stiff, shaky hands?" Christian said.

"So what? You've made some deal with God? If he'll give you your hands back you'll be nice?' Jack asked the venomous sarcasm stinging as badly as intended.

Christian looked at Jack. He typically avoided his eyes because the hurt and anger he always saw in son's eyes bothered him. Today he saw the hurt and the anger with a hint of confusion and distrust. He shook his head and put his hand on Jack's shoulder. Jack looked down at the hand and brushed it off, backing away from him, not about to fall prey to another round of Christian Shephard's mind manipulation.

"No Jack, I'm retiring." Christian answered watching Jack's facial expression immediately to go a look of pure shock.

"Retire? Everything you love is at that hospital." Jack argued.

"Should everything a man loves revolve around his chosen profession?" Christian asked.

"According to you, yes. Remember, I was supposed to marry a woman like my mother who would understand that I'm supposed to be committed to my work 120 percent." Jack said.

"We could go back and forth over all the wrong information I've given you over the years, but what good would it do Jack? I've admitted I screwed up badly with you, yet somehow you still managed to become someone so much better than me and I mean that Jack. I'm proud of you." Christian said.

"What are you going to do if you retire?" Jack asked.

"Travel, enjoy my grandchildren, enjoy my wife. She's planning on turning one of the bedrooms into a nursery you know." Christian told him and noticed the glint of happiness in his son's eyes.

"No more nurses on the side?" Jack asked.

"No, no more of that. We're also going to take Tony in." Christian said.

"What?" Was all Jack could manage.

"We've been spending our evenings with him Jack and we've decided that he needs a home, a good home with two people who can give him the attention he needs." Christian explained.

"So that room you fixed up, it wasn't for Conner?" Jack asked.

"Yes, that room was for Conner and for your mother. He gets his artistic talents from her you know. She always wanted to teach you to paint, but I already had other plans for your hands and well, you know I always get what I want. We fixed up one of the bedrooms down the hall for Tony. Now all we have to do is tell him." Christian said.

"So what are you waiting for? He's scared and lonely dad, maybe finding out he's got a place to call home when he recovers will help settle him down." Jack suggested.

"That's it? You're not going to say how crazy this is, how awful we were to you and how we shouldn't be allowed to be responsible for another child?" Christian asked.

"Jesus dad, if I really felt that way do you think I'd let Conner be around you, although that threatening to send him away to school thing was pretty sick and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it." Jack said.

"I talked to him Jack and let him know I was wrong." Christian said.

"I know. He told me. Look dad, I know we have our issues, but I think it's great if you're serious about taking him in and giving him a real shot at a happy, stable life, especially if you really have stopped drinking and are planning on leaving the hospital." Jack said.

"We'll tell Tony as soon as the people at social services tell us we can take him in. We have to go to some classes and pass a home inspection. We should get back to the party Jack." Christian said.

"So mom is excited about the baby?" Jack asked his tone heartbreakingly hopeful.

"Your mother is excited that you have found a reason to be happy again, and she did say she hopes it's a girl. You should talk to her about it Jack. She'd probably even help you plan that wedding you seem to be putting off." Christian said.

"You're right; we should get back to the party." Jack said, ending their conversation abruptly.

"What are you afraid of Jack?" Christian asked.

"Nothing and everything, come on dad let's go back to the party." Jack said and left the room.

Christian followed behind taking his place beside Tony on the couch again. He picked up the game controller and looked over at Tony.

"You'll probably have to teach me how to play." Christian said to the boy.

"I left my game in the car in my backpack. Sorry." Tony said.

"I'll go get it." Christian said.

Christian walked out the front door and toward the driveway. He could see Kate at the end of the long driveway talking to a man and the man appeared to be holding Kate's attention, by keeping a firm grip on her arm. He strolled down the driveway quietly and was on them before the man noticed him. He quickly let go of Kate's arm.

"Is everything okay Kate?" Christian asked.

"Yes, this is Cray. He's an old friend. He was just leaving." Kate said.

"Yes, I was just leaving. You've got my number Kate?" He asked.

"Yes." Kate answered quickly obviously upset by whatever was going on.

Christian watched the well dressed man climb into his Mercedes and drive away. He looked at Kate until she finally sensed him staring and looked up at him.

"What?" Kate asked.

"You're still lying to Jack aren't you?" Christian asked.

"What makes you say that?" Kate asked.

"If you were being honest with him, I wouldn't have walked up on some guy bullying you far enough away from the house that Jack wouldn't see it." Christian said.

"I'm not lying to him; I just didn't tell him everything." Kate said.

"There's a difference?" Christian replied with a sarcastic laugh.

"If it means not hurting him then yes there is a difference." Kate snapped.

"Kate, whatever this is, he's going to find out and maybe he gets hurt less if you offer up the information instead of waiting until you're forced to come clean." Christian reasoned.

Kate wrapped her arms over her chest hugging herself, unsuccessfully fighting the tears that wanted to escape. She was shaking ever so slightly and Christian could tell that whatever her secret was it was big, so big she'd found herself trapped, unable to find a way to fix things.

"I'm sorry, I'm just, I don't know how I let things get this out of control. I'm not a bad person, I'm stupid and gullible and found myself in a desperate situation that made me go along with things without thinking them through and now I don't know how, I don't know what to do anymore." Kate cried.

"Talk to Jack and do it tonight." Christian told her.

"I can't." Kate argued.

"You better or I will." Christian said.

"You don't like me much do you?" Kate asked.

"How would I know the answer to that Kate? Have I met the real you yet or she still hiding under all the lies some place." Christian said and walked away from her.


	34. Chapter 34

Kate slowly made her way back up the driveway and toward the house. As she neared the sidewalk that led to the front door she saw Jack standing there, the look on his face telling her that he'd seen enough to know that she had more secrets and that he was bordering somewhere between hurt and fed up. She approached him and started to speak. He put his hands up and shook his head.

"Don't." He said.

"Jack, please let me explain." Kate pleaded.

"Why bother Kate? No matter how many times you explain your story changes or you conveniently leave out important details so why would I want to listen to any more of your explanations?" Jack reasoned his voice resigned instead of angry.

"You're mad and you have every right to be, but…" Kate tried to explain.

"Kate, I'm not mad, I'm not anything and I don't want to do this right now. We're in the middle of a birthday party." Jack said and walked away from her.

Kate let him go. He was right that it would be an inappropriate time to discuss why she had continued to keep things from him. She wasn't sure why she kept things from him, other than the shame she felt over things kept her from coming clean with him. He was so good and she wasn't and how could someone like him ever begin to understand or accept the things she'd taken part in, the deal she had made, the deal that inadvertently ended up involving him and left her scared and confused and unsure of how to make things right.

The party carried on into the evening and by 9 PM all of the outside party rentals had been picked up, the guests were gone and Conner was asleep in the middle of the living room floor. The house was a wreck and Jack was sunburned and tired from climbing in and out of the dunk tank all day. He picked Conner up from the floor and cradled him in his arms.

"I'm going to put him to bed, grab a shower and go to bed. We can clean this mess up tomorrow." He said and headed up the stairs.

"Can we talk Jack?" Kate asked.

"There's nothing to talk about Kate." Jack said and left her standing in the mess that used to be the downstairs area of their home.

Jack woke the next morning, his muscles a little sore from the previous day's activities. Kate was sleeping soundly beside him. He propped himself up on his elbow and watched her sleep. Last night had been the first time in a long time they hadn't made love and gone to sleep in each other's arms. He wasn't sure what he felt when he saw the man at the end of the driveway obviously threatening her and his father breaking it up, but it felt quite a bit like defeat, like the reason he'd been avoiding setting a wedding date had become clear to him. He didn't know this woman and it was clear that she had no intention of allowing him to know her, yet he'd let his son start calling her mom and was having a baby with her. Kate was easily the most irresponsible thing he'd ever done in his life and while he was confused and even a little a hurt at the moment he wasn't sorry and that left him feeling a little uneasy because this could blow up in his face very quickly and leave his son and unborn child in shambles so how could he not feel at least a twinge of regret for getting in so deep and doing so in such a careless manner.

He quietly slipped out of the bed, slipped some jeans on and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He stopped outside of Conner's bedroom and looked in. The child was still sleeping, exhausted from the previous day's activities. He moved down the stairs and immediately noticed the house was clean, that there was no sign of the party that took place the day before and that it must've taken Kate hours to put it all back together and that she spent a great deal of that time on a ladder, which is something he wouldn't have allowed if he'd been around. He shook his head and realized that he couldn't protect her, couldn't coddle her and that he adored her free spirit and stubborn independence. Did it really matter that she had secrets she wasn't ready to share? Did it make her any less loveable? Shouldn't he just accept that she needs time to learn to trust him and not take her uneasiness in that respect personally?

Jack sat in his office drinking coffee and studying the charts of the twin girls he would be operating on in less than two weeks. Conner entered the room about 30 minutes later. Jack smiled at the sleepy child and motioned for him to come and sit in his lap. Conner moved to where Jack was sitting and Jack pulled him into his lap. He hugged him close and kissed the top of his head. His son had a child's equivalent of a party hangover, was tired and was content to be held and cuddled until the fog lifted from his brain.

"You used to do this when you were younger. You'd drag your blanket and your bear into my bedroom and climb into bed with me and I'd hold you and rub your back until you woke up demanding breakfast." Jack reminisced with him.

"Where's mommy?" Conner asked, the seemingly innocent question stabbing Jack in the heart and taking him back to wondering if he'd made a big mistake.

"She's sleeping." Jack answered.

"Can we wake her up?" Conner asked.

"No son, she's very tired, she stayed up and cleaned up the party mess. Do you need something?" He asked.

"No, I just really love her daddy." Conner said through a yawn as he snuggled closer to Jack and closed his eyes again.

Jack sat back in his chair and watched Conner fall back to sleep.

"I just really love her too buddy and sometimes that's enough." Jack said softly.

Jack carried Conner out to the couch and lay him down. He put a blanket over him and walked up the stairs to check on Kate. She was curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed, clutching his pillow and by the looks of the strewn bed coverings she wasn't resting well, but tossing and turning. He slipped out of his jeans and moved in beside her, allowing her back to nestle into his chest and abdomen and then wrapping his arm around her. She straightened her legs out, wrapped her arms around his forearm and sighed; the comfort of having him wrapped her around allowing her to find peaceful, relaxing sleep.

He lay with her, not really tired, but finding it relaxing to just hold her while she slept. He wished she could know how deep his feelings for her ran and believe that he's going to always love her no matter what. He guessed the best way to make that point was to not make a big deal out of yesterday, to let her know he's there for her whenever she's ready to open up to him and stop demanding the honesty from her that she isn't ready to give.

Kate had been restless all night and remembered waking up in his arms. She wasn't sure when that had happened, but didn't care, it meant that at the very least she hadn't ruined everything and her mind eased and slept. When she woke up this time, his hand was between her legs and she realized the wet dream she was having wasn't a dream at all. Her panties were gone and he was penetrating her slowly with two fingers while his mouth was moving slowly over her neck. She opened her eyes and moaned making him look up at her.

"Just so you know, you started this." He said with a grin and kissed her.

"I was asleep, how did I start it?" She giggled.

"You might've been asleep, but your hands weren't. I dozed off and when I woke up your hand was inside my underwear." He told her.

"I was fondling you in my sleep?" She asked.

"You were doing more than fondling and it was totally hot by the way." He told her and kissed her again, pushing his underwear down and moving on top of her.

He slowly pushed himself inside her and looked into her eyes. There were a million questions in her eyes along with a hint of confusion and fear, as if he was playing a game with her, toying with her as a form of punishment for lying to him and it saddened him.

"Do you not want this?" He asked.

"I don't understand Jack. If you're mad at me I deserve it, but please don't try to hurt me like this, I couldn't take it." She told him as her eyes filled with tears.

"I'm not mad Kate and I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to make love to you because I love you more than anything Kate, enough to be patient and accept that there are things you're afraid to tell me and not take it personally." He told her and tried to move off of her.

"No, don't. Please, I want you if you still want me." She told him.

"How do you want it?" He teased trying to take the edge off the situation.

"I don't want to talk dirty Jack. I love you so much I hurt when you aren't with me. I just want you to love me right now, sweet and gentle like that night in the cabin. I need to feel that right now." Kate told him.

He felt awful. His coldness toward her the night before had nearly destroyed her. As tough and stubborn and independent as she liked to appear to be on the surface, she wasn't any of those things when it came to their relationship and as he held her soft, scared, tiny body in his arms and wiped her tears away and began to love her gently, sweetly and slowly he realized for the first time that she really did need him as much as he needed her, maybe more. She needed him to love her unconditionally and nurture her and win the trust that up until this moment he felt like he had some right to demand from her. He was right to feel hurt and feel betrayed, but she couldn't handle the idea of losing him, he understood that now, not that she was ever in any real danger of losing him, but she didn't believe that yet, wasn't secure enough yet and what she was giving him really was the best she could do.

He made love to her with all the passion and love he felt for her oozing from his pores, doing his best to reassure her, to let her know that she couldn't drive him away and it went on and on, slowly and sensually bringing orgasm after warm, tingly orgasm out of her. She never broke eye contact with him and when he finally dropped his head to the space between her head and shoulder and emptied himself into her, she cupped her hands over the back of his head and cried, holding him there and enjoying the feeling of his body draped over hers, him still deep inside her and she hated that she had to tell him things that would probably hurt him, but he deserved to know, hell he had to know because Cray wasn't going to leave her alone.

"Jack, I'm sorry I'm not the person you thought I was." Kate whispered into his ear.

Jack lifted his head and looked at her tear streaked face. He kissed a few of the tears away and smiled at her.

"I think you are the person I fell in love with Kate, but you seem to want to define yourself by the things you've done instead of who you are." Jack argued.

"I lied to you Jack. I've been lying to you since the day we met." Kate said.

"Yeah, I figured the man trying to break your arm in the driveway wasn't just a pushy vacuum cleaner salesman." Jack chuckled and moved off of her.

"Did you not hear me Jack? I lied to you. I told you I was on the pill and I wasn't. I came to San Francisco hoping to get pregnant." Kate told him.

Jack had imagined many things, but this wasn't one of them.

"Kate, one of the first things you told me was that sex wasn't part of the deal you made with my father and now you're saying my father paid you to have sex with me?" Jack asked.

"No, your father paid me to be your companion, he didn't specify what I should or shouldn't do with you other than the two specific events he wanted me on your arm for. I needed to get pregnant and you were a good looking and most likely disease free man so I went to San Francisco intent on killing two birds with one stone." Kate admitted.

"So all the flirting and throwing yourself at me and showing up in my room distraught over your sick child and begging me to have sex with you so you could feel better was an act?" Jack asked feeling a bit disgusted at the idea of her using her sick child as an excuse to get him to have sex with her.

"No, that was real. The flirting was me trying to get you to take me to bed, but then you were so sweet and that kiss goodnight was the most charming thing any man has ever done for me and I realized I'd made a friend and for some reason it felt safe to lean on you when I began falling apart over TJ." Kate explained.

"Kate I don't understand any of this. Could you just cut to the chase and tell me why you wanted to get pregnant." Jack sighed.

"I didn't want to get pregnant, I need to get pregnant. It's all so complicated Jack because I started falling for you immediately and this thing I was supposed to do was no longer an issue and I started taking my pills again as soon as we returned from the cabin and I regained a little bit of my sanity. When I had a period, I was relieved because I thought I had dodged a bullet and that I hadn't deceived you and that we could have a relationship and plan a child together some day. Obviously things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped." Kate said.

"So you wanted an abortion because you knew you'd lied to me and was afraid I'd find out?" Jack asked doing his best to stay patient with her.

"No, I never really wanted an abortion. I was so in love with you by the time I figured out I was pregnant that having a part of you growing inside of me felt as special it should, but I couldn't let Cray find out." Kate said.

"Cray? The baby broker guy?" Jack asked.

"He's also my ex-husband I think." Kate admitted.

"You think? You don't know?" Jack snapped.

"Please Jack, I know you're angry, but yelling at me isn't going to help the situation." Kate pleaded with him.

"I'm not angry Kate. I'm so fucking confused and frustrated I don't know whether to laugh, cry or scream at the moment. You've obviously been lying to me about everything so if you really want to tell me what the hell is going on, how about starting at the beginning." Jack told her.

"I didn't lie about everything; I just left some stuff out. I have been in contact with Cray and Eddie the whole time I've been in Los Angeles and I don't think that my marriage to Cray was really a legal one, just a convenience for business purposes. Look Jack, I could go on and on about my life in the baby broker business and how Cray used me and what a fucking idiot I am, but I'll spare you the details. Everything I told you about TJ was true and Cray used TJ's illness and need for medical treatment as a way of keeping me under his thumb." Kate told him.

"So what? You had to do what he said or he would stop paying the medial bills?" Jack asked.

"That's exactly what it was and he had a couple that was willing to pay a lot of money for a healthy white baby. He said if I would do that, if I would hook up with one of the highly educated and well bred white males in the restaurant I was working at, get pregnant and give him the baby he'd call it even and leave me alone and make sure all of TJ's expenses were paid for. He even drew up a contract that I supposedly could hold him to." Kate explained.

"Jesus Christ Kate do you realize how insane that sounds? You wanted me to get you pregnant so this guy could sell our baby?" Jack asked.

"I know Jack, it's crazy and I'm crazy and I'm a bad person, but I swear Jack, the first time we made love was because I wanted you, because I really liked you and not because I was thinking about getting pregnant. Please believe that our relationship has never been about Cray and the hold he has on me." Kate pleaded.

Jack was quiet, trying to take it all in and make sense of what made no sense. He remembered their time in San Francisco and their first time together and he looked over at her.

"It's going to be okay Kate. He's not getting our baby and I won't let him bother you anymore." Jack said taking note of the shocked and relieved look on her face.

"That's it? You aren't mad? You believe me?" Kate asked.

"I'm so fucking freaked out Kate I don't know if there is an appropriate way to react, but I'm not mad and I believe your feelings for me are genuine and were genuine the first time we made love. You're too sweet and loveable for it to be an act and if that's not enough the fact that my son "_just really loves you"_ seals the deal. He might only be six years old, but he's got the best instincts of any person I've ever met." Jack said.

"Why are you being so understanding Jack? You can be mad at me for lying to you. I promise not to self-destruct." Kate said.

"I don't want to be mad at you Kate. I love you and I want you to believe you can tell me anything and I'm not going to stop loving you. What good would it do for me to mope around acting offended? Besides, if Conner were in a life or death situation I can't say what I would or wouldn't do to make sure got what he needed." Jack said.

"Cray came by yesterday wanting to know if I was ever going to make good on my end of the bargain. I didn't tell him I'm pregnant. I owe him so much money Jack. He's never going to leave me alone." Kate said.

"He'll leave you alone. I really don't know all the legalities of what he's doing, but I can't imagine the BAR Association would be happy to be connected to something so controversial and probably immoral." Jack said.

"Probably immoral?" Kate asked.

"There's no doubt this Cray guy is on the immoral side of things, but the parents that really want a baby so bad they'll pay anything aren't being immoral, just desperate." Jack offered.

"Even the ones that would bring a defective baby back?" Kate asked.

"The world is full of idiots Kate. Look at Tony's father." Jack said.

"What if he comes back while you're not here? I don't want him scaring Conner." Kate said.

"Tell me how to get in contact with him Kate and I'll get with my father and his long reach and we'll make him go away." Jack said.

"There is no way I can ever repay you for everything you've done for me Jack." Kate said.

"I don't want to be paid Kate. I love you. You make me happy and you're going to give me another child and in a few weeks you're going to go to Lake Tahoe with me and marry me." He said watching her face for a reaction to the last part.

"Lake Tahoe?" Kate asked.

"My dad suggested Vegas, but I like the idea of Tahoe better. What do you think?" Jack asked.

"I thought we'd go downtown to the courthouse one day." Kate said.

"You don't want a wedding?" He asked.

"I don't need a wedding Jack." She answered.

"I didn't ask what you needed, I asked what you wanted. You wouldn't like to have at least a nice water front ceremony, or maybe get married on a Yacht and of course if we leave town there's no hospital to interrupt the honeymoon." He said with a grin.

"A honeymoon, as in you and me spending time together without interruptions?" Kate asked making him laugh.

"Kate, you're the girl. You're supposed to get all excited over the girly wedding stuff. I'm the guy and I'm supposed to be the one pushing myself through the girly wedding stuff so we can get to the honeymoon." Jack told her.

"But the honeymoon promises to be so much more fun." Kate giggled and rolled on top of him, kissing him deeply before pulling back to look at him.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me Kate." He said sweetly.

"You don't have to say that Jack. I know your first wife was very special to you." Kate said.

"She was, but she's gone and I'd never compare the two of you." Jack said.

"I have nothing but a short list of assholes to compare you to so you are without a doubt the most special man I've ever know and I will love you until the day I die." Kate told him.

"So are we going to do this Kate? Get married in Tahoe?" He asked.

"Sure, but I've never planned a wedding before so don't get your hopes up." Kate told him.

"I'm going to be wrapped up with the twin separation for the next two weeks Kate. You won't see much of me. You could get with my mom and I bet she'd help plan it." Jack offered.

"I don't think your parents like me Jack." Kate said.

"If my parents didn't like you they would've told me so, trust me on that. Maybe you'd like to involve your own mother?" Jack asked cautiously.

"My mother is dead to me Jack." Kate said angrily.

"Okay, so my mother it is. I'll have her call you. Give her a chance Kate, she's not nearly as scary once you get to know her." Jack said and pulled her down for another kiss.

They continued to kiss and she felt him harden beneath her. She still had on the t-shirt she'd slept in, but had lost her panties in her sleep prior to the sex they'd just shared. She could feel the familiar ache for him and wondered if she'd ever grow tired of having him inside her. She slipped into position and felt him thrust himself inside.

"Mmmm…..you're so hard again. You're superman I think." Kate said as their now hungry, open mouths closed over each other, tongues working feverishly as their bodies began rocking.

"Up, up and away…" He teased in-between the now frantic, sloppy kissing and the hard thrusts into her.

They were eagerly grinding against one another, kissing and moaning and panting and focusing on getting over the edge. Neither one of them heard the door open or even realized Conner was in the bedroom until he was beside the bed and spoke.

"Daddy, I'm hungry." Conner said obviously confused and wondering what his parents were doing.

"Please tell me the sheets are covering up the important stuff." Jack mumbled into her mouth.

"Yes, all covered and ready to explode daddy." Kate giggled.

"What are you guys doing?" Conner asked.

"We're just playing around son. Your mom thought she could pin me like the wrestlers on television." Jack liked.

"Did you win mommy?" Conner asked innocently.

"Yep, I've got him pinned down good. How about you run downstairs and pick out what you want for breakfast and I'll let you help me cook. We'll show daddy how good you are at it." Kate suggested.

"Daddy got beat by a girl." Conner giggled and happily scooted out of the room to do as Kate had asked.

"Let's finish." Kate said.

"You just emasculated me in front of my son Kate." Jack said.

"It's okay baby, I can feel you all the way up to my throat. There's nothing about you that isn't 100 percent man and I love every inch and pound of you." Kate grinned.

"Liar, you just want me to make you come." He chuckled.

"That's true, but you are all man and I'll make sure Conner knows you won the best out of three matches. Please finish Jack." Kate pleaded.

"Beg me. Say it. I know you want to talk dirty now." He taunted.

"Give it to me hard and fast." She begged and felt his cock jerk involuntarily just before he rolled her over onto her back and began pounding into her feverishly, getting both of them over the edge before Conner returned wondering what was taking so long.

He rolled off of her and tried to settle his breathing.

"God that was a close a call, but also strangely exciting, do you suppose we were exhibitionists in our other lives." He joked.

"Other lives? Wait till I get you to Tahoe." Kate teased and climbed out of bed.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Brace yourselves. Here comes the storm I hinted at. Some of you are going to be very unhappy, but everyone has a limit to what they can put up with, even Jack.**_

Jack ate the scrambled eggs and toast that Conner helped cook and left his two favorite people to see patients and check on Tony. When he walked up to Tony's room he saw his father standing just outside the door. Jack stood beside him and observed the young woman sitting on the side of the bed talking to Tony.

"Social worker?" Jack asked.

"Mother." Christian answered.

"What?" Jack asked.

"When you told me about this boy and got me involved I called my attorney and asked him if he could dig a little deeper than social services and find his mother. He called me last night, actually he called me during the party." Christian explained.

"So what's her story?" Jack asked.

"She was 15 when she gave birth to him. It would appear that the child's father is not only a monster, he also enjoys the company of very young girls. She was the daughter of a business associate. It was all very hushed. She had the baby and he took him away from her at her parent's insistence and then they sent her away to school so she could forget about it." Christian said.

"Did she? Forget about it?" Jack asked.

"According to her, they never even let her hold him. Hard to forget what you never had a chance to know." Christian said.

"Does he know she's his mother?" Jack asked.

"No, not yet. She wanted to meet him. She isn't sure if she wants to take this on or if she can afford to take it on." Christian said.

"So, I guess you and mom taking him in won't be happening?" Jack asked.

"Your mother and I taking him in would be a last resort Jack. The boy has a mother, a young mother than can keep up with him. It would be best to find a way to make that work wouldn't you agree?" Christian asked.

"If she wants to be his mother then yes, but if it's going to mean more neglect and abuse then no." Jack argued.

"Look at her Jack. Does she look like someone that would hurt a child?" Christian asked.

"Let's hope not. I need to talk to you about what happened yesterday with Kate." Jack said.

"What happened with Kate yesterday?" Christian asked.

"I saw you break up whatever was going on at the end of the driveway and I need you to help me figure out how to make that guy go away." Jack said.

Christian studied Jack, saw the stubborn determination in his eyes and decided that suggesting maybe he make Kate go away and risk another ugly blow up with his son would be counter-productive. They walked to the lobby and Jack relayed Kate's story to his father. Christian was quiet for awhile, taking it all in, the wheels of his mind slowly cranking, trying to determine if he believed Kate's latest tale.

"Don't get angry with me son, but are you sure the baby is yours?" Christian asked.

"According to the ultrasound it is, so will you help me or not?" Jack asked, slightly aggravated.

"I suppose since it's my fault she's in your life, the least I can do is help clean some of the skeletons out of her closet." Christian sighed.

"Don't talk about her like she's trash." Jack said angrily.

"Jack does any of this not bother you? You really don't care that she set out to get pregnant and sell your baby, that she brokered babies for a living, that she's done god knows what else that she hasn't told you about?" Christian asked.

"Should it bother me that you've been fucking around on my mother for as long as I can remember? Should it bother me that most of my childhood you were either working or drunk? Should it bother me that you've been messing with my head and manipulating me since I was six years old? Of course the baby broker stuff and the lies bother me, but I love her enough to get past that and I wish you would try to get past it and stop focusing on her mistakes long enough to see all of her wonderful qualities." Jack said.

"Fair enough, I guess you've gotten past it far enough to set a wedding date." Christian said.

"We're going to Tahoe after the twin separation. It would be great if you and mom and Conner were there and if you would bring him home with you and let us hang back, have a bit of a honeymoon." Jack said.

"When after the twin separation?" Christian asked.

"I don't know. I thought mom could get with Kate and work out the details. I can't think about something like that right now. Kate knows that starting tomorrow I'll be focused on this surgery and won't be around much, but I do want to get married and soon and so does she." Jack said.

"I'll call my attorney. He can make some phone calls and find out what we need to know about this Cray character and how to make him go away. Jack, I hope you've really thought this out and I don't think we should share Kate's past with your mother if you want them to get along." Christian said.

Jack finished his conversation with his father, checked on Tony and introduced himself to the young woman who apparently was Tony's mother. He left Tony's room with every intention of going home, but when he noticed the files of the twins in the front seat of his car he decided to go back to the hospital and put them in his office. Once in his office he decided he'd take a few minutes to prepare himself for the surgical team meeting that was scheduled for the next day. The next thing he knew three hours had passed and his cell phone was vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out, saw that it was Kate and noticed the time.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I lost track of time." Jack said.

"That's twice this weekend Jack. You promised Conner we'd go to the park so he could ride his bike." Kate said.

"I know and I'm sorry. I'll be home pretty soon." Jack told her obviously distracted.

"Don't worry about it Jack, I'll take him." Kate sighed.

"You don't mind?" Jack asked.

"No, but Conner probably does." Kate accused.

"Kate, I've spent so much time away from the hospital lately that I'm behind. He'll understand." Jack insisted.

"Goodbye Jack." Kate said.

"Yeah, bye. Love you." Jack said and shoved the phone back in his pocket still distracted with the file he was studying.

The next time he looked at his watch it was after 8 PM. He cursed himself, straightened the files on his desk and left. He was locking his office when Brandi approached him.

"How does a family man manage to get a Sunday night away from the house?" Brandi teased.

"I didn't mean to work this late. I'm probably in trouble." Jack laughed lightly.

"So I guess asking if you're interested in grabbing a drink would be pointless." Brandi said.

"I can't Brandi. I need to get home before it's time for Conner to go bed. Can I get a rain check?" Jack asked.

"Sure. Goodnight Jack." Brandi said.

When Jack entered his home fifteen minutes past Conner's bedtime it was so quiet it was deafening. He dropped his keys and his briefcase in his office and walked up the stairs to find his family. Conner was sleeping soundly in his bed. He walked in, pulled the blankets up over his shoulders and kissed his forehead. He walked down the hallway to the master bedroom. The room was dark so he turned around and went back downstairs. He realized he hadn't eaten since breakfast and made himself a sandwich. He sat in front of the television with his sandwich and a beer and noticed how strange it felt. It had been a long time since he dragged in late from work and sat alone in front of the television with a sandwich and a cold beer and he realized how much he had missed his work and his life at the hospital.

He'd been so wrapped up in Kate's trauma over TJ, followed by the pregnancy and then Conner's broken arm and stitches and abuse at the hands of his aunt with the drama of Tony's situation and a broken hand that kept him out of surgery for the last 5 weeks, that he hadn't been focused on his work much and he realized just how unfocused he'd been when he finally allowed himself the time to sit in the peace and quiet of his office and get caught up. Kate was most likely mad at him and not really asleep, but if she was going to marry him she needed to get a taste of what it is really like to be married to a busy doctor. He was willing to work at being home more, but his family had to also be willing to accept that there would be times when he wouldn't' be around.

He finished his sandwich and two more beers and finally climbed the stairs to his bedroom around 11 PM. When he entered the bedroom the television was on. He stood beside the bed and stripped his clothes off wondering if she was asleep this time or still ignoring him. He lay down in the bed and scooted over toward where her back was to him. He peeked over her shoulder and her eyes were closed. He kissed her on the cheek and lay down beside her. After a few minutes she rolled over and found herself face to face with him forcing him to bite back a grin.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey, what time did you get home?" Kate asked.

"It was a little after nine o'clock." He answered even though he knew she knew.

"Conner was pretty upset with you today." Kate said.

"Conner knows that I work long hours sometimes, but I guess my being around so much lately allowed him to forget that." Jack said flatly, refusing to play the guilt game with her.

"Are you mad at me Jack?" Kate asked.

"No, but you're mad at me. You're not used to the real me, the guy with the mistress I warned you about and that's okay, but I'm not going to cater to your anger or apologize for needing to catch up on my work today." Jack said.

"I don't want to fight with you Jack." She said and kissed him.

He kissed her back, holding gently to her side, his hand moving slowly over her breasts as the kiss went deeper and she wrapped her leg over his, his thigh making contact with her center. He finally broke the kiss and smiled at her.

"I'll go lock the door if you promise to be naked when I get back." He said making her giggle.

They spent another night lying naked in each other's arms and making love on and off. Jack knew this would be their last evening together for awhile when his mind wasn't too distracted to focus on her and did his best to convince her that she was loved and the center of his universe. Kate wasn't going into the next couple of weeks blind. He'd been telling her every day what it would be like and how distant and withdrawn he would probably become. Kate wasn't sure if she just didn't believe him or didn't want to believe him, but even though she assured him she was prepared and would be understanding she found herself feeling neglected and extremely jealous. She knew he was spending all of his time with Brandi and coming home sometimes just long enough to catch a few hours of sleep, grab a shower and leave again.

Kate found herself sniffing his shirts for any scent that wasn't Jack and had gone to him in the shower at 3 AM and performed fellatio on him before he would have the chance to wash away any evidence that he'd been inside another woman. He was shocked as well as pleased, finding the act to be a great stress reliever and Kate found no scent or taste on him that wasn't always there and she felt foolish, so foolish she wouldn't allow him to return the favor. Had Jack not been so distracted he would've noticed she was behaving strangely, that she was terribly insecure about him spending so much time with Brandi and he could've tried to reassure her, but as it was, he was clueless and just considered himself a really lucky guy to be able to come home from work at 3 AM and get a blow job as his reward for working that late.

They'd made love just one time in the two week leading up to the surgery and if Kate had been paying attention she would've realized that it was Jack that initiated it, Jack that missed her terribly and wanted to be with her both physically and emotionally and that while he was as distracted as a man could get he still managed to think about her and crave her. The three days leading up to the surgery Jack stopped coming home. He was consumed with the procedure, terrified and completely invigorated at the same time, he was like an athlete facing the biggest game of his life and nothing else in his life could penetrate his mind until it was over.

While Jack was being consumed with the scariest most difficult procedure he'd performed as a surgeon, Kate was being consumed with jealousy. She was convinced he'd stopped coming home because he was screwing Brandi again, that the two of them were on the couch in his office going at it like wild animals or back at her apartment breaking the bed springs. Kate never believed she'd be the type of woman to feel things like this, but she couldn't help it and the more she thought about it, the angrier she got.

The day of the surgery finally arrived. The separation would take approximately 16 to 18 hours from start to finish and they'd practiced and addressed every possible thing that could go wrong. 15 hours into the procedure the girls were finally two separate individuals and everyone took a deep breath, fighting the urge to cheer and high five one another. There was still the task of closing their wounds and getting their tiny, fragile bodies through another couple of hours of surgery. 17 hours into the procedure, Jack was applying the finishing sutures to the twin that he ended up with. He'd opted to deal with the smaller, more fragile twin once they were separated while Brandi dealt with the larger, more robust twin. Jack had just applied the last suture and was stepping away from his patient when he heard the crisis begin on the other side of the room. He jumped in and tried to help, but after 30 minutes they had to give it up and call it. One of the little girls had not made it, her heart no longer able to handle the stress of being under for so long.

Jack sent Brandi to the showers and made the long, painful journey to the waiting room to let the parents know that they hadn't been successful. He was headed to the locker room to change when his father met him in the hall.

"That was a tough one son, but you gave one little girl a chance at a happy, productive life." Christian said.

"We don't know that yet dad. She's hardly out of the woods." Jack said.

"I sent Brandi to your office Jack. She's devastated. You need to talk to her." Christian said.

"Yeah, okay." Jack said quietly and walked toward his office, not bothering to change out of his scrubs.

He opened the door and Brandi was standing in front of the window staring out into the darkness. He walked up behind her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault Brandi." Jack said.

"I'm sure her mother will find that comforting Jack." Brandi snapped.

"Was that your first?" Jack asked.

"No, I lost a couple of patients while I was off doing my rotation in Europe, but she was just a baby Jack, had her whole life ahead of her." Brandi fought her tears.

Jack put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. He recognized the look in her eyes. He'd been there before. That point in your career where you start to question everything.

"Listen to me Brandi. You were so amazing today. There is another little girl who is still alive because you were a pro, never got nervous, never lost focus. That was such an intense procedure and you handled it so well. I wouldn't have wanted any other surgeon in the middle of that with me." Jack told her.

"Maybe someone more experienced could've gone faster and then we wouldn't have lost her." Brandi suggested.

"Come on Brandi that's bullshit and you know it. You can only go so fast and we were right on schedule. You are one of the best surgeons in this hospital. You can be on my team any time." He told her and smiled at her.

"You probably say that to all the interns you used to sleep with." Brandi teased and wiped away a tear that managed to escape.

"No, just the ones with big blue eyes." Jack said sweetly.

Brandi laughed lightly and then finally broke down. Jack pulled her into his arms and hugged her, understanding everything she was feeling and trying to be a friend to her. However, when Kate came through the door without knocking friends was the last thing she saw and when Jack turned around and saw her, she turned around and ran out of the room.

"Shit. Stay here Brandi." Jack said and went after Kate.

Jack ran down the hall and almost caught up with her at the elevator. When she saw him she headed toward the Exit door and began running down the stairs. He followed after her, calling her name and begging her to stop. He followed her out of the stairwell, through the lobby and out to the parking lot before he finally caught up with her. He took hold of her arm and held onto her as she fought to break free.

"Kate would you please stop! It wasn't what you think." Jack yelled becoming frustrated with her.

"You haven't been home for days Jack! What exactly was it?!" Kate yelled back.

"We lost one of the twins Kate and she's young and it's hard and I was just trying to make her feel better." Jack defended himself.

"This isn't going to work Jack. I can't sit at home day after day and night after night and know you are up here spending all your time with that hot, gorgeous little thing you used to fuck." Kate shouted.

"Kate you're being ridiculous. Brandi and I haven't slept together in two years. Do you really think she doesn't have better things to do then sit around waiting for me?" Jack said.

"Don't! Don't stand there and try to put this off on me, try to make me believe I'm just being crazy. I'm not stupid Jack!" Kate yelled.

"Nothing is going on Kate and Brandi and I will be working together whether you like it or not." Jack said angrily, tired of everything with Kate being a battle.

"Well I don't like it Jack and I don't have to stick around and be the stupid wife whose doctor husband is screwing around while she sits at home taking care of his children. Conner is with your mother. I need to get away from you for a few days." Kate spat.

"This is great. I'm supposed to just accept your criminal past and all the lies and deception and BELIEVE that you are FINALLY being honest with me, but when I need a little trust and understanding from you I get the door slammed in my face? That is so fucked up Kate." Jack shot back.

"That's me Jack. Fucked up Kate. But I'm not so far gone I can't recognize when a man is lying to me and screwing around on me." Kate accused.

"Are you serious? You really act crazy sometimes, you know that? I give up Kate. Go and do whatever it is that women do when they go off half-cocked and crazy." Jack said completely frustrated with her.

"Maybe I'll go look up an old boyfriend and spend several days and nights with him." Kate threatened.

"If that's what you think you need to do Kate; then do it. It's not like you'd bother to tell me the truth about what you were doing anyway so make it as fucked up and sick as you want." Jack said.

"You should get back to your poor little upset Brandi, she'll no doubt milk losing this patient for all she can." Kate accused.

The statement enraged Jack more than it probably should have. How could she stand there and make light of what had just happened. He understood she was jealous. He understood that the pregnancy hormones along with dealing with the death of her child were making her very unstable emotionally and he understood that he hadn't been there for her the last couple of weeks, but he was so angry and so hurt that she couldn't try to understand his side and consider being there for him that all he could think and see at the moment was that she was being a total bitch and he'd never hit a woman, but the urge to slap the one standing in front of him was almost more than he could bear.

"Kate, I'm going to back inside before I say something I can't take back." Jack said and turned to walk away. He felt her hand on his shoulder and turned around. She dropped the ring he gave her into the palm of his hand.

"I don't think I can do this Jack. I'm not cut out to be the dutiful little wife that sits at home alone and turns a blind eye. I can't and won't share you with other women and if the last two weeks is an indication of what normal will be for us then it's best if we end this now. You don't have time in your life for a wife and children Jack." Kate told him, the profound hurt in his eyes nearly taking her breath away.

"Kate, I explained all of this to you, explained how it would be and also explained that it isn't normal. I don't understand what you want or expect from me anymore. I think you just want an excuse to get out of this and if convincing yourself that I've been sleeping with Brandi helps you feel better about leaving me and Conner then go ahead and believe what you want. I'm done trying to make this work. What's the point when apparently only one of us wants it?" Jack said sadly.

"If turning this on me, makes you feel better Jack then you too believe what you want. I'll call you. I need some time to think." She said.

Jack didn't say anything. He turned again and walked back into the hospital. He ran the last two weeks thorough his mind over and over trying to figure out what went wrong, what he had done that suddenly ended his relationship with Kate or what made her believe he was sleeping with Brandi. It was driving him crazy because he knew that this wasn't his fault; that Kate was getting cold feet and running scared and trying to pin it on him, but after a healthy meal and several drinks he just didn't care anymore.

"We're kind of pathetic." Brandi said.

"Yeah, what makes you say that?" Jack asked.

"I'm beating myself up over the loss of a patient and you're beating yourself up over a fight with your fiancée and realistically, neither of us did anything wrong." Brandi said.

"It wasn't a fight. She left me." Jack said.

"Over a hug? It'll be okay Jack, she'll calm down. Women don't leave the men they love over an innocent hug." Brandi tried to assure him.

"She thinks I've been sleeping with you. She gave me my ring back. My son is going to be destroyed. I was so stupid to allow her to get so close to him." Jack said, not drunk, but relaxed enough to open up to her.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Brandi asked and he chuckled at the quick mental image of that scene.

"No, I don't think that would be a good idea." Jack said and downed his drink.

"Come on, let's get out of here, go walk this food off." Brandi suggested wanting to get Jack away from the liquor supply before he ended up plastered.

They walked a few blocks, realized they were in front of the Chinese Theater that had all the celebrities footprints and moved around seeing which footprints fit their's the best, laughing and joking around, doing their best to forget their bad day. Jack sobered up quickly and drove Brandi home.

"Thanks for the pep talk Jack." Brandi said as she opened her car door.

"Any time, you are still my favorite intern even if you aren't an intern anymore." Jack said.

"Do you want to come up for a drink or some coffee?" She asked.

"Thanks, but I'm okay Brandi. You've got to be dragging. It's been a long day." Jack said.

"I'm not tired Jack and I promise to keep my hands to myself. You're my friend and you don't need to be alone right now so come up and I'll buy you a beer." Brandi offered.

"Make it a soda and you've got a deal." Jack said.

Jack locked his car and followed Brandi up to her apartment. He laughed when he saw that she still hadn't unpacked and had been living out of the boxes.

"At this rate you should be unpacked within the next three years." Jack teased.

"I know, it's awful, but I've been so busy at work and don't feel like messing with it when I get home." Brandi said as she disappeared into the small kitchen.

Jack moved through the small entry way into the living room and sat on the couch, the only piece of furniture in the room other than a television. Brandi brought him a can of soda, handed it to him and sat down beside him.

"I haven't unpacked the glasses yet so I hope the can is okay." She said.

"It's fine." Jack said and looked around for a place to set it.

"Just put it on the floor, that's what I do. You probably think I'm a total slob." Brandi laughed.

"No, I know you are. Did you ever find that sweatshirt of mine that went missing in your old place?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I took it to Europe with me and slept in it every night. It kept the homesickness at bay the first few months. You want it back?" She said and started to get up.

"No, no. You can keep it." He laughed.

"You're uncomfortable aren't you?" Brandi asked.

"No, I'm really not. I probably should be, but I'm not." He said and leaned back into the couch cushions, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.

"Why should you be uncomfortable?" Brandi asked.

"Because we both know how this is going to end up. You've had a bad day. I've had a bad day. You need comfort. I need comfort. It's a recipe for sex. You know it and I know it. That's why you invited me up and that's why I accepted." Jack said.

"Yeah, so what are you going to do about it?" She asked.

Jack leaned over and kissed her, softly at first, waiting to see if she would kiss him back. She did not disappoint him, opening up for him, feeling his tongue slip into her mouth and remembering how good at this they used to be. He pulled back and smiled at her, but she could see a hint of hesitation in his eyes.

"Jack, what about your fiancé?" She asked.

"What fiancé? She left me. I have the ring in my pocket. Want to see it?" Jack answered and kissed her some more, his mouth hungry, his breathing becoming labored. His body and mind were completely exhausted and his heart was shattered into a million pieces and all he wanted was to feel good, to feel appreciated and for what he had to offer to be enough.

"So, does this place have a bed or are we going to do this right here?" He asked his eyes no longer hesitant, but dark and full of desire.

"I have a bed." She laughed.

She pushed him back onto the couch and began unbuttoning his shirt, kissing his mouth hungrily as his hands tugged at her shirt, pulling it up and over her head, her perky breasts as round and pink as he remembered. He cupped his hands over them, caressing them gently, rolling her nipples in-between his fingertips while watching her unfasten his belt and then the button to his pants. He grabbed her hands and sat up, placing her hands around his neck and then standing. She wrapped her legs around his waist. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his cell phone and the ring, tossed both of them onto the couch cushion and then carried her into the bedroom. He no longer had the strength or desire to fight the pain, to care about the consequences or to continue to try to make his relationship with Kate work. If Kate was going to leave him, at least now she would have a legitimate reason to do so was the last coherent thought he had before his brain shutdown and allowed his body to give into its primal needs and desires.


	36. Chapter 36

_**I appreciate all the responses to the last chapter, even the ones that let me know they hate me now. I think it's great that some of you are that emotionally invested in this story and trust me, I'm not going to develop this relationship between two people just to completely blow it up. They are two very messed up individuals and facing the things that keep them screwed up, bringing them both to the brink of completely destroying what they have is what is best for them, well in my story anyway. Yes, this has been a love story and yes it has focused quite a bit on Kate and her loss, but you have to keep in mind that Jack has also been dealing with loss, the type of loss that psychologists and doctors list as the type of loss that is the most difficult to overcome. Losing a spouse and being forced to keep it together for the sake of a child is a very difficult journey, one that Jack has made by throwing himself into his work, spending what free time he had focused solely on his child and engaging in meaningless sexual relationships with women until he met Kate. Jack is every bit as unstable as Kate, his fear of losing again is keeping him on edge and when the fear of loss becomes too real for him he resorts to the destructive behavior of either alcohol and meaningless sex or both because that is his safe zone, a place he can go where nothing can hurt him. What you have seen so far with Jack in his relationship with Kate though is his ability to pull back before he allows his gut reaction toward destructive behavior to ruin the first taste of real happiness he's known in years. Will he be able to pull back this time? Could anyone really blame him if he didn't? More importantly, could he live with himself if he doesn't? Since the responses were so emotional I worked hard to get the next update out ASAP. Have a nice weekend!**_

Jack laid Brandi on the bed and followed on top of her, kissing her hard, almost angry. She pushed his shirt off of him and moved her hands over his shoulders and back. He was incredibly tensed up, too tensed up for a guy who was about to get laid. She pushed and coaxed until he gave in and rolled onto his back bringing her with him, perched on his stomach and chest looking down at him. She leaned in and kissed him softly, slowly moving her mouth along his jaw line and over his neck. She kissed her way over his chest allowing her hips to slide down over his hardness. She reached down between them and pulled his zipper down. He grabbed her hands and quickly rolled them back over, pinning her to the mattress.

"I'll do it." He said in a husky voice and began kissing her again.

"You're so hard Jack, I want you inside me now." Brandi hissed and felt his entire body jerk in response.

"Shh, don't talk. Okay?" He said softly and pushed the image of Kate whispering her demands into his ear out of his head.

He sat up on his knees and reached for the button on her pants. He unfastened her pants and slowly slid them down her legs, taking in her scent and how wet and hungry she was for him, just for him, just because he was enough to satisfy her needs sexually and not because she had any desire to connect with him emotionally. He left her panties on even though he was ready to rip them away and plunge into her and pound away until he could forget the last few months, forget the ache in his chest where his heart used to be and forget that the lump currently residing his throat hurt so bad he thought he might lose the ability to breathe.

He felt her hands slip inside the opening in the front of his pants and he let it all go, not his sexual hunger or his need to fuck something until it felt as bad as he did and certainly not the release that would've eventually come. What Jack let go of in that moment was the anger, hurt and fear that was consuming him and he had no control over the tears that were streaming down his face or the anguish he was feeling as he allowed himself to feel the pain, not just the pain of losing Kate, but the realization of how bad her knowing he had done this would hurt her.

He loved her so much and the idea of her hurting made him hurt for her, made him cry for her and made him wish he hadn't let this go as far as it had. He immediately pulled away from Brandi and sat on the side of the bed sobbing like he'd never sobbed in his life, not when Emily promised to spend the rest of her life with him, not when she gave birth to his beautiful son and not when she'd died in his arms.

Brandi sat up on her knees behind him truly concerned about him, rubbing her hand gently over his shoulders and trying to assure him that everything was going to be okay. Her mentor, a man she idolized and always would was crumbling in front of her and she felt her own tears building up, not because he wasn't going to sleep with her, but because he was completely broken and she never dreamed she'd ever see Jack this far gone. Sex and idol worship aside, he was probably one of the dearest friends she had and she cared about his well-being.

"I'm sorry Brandi, I can't do this." Jack choked through his sobs.

Brandi covered herself with his shirt, scooted off the bed and stood in front of him. She leaned in and hugged him. He resisted at first and then finally put his arms around her and let her hug him.

"It's okay Jack. Oh god you sweet, dear man, it's all going to be okay, what can I do to help, just name it and I'll do it." Brandi told him.

"Tell me where to find her, how to make her believe I don't ever want to hurt her. I can't lose her Brandi. I won't survive it again." He told her, his voice so desperate it broke her heart.

Brandi didn't know about the women Jack had been with prior to her or after she left, but she knew that the time they spent together his sleep was typically fitful, that his dreams were difficult and kept him tossing and turning and sometimes even talking, his emotional pain escaping the only way it could, the only way he would allow it to, hell bent on keeping his daily in-control doctor and father façade on for anyone that was paying attention. Brandi understood what he couldn't survive again and at that moment understood how deep his feelings for Kate ran.

"Jack, I can't believe that she honestly believes you want to hurt her." Brandi said.

"I let her down Brandi. I promised her I would never let her down, but just like Emily, I wasn't there for her when she needed me. She needed me to fight for us tonight, to not give in to her hysterical rants, to demand she put that ring back on and go home with me, but I didn't fight. I just gave up." Jack continued to beat himself up.

"Stop it Jack! You are only human. You had a really long and emotional day and got clobbered with accusations of infidelity and a ring thrown back in your face. You reacted the way anyone would've reacted. I don't know Kate, but she must be pretty special if she managed to break down your walls and get you to join the human race again. What I do know is that if I were head over heels in love with you, I too would be jealous of any woman that came within 100 feet of you so I can understand why she went a little crazy. You are an absolutely adorable man Jack and I'm not just talking about your physical attributes." Brandi lectured.

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this Brandi and I'm sorry I tried to use you for sex." Jack apologized.

"It's okay Jack and we are still friends and co-workers so don't even think about acting weird around me. Dr. Banks in plastics has been trying to get me to go out with him. What do you think? If you were a girl, would sleep with him?" Brandi teased trying to get him to relax and it worked. She got a smile and a light chuckle from him.

"Maybe you should try dating him for awhile before you sleep with him. I hear he's a pretty decent guy. Maybe someone you could make something with. Does Brandi ever fall in love?" Jack asked.

"I don't know; maybe now that I'm through medical school and have survived interning and my first year of residency." She answered.

"Thanks for putting up with me tonight Brandi. I should go." Jack said.

"Thanks for trusting me to put up with you tonight Jack. I hope you find her and work things out." Brandi said.

Jack put himself back together, grabbed his cell phone and the ring from the couch and walked away from Brandi's apartment. The experience shook him to the core. He was moments away from sleeping with another woman, but the experience had also left him feeling somewhat cleansed. He felt like he understood himself better. He wasn't sure what about himself he understood better, he just knew that he felt less splintered emotionally.

Jack drove around trying to figure out where Kate would go. He drove by the house that she and TJ had lived in and found it empty with a For Rent sign in the yard. He drove to the cemetery where TJ had been laid to rest and found fresh flowers, but no sign of Kate. He drove to her favorite beach and found nothing. He hadn't slept in over 36 hours and was having trouble putting a coherent thought together so he drove home. He took a shower and made his way down to the kitchen in search of aspirin, his head throbbing from the events of the day and night. He filled a glass with water and threw four of the tablets into his mouth. He swallowed the aspirin and set the glass on the counter. He reached for the light switch and the small wooden rack that hung on side of the cabinet caught his attention. The small rack was where they hung their spare keys to the cars, the house and to the cabin at Big Bear. The cabin keys were gone. Suddenly rejuvenated, the need for sleep no longer an issue, Jack took the stairs to his bedroom two a time, dressed and headed back out to his car.

Jack pulled up to the cabin, the sight of her car parked outside of it bringing a flood of relief through his entire body. He dimmed the headlights so he wouldn't frighten her, parked the car next to hers and slowly made his way to the front door. He thought about knocking and realized that too would probably scare her so he found the fake rock hidden amongst the other rocks, opened it, took the key out and let himself in. He walked into the cabin and found her lying in front of the fireplace, clutching the bear he had given her when TJ was in the hospital. He felt his tears building up again, the sight of her pregnant with his baby, lying all alone in a cabin in the mountains clutching a teddy bear for security, tugging at all the appropriate heart strings.

Jack slipped his shoes off and lay down beside her, wrapping his arm over her gently and falling asleep before his head hit the pillow. Kate woke to the sunlight streaming through the windows of the cabin. The fire had long since burned itself out, but she wasn't cold because there was a warm body wrapped around her. It startled her at first and then she breathed him in and knew it was Jack. He'd figured out where she went and come after her. After all the mean things she said to him and throwing his marriage proposal back in his face he'd still come after her. Her tears came in a river as she found herself holding tightly to his forearm until she felt him encouraging her to turn around.

She turned to face him and he pulled her into his chest, holding her as tight as she'd ever known him to hold her, his strong arms wrapped around her and his hands moving over her gently as a form of comfort and reassurance. They lay together, the only noise the quiet sobbing coming from both of them and they stayed that way until they fell asleep again, the vibrating in Jack's pant's pocket waking both of them about two hours later.

Jack pulled the phone out of his pocket and worked to focus in on the display. It was his mother and she no doubt was wondering if he'd abandoned Conner. He punched the redial button and smiled when Conner's voice answered.

"Where are you daddy? Where's mommy?" Conner asked.

"Mommy and I had some things to take care of bud." Jack answered.

"Grandma wants to know if she should pick me up from school." Conner said.

"Can I talk to grandma?" Jack asked.

"When are you coming home daddy?" Conner asked.

"Soon. Now put grandma on the phone." Jack answered.

"Jack, what's going on?" Margo's voice came through so loud he pulled the phone away from his ear.

"I'm sorry I didn't call mom. It's been crazy. Do you mind picking him up for me today?" Jack asked.

"No, but is everything okay? Kate was very upset when she dropped him off." Margo said.

"I know and I'm working on that. I need some time alone with her. Can you help me out?" Jack asked.

"Just keep me updated Jack. Conner doesn't understand all these shifts in his life lately." Margo told him her tone almost scolding.

"I know. Can you ask dad if he'll check on the surviving twin this morning and tell him I'll call him later?" Jack asked.

"Oh, he's going to love that Jack." Margo sighed.

"I know mom, that's why I said I'd call him later. Please and thank you." Jack said and hung up the phone before she had a chance to respond.

Jack shoved the phone back in his pocket and looked down at Kate. She was fully awake now, staring up at the ceiling, clutching the teddy bear to her chest.

"I can't believe you came after me. I'm not sure which one of us is crazier Jack." Kate mumbled.

"Kate, tell me what I have to do to earn your trust and I'll do it." Jack said.

"It's not you Jack, it's me." She said sadly.

"That might've been true before last night, but it's not anymore." Jack said.

Kate looked at him and could see the shame in his eyes.

"What ever you did Jack, I drove you to it so don't beat yourself up." Kate said.

"Kate, can we please just make this about us, instead your bad or my bad. We both caused this and you can only drive someone into another person's bed if the potential for that to happen is already there so maybe you weren't so crazy to think what you were thinking." Jack admitted and watched the fresh tears stream down her face.

"No, you never would've done it if I hadn't been such a bitch to you. You've been so patient and understanding and almost too good to be true. You give and I take and then ask for more and now I've screwed up everything." Kate cried.

"I didn't go through with it Kate and you have no reason to believe me, but I swear I did not sleep with her. I let things get way out of hand with her last night and even let things get as far as the bedroom, but I stopped, I couldn't do it." Jack told her.

"Couldn't do it as in literally couldn't or…." Kate asked.

Jack looked at her for a moment and finally understood what she was asking.

"No, no. I could've, believe me. That part of my body has no conscience and was ready to go. Kate, I'm not telling you this to make myself seem noble or like some really great honest guy, because what I did was anything but noble or even honest for that matter. It was shitty and vengeful and you and Brandi both deserve better than that from me. I have no good excuse. I was angry and hurt and afraid I'd lost you and I'd rather be dead than live without you." Jack told her his voice cracking.

"Don't say that Jack." Kate demanded his tone and the desperation in which it was delivered taking her by surprise.

"It's the truth Kate so why shouldn't I say it. You keep running away from me and I can't take it anymore. I love you so much and I would never hurt you Kate and would spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to make sure nothing could ever hurt you. Imagining how hurt you would be if I had slept with her is what stopped me and I know that telling you how far I let it get before I stopped it hurts, but if I didn't tell you now and you found out later that would be worse. Kate don't you understand that I could give up all the things in my life that are making you so unhappy, but I could never give you up." He pleaded with her.

"I'm not worthy of that kind of love and maybe what you did was shitty and vengeful, but I asked, hell I practically begged for it. I came up here to see if I could go back to the beginning, go back to the exact moment I fell so hard for you. This cabin and the day and the night we spent here will always be the most special memory I have of us. I'm sorry I screwed everything up Jack." Kate cried.

"You didn't Kate. I'm here and I'm not going to let you push me away again no matter how hard you try because I'd rather fight with you 20 times a day than spend one moment without you in my life." Jack told her.

"What if you can't convince me to stay Jack?" Kate asked.

"Why don't you want to stay Kate? Is the idea of a life with me really so awful?" He asked biting back the natural urge to be hurt.

"I'm scared Jack. I'm afraid to believe in that life, believe that I'm going to have this really great husband that loves his children, believe that he isn't suddenly going to change and never come home or when does come home just scream and yell and smack me around. It's always been easier to just avoid dreaming about a life I can never have. People that you truly love with all your heart either leave you behind or disappoint you." Kate said sadly.

"Kate, I'll never leave you intentionally and I hope I don't disappoint you. I'll never treat you any differently than I have since the day you met me, except I'll work on not letting my job consume me to the point of not being able to recognize that you need me, need my attention, need to know you are and always will be the center of my universe." He said.

"I don't deserve you Jack. I'm sorry I got so crazy." Kate said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and let him pull her into another tight embrace.

"You deserve the best Kate and I'm anything but the best, but I'll always treat you like someone that deserves the best of everything. I promise." Jack said and kissed her softly.

He held her and kissed her and eventually loved her. When he pushed inside her and stayed there, feeling her wet warmth wrapped around him while she gazed into his eyes with love and he wasn't sure but a hint of trust he became emotional. The anguish he'd felt the night before over the idea of hurting her replaced by the happiness that making someone you love feel safe and secure brings. He made love to her in the same manner he had the night TJ lay dying on the other side of the room except he made sure he told her he loved her several times during the act while promising he would always love her. When they finished they lay in each others arms and slept some more.

When she woke the next time he was gone and it scared her. She thought she'd dreamed the whole thing and she sat up and screamed for him so loudly it scared him enough to make him come running into the room.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"You're really here." She said and began crying again.

He walked over to her, sat beside her and cradled her in his arms.

"I'm really here and we are really getting ready to drive to Las Vegas to get married." He said and slipped the ring back on her finger.

"Jack." She started to protest.

"No Kate. No more stalling from either of us. We're going to do this and get started on our life together. If you want to do a big, formal wedding later I'm all for it, but today I just want to make you my wife and then we can start making decisions about our future together." Jack demanded.

"What decisions?" Kate asked.

"Where we want to live, what we want to name our baby, whether or not we want to keep Conner in a private school, whether or not you want to go back to working with kids, whether or not I need to transfer to another hospital away from Brandi. You know, life decisions, nothing major." Jack said and winked at her.

"I'm scared." Kate admitted.

"That makes two of us. I guess we'll be scared together." Jack said.


	37. Chapter 37

"Jack, this is insane. What about my car? What about Conner? What about your job?" Kate protested as they drove away from the cabin.

"It's not insane, impulsive maybe, but not insane. We'll pick your car up later. We'll call Conner later. I spoke with my father and he approved the time off. He said the little girl, the surviving twin is doing very well, wiggling her toes, bladder and bowels are functioning and she's in a lot of pain so they sedated her. All excellent signs that she's going to make a full recovery." Jack explained.

"And you don't want to be there to see it happen?" Kate asked.

"I'll see her before she's released. Right now I just want to focus on you, on us. Okay?" He said.

"What about clothes? We don't have anything packed." Kate continued to argue.

He pulled the car to the side of the road and put it into park. He turned sideways and looked at her.

"Do you love me Kate?" He asked.

"Yes." She answered.

"Do you trust me?" He asked.

"Yes." She answered.

"Do you want to get married?" He asked.

"Do you?" She asked.

"Yes Kate I do, but if you don't want to get married say so right now and I'll turn the car around, we'll pick up your car and we'll go home and wait until you are ready." He said.

"I'm scared Jack." She said.

"What are you afraid of?" He asked.

"What if I'm not any good at being someone's wife? What if I'm not what you expect me to be?" She expressed her insecurities, biting her bottom lip and refusing to look at him.

He placed his fingers beneath her chin and tilted her head up until she was looking at him. He kissed her gently and let his forehead rest against hers.

"I could ask the same questions and do. Kate, I don't expect you to be anything but what you have been since the day I met you. God, I can look at you and my entire world suddenly becomes five or six shades brighter than it was. When I see the way Conner looks at you any doubts I may have vanish. I think about this baby you're carrying and I feel anxious and excited." He told her.

"You forgot to mention the sex." She teased.

"So you just love me for my body huh? I see how you are." He teased back.

"I do love your body, every inch of it." She giggled.

"But do you love the rest of me enough to want to spend the rest of your life with me?" He asked and kissed her again, pulling back this time so he could look into her eyes.

"I do." She answered.

He smiled and kissed her one more time before pulling the car back onto the road.

"This is going to be fun Kate. Have you ever been to Vegas?" He asked.

"No, but going any place with you would be fun." She said.

"We'll go shopping and buy us a few things to wear. You've been wearing my sweat pants lately anyway so apparently it's time for some new clothes, ones that fit, ones that everyone will look at you when we're out together and know you're pregnant with my baby." He said proudly.

"Yeah, my jeans were leaving marks on my stomach. I figured I should probably stop squishing the baby." Kate said.

"Kate." He said in a disapproving tone.

"What? Apparently you noticed I'm getting fat. Why didn't you bring it up?" She defended herself.

"You seriously think I'd ever make a comment about you needing bigger clothes?" He laughed.

"I guess that probably is in a guy's top 10 list of things to never say to woman." Kate agreed with a light laugh.

"No, it's definitely in the top 3." Jack told her.

"Your mom and I were going to go shopping this week, but I decided to go crazy instead." Kate said.

"So does that mean you and my mom like each other?" Jack asked.

"We get along fine Jack. I don't think I'm quite as polished as she would like, but she does her best to look past that and make me feel welcome." Kate said.

"You can still go shopping with her. I plan on keeping you naked as much as possible for the next week so we won't have to buy much." He said and winked at her.

"We're staying for a week?" Kate asked.

"At least a week, we need time for just the two of us. We can gamble; catch some shows, whatever you want." Jack answered.

"Stay in bed and order room service?" Kate asked with a grin in sexy tone, making him laugh lightly.

"Proof positive that I'm the luckiest guy in the world." Jack said as he pulled the hand he was holding up to his face kissed it.

It was late evening when they arrived at their hotel. He'd asked his father to make reservations for him at the newest 5-star hotel in the area. He pulled his car up to the front of the hotel and handed his keys to the valet. They checked in and were escorted to the elevators that led to their suite. They showed their room key cards to the security guard posted at the elevators and rode the elevator to the 16th floor. They entered the suite and both stopped to take it in. The large windows that looked out over the strip were amazing, the flat screen television mounted to the wall was nicer than the one they currently had in their home. The stocked refreshment cabinet beside the sofa and two chairs gave it a feeling of hominess. The deep, wide Jacuzzi tub that would most definitely get used their first night complete with a selection of bath oils caught both of their attention at the same time and they shared a knowing smile. The large, cozy king-sized bed with so many pillows half the bed was hidden looked inviting after their long drive.

"This is amazing Jack." Kate said.

"Yeah it is. I've never stayed here, but my dad said it was great. Looks like he was right." Jack said.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him, kissing her gently and then allowing her to wrap her arms around his waist and melt into him. He hugged her softly, inhaling the scent of her as his hands rubbed slowly over her back.

"I guess we could go downstairs and eat dinner and go play the slots for awhile if you want." He offered.

"Yeah, or we could order room service, share a hot bath and make love." Kate responded.

"You don't want to wait until our wedding night?" He teased.

"We're completely alone in this beautiful hotel. I'm not waiting for anything Jack." She mumbled into his chest.

He convinced her to look up at him and began kissing her softly, talking to her in-between each kiss.

"There's a ton of sex shops on the strip. (Kiss) Maybe while we're out tomorrow we'll stop and find the perfect massage oils (kiss), tasty lubes (kiss) and whatever other interesting toys that catch our eye (kiss)." He suggested in a soft, seductive tone.

"Should we do that before or after we buy me a white dress to get married in?" She asked making him chuckle and wrap his arms around her tightly.

"I love you so much." He sighed happily.

"Me too you." She returned the sigh.

"Let's order room service, call Conner, eat and take that bath you suggested." He said.

They ordered their dinner and called Conner. He was very excited that they were getting married and didn't mind staying with his grandparents. Oddly Jack' father only spoke to him long enough to let him know the surviving twin was steadily recovering and told him to not think about work. Jack tossed his cell phone onto the desk and looked strangely at it for a moment.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"My dad just told me not to think about the hospital and to enjoy my honeymoon." Jack said his tone suggesting he was really confused.

"And that's a problem because?" Kat laughed.

"My father's never suggested anything like that to me in my life Kate. It's really weird. I'm beginning to think aliens came down and took my dad and replaced him with this nice, normal person that loves his family." Jack said.

"I think you should take his advice. The idea of having you all to myself for a week is turning my insides to jelly. I'll be spoiled and won't want to give you back to your mistress." Kate said.

"So, we'll just have to make sure we make time for just you and me at least once a week and of course vacations for just you and me once in awhile. I'm going to work hard to make sure you never doubt us again." He promised.

"And I'm going to work hard to let go of all my insecurities because you've never given me any reason to feel insecure." She told him and locked him up in a passionate kiss that took them down onto the bed.

The kiss deepened and they began pulling at each other's clothes, hoping to sneak in a quickie before their dinner arrived. He quickly slipped off the sweatpants she was wearing along with her panties and moved his hand over her butt and down to her heat, moaning at the wetness there. He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and pushed them along with his underwear down to his knees. He sat up and let his legs hang over the side of the bed, his jeans and underwear now bunched around his ankles. With a knee placed on either side of his hips she positioned herself over him and they slowly connected with a loud groan emitting from both of them. Their sexual hunger was intense as they devoured each other's mouths. She finally stopped kissing him and wrapped her arms around his neck, moving up and down over his throbbing length, moaning every time she slid down and he thrust up. He was so deep she swore he might come out the other end at any moment.

"You feel so good Jack, so hard, so deep, go deeper." She moaned and felt him twitch inside of her.

"Like this." He said in a heated, lustful tone as he thrust up into her as hard as he could over and over until she clenched tightly around him, screamed his name loudly and then sunk her teeth into the meaty part of his back just below the shoulder.

He felt her teeth and his breath hitched as his own release came, shooting up into her once, twice and then a third and fourth time, his hips jerking subtly with each spurt. He held onto her rocking them slowly as they caught their breath and regained their ability to see again. She made no attempt to move, her head resting on his shoulder, their bodies still connected at the center. He could feel her tense up and hold her breath and then relax again.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked sweetly.

"Yeah." She said.

"You sure? I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked.

"It's fine Jack." She insisted.

"Kate, did I hurt you?" He asked and helped her move off of him.

"No, you didn't hurt me, but I'm having these sharp stabbing pains Jack. Do you think something is wrong?" She asked.

"Show me where it hurts." He said as he laid her back on the bed.

"All through my hips and along the bottom of my stomach." She told him and let him press around on her.

"Does this hurt?" He asked as he felt the bottom of her growing uterus and pressed hard enough to send her into orbit if there was a problem with the pregnancy.

"No, it stopped. What do you think it is Jack?" She asked her voice shaky and scared.

"It's okay Kate. Sometimes women have what's called round ligament pain during their pregnancy. Those are the ligaments that surround your uterus in your pelvis. They are starting to stretch and thicken so they'll be strong enough to support the pregnancy. The position we were in probably aggravated it. I hate to break this to you Kate, but you're going to have just lay back and let me do all the work from now on." He said with a smile and kissed her gently.

"Yeah, so how come a spinal surgeon knows about uterus ligaments?" Kate asked.

"Spinal surgery was the specialty I chose Kate, but it takes a lot of shifts of everything you can imagine before you get to proclaim yourself a specialist at something." He explained as he kicked his jeans off and pulled his boxers up while giving her the panties and sweat pants he'd pulled off of her.

"So you're sure the baby is okay?" Kate asked.

"Have the pains stopped?" Jack asked.

"Yes." She answered.

"The baby is fine. She's growing. I felt her." Jack said and smiled at her.

"You're going to be awfully disappointed if this baby has a penis." Kate laughed.

"No I won't." He grinned and kissed Kate's stomach.

"You're so sweet. A little girl would walk all over you." Kate teased.

"You mean more than Conner does?" Jack laughed.

"In ways you've not even imagined Jack." Kate smiled.

"If she's a small version of you I imagine I'll be a sucker for anything she wants." Jack admitted and began nuzzling her neck, making her squeal and try to squirm away from him.

They continued on until they heard the knock on the door. Jack slipped his jeans on and opened the door. Their dinners were placed on the table in the lounging area of the suite. Jack tipped the guy, walked him out, hung the Do Not Disturb sign on the door and closed it. They were both starving and made quick work of their meals. They relaxed into the couch for awhile and let their food settle. He began yawning and she looked up at him.

"I bet if you soak in that bathtub you'll sleep like a baby tonight." Kate suggested.

"It does sound nice, but I'm so tired I might fall asleep and drown." He said.

"I won't let you fall asleep." Kate promised and stood, taking his hand and pulling him up from the couch.

They filled the large tub with hot steaming water and added one of the bath oils. They climbed in together. Him on his back and her on her stomach, stretched out over him, her head resting just below his shoulder. They lay together like that until the water became too cool to enjoy and separated. Kate wrapped one of the plush white robes around her and walked to the windows that overlooked the strip. The lights seemed to go on forever. She felt him approach her from behind and slip his arms around her waist. She let her hands and arms come to rest over his and they stood together watching the city below them.

"So we're going to get married in the middle of all that?" Kate asked.

"We can. We have the chapel in this hotel reserved day after tomorrow at 6:30 PM, but we can use any chapel you want." He said.

"When did you do that?" Kate asked.

"I didn't. My father did it when he booked the suite." Jack chuckled.

"Romantic." Kate laughed lightly.

Jack turned her around to face him.

"He reserved the chapel; it's up to us whether or not we make the occasion romantic." Jack said.

"We don't even have rings Jack." Kate objected.

"We will. I know this seems rushed Kate and it is, but trust me, I'm going to make it special for us. Tomorrow we'll go get the license and the rings and something nice to wear. I promise you won't be disappointed and if we decide to do a big, formal wedding later we'll always have the memories of this quick must do now wedding. Admit it Kate, you want and need to do this now as much as I do." Jack said.

"I don't want or need a big, formal wedding, just you. Can we go look at the chapel and make sure Elvis won't be marrying us?" Kate asked making him chuckle.

"No Elvis impersonator performing the ceremony I promise." He said and kissed the tip of her nose.

"I don't deserve you Jack." She said and hugged him.

"No, you deserve better, but hopefully you're willing to settle for me." He said holding her tight to his bare chest, the wet towel around his waist starting to make him feel chilled.

"I could pull this towel off of you and you could make love to me in front of this window, in front of the entire city." Kate said.

"I'd rather take you to bed tonight, save the window sex for when I have a can of whip cream to decorate you with first." He teased making her giggle into his chest.

She stripped out of the robe and he the towel and met in the middle of the king-sized bed. He left most of the pillows on the bed so he could lay her back in the middle of them and take his time with her. She knew she was in for a lengthy foreplay that would consist of his mouth and his hands not leaving one area of her flesh untouched and after startling him earlier with the pains she knew better than to object, not that she would want to object, she just liked to return the attention and knew he'd have no part of that. His eyes were dark and lust-filled and his mind was made up that this was going to be all about her so she relaxed into the pillows, sighing peacefully, knowing he was about her to make her feel like no other man ever had. She would return the attention the next night, find something fun, and yet gentle to tantalize him with while they are out shopping.

He crawled up between her legs and kissed her deeply, their tongues moving slowly and sensually together, his mouth covering hers, staking his claim, announcing his role as the one in charge this time and she became wet as she felt all of the raw, but delicate hunger expressed so perfectly in his kiss. There was no talking, no demanding and no rough play. He was painfully gentle with her, treated her like a virgin bride while keeping her at a heightened state of arousal and he worked his tongue over her in ways that left her skin tingling, her nipples hard and begging to be rubbed and soothed and her center hot and dripping and begging to be filled the way that only he could fill her.

Instead he rubbed his fingers gently over her swollen nipples, soothing and electric at the same time while his lips blew warm air onto the tiny bundle nerves begging to be touched, rubbed or sucked on, anything that would take her over the edge. He brought his lips down and gently kissed her there, allowing the tip of his tongue to gently graze the sensitive nub and she moaned a long breathy moan. She was there, so close, just five more seconds of contact and she would've exploded. Liquid heat slowly dripped out of her, so wet and slippery he probably would have trouble staying inside her. She was squirming beneath him, moaning, ripe and ready and she felt him smile against her bikini line, his hot breath so close and his fingers gently spreading her, exposing her clit to him. He ran the tip of his tongue up and down the side of her clit and she screamed the orgasm right there, so close she was having a hard time catching her breath and he stopped. He moved his tongue to the other side of her clit and took her over the edge. Her hand clutching two handfuls of sheets, her feet digging into the mattress and her pussy rotating over his mouth and nose and she rode the wave "Oh My God Jack" the only intelligible sounds coming from her mouth.

When she finished he stayed between her legs, his body stretched out flat, his face right over her crotch seemingly fascinated with it as his fingers gently traced through the creases of her legs. He put her feet on his shoulders and encouraged her to let her knees fall back, opening up wide for him. She continued to hold onto the sheets and closed her eyes when she felt his finger penetrate her and move agonizingly slow in and out while his mouth licked the rest of her clean, sucking her clit into his teeth and then releasing it, the noises coming from her encouraging him to continue on. She bucked up toward his face and he could feel her toes digging into his back. He pulled his mouth away, but continued to move his finger in and out while she moaned and groaned through another orgasm, her body finally going still and her feet slipping off of his shoulders.

He scooted up between her legs and pushed himself into her fully in one quick thrust, her swollen, eager wetness accepting him easily. She was so hot and wet that he groaned out loud at the feeling of being swallowed up so quickly and easily, her walls swathed securely around him and squeezing him gently. He placed her ankles on his shoulders and pushed in as deep as he could go, looking for any sign of discomfort from her. Her face showed many things, discomfort not being one of them so he began thrusting into her in a steady rhythm, holding her hands up above her head, their fingers wrapped tightly together as he continued to thrust into her, watching her and feeling her. He saw it in her face before he felt it, her walls began clenching around him and her fingers wrapped tighter with his and she cried out this time, loudly and let go of an uncharacteristic "oh fuck yeah" that made him let go of a sexy, lusty chuckle and spill his seed into her.

When his last drop had spilled he gently dropped her legs off his shoulders and collapsed down onto his forearms, staying inside of her until all the sensitivity was gone, until he was completely soft and would easily slip out of her. The finally separated and then reunited again in the center of the bed, him on his back and her snuggled up next to him, her head resting over his heart. He pulled a sheet over them and both were asleep within minutes, "I love you" the only words muttered between them and almost simultaneously.


	38. Chapter 38

**_Sorry it's been so long...I've been on vacation. More fluff and happiness as your reward for being so patient. Thanks for all the kind words!_**

Kate exited the bathroom of the luxurious suite she was sharing with the man who had become everything to her. She walked quietly over to the bed and smiled. He'd moved while she was in the bathroom, had rolled over onto his stomach, kicking the sheets off him in the process. His lean, tanned, muscular back, thighs and his firm, tight butt on display for her. The fact that he was every bit as physically attractive as he was emotionally was an added bonus as far as she was concerned.

He seemed exhausted though and she realized he probably hadn't slept much the last few days. Between the lengthy surgery and him chasing after her she guessed that sleep for him had come in the form of naps he'd catch in-between worrying sick over her and the state of their relationship, but he was sleeping well now and had been since they'd finished making love hours ago. She decided she'd roam around the hotel and let him sleep until he was ready to wake up, so she dressed in the same clothes she'd worn the day before and quietly left the room.

Jack's eyes popped open suddenly, the empty feeling in the room immediately noticeable. He rolled over onto his back and looked around. Her side of the bed was empty and her clothes were gone. It startled him, unsure if she'd just stepped out or if she was running away from him again. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, his mind not quite awake yet, having slept longer than he preferred to sleep. He stood and walked to the shower, hoping the hot water would bring him to a higher state of alertness.

He stood in the shower, arms stretched forward, hands resting on the wall as if it was the only thing holding him up while the water ran down the back of his head and neck. He never heard her enter the room or the bathroom, completely unaware of her presence until he felt her small arms snake around him from behind. He felt himself let out a small sigh of relief and smiled.

"Guess who?" She said softly.

"Bambi?" He answered in such a way she knew he was grinning from ear to ear even though she couldn't see his face.

"Who the hell is Bambi?" Kate asked.

"She's on the brochure on the table in the parlor area. Apparently, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas so I'm just supposed to call and ask for whatever I want." Jack said.

"Yeah, so what do you want?" Kate played along.

Jack turned around, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into him. He kissed her softly and smiled at her.

"I want to take my beautiful fiancée out to breakfast and then to this great mall off the strip that has clothes that won't squash my developing daughter and jewelry stores with the perfect wedding bands for us." Jack said sweetly.

Kate stood on her tip-toes and kissed him, her hands moving lightly over his chest, down his stomach and then finally down, taking him into her hand and frowning when he pulled her hand away.

"I want to play with it." She pouted.

"If we start this we'll never make it out of the room." He chuckled, her poutiness nearly irresistible to him.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." She said in a seductive tone and wrapped her hand around him again.

"Kate." Jack protested and pulled her hand away again.

"Wow, you really don't want me." She said stepping back looking a little hurt.

"I want you Kate, god you have no idea, but I want to get married and us spending our day making love isn't going to get us closer to accomplishing that." Jack reasoned.

"Okay, but since you won't satisfy my current needs, I can't be held responsible for my actions if I happen to go down on you in the middle of breakfast." She told him in a seductive tone that made him hard instantly.

"You don't play fair." He said in a breathy tone as her hands moved back down and he made no attempt to pull them away this time.

He watched her go down to her knees and watched her work her tongue and mouth over him until he couldn't take it any longer, picking her up and carrying her back to bed and making love to her until he was certain her needs were satisfied. Their breakfast ended up being brunch, but they had the entire day so it didn't really matter. They walked through the mall holding hands, looking somewhat overwhelmed by the selection of stores.

"So Kate, do you want to go to one of those shops for pregnant women or do you just want to buy some bigger clothes?" Jack asked trying to approach the subject as delicately as possible.

"I don't know. What do you think?" She asked.

"Well, the way I see it, we're going to have more kids so if you buy the clothes for pregnant women you'll be ready next time." Jack offered, the subject making him uncomfortable.

"You're adorable. It's okay Jack. I know I'm getting too fat for my clothes." Kate giggled.

"You aren't getting fat. You're just having twins or something." Jack offered.

"That's not funny Jack, but I am kind of getting a tummy on me aren't I?" Kate said.

"You're coming along normally Kate, I was just teasing. So, what do you say? Maternity clothes?" Jack asked.

"Okay, but none of those tacky shirts with some cutesy saying and a big arrow pointing down to my stomach." Kate said making him laugh lightly.

He patiently shopped with her, not seeming to get bored or tired of answering the nonstop "what to you think" question. He saw her eyeing the dress in the back of the store and approached her from behind. He wrapped his arms around her and spoke softly into her ear.

"Let's buy it. You'll look beautiful in it." He said.

"You think it would be okay to wear tomorrow night?" She asked.

"It's perfect." He answered.

They bought the dress along with a few other clothing items. He tried desperately to talk her into purchasing a nursing bra, fascinated by the idea of having instant access to her nipples, his rationale for wanting to buy it making her laugh so hard she thought she might pee her pants. There were a couple of other women in the store who caught on to their private joke, one who found them cute and amusing and the other who found them childish and offensive.

Jack walked along the back wall looking at the variety of baby gifts available while Kate was in the dressing room trying on a bra that didn't provide him instant access to her nipples. The sales woman approached him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to look at her.

"Would you like me to take those items to the register for you?" She asked.

"Sure. Could you wrap up one of these while she's not looking and put it in with the rest of our things?" Jack asked holding up a silver rattle.

"That's pretty expensive sir, are you sure?" She asked.

Jack looked at her for a moment and then at the way he was dressed, complimented by a five day growth on his face and he smiled at the woman, a little embarrassed and a little insulted, but sympathetic to the position the saleswoman was in.

"I guess we look a little rough huh. I'm sure and can you tie some pink ribbon around it?" Jack asked.

"You're having a little girl?" The woman asked.

"I think so. Kate thinks I'm crazy, but I just know. Anyway, a beautiful woman carrying a man's first daughter should have something special to commemorate the event don't you think?" Jack said the sweet grin on his face making the saleswoman smile too.

"You could have it engraved too if you like." She offered.

"Mmm, I think we'll wait until she's born and has a name. Here she comes. Mum's the word." Jack said.

Kate approached Jack and added the two bras to the pile of things he was holding. Jack made eye contact with the saleswoman and then walked Kate to the cash register so the woman could retrieve the silver rattle for him. When the saleswoman approached the register, Jack handed her his credit card and pulled Kate back over to the back wall where he'd found the rattle.

"What are we doing Jack?" Kate asked.

"Look, they have stuff that says "Daddy's Girl" on it." Jack showed her, distracting her long enough for the woman to take care of packaging the rattle.

"Jack, I'm having a sonogram in a couple of weeks and if it really is a girl we'll rent billboard space. Okay?" Kate laughed.

With their purchases neatly bagged and paid for, they made their way to the nearest men's clothing store. Jack wasn't all that picky and they had him outfitted and ready to check out in less than 30 minutes. Kate was happy to find a tie to match her dress. They wouldn't look like a classic bride and groom, but they'd look good, him in his slacks, dress shirt and tie and her in her pretty, tasteful new dress.

They strolled into one of the jewelry stores and picked out the wedding bands they wanted. The bands didn't fit perfectly, but they fit well enough to get them through the ceremony and home until they had time to have them properly sized. He noticed that Kate was starting to lean on him heavily and decided they'd shopped enough. They drove to the courthouse and paid for their marriage license and then he drove them back to their hotel where they made love and took a nap.

Jack waited until he was certain she was asleep and slipped out of the bed. He dressed and slipped out of the room to put the finishing touches on their wedding, determined to make it special for her. With everything taken care of he strolled back up to their suite and slipped the key card into the door. She was still sleeping. He stretched out on the couch in the parlor area of the room and fell asleep watching television, a knocking on the door bringing him around. He looked at his watch and noticed he'd slept for about an hour. He hurried to the door and opened it, finding the concierge holding the clothes they'd bought earlier in the day.

"Here you are sir, freshly laundered and we took care of that other item for you. She'll be quite pleased I'm sure. Is there anything else we can do for you today?" He asked.

Jack took the clothes from the young man and motioned for him to stay where he was. He peeked over at the bed and Kate was still sleeping. He put the clothes down and grabbed the package that contained the silver rattle. He handed it to the young man.

"We're going to dinner at seven. Could you bring this gift along with a dozen long-stemmed red roses and put them in the middle of the bed while we're out?" Jack asked.

"Of course sir, should we just add the roses to the rest of your bill?" He asked.

"Yeah, that's fine, whatever. Make sure there is a bottle of champagne on ice beside the bed too and thanks." Jack said and shoved a hundred dollar tip into the guy's hand.

Jack closed the door and looked over at his sleeping beauty. She'd been asleep for over three hours and hadn't moved much. She must've been as exhausted as he had been. They'd been through so much the last few days, hell the last few months. Things between them had been anything but calm and ordinary since the day they met, but if he had his way that would change.

He let her sleep for another 30 minutes and decided if they were going to be out of the room by seven he should wake her up and get her moving. He crawled onto the bed beside her. She was on her side curled up in a ball. He lightly wrapped his arm over her and began planting soft kisses on her bare shoulders. Her eyes fluttered and finally opened as she rolled onto her back and found herself looking into his soft brown eyes, a content smile on his face.

"Hey sleepy head." He said sweetly and kissed her.

"What time it is?" She asked sleepily.

"It's almost six." He answered.

"God, no wonder I'm so hungry." She said.

"Yeah, those eggs I ate wore off hours ago." He admitted.

"You should've woken me up instead of skipping lunch." She scolded him.

"Hmm, lying in bed in the middle of the day making love to the most beautiful woman in the world or eating lunch; I'll take snacking on you over real food any day of the week." He told her.

"I don't know Jack, if there were a big piece of chocolate cake sitting in front of me right now, you'd lose I'm afraid." She teased making him laugh.

"You are hungry. Come on, let's get dressed and go downstairs." He chuckled.

They showered and dressed in their new, freshly laundered clothes and went down to the first floor of the large hotel to determine which of the many restaurant choices appealed to them. They enjoyed a quiet meal in the corner of one of the smaller restaurants. Jack made sure the waitress brought Kate a chocolaty dessert to indulge in, making her smile appreciatively and scoot closer to him so they could share it.

"Are you trying to make me fat Jack?" She asked.

"No, it's purely selfish. I want you to get it out of your system so you'll only want me later." He answered with a grin.

"I thought we were going shopping. I could've bought some chocolate flavored body oil to smear all over you and killed two birds with one stone." She told him making him groan.

They finished their dinner and strolled out of the restaurant into the casino. They found a slot machine they liked and he sat down on the chair in front of it, pulling her into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, feeling him return the kiss with more passion than probably should've been on display in such a public place. He finally pulled away and encouraged her to turn around and face the machine.

"You're going to be my good luck charm, I can feel it." He said as he inserted a hundred dollar bill into the machine.

"Jack! How can you do that? That's a lot of money!" Kate shrieked.

"Trust me, it's not, not in this town anyway. Go ahead, push the button and make me rich." He told her.

Kate pushed the button and watched the lights flash and the wheels spin and it come up with nothing except the number 97 to show her she'd just spent three dollars in less than ten seconds.

"Well that was somewhat disappointing. Is that all it does?" Kate asked.

"No, you have to keep pushing the button until you win." He laughed.

She sat in his lap and pushed the button, squealing with delight and kissing him when she'd win and the number would go up instead of down. She was absolutely delightful to him and he could've sat in front of the slot machine with her for the rest of the trip because it had been rare that he got to watch her being happy and carefree and just simply having fun. She hit a 800 dollar jackpot and decided she was done. He watched her jump out of his lap excitedly when it hit and laughed out loud at how jazzed she was. He cashed out, pulled the ticket from the machine, stood and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and kissing her softly.

"I've been to this place more times than I can count, but I don't think I've ever had as much fun as I just had watching you play that slot machine." He said sweetly.

"I'm certain I've never had this much fun in my life. Come on, let's go get my money!" She told him and dragged him to the cashier.

"Your money?" He laughed.

"I'll give you your hundred back, but the rest is mine." She teased.

They handed the cashier their ticket and watched her count the money out. She'd already built the pot up to nearly $300 when she hit the jackpot so they were about to walk out of the casino a thousand dollars richer than when they walked in. Jack knew if it were a normal weekend in Vegas he'd turn that thousand dollars over several times and end up going home breaking even if he was lucky, but this was different and if she wanted to hang onto it and not gamble it away and just enjoy the feeling of being a winner he was okay with that.

They walked out of the hotel and onto the strip. It was nighttime and everything was lit up. Kate likened walking through all the lights and noise to being inside a pinball machine. They walked hand in hand down the sidewalks until they spotted an adult toy store that didn't have a dark, sorted look and feel to it and went inside. They walked up and down the aisles, picking things up and discussing their pleasure potential. Some of the items made both of them look at one another with questioning eyes, shake their heads, laugh lightly and put the item back on the shelf.

"What do you think Jack? Are you game for this?" Kate asked holding a strap on over her center.

"That will never happen Kate." Jack said flatly.

"Where's your sense of adventure Jack?" Kate asked and shot a fake pout his way.

"You want adventure Kate? How about this?" Jack asked and held up a dildo that had to measure at least 12 inches in length.

Kate took if from him and held it in both hands. She looked at it with wide, questioning eyes, showing him she could fist it with both hands at the same time, making him laugh lightly.

"Wow Jack, it's almost as big as you are." She joked.

He chuckled and blushed a little, making her laugh.

"I didn't think I could embarrass you Jack. That's so cute." She said and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"That's me, cute and no where near the size of that thing." He said as he placed the large dildo back on the shelf and moved her down the aisle.

"Oh, let's get one of these." Kate said and held up a vibrating ring.

Jack inspected the device, read the back of the package and then looked back at her.

"Okay, but you have to put it on me." He said with a grin.

"The pleasure will be all mine." She said and kissed him.

They continued through the aisles and purchased a few items that looked like a good time. Some body dust with a feather tickler and a vibrating brush to apply it, a package of edible tattoos, edible massage oil and Jack's personal favorite a pair of furry handcuffs. They walked the strip a little longer and then headed back to their hotel. Just as Jack had asked, a dozen long-stemmed roses and the gift he'd bought were in the middle of the bed, a bottle of champagne on ice was sitting beside the bed with two glasses.

"What's all this?" Kate asked in a soft voice, clearly moved by his gesture.

"Just a little something to remind you how much I love you." He said.

Kate sat on the bed and opened the package. She pulled the silver rattle out taking note of the pink bow tied around its stem. She smiled at him, grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to the bed with her. He regained his balance and sat beside her.

"It's very pretty Jack, but you don't have to buy me things like this." She said.

"I know, but I want to. This is our first baby and I'm really happy and I can't wait to meet her." Jack said.

"Or him." Kate reminded.

"Or him. You're so amazing Kate and every time I think I can't love you any more than I already do, I find out that I can and do. I can't wait to marry you Kate." He said his tone soft and sweet and his eyes watery with emotion.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"Why what?" He replied.

"Why do you love me Jack?" Kate asked as a tear rolled down her cheek.

He wiped the tear away and kissed her gently.

"Why do you love me?" He asked.

"How could anyone not love you Jack? You're so sweet, kind and gentle. You're so trusting and honest and forgiving. You're a tiger in the bedroom. You are so serious, but also know how to have fun and you are an amazing father. You are at your sexiest when you are being Conner's daddy." She said.

"I could say the exact same things about you." Jack said and took note of her look.

"Okay, so we've had a few issues with the honesty, but it's not like you are a pathological liar Kate, the only secrets you kept were the ones that scared you, that made you feel like you were a bad person or made you afraid I'd think you were a bad person. Am I right?" He asked.

"Yes, and I swear there aren't any more secrets Jack and the fact that you accept and love me just the way I am makes me love you that much more. I can't wait to marry you either." She said and kissed him.

Jack opened the champagne and poured each of them a glass. He handed her a glass and held his in front of him, turning to face her. He brought his hand up and pushed the stray hairs behind her ear before leaning in and kissing her softly.

"This time tomorrow night you'll be my wife." He said.

"And you'll be my husband." She said.

"So, I guess this is to us." He said and gently clanged glasses with her.

They sipped their champagne and set the glasses down on the table beside the bed. He stood and put his hands out, taking hold of her hands and pulling her to her feet in front of him. He placed his hand lightly on the side of her face and then slowly traced her jaw-line with his fingers, bringing his hand back and behind her ear to the back of neck and pulling her forward as he tilted his head down and leaned in for a kiss.

The kiss grew wet and passionate as he slowly moved his mouth over hers, pushing his soft, hot tongue into the opening she eagerly provided for him, pulling their bodies together until they were pressed tightly. Her hands moved around and down, cupping his butt through his jeans and pulling him into her, knowing his excitement was growing and wanting to feel it pressed up against her.

They broke their kiss, the room suddenly feeling warm and hazy to them. He moved back enough to take hold of her shirt and lift it up. She raised her arms and allowed him to pull the shirt up over her head and toss it across the room. He moved his hands over her back, her skin soft and warm to the touch. He dropped his head and bit lightly at the cups of her bra, teasing her until she arched her back in an attempt to drive the flesh underneath the material deeper into his mouth. He straightened and grinned at her.

"See, if you would've bought the bra with the little doors in the front I'd have a titty in my mouth right now, but you like to make me work for it don't you?" He teased and moved his hands up her back to the clasp on her bra.

"If I decide to breast feed this baby Jack I don't ever want that to be associated with something that feels so good I want to jump you." She told him as he unhooked her bra and let the straps slide slowly down her arms, taking the garment to the floor.

"You mean something that feels this good?" He said in a breathy tone as he closed his mouth over one of her nipples and sucked gently while rolling the nipple of her other breast through is his fingertips.

She didn't answer. She sighed a happy sigh and gently grazed the back of his head with her fingertips, watching his mouth switch from one breast to the other while slowly turning her and then gliding her back onto the bed, wasting no time in slipping his hands inside her pants and removing them from her body. She lay on the bed wearing nothing but her panties and socks, looking up at him with smoldering eyes. He quickly removed his shirt and pants and pulled her back up to her feet. They pulled the bed coverings all the way back sending the roses crashing to the floor. She crawled into the center of the bed and he followed, hovering over her, his length hard and pressing against the confines of his boxer briefs.

Kate ran her fingernails over his hardness and he groaned, reaching down and pulling her hands away and placing them on the pillows on either side of her head.

"I want it Jack." Kate panted keeping her hands where he'd placed them making him understand she wanted him to instruct her on how to take it.

Seeing that look in her eyes and the way she was licking her lips made him so hard he had to go up on his knees to give himself room, feeling like it was going to snap in half if he didn't remove what was confining him. He moved forward on his knees, straddling her torso.

"Take it out." He ordered.

She moved her hands up and carefully tugged on the form fitting boxer briefs until she had freed him, his cock hard and impressive, the head swollen and already starting to seep. She dropped her hands back down, waiting for the next instruction, him pretending to force her to pleasure him one of their favorite games. He backed up and moved off of her, pulling the underwear down his legs and off. He reached down and pulled her panties down, stopping midway, leaving them just above her knees and she smiled at him, knowing how he wanted to play it this time.

"Touch it." He told her.

She brought her hands up and touched him. He sucked his breath in and closed his eyes, the feel of her soft fingers on him close to electrifying. She rubbed her thumb over the juices that had seeped out and then put it her mouth. He watched her lick her thumb clean in an agonizing slow fashion.

"You like that don't you?" He asked his eyes dark with desire.

"You taste so good baby, but I want you inside me." She answered.

"I know you do, but I want to be inside your mouth first." He said and moved over her again.

He pushed her hands back onto the pillows and told her to leave them there. He then moved forward until his tip touched her lips.

"Lick it." He ordered.

She opened her mouth and began licking his tip slowly, carefully pursing her lips around him, making sure she was bringing him so much pleasure he'd have trouble staying in control.

"All the way now." He panted and moved forward when she opened her mouth.

He put his hands on the wall in front of him and pushed himself in and out of her mouth, her licking and sucking and lapping up everything that escaped without using her hands, him feeling the tugging and tightness and sheer agony as his release grew closer and closer. She coaxed him onto his back so he could relax and enjoy the release she was about to bring out of him, but the sight of her naked bottom up in the air with her panties still only halfway down made him remember his initial game and he stopped her, pulling her mouth away, sitting up and laying her across his lap, his rock hard appendage straight up and tucked into the nest of hair on his lower belly. She felt his hand move over her bare butt.

"Now Jack." She demanded.

He brought his hand back and then down, swatting her bare bottom and listening to her moan, keeping her panties just pulled halfway down, the look and feel of it turning both of them on more than they already were. He swatted her again and again and then without warning pushed a finger into her. She was so wet and so tight, the panties keeping her from spreading and opening up for him. He could feel her grinding against his thigh, working hard to get off. He continued to move his finger in and out while swatting her, the experience taking both of them to the edge, but failing to get either one of them over. Having had all he could take, he pushed her panties off of her, rolled her onto her back moved himself into position quickly, sliding into her with one quick push and watching that one act drive her over the edge.

She panted and twisted and squeezed the tops of his shoulders so tight he was sure her handprints would be there for a week. When she finished he leaned in and kissed her with a wet, hot mouth and began moving in and out of her at a steady pace, readjusting himself occasionally so he could drive deeper, waiting and holding on, wanting her to come for him again. He heard her begin to pant again and could feel her starting to clench around him right before she started demanding he go harder and faster. He picked up the pace, arms flexed as his body pounded into hers, determined to hold on and watch if it killed him. She closed her eyes and cried out and he kept pounding and watching until she was done and then he collapsed forward, buried himself as deep as he could go and let go, groaning and jerking as his turned on body dumped all it had into her. When his body finally settled and he stopped making noises Kate rubbed her hands over his sweaty back in a soothing fashion until his breathing returned to normal and he eventually slipped out of her and rolled onto his back.

She took her position curled up beside him, head over his heart and arm over his belly. He wrapped his arm around her and held her wondering if he should retrieve at least a sheet in case they got cold. Considering moving to get a blanket was the last thought that went through his mind before his tired, sexually spent body fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.


	39. Chapter 39

They awoke the next morning curled up together in the center of the bed, a blanket wrapped around them, neither really sure where the blanket came from but assumed one or both of them had retrieved it in the middle of the night. She noticed the soreness between her legs and smiled as the memories of their play flooded back. She lifted her head and kissed him until he was awake and kissing her back, their naked bodied pressed together and slowly heating up again. He finally pulled back and sat up.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing, I think my batteries just need some time to recharge. That was pretty intense last night, things are a little sensitive this morning." He said.

"Yeah, I'm a little sore myself." She admitted.

"I'm sorry." He said and kissed the top of her head.

"Don't be. God it was incredible. Just think Jack, the next time we make love we'll be doing so as husband and wife." Kate said.

"Mmm……so are you making a date for sex with me later Kate?" He teased.

"I am, so get busy charging those batteries." Kate said.

"Some breakfast would go a long way in helping my cause. Want to go downstairs or order room service?" He asked.

"Let's go downstairs. It's going to be a long day if we stay cooped up in the room." She said.

"There's a lot to do today Kate, trust me, you won't have time to get bored." Jack told her.

"What is there to do besides get dressed later and be in the Chapel by six-thirty?" Kate asked.

"Did you really believe I'd let your wedding day be that uneventful Kate?" He asked.

"What does that mean Jack?" She asked.

"You'll see, but first let's take a shower and go have breakfast." He prodded and moved out of the bed.

She was dying to know what he had up his sleeve, but also knew he wouldn't tell her no matter how much she begged so she played along, allowing him to enjoy springing his surprises on her slowly. They showered together without incident, dressed and had breakfast in one of the restaurants downstairs. They walked through some of the shops downstairs and bought a souvenir for Conner before heading back up to their room.

They sat in the parlor area of the room dividing up pieces of the newspaper and quietly studying their respective sections.

"Can we go see a show before we leave?" She asked.

"Sure. What did you have in mind?" He asked.

"I've always wanted to see a Cirque De Soleil show. Have you ever seen one?" She asked.

"No, but we can do that. They usually have a couple of different ones to choose from and one of them is very adult-oriented I hear." He said in seductive tone and grinned at her.

"Let's go see that one and maybe a magician or Wayne Newton or something." She said making him laugh.

"I'm willing to do anything but sit through Wayne Newton." He told her.

"What about that roller coaster on top of that one hotel? Want to do that?" She asked.

"I'd love to, but I'm not going to allow my pregnant wife to do it so we'll have to come back after the baby is born and do it." He said.

"You won't allow? Are you going to start bossing me around now Jack?" She asked the bite in her tone making him realize he'd touched on a nerve.

"Do I boss you around now Kate?" He asked.

"No." She answered.

"So why would I change? I wouldn't allow my pregnant girlfriend to ride that thing either. It's not being bossy, it's being cautious." He defended himself.

"But if I were really determined to do it you wouldn't manhandle me to stop me?" She asked.

"No, I'd be really pissed off at you for endangering our baby and we'd have a really big fight about it, but if you were determined to do it I'd have to sit back and watch you do something stupid and hope for the best. What's going on Kate?" Jack asked.

"Nothing, I just won't be married to a man that thinks he can boss me around, a man that thinks he can make all the rules and expect everyone to follow them or else." Kate said.

Jack studied her for a minute and then leaned forward over the pile of newspaper and kissed her gently.

"Or a man that would try to have sex with his 16 year old step-daughter and expect his wife to take his side instead of her daughter's?" Jack asked.

"Especially a man like that." Kate said.

"I'm sorry some asshole did that to you and your mom took his side Kate. I promise, I have no desire to boss you around." He said.

"My real dad wasn't like that. He was awesome. I still miss him." Kate said her eyes filling with tears.

"Especially today I bet. He should be here to walk his little girl down the aisle." Jack said.

"When I was about five or six, I'd have a pretend wedding and he'd always play along, walk me down the hallway and hand me over to my imaginary groom and then we'd dance, sometimes I'd stand on his shoes and he'd waltz me around the living room and sometimes he'd just pick me up and dance with me in his arms. I guess you think that's kind of stupid huh?" She said and wiped the tears away that were escaping.

He reached out and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her while encouraging her to lay her head on his shoulder. He buried his face in her hair and squeezed her tightly, reassuringly.

"It's not stupid, it's sweet and I wish he could be here to dance with you tonight." Jack said.

"Yeah me too, but we won't be dancing tonight so I guess it really doesn't matter." Kate sighed.

Jack rubbed his hand over her back and smiled. They would be dancing tonight, she just didn't know it yet. They sat together for a few more minutes, their quiet, tender moment interrupted by a loud knocking on the door.

"Who's that?" Kate asked.

"That would be the beginning of your wedding day Kate." Jack said with a smile and moved her off his lap so he could get up.

Jack walked to the door, looked through the peep hole and opened the two doors to the suite. The concierge and one of the bell hops entered the room with what appeared to be some sort of clothing. They hung the neatly packaged items, dropped the boxes they were carrying and left the room. Jack grabbed the items that were hung and brought them over to the bed. He laid them on the bed and motioned for Kate to come join him. Kate approached the bed and saw immediately that the one of the items was a wedding gown. She put her hand over her mouth and stopped in her tracks.

"What? How?" She sputtered.

"This is the wedding capital of the world Kate and getting you the beautiful white wedding dress you deserve to wear with the help of a very hard working hotel concierge was a piece of cake. They actually rent them out here, but I went ahead and bought it so you could keep it. It's new, never been worn." Jack said.

"Jack, I can't believe you did this. What if after all your trouble it doesn't fit?" Kate asked becoming emotional.

"It'll fit. They used the dress you bought yesterday and your height to make sure it will fit perfectly. There are shoes and a veil and of course my favorite part." Jack said with a grin as he held up a silky blue garter belt.

Kate was speechless, completely moved by what had to be the most romantic thing she'd ever heard of, much less had the pleasure of having it done just for her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him, letting go of the tears he caused by touching her heart so profoundly.

"Hey, you're supposed to be happy." He said.

"I am happy Jack, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life." She told him.

"Then why so many tears?" He asked.

She pulled back and looked into his beautiful, sentimental, soft brown eyes.

"They are happy tears. I love you so much Jack. I can't believe you did this. You are the man and the groom that all little girls grow up dreaming about. How'd I get so lucky?" She asked.

"I could ask the same question. I love you baby and doing this seemed like the most normal and natural thing in the world and just wait until you see me in my tux. You won't be able to resist me." He said and kissed her softly.

"I should try it on." Kate said.

"Okay, but I have to leave. It's bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony." Jack said.

"No, I don't want you to leave." Kate said.

"Actually Kate I have your whole day planned out so you won't be seeing much of me. You have an appointment downstairs for a full body massage and facial and when you are done there, we are going to have a late lunch and then you are coming back up here with one of the women from the salon. She's going to do the whole woman's wedding day thing for you. Nails, hair and make-up and then she will bring you down to the chapel to me." Jack told her.

"What are you going to do?" Kate asked.

"I'll go down to the barber shop and get a good shave and then I'll get showered and dressed and make sure everything is ready." Jack said.

"Make sure what is ready? Jack, how on earth did you manage to plan all of this without me knowing?" Kate asked.

"Kate, hotels like this one have very good concierges and before you start making a fuss about whatever money I may have spent, it's our wedding and I wanted to do this for us. I can't wait to see you in that dress." He said sweetly.

Kate and Jack went their separate ways for a couple of hours, met up for lunch and then said their goodbyes in the lobby, knowing the next time they saw one another they'd be getting ready to say "I Do". Kate allowed the friendly, bubbly woman from the hair styling salon lead her upstairs to be pampered and primped. When they were done, she helped Kate into the wedding gown, zipping the back for her and showing her where to place the garter so Jack would be able to remove it later in front of people even though Kate assured her there would be no guests or reception afterward.

The woman placed the veil on Kate's head and led her over to the full length mirror. She stood in front of the mirror not recognizing the person in the reflection for a moment.

"You are beautiful dear, he is going to be blown away when he sees you walking toward him." She told Kate.

"Thank you." Kate said and smiled.

There was a knock on the door. Kate looked at the clock beside the bed. It was 6:10 PM. Was Jack getting impatient and making sure she would be on time? She allowed the woman to open the door for her, hearing the sweet voice chime in immediately.

"You look so pretty mommy." Conner said.

Kate turned completely and saw Conner standing just inside the room with Christian and Margo. He was dressed in a suit and looked like a small, sweet, adorable version of Jack with longer hair. The woman excused herself immediately and left Kate with her visitors.

Conner approached Kate and she kneeled down and hugged him, fighting the tears that seemed to want to come all day long.

"You look so handsome Conner and I'm so happy that you are here." Kate said and stood back up gently dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

Christian and Margo looked her over, both taken aback by how beautiful she was, her green eyes sparkling and revealing just how happy she was.

"You are lovely dear." Margo said.

"Thank you." Kate said.

"Jack is going to be amazed when he sees you." Margo said.

"You've seen him? Is he okay? I mean, is he ready to do this?" Kate asked.

"Daddy is happy. You make him so happy." Conner told her making her smile.

"Conner is right. Jack is fine. He asked me to bring these to you." Margo said and handed Kate a jewelry box.

She opened the box and found pearl earrings inside. They were beautiful and expensive and just one more thoughtful thing he'd done to overwhelm her.

"He shouldn't have." Kate said softly.

"He had to so you'd have earrings to match his mother's pearl necklace." Margo said and put the pearls around Kate's neck.

"I don't, I mean I can't." Kate stuttered.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I know they are old and probably not your style, but see tradition says you have to wear something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. Jack and I decided my pearls would cover the old and borrowed." Margo told her.

Kate put the earrings in and smiled at the three of them.

"Well, I guess we should get downstairs." Kate said.

Christian approached Kate and took hold of her left hand. He brought it up and kissed the top of it gently.

"My god you are beautiful dear." Christian said.

Kate smiled at him, not sure what he wanted. Did he want to make up with her, accept her as being good enough for his son?

"Dr. Shephard, I know I'm not the woman you wanted Jack to end up with, but if it means anything I promise to always love him and I know that loving him means accepting and understanding how committed he is to his work. I'll never force him to make a choice because I know that he can't be truly happy with just one or the other." Kate said.

"I told Jack once that he needed to marry a woman like his mother, someone that understood the drive and commitment it takes to be a successful doctor. It's a good thing he blew me off when I suggested you weren't that woman. Oh, and you can call me Christian or even dad, but I think Dr. Shephard is a bit too formal since you're going to be my daughter-in-law in about 15 minutes." Christian told her.

"Thank you Dr. um Christian. You're very important to Jack so it's important that you and I get along." Kate said.

"You're so much brighter and more perceptive than I ever gave you credit for and I apologize for judging you. It was wrong and if you think you could stand it I would be honored if you would let me walk you down the aisle." Christian offered making Kate lose the battle against her tears.

Kate pulled herself together and allowed Jack's parents to lead her to the chapel. She was becoming a pile of emotional mush, everything Jack had done to make this day special making her wish she could just wrap her arms around him and hold him until he understood how much it all meant to her. She had no idea that more surprises were in store for her.

Christian's offer to walk her down the aisle was touching and sweet and she happily accepted. Margo took Conner into the Chapel. The woman from the beauty salon approached Kate and Christian with a beautiful bridal bouquet made up of small red and white roses. It was beautiful and the lace in the bouquet matched the lace on her dress, the colors of the small, delicate roses matching the baby's breath and red the stylist had weaved tastefully through Kate's hair. Jack had thought of everything.

The music began playing and the chapel doors opened. Kate wrapped her arm in Christian's and he began walking her into the chapel, the chapel that was adorned with red and white roses, the chapel that had people sitting in the pews waiting to watch the ceremony. Kate glanced to each side as they walked down the aisle, recognizing the guests as friends of Jack's and friends of hers from the restaurant and the members of her cancer family. She couldn't believe that he'd managed to convince all these people to drop everything and come to Vegas.

Jack saw her as soon as they entered the doorway and his mouth went dry, every bit of liquid in his body determined to form in his eyes. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his life, more beautiful than he could've imagined and seeing his father walking her toward him and looking like it was something he wanted to do, enjoyed doing, perfected the scene. His emotions got the better of him as she got closer and he saw her face, her green sparkling eyes and her hair pulled back, up and away from her face, allowing all of her facial features to shine through.

They stood together holding hands and listening to the standard words from the clergyman standing between them. Neither managed to get through the vows without becoming emotional and when it was time to kiss the bride, he covered her mouth with his, pulling her into his arms and kissing her deeply and passionately, the group of people in the pews standing and applauding. They ended the kiss and she wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing him tight, holding him like she'd been wanting to, crying soft gentle tears and whispering over and over how much she loved him.

He pulled her away from his shoulder and tilted her chin up so she was looking at him. He kissed her softly and smiled.

"There's a reception to get through yet babe, are you going to be okay?" He asked smiling and letting go of a light chuckle, amazed at how beautiful she was and that she was his.

They held hands and turned to face their guests. Jack held his arms out and Conner eagerly ran to him. He scooped him up, hugged him and held him on his hip in-between he and Kate. Kate wrapped her arm around her two favorite men and the photographer started demanding they look at him so he could capture it on film. Having had enough of the blinding flash, they began walking down the aisle together, encouraging all their guests to follow them.

"Come this way. You didn't think I'd drag all of you out here and not provide all the food and booze you can consume did you?" Jack told them as he led his family out of the chapel.

Jack led them into a large room that had a large buffet on one side and an open bar on the other. There were tables and chairs and a dance floor. A DJ sat in the corner, the music already playing. He and Kate stood back and watched their guests start to enjoy the party.

"Jack, how did you manage to pull all of this off?" Kate asked.

"I had a lot of help from my parents and from the staff in this hotel. The biggest obstacle was finding rooms for all of our friends to crash in tonight." Jack said.

"Couples spend months planning weddings and driving one another crazy with the stress that goes along with that and you put an entire wedding and reception together in two days. Jack that's amazing, you're amazing." Kate said and kissed him.

"It's Vegas Kate. Everything you want and need is at your fingertips. I wanted you to have a day to remember, for both of us to remember." Jack said.

The couple mingled among the guests for awhile going from table to table and talking. They finally made themselves a couple of plates of food and sat at a table with Jack's parents and Conner.

"Are you coming home now Daddy?" Conner asked.

"No, not yet bud, we're going to have a honeymoon first." Jack told him.

"What's a honeymoon?" Conner asked.

Jack looked at Kate and then at his parents who were all waiting eagerly for him to answer the child's question.

"A honeymoon is when two married people spend some time alone getting to know each other." Jack answered.

"But you already know each other." Conner protested.

"Yes, but we still need some private time just for us and then we'll be home." Jack told him.

"Okay, but since you aren't going home with us tomorrow can I sleep in your room tonight?" Conner asked making all of the adults hide the smiles and laughs that were dying to come out.

"I think you should stay us tonight Conner." Margo said.

"Please daddy, I haven't seen you in so long." Conner pleaded.

"Conner, I don't……" Jack started but didn't get to finish before Kate jumped in.

"He could sleep on the couch in the parlor area Jack." Kate said.

"Kate, it's our wedding night." Jack said an incredulous expression covering his face.

"So what's wrong with letting our son share our wedding night with us?" She argued.

"Are you serious?" He asked almost laughing.

She leaned in and kissed him, moving her mouth close to his ear.

"He sleeps through earthquakes Jack, you said so yourself." She whispered.

"This is ridiculous and since I'm the oldest person at this table and therefore in charge I'm putting my foot down. Conner, it's their wedding night and children do not participate in wedding nights. You're staying with your grandmother and me and we're going to order that movie you wanted to watch and we aren't going to talk about this anymore." Christian ordered getting Jack off the hook without having to be the bad guy.

"Okay." Conner sighed.

"We'll do something together when I get home, just you and me bud. Okay?" Jack offered.

"No, mom too." Conner said.

"Okay, mom too." Jack agreed.

They finished their meal and mingled some more until the DJ announced that it was time for the bride and groom to dance.

"So, is the little girl you told me about ready to dance to with her groom?" Jack asked and held his hand out.

"She's all grown up now, but yeah, she's ready to spend the rest of her life dancing with you." Kate said as she took his hand and let him lead her to the dance floor. The lights went down, the only light being the lights shining down on them as they held one another and moved slowly to the old Climax Blues Band song "I Love You".

_When I was younger man I hadn't a care  
Foolin' around, hitting the town, growing my hair  
You came along and stole my heart when you entered my life  
Ooh babe you got what it takes so I made you my wife_

Since then I never looked back  
It's almost like living a dream  
I love you  


"Jack, you have no idea how much all this has meant to me. You are the sweetest, most charming, most romantic and most playful man I've ever known." Kate said as she let her head rest on his shoulder and continued to listen to the song he'd selected for them to dance to.

_You came along from far away and found me here  
I was playin' around, feeling down, hittin' the beer  
You picked me up from off the floor and gave me a smile  
You said you're much too young, your life ain't begun, let's walk for awhile_

And as my head was spinnin' 'round  
I gazed into your eyes  
And thought I want you  


"You made me want to live again Kate, made me want to feel things again. Anything I do, it just comes naturally because you're all I think about. It's not work or an effort Kate, it's just love." He told her.

She lifted her head and looked at him. She closed her mouth over his and they kissed and moved to the music, listening to the words, realizing how perfectly they fit their relationship, how the words could be coming from her or him either one and be speaking honestly about how they both felt.

_Thank you babe for being a friend  
And shinin' your light in my life   
'cause I need you_

As my head was comin' round  
I gazed into your eyes  
And thought I want you

Thanks again for being my friend  
And straightenin' out my life  
'cause I need you

Since then I never looked back  
It's almost like livin' a dream  
I got you

If ever a man had it all  
It would have to be me  
I love you

After their dance they continued on with the wedding rituals. They cut the cake and fed a bite to each other, her shoving it into his face and him deciding that using his finger to paint a stripe of frosting down her nose was all he could stand to do the beautiful face that was smiling back at him. She lifted her dress, placed her leg up on a chair and let him slowly slide the blue garter off her leg and then shoot it like a rubber band into the group of men. That it ended up in Conner's hands seemed appropriate and humorous to everyone but Conner who wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do with the lacey, girly looking thing and handed it to his grandpa. Kate gathered the women and tossed the bouquet over her shoulder and laughed as they clawed and scratched for it.

With the rituals out of the way the newlyweds disappeared up to their room to change into more comfortable clothes, tempted to stay in the room and consummate the marriage, but deciding better of it and rejoining the party in the clothes Kate thought they had bought to get married in. The reception went on for hours with people wandering out into the casino for awhile and then coming back to mingle or to drink or to snack. By 2 AM, most of the guests had staggered up to the rooms Jack had reserved for them. Conner had pushed several chairs together and turned them into a bed sometime around midnight. When the last guest said his goodnights Jack retrieved his son and he and Kate rode the elevator with his parents to their floor.

"I'll take him Jack." Christian offered.

"Are you sure? I can tuck him in." Jack said.

"He'll never know the difference." Christian said.

Jack kissed Conner's forehead and handed him to his father. Kate leaned in and kissed the child on the cheek. She then hugged Jack's mother and then his father.

"Thank you both for everything." Kate said.

"It was our pleasure." Margo said.

"Yes, of course." Christian said and shuffled his feet, showing emotion and being touchy feely not something he was comfortable with.

Jack leaned over and kissed his mother on the cheek and gave her a hug. He then patted his father on the shoulder, took a deep breath and hugged him, squashing Conner in-between them.

"Thanks for everything dad, I couldn't have pulled this off without your help and it really means a lot to me." Jack said.

"I'm your father Jack." Christian replied and Jack looked at him.

For the first time in his life Jack got it, he finally understood what those words meant, that it was his father's way of telling him that he loves him, that everything he does good or bad is out of love because he is his father. He smiled at his dad and patted his shoulder again.

"And I'm your son." Jack replied, both men knowing that was going to be the closest either one of them ever came to actually telling the other 'I love you', but it was enough.

Jack and Kate finally entered their suite around 2:30 AM. Kate hadn't been able to drink more than the champagne they used to toast and Jack had no desire to get drunk in front of his pregnant wife and six year old son so he was sober, tired, but sober. They both quietly stripped out of their clothes and met in the center of the bed. He turned onto his side and gently ran his fingers over her collar bone and neck.

"I love you Mrs. Shephard." Jack said.

"Show me." She said as rolled onto her side and kissed him.

They consummated their marriage gently, lovingly and sweetly. Slowly making love to one another, while staying as close and wrapped together as was possible. When they were done they lay in each others arms and talked about how they wanted to spend their lives together, both deciding that a new house could wait as long as it needed to in order for them to find or build exactly what they wanted. They decided Conner should stay in private school and they talked about names for their baby. Jack was set on one name and one name only and Kate just laughed at how determined he was that she was carrying a little girl. They drifted off to sleep amused and happy as Jack kissed Kate's stomach and quietly whispered, "Good night Gracie."


	40. Chapter 40

Jack lay on his back, his brain trapped between consciousness and a very deep sleep, trying hard to push through, to break through the barrier and into the light. His eyelids were heavy, so heavy he couldn't find the strength to lift them. He moved his head slightly from side to side and his heavy and thick feeling hands were gripping at the sheets. He felt like a 200 pound weight was on top of his entire body and that at least 50 pounds of it held his brain in limbo, refusing to allow him to wake up, to open his eyes, to lift his hands and force his eyelids open. He could hear his name faintly and tried again, determined to see the face that was calling his name and there it was, his eyes opened and he squinted against the brightness, confused and unable to speak.

"Jack, can you hear me?" The voice spoke softly, reaching over him and pressing a button.

He opened his eyes again and nodded, tried to lift his head, but found it weighed too much.

"No, don't do that. Just lie still. Amy, page Dr. Shephard!" The woman yelled into the button.

"What? Where?" Jack managed to whisper, the fog slowly starting to lift.

"Shh Jack, don't try to talk. Wait until your father gets here." The woman said softly.

"My father? What's going on Debra?" Jack whispered suddenly recognizing the woman hovering over him.

"You know me?" She asked.

"Of course I know you. I've worked with you for years. What's going on? Where am I?" Jack asked his voice gaining strength along with his body.

Christian Shephard entered the room, rushed and excited and stopped just short of crawling into the bed that Jack was lying in, the small bed with rails and white sheets and blankets. He was in a hospital bed. He was in the hospital? Why?

"What's going on dad?" Jack asked.

"You know me? You know who you are?" Christian asked.

"Of course……dad, what's going on?" Jack demanded and tried to sit up, wincing against the pain that the action caused.

"Be still son, you've had us all pretty scared. You had a car accident, a terrible car accident. Do you remember?" Christian asked.

"No, yeah, I don't know, I think, I think I remember you and me. We were fighting about me going to that conference in San Francisco. Emily. She was sick and I was trying to get home to her. She wasn't answering the phone. I just looked down at my cell phone for a second and when I looked back up this car was coming right at me. Did I cross the median? Did I hurt somebody?" Jack asked.

"You didn't cross the median, the woman that hit you did. Nobody really knows why it happened, if she fell asleep or just got distracted." Christian told him.

"Why not just ask her?" Jack asked.

"She died." Christian said.

"She died? I killed somebody?" Jack asked as he scanned his memory for anything following seeing the car coming toward him, something that said he at least tried to avoid her.

"You didn't kill anyone Jack. You swerved but she still caught the side and the two vehicles went off the highway and rolled down the embankment. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was thrown from her car. They found her trapped underneath your car." Christian explained.

"When? How long have I been here?" Jack asked.

"We lost you three times Jack, once at the scene, once in the ER and once in surgery. It's a miracle that you're alive." Christian told him.

"How long dad?" Jack asked.

"You've been in coma for nearly 4 weeks Jack. You had a pretty severe head injury, broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, internal bleeding a broken wrist and your ankle was broken so badly they weren't sure they were going to be able save your foot." Christian told him and Jack began to understand why his body felt like it had been run over by a truck.

"The woman, did she have a family?" Jack asked.

"Jack, let's not do this right now. I knew you'd obsess over that aspect of the accident so I saved all the newspaper clippings and a copy of the police report and autopsy for you, but not today Jack." Christian said.

"Emily? Conner? The baby?" Jack asked.

"All fine Jack. That's a stubborn woman you're married to. She was too sick to be out of bed, but she's been here every day and demanded to be the one who shaved and bathed you. She told the nurses you'd be so pissed off if you were awake and forced to sit still for that." Christian laughed.

"She would've been right." Jack said.

"They called her, I'm sure she'll be here any minute Jack. You should rest, you've been through a lot." Christian said.

Jack nodded at his father and closed his eyes, sleep coming quickly and easily, his battered body and healing brain not fighting what it desperately needed in order to heal. He dreamed while he slept, dreamed of her, Kate. Kate, the woman he met and fell in love with five years after his wife died and when he woke up again, he was covered with sweat and breathing hard. She was sitting beside his bed, his beautiful Emily, holding his infant son. Every tragic thing that lived in his dreams had not happened or was it that it had not happened yet. He looked at Emily and his heart swelled with the love that he felt for her. The idea that in five years she would be gone and he would be married to someone else upset him and he began to cry. Emily stood and wiped the tears from his face.

"It's okay Jack, everything is going to be okay." She told him.

"Is it?" He asked.

"Yes Jack. Your injuries are healing and you're awake. You aren't supposed to be awake Jack. Every expert your father had flown in said the odds weren't in your favor, but he never gave up. He sat in here with you for hours every single day and talked to you, read to you, discussed his cases with you, determined that somewhere inside, you could hear him. Do you remember any of that?" Emily asked.

"No, I mean I had dreams Em and my dad was in them, but I don't remember him talking to me." Jack told her his voice distant.

"What's wrong Jack? You seem a little lost." Emily said.

"I feel a little lost. I just need some time to process all of this. Can I hold him?" Jack asked reaching out for his 7 month old son.

The baby was asleep so she carefully transferred him from her shoulder to Jack's chest. Jack wrapped a protective arm around the sleeping baby and kissed the top of his head. Emily sat back and watched them together, happy to see that a little more of Jack was coming through as each minute passed. He tired quickly though and when she looked away and then back Jack had fallen asleep again.

He woke up in his hotel room in Vegas, Kate sitting beside him gently running her fingers down the side of his face. He smiled at her.

"You came back." She said.

"Yeah, I had this crazy dream. I had been in a car accident and woke up in my old life. Emily was still alive and Conner was just a baby. It was really weird because I fell asleep in my dream and I dreamed about you. Somebody must've slipped something strange into my champagne." Jack said as looked in her shimmering green eyes.

"It wasn't a dream Jack." Kate told him and kissed him gently.

"So this is a dream?" Jack asked.

"No, it's a different place Jack, a place you don't belong anymore. You're supposed to be with Emily and Conner." Kate told him.

"I don't……..what's going on?" Jack asked suddenly aware that he couldn't move.

"I nearly killed you Jack. I had to stay with you until you were ready to go back. Love can heal like nothing else." Kate told him, noting the confusion and sadness in his eyes.

"But I love you Kate, I loved you like I had only ever loved one other woman in my life and you're telling me it wasn't real?" Jack pleaded with her.

"No Jack, it was real, but on a different level, a spiritual level." Kate said and smiled at him.

"So what, you're dead? You're the woman that died in the accident?" Jack asked.

"That's right. I don't really remember dying Jack, I just remember walking around the wrecked cars and seeing you trapped and bleeding and thinking I had killed you. I held your head in my lap until help arrived, but they couldn't see me and that was when I realized I was dead. I rode in the ambulance with you and stayed with you and I guess when they lost you on the operating table for so long you joined me and decided to stay for awhile." Kate explained.

"This is crazy Kate. If that's true then why am I back here with you?" Jack asked.

"Because you're sad Jack and you're not sure what you want. You're confusing the genuine love you feel for Emily with the spiritual love you shared with me. You belong with them Jack and as soon as I know everything is okay I can move on." Kate told him.

"Move where?" He asked.

"Where ever it is I'm supposed to go." Kate answered.

"No, please don't leave me Kate. I love you and I need you." Jack pleaded with her.

"I know you love me and I love you more than I ever loved anyone in my life, but you've learned all there is to know Jack and its time for you to go back and take care of things." Kate told him.

"But what about Emily? Why was she dead and why was my son so much older? Why was it all so real?" Jack asked.

"Emily was the last thing on your mind before the crash Jack. You brought all of your guilt and insecurities and fears with you and they revealed themselves, but Jack, that's all it was, just you and your fears as well as your hopes and dreams." Kate told him.

"Will I ever see you again?" Jack asked.

"I don't know the answer to that Jack, but I'll always be right here." Kate said and placed her hand over his heart.

"No, I don't want to lose you. I don't want to go back." Jack told her, fresh tears streaming down his face.

Emily was lifting Conner off of Jack's chest when the heart monitor flat-lined and began beeping. Everything went into slow motion after that. She stood in the corner of the room and watched them try to bring him back.

"Jack you don't belong here, you have to go back." Kate told him.

"No Kate. How can I leave you, you're pregnant with my baby." Jack said.

"No sweetheart, I'm only pregnant in your mind. The baby your wife Emily is carrying was worrying you so you brought that worry and that child with you to keep her safe." Kate explained.

"Gracie. That's what we had decided on if it was a girl." Jack mumbled.

Emily watched them bring him back. It was a very weak heart rate, but he was fighting his way back.

"That's right Jack. Go back to your family Jack. They love you and they need you. Conner can never grow into the wonderful boy I got to know if you aren't there to guide him." Kate pushed.

"Why did this happen Kate? I love you so much, how am I supposed to just forget that?" Jack asked.

"You will Jack, the spiritual love you feel for me will take its natural place in your heart, but you won't long for me or be saddened that I'm not there. You love your wife Jack, you always have." Kate explained.

"Then why? I don't understand." Jack said.

"You will Jack, I promise. Now go, go back Jack." Kate said and kissed him softly on the mouth.

Jack's heart rate steadily increased until he was in a normal rhythm again. Emily who was now being comforted by Christian stood in the corner sobbing.

"It's okay dear, he's back and stronger than ever." Christian told her.

"What happened? I thought he was going to be okay." She cried.

"We'll run tests and try to determine what caused it, but odds are we'll never know." Christian told her.

Jack slept for two days following the incident, his body weak and his brain tired. They ran tests and came up with nothing but a young, strong and healthy heart. When Jack woke up again his father was sitting by his bedside. He looked around the room feeling less groggy than he had before he'd gone to sleep.

"Hey." Jack said.

"Hey yourself. That was quite a nap." Christian said.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked.

"You've been asleep for two days Jack." Christian told him.

"What's wrong with me dad? Is there some kind of permanent damage?" Jack asked.

"None they can find. They've scanned your brain with every instrument known to the medical profession and there's nothing. How do you feel?" Christian asked.

"Hungry." Jack answered making his dad smile.

"You want me to go get you something?" Christian asked.

"No, whatever the cafeteria is serving is fine." Jack said.

"You sure, it's been a long time since we've had lunch at that restaurant across the street. I can go get you something." Christian said.

The mention of the restaurant triggered Jack's memories. Kate. When he met her she said she had worked in that restaurant. Was that real or just part of the things that were already part of his memories?

"Jack?" Christian called.

"Huh, uh no dad that's fine. Why would you run all the way over there for food?" Jack asked.

"Because I'm your father Jack." Christian answered.

The comment hit Jack like a ton of bricks and he smiled.

"Thanks, but I can wait for the food to come around. Can I ask you something?" Jack asked.

"Shoot." Christian said.

"The woman, the one that hit me, do you know her name?" Jack asked.

"Her name was Kate. She was on her way here." Christian said.

"How do you know that?" Jack asked.

"Her son is here. He's a pediatric oncology patient. His doctor had just spoken to her that morning and told her she needed to get to the hospital; that her son was asking for her." Christian explained.

"But you said he's still here. He's still a patient in this hospital?" Jack asked as he began to shake and broke out into a cold sweat.

"Yes, he's still here and doing very well from what I hear. Why? What's going on with you son?" Christian asked.

"How old is he?" Jack asked.

"He's four I think. Why so interested?" Christian asked.

"Dad, I have to go see him." Jack said and started to get up screaming against the pain in his lower leg.

"Settle down Jack. He's not going anywhere. The kid is an orphan and we, the hospital administration, given the circumstances and the way his mother died, well we decided to keep him here until he's as healthy as he's going to get. Emily has spent quite a bit of time with him." Christian said.

"What? Why would Emily. God this is so weird." Jack mumbled and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Because your wife has a big heart, that's why. Does it really surprise you Jack?" Christian asked.

"Could you help me get out of this bed and take me to see him? I need to see him dad." Jack demanded.

Christian recognized the tone and the look in his son's eyes and knew that arguing with him would be futile so he rounded up a wheelchair and helped Jack make his way from the bed to the chair. He pushed him down the halls and much to Jack's aggravation stopped to let people say hello to Jack and welcome him back. He wheeled Jack into the room and up beside the child's bed.

"TJ this is Jack. Jack, this is TJ." Christian said.

Jack held his hand out, his large hand covering the tiny one that reached out to shake his hand. Jack was so close to losing it he had to take a few deep breaths to compose himself. This was the same little boy he took to see snow, that he watched die in his mother's arms, yet here he was, looking healthy and ready to jump out of the bed.

"Hi Jack. Mommy telled me about you." TJ told him.

"She did huh?" Jack asked as a couple of tears escaped down his cheeks finally understanding why Kate was so insistent that he come back.

Christian was confused and concerned, but after coming so close to losing the most important thing in the world to him decided to back off, to let his son behave a little strange and not obsess over it. Jack convinced his father to let him stay in the child's room, promising he'd get a nurse to wheel him back when he was ready. Jack sat with TJ and talked, colored a picture with him and ate dinner with him and when the child drifted off to sleep he dropped his head and sobbed, realizing what he'd been through, what he'd been allowed to experience and how deeply Kate was embedded into his heart. She had to be so he could keep her memory alive for her little boy. He wasn't sure if he'd fallen asleep or if she came to him during consciousness this time, but he smelled her first and then felt a light touch on his shoulder.

Jack looked up and saw her kneeling in front of his wheelchair. He reached out for her and she took hold of his hand, kissing the tops of his fingers softly and then guiding the hand back into his lap.

"Kate, help me understand all of this." Jack cried.

"You're a smart man Jack and if you think about it, the things we did together, the people we encountered, you'll find them in your past some place." Kate told him.

"But why? Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why did you let me cheat on my wife?" Jack asked.

"You didn't cheat on your wife Jack. The love we shared was never physical even though it seemed that way. At first I just wanted to take care of you until you were ready to go back, but when I realized that my son dying on that trip to the cabin was my own fears manifesting and not real I knew what I had to do. I knew that a man that would do that, that would take a total stranger and her sick child away to make a wish come true, would be the man that would not allow him to end up with strangers. He needs you Jack. TJ needs a family, a dad who would love him as much as you loved his mother." Kate said.

"Kate, what am I supposed to tell Emily? She'll think I'm crazy and she won't like that I carried on a sexual relationship with a ghost." Jack argued chuckling lightly at the absurdity of what he'd just said.

"Emily's faith is strong Jack. She may have given up the ritualistic nonsense promoted by the church, but she believes Jack and she believes in you. We didn't really have sex Jack. It was your mind and my mind spiritually connecting, but we never physically connected." Kate told him.

"But it, you, was all so real. It still feels real. I love you Kate how am I supposed to just forget that and go back to my marriage and my life? What about you? What do you get?" Jack asked.

"I get peace Jack. I get to know that my little boy is being loved and taken care of. You won't forget me Jack, but your love for me will never be stronger than what you feel for Emily, nor will it ever be the same." Kate assured him.

"But if you were so sure I was the one, the person that you wanted to take care of your son then why did you keep running away from me? Why did we have the crazy fights and the lies. Were those lies real Kate? Was any of that real or more manifesting?" Jack asked.

"The stuff about my past was real Jack. TJ has nobody. I ran because I didn't want to hurt you Jack, but you kept coming after me so I knew that what I was doing, that whoever or whatever was making me, us, go through all of that, had a reason and that TJ was part of the reason. I don't understand it Jack, I just knew it was something we were supposed to follow through with and the answers would come and sure enough as soon as I married you and we consummated the marriage, the you that was locked away in a deep sleep, started waking up. I guess you are kind of TJ's stepfather in a spiritual sense." Kate told him and smiled as a few tears escaped down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying? If this is some wonderful thing, why are you crying Kate?" He asked through his own tears.

"I'm crying because I'm going to miss you and TJ. I love you both so much and it hurts to let you go, but I'm hoping that once I let you both go, that I'll find peace. Do you think that it works that way Jack? Am I going to see some bright light and hear harps and find peace?" Kate asked.

"I hope so." Jack said and reached for her hand again.

"Will you do it Jack? Will you love him and take care of him like he was your own?" Kate asked.

"Of course I will." Jack said.

"I've told him about you. He can see me, but I'm starting to feel kind of strange so I don't think he'll be able to see me anymore." Kate said her voice growing fainter.

"Kate, not yet, please I'm not ready to let go of you. Don't go." Jack begged.

"You're ready Jack, you've always been ready. I'll never forget you Jack and we'll meet again." Kate told him standing and leaning in to kiss him softly.

"I love you Kate and I always will." He told her as he watched her slowly walk away, hanging his head and sobbing until he felt a light touch on his hand.

He looked up and found TJ up on his knees in his bed, his small hand on Jack's trying to comfort him. Jack helped the child into his lap and hugged him. TJ let his head rest on Jack's shoulder enjoying the feeling of being embraced by strong and comforting arms.

"I'm going to take care of you and love you TJ. I promise." Jack whispered to the child.

Six years later………………………………………

Jack lay quietly in the hammock his children bought him for Father's Day. He could hear his children playing across the lawn, TJ and Conner who were now 10 and 7 pretending to be their favorite major league baseball players, while Gracie who was 6 bossed them around. He found himself chuckling as he listened to her, realizing he'd probably never have to worry about whether or not his little girl could take care of herself. She'd been in Tai Kwon Do classes with her two brothers for the last 18 months and had already caught up to them. He loved how cute his little girl looked in her white Gi, pouncing forward and letting go of the most vicious roar she had.

Emily had refused to heed warnings about having more children and they had three more after Gracie with little or no complications. He could hear his four year old son Ethan starting to cry and opened his eyes.

"If I have to get up to make you bigger kids stop terrorizing him everybody is going inside for a nap." Jack warned.

"Dad, you promised you would let me pitch to you today." TJ whined.

"The day's not over yet TJ." Jack called back.

"Come on dad, we need to practice and Gracie sucks, she drops everything." Conner chimed in.

"In a little while guys and don't say "sucks", it pisses your mom off." Jack told them.

Jack felt the brush of a little hand and smiled. He opened his eyes and saw his little boy standing beside the hammock. He was three and barely tall enough to see over the edge.

"Hey Matty, you want to come up here with daddy?" Jack asked.

He nodded and Jack lifted him onto the hammock with him. He snuggled into the crook between his arm and chest and yawned.

"Somebody is ready for a nap." Jack said.

"No nap!" He demanded.

It didn't take long for Ethan to notice his younger brother was getting all of dad's attention and showed up on the other side of the hammock. Jack chuckled and pulled the boy onto the hammock with him, letting him snuggle into the crook between his other arm and chest. He watched Emily walk out onto the large covered patio with their three week old infant daughter and smiled. She sat in one of the padded patio chairs and looked at Jack with the two toddlers battling for his attention and felt a rush pass over her. She loved him as much today as she did the day she married him.

"Daddy, does our baby have a name?" Ethan asked.

"He's mommy's baby." Matthew informed his older brother.

"We haven't picked out a name yet, what do you think we should name her?" Jack asked.

"Donatello!" Ethan squealed.

"I don't think we should name your sister after a ninja turtle, especially a boy turtle." Jack laughed lightly.

"Angel Kate daddy." Matthew demanded.

"You want to hear that story again?" Jack asked.

"Yes daddy, we love angel Kate story." Ethan eagerly agreed.

Jack began telling the story he'd been telling his children for the past six years. The story of the angel named Kate that kept him safe while he was sick and not able to wake up. The kids loved the story as did Emily, insisting that he never be ashamed to share what he experienced with the people who love him the most. Jack finished his story and looked down. Both children were asleep.

"Works every time." Jack said with a smile.

"Of course it does. Can you imagine how safe and secure a story like that would make a child feel." Emily said.

"I guess. How does it make you feel Em?" Jack asked.

"The entire medical profession, with the exception of your father, had given up any hope of you ever recovering Jack, yet here you are. I look forward to the day I get to meet Kate, shake her hand and thank her for taking care of you and healing you when nothing else could." Emily said.

"I love you Em." Jack said.

"If you really love me Jack, you'll stop stalling on naming our daughter. This sweet little girl deserves to be called something besides "baby." She told him.

"I told you Em, I don't have anything that just feels right. What do you want to name her?" Jack asked.

"I want to name her Kate, after the angel that loved you and kept you safe until it was time for you to come back to your family. We can call her Katie." Emily suggested.

"That's nice Em, she'd like that." Jack said.

They put the two toddlers to bed and Jack fulfilled his promise to let his sons pitch to him. They shared a nice family dinner and while Emily fed the baby he bathed the two younger boys while barking orders at the three older children to take their baths. With the five older children bathed and settled in the playroom he sent Emily to soak in the tub and took the baby to the nursery to change her and get her ready for bed. It was rare that Jack was allowed an entire uninterrupted weekend to spend with his family and while giving Emily a break was always the priority, spending moments like bath time with his children was something he enjoyed. He stripped the baby down and put a clean diaper on her, talking sweetly to her and finding the urge to kiss her baby soft belly irresistible. She was still too little to giggle at the act like his other children had, but her little hand did manage to accidentally make contact with the side of his face. He took hold of the tiny hand, placing his thumb on her little palm and she gripped it, making him smile.

"You're strong little one, just like your namesake." Jack said and kissed the baby's cheek.

He started to pull away and felt the slightest movement, almost like a warm summer breeze. It brushed right by his face and the familiar scent of her was there for just a moment and in that moment he saw his baby girl smile, a real smile, her first smile and he felt a tear roll down his cheek.

"She made me smile like that too. I guess this officially makes you your daddy's very own little Katie-bug." He said in his sweetest daddy voice, his baby daughter smiling back at him.

_**That's it guys! Thanks for sticking with the story and for all your enthusiastic reviews! Hopefully you aren't terribly disappointed to find out what had been going on the entire time. I have a couple of ideas for a new fiction I'm tossing around so hopefully we'll have something new and fun to pick apart in the near future. Thanks again!**_


	41. Chapter 41

Okay guys, obviously if you have to explain your intent, then as a writer you've failed miserably. So I failed. Good thing I haven't quit my day job huh? ; )

Please let me emphasize that it WAS NOT A DREAM. It was two people struggling in their lives trapped in a state of limbo. Not limbo in the religious sense, but limbo as in stuck in-between two places. Yes, Kate was dead at that point, but not an angel. She was in limbo and while Jack's body lay sleeping he left his body and was also in limbo although he had no idea. It requires a bit of an imagination and perhaps a bit of a belief that there is something more at work in our lives than just the writing on the wall to embrace the concept. That thing doesn't have to be religion, but it's always been my personal opinion that a person has to be awfully full of themselves to not at least leave there mind open to the idea that there is something bigger than all of us at work. Yes it was a love story and the love story was between Jack and Kate and I had it planned from the beginning, but kept the writing from Jack's POV the majority of the time because he had no idea what was happening to him.

Everything that was happening to them was real as far as the state/place they were trapped in, people like Brandi being manifestations from Jack's past, perhaps an old college girlfriend he found himself turning to when things weren't going well, or perhaps a woman that his father was sleeping with that Jack turned on himself, but people like Brandi, Conner, his parents, etc. were all part of this place/state of being they were trapped in and only real in that sense. Kind of like a parallel universe that you control with your hopes, fears and dreams. If you want to go though every chapter and start picking it apart and trying to prove to me why the way I ended it can't be so, go for it. It's fiction and it's a hobby for me, not a job and the odds that I screwed up at some point are good, but trust me, this was the plan all along. I suppose I could've been less lazy about the details, but again, it's just a hobby.

Does it really matter that he doesn't end up with her and live happily ever after? Does that change any of the things that he did for Kate or how he truly loved her or how she truly loved him or how he never stopped loving her? Does every story really need to have the cliché ending in order to leave the reader feeling good?

I knew that most of you would be mad, but I couldn't allow your emotional investment to influence what I wanted to do. I'm sorry you're disappointed and I appreciate your comments.


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